Your “Batalla de los Tigres” Monday Evening Open Thread

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it’s a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles.When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
theeWeeBabySeamus

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I promise you that the Tigers will win tonight’s NCAA Football National Champs game.

You can take that one to the bank.

(Hippo probably will, actually)

NCAA Football Championship – Clemson Tigers vs LSU Tigers – 8:00pmEST – TV: ESPN (LSU -5/ML -220, o/u 67.5)

The #1 ranked LSU Tigers, sporting the current Heisman Trophy winner, face off tonight against the defending national champion Clemson Tigers.  It’s Heisman vs Hair.

Seriously, even if he does look as if he’s a couple chromosomes short of 23 pairs, Trevor Lawrence has the best hair in the game.  Just look…

But have to give the dude credit.  Since he took over as the starter under center at Clemson, he has yet to lose a game.  Which is somewhat annoying to a fan of a team in the same conference division, right Hippo?  Yeah, me too.

LSU’s  QB Joe Burrow?  Well he’s just won the Heisman and is poised to try to become only one of a handful of winners to also win a National Championship in the same season.  That dude is good.

But let me tell you something if I may.

In spite of two very capable and future NFL QBs, this game is going to be decided elsewhere probably.

Both teams bring it on defense.

LSU will do everything they can to shut down Lawrence’s passing game.  And possibly aside from size and speed (their DBs are smaller than Clemson’s receivers) they have the personnel to do it effectively.  Maybe.  Which might open it up for Travis Etienne.  One of the best runners in the country you’ve probably never heard of.  If that happens, and Clemson can get an early lead, they could very easily control time of possession and ride this one into the barn.

And same thing going the other way.  Clemson is going to try to hold Joe Burrow under control.  And they probably can.  Maybe.

That could very well open it up for LSU’s rushing game in a big way out of Clyde Edwards-Helaire and Tyrion Davis-Price.  They’re no slouches, trust me.

Bottom line, I expect this to become a ball control/time of possession game.  Whichever team makes the fewest mistakes will take it.  It could even be decided on some freak special teams play.

LSU has survived a much tougher schedule this season.  Clemson has more experience surviving in the playoff.

I wouldn’t bet this game.  But if I had to, I’d bet the under, which has been dropping all day (all week actually) which means others agree.  And the Clemson ML +180 (if only for the jinx factor).

And don’t forget, Dabo Swinney has Jeebus on his side.

Frankly, I just want to hear Ed Orgeron talk some more.  He has the most soothing voice evar!!!!

Either way, it should be a good game.

So talk about it here.

Hey, at least Satan is home in Tuscaloosa.  AMIRITE????

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Don’t let my other son become a Bengal. It wouldn’t be right. I will demand he be traded to the Giants.

— Drew Magary (@drewmagary) January 14, 2020

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

Ed just ate a booger on national tv!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

HE JUST ATE A BOOGER

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Seeing that photo below, I kinda now get Daniel Craig’s appeal. Because Damian Lewis killed it as Steve McQueen in his OUATIH cameo, but so does Craig in that photo below.

Redshirt

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This is divine
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This is Divine

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Redshirt

The county I live in is now a sanctuary for the Second Amendment. Its also a sanctuary for homelessness, littering, drug addiction, and corruption.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Did you say county or country?

nomonkeyfun

You say this like it is a new thing. We’re just flaunting it now.

Brocky

Brocky

thanks unsurprised!

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Just sticking around for the Coach O face after the game

Redshirt

ESPN needs a Couchcast where its a first person view where your watching the game on TV with other sports fans.

Redshirt

Who convinced Burrow the Play Clock is really a Countdown Clock?

WCS

Right after this game, Joe’s going to declare for the XFL to avoid Mike Brown.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You need the desktop URL. The “Share” shortcut doesn’t work for some reason

Brocky

Your timing was too perfect. I posted that link, was thinking to myself, “if unsurprised were here, he’d know what to do!”

and then a minute later….

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m magic

Redshirt

11:30: “Hey, I can listen to LSU’s radio broadcast? They’re winning and about to win the championship. It should be great!”

11:50: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

nomonkeyfun

Good to see LSU keeping with the tradition of their founder and laying South Kakalaky to waste.

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Brocky

I legit didn’t know Sherman founded LSU.

DFO IS EDUCATIONAL Y’ALL!!

SonOfSpam

HE DID NAWT FINISH THE JOB.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Sherman hated South Carolina more than Georgia, and he hated Georgia. When his armies got to North Carolina they eased up.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oops

nomonkeyfun

South Carolina, too small for a republic, too large for an insane asylum.

And that was said by a guy who would be Attorney General of the state.

James Petigru

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hi

Brocky

Just the man I needed to see! I gots a YouTube link that ain’t quite working below me.

Brocky

Holy shit this game is still on?

Brocky
Brocky

You know, one of these days I’m gonna figure out embedding

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

The later you go the more New Orleans wins

SonOfSpam

(squeezes zit, shapes pus into shape of “game over” and licks excess)

– Gregggggggggggggggggg

SonOfSpam

Son-of-Randy is having a nice game.

Good. Despite catching passes from TB12, I’ve always been a fan of Randy.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Surprised ESPN Disney don’t have a channel where Rey, kylo, Baby Yoda and CGI Leya and covering the game

WCS

Wait until the Super Bowl. Wedge and Lando will be sideline reporters.

SonOfSpam

“What kind of run was that, Admiral?”

“IT’S A TRAP.”

Brocky

Like any of these kids watching the new movies know who wedge was

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

— B. Walsh

Redshirt

11:22 PM and its still the 3rd Quarter?

WCS

This game will end on January 13, 2021.

SonOfSpam

Damn, Stingley will make a great ambulatory NFL player.

WCS

Wow.

Gratliff

Welp. Midsommar sucked

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Midsommar will also be when this game finally ends

Redshirt

Did they install Bowling Bumpers on the sidelines? There’s a lot of fancy footwork on the sidelines.

Redshirt

“Will Mr. Miyagi please report to the LSU Sideline?”

Redshirt

Trevor Lawrence looks like a player’s face in a football video game.

WCS

Who’s computer-generated name is “Trevor Lawrence.”

Redshirt

Mine’s Sandy Main. Oh, sorry. I thought you said gay porn name.

Redshirt

Is Clem Jr this good or is LSU o-line this bad?

WCS

A Dodgeball reference? ESPN really has their finger on the pulse of 2004.

Senor Weaselo

They bring back The Ocho once a year!
/I already subscribed to Jelle’s Marble Runs so nothing changed there

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

All they can do to keep Berman confined to the phantom zone of espn3

Brocky

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WCS

There’s another grand for Chris.

SonOfSpam

Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, Jim Brown…

Abusing women is apparently tough on the ol’ mobility.

nomonkeyfun

“OJ Simpson should be quadriplegic. He killed Nicole.”

-N. McDonald

Brocky

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jjfozz

THIS GAME, I CALL IT KATELYN JENNER BECAUSE IT HAS NO D

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

It was cut off in the first quarter

nomonkeyfun

So this game is like lesbian sex…
No D, but aggressive O-face happening.

Redshirt

Burrow…ded?

scotchnaut

That’s next year.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Hey, nobody wake up Hippo…I think his leaving was good luck for LSU.

nomonkeyfun

Hippo doesn’t sleep. He nods out after having MOAR pillz.

Redshirt

Tomorrow’s InstaHippo Thoughts are just going to be a space less string of profanities.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Is Saban contractually obligated to attend the Championship? He looks like he’d rather jack off a mad lion than be there. Or mad tiger, I guess.

SonOfSpam

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LemonJello
LemonJello

He has a backlog of souls to sort for purgatory. Doesn’t like getting behind on off-season work.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Do these DBs really think they’re not committing PI on most of these plays?

WCS

I think Chris Fowler gets $1000 every time he says, “chess match.”

SonOfSpam

“Queen to Pwn1”

– Fowler, jerking it to trans porn

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

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Gratliff

Brad marchand with the funniest shootout attempt
https://twitter.com/PeteBlackburn/status/1216916837029597184

nomonkeyfun

He really is taking a licking on this one.

Senor Weaselo

Without seeing the video, did he slewfoot the goalie?

Gratliff

He missed grabbing the puck on his approach which is an automatic no goal

jjfozz

Oh wow. A score. Fucking amazing. Fucking college football is a fucking snore fest.

i might go work on my boots on the ground post, if i can do it without punching holes in the wall and running headfirst into my fireplace. fuck shit fuck. fucking goddamn lost to the fucking suck ass titans. can’t tackle. dropped about 100 passes.

spent $250 on a ticket, brought my sons, fucking stupid asshole ROMAN WHY DID YOU ABANDON THE RUN? WHY DID YOU MESS WITH IT? ARE YOU MISSING A PART OF YOUR FUCKING BRAIN?

Gotta wait 8 months suffer through the pathetic Orioles, fucking baseball is a snooze fest. i’d rather have my gums cleaned. GODDAMIT HARBAUGH WHY GO FOR THE 4TH AND 1? IN THE POST SEASON? WE NEEDED THE CUNT HAIR POINTS!

Only bright spot was I yelled at a titans fan to shut up and everyone around me applauded. too sober. bandwagon fans showing up like it was the fucking Oscars or something, not real fans, fucking trendy fucks that i wanted to kill in high school.

5 people shot in one day in baltimore. god blessed mother. fucking january. winter. shit.

SonOfSpam

So…how’s it goin?

jjfozz

Great fucking great. when i’m not being pissed about saturday i wonder how in the fuck can i be that invested in a goddamn sport? one that pays me nothing. what happens if they win the super bowl? i don’t get anything. not even a ring. just more shit ass merchandise designed by retarded chimps. and it goes on and on. WHERE WAS OUT GODDAMNED DEFENSE DURING THAT FUCKING GAME?

but yeah i’ve been bummed, it’s nuts. fun season but it don’t matter now. i mean how many kittens can you drown in your sink before you get tired of it?

so yeah, not that great.

SonOfSpam

I watched the Rams dominate all year last season and put up THREE in the fucking Super Bowl against the Evil Empire. So I feel your pain, and am legit sorry for your experience Saturday.

That said, I will continue to mock you because I have no soul.

LemonJello
LemonJello

You’re a ginger!?!

SonOfSpam

OH GOD NO I was speaking metaphorically or what have you.

(shudders)

jjfozz

I will hang your bleached spine in my closet and use it to hold my belts and ties.

I will walk through your dreams, dragging a sword made of thorn and bone, tearing through the soft meat of your brain and rendering it into hamburger.

I will dine on your soul like it was a rich slice of blackberry pie. And drink your blood through a funnel.

Your femur bones will be used to pound on gigantic drums made from your skin. And I will hang your kidneys from the rearview mirror of Death Machine.

LemonJello
LemonJello

This should be on a Hallmark card. Poetry.

SonOfSpam

(shrugs Californiacally)

litre_cola

Someone say femurs? Stomp Stomp Clap.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, if you were from Boston instead of Baltimore, you’d have made a perfect Pats fan. Excellent rants.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Let’s not say things that we can’t take back…

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I love you mutant bastards

Redshirt

This is going to be a fun offseason of happy dreams…until the Bengals draft a guard with the #1 pick.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Awfully confident that they don’t just trade that pick for a Skyline Chili gift card and a bag of slightly used balls.

jjfozz

My balls have been slightly used for about a month now. Wrapping christmas tree lights around them didn’t even get a rise out of Mrs. Fozz. OR me for that matter

LemonJello
LemonJello

Up the voltage next time?

Redshirt

Use tinsel. It’s sparkly and it fills things up.

WCS

From Wisconsin-Whitewater.

SonOfSpam

THIS JAMARR CHASE I CALL HIM VLAD BECAUSE HE’S COMPLETELY DOMINATING ORANGE DUDES.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

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LemonJello
LemonJello

This Russian knock-off The Mandalorian kinda sucks.

jjfozz

No one can tackle anymore. There is a game right now occurring in another fucking dimension, and they can’t tackle either. it’s fucking ridiculous

WCS

LSU utilizing the R1 button well.

SonOfSpam

I use that a lot too.

(Stands for Ream on my controller)

(I might have a different game system)

LemonJello
LemonJello

Is that the Masturbation Station or SexBox?

SonOfSpam

Sega Genityls.

Senor Weaselo

Is it still right juke?

jjfozz

College football.
Who gives a shit.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Fozz! You made bail!

jjfozz

Barely. Still picking glass out of my knuckles

WCS

Arraignment is next week.

SonOfSpam

My kid goes to Cal State Fullerton.

Home of the Titans.

But they don’t play football any more, so I guess bringing up the Titans is irrelevant.

jjfozz

No, the word titans is entirely irrelevant to me now. because i am dead inside.

SonOfSpam

So it won’t hurt…nevermore. Got it.

jjfozz

You are an evil person. tonight i will consume your eyes and dip them in ketchup and mayonnaise.

SonOfSpam

Just like the old gypsy woman said!!!

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Though not footbally, Bruce Bowen was one Tuffy mothahfuckah.

scotchnaut

Mark Emmert?