So I made it back from Colorado just in time to assemble this weeks Quotables. I didn’t catch any of the games myself so didn’t know where to look for highlights — and it shows! As for you Front Rangers, I don’t know how anyone lives in such cold. That said, your highway system would be something quite special if not for the left lanes being saturated with drivers rocking CU stickers on their back windows while driving eight under the speed limit.
Anyways, here are your Divisional Round Quotables submissions.
[…] a division leader. Baker Mayfield: Cleveland Browns Quarterback ::Robert Kraft Joke:: Also, what is this celebration? ::Muted conversation about anal:: Must. Go. […]
[…] 2019 Quotables – Divisional Round (Submissions) – January 14, 2020 […]
I haven’t seen a single ball get this wet since Nate Solder [censored] his [censored] and then [censored] [censored].
I haven’t seen an 8 sitting in the corner being ignored like that since Robert Evans got both Bo Derek and Madolyn Smith to come back to his suite at the same time.
4980? Red and gold? A banjo? Goddamnit, every single thing about this Neal Peart tribute went wrong.
“It’s crumbs!”
Uncle Jesse seems to have aged quite well (outside of the Old Confederacy)
“Please don’t shoot me after the game! My hands will be just like this!”
I haven’t seen this many excited White people in the same place since the last time I set foot in a Chipotle.
“Nice form, Bob. Alright, up next trying out for kicker we have… Chad Johnson..” – Houston Roughnecks GM
“We haven’t watched a Niners game since 2013! Let’s go!”
Man, Kratos really let himself go…
“My name is Li’l Karen, and I would like to speak to your manager!”
Reaction whenever their gritty, high football IQ, lunchpail hero JJ Watt was shown on screen. #nodaysoff
KC stayed in character even when asked “How many briskets did coach eat pre-game?” by stadium staff.
YEAAAAAAH!!! WE FORCED A SECOND DOWN!!!
The furry torso is a good start but you better move into a Golden Corral if you ever want to be an owner.
When the new season of Fuller House drops…
Who else from the Niners front office can we throw in prison?
Mariota was wide open, but Henry locked onto his primary receiver like he was Trubisky
Starting Kirk Cousins in Ned Beatty’s classic role
The Last Boyscout 2: Baltimore Boogaloo
He’s fine
– NFL concussion protocol
The camwhore version of the Houston 500 wasn’t as successful as the original
Just found out that they can get half price Arby’s tomorrow if the Niners win
Would be the first time dudes from San Francisco showed any interest in roast beef.
Tim Tebow cums. Hard.
Remember when Tebow won a playoff game?
Step 3: Tim Tebow repents for experiencing sexual pleasure.
It’s nice to see Tom Coughlin trying new hobbies.
Li’l Wayne’s Harry Caray impression is…not bad, actually
“I haven’t seen a black man run from a group of Tennesseans like this since***producer hits the dump button in the broadcast van***“
With studies showing a disparate number of the homeless having mental illness, NFL security couldn’t bring themselves to tell these Tomsula Acolytes that their God-King had caught a train to the east coast.
“How many other black people in the house tonight? 3? 2? 1?”
CCTV footage reveals Chiefs’ variation on the Astros’ “steal signals and relay the information by banging on a trashcan” scheme.
is he still available?
-Matt Nagy
“What the hell is Whoopi Goldberg doing on the field?”
-Confused Packers “owners”
“No, you idiot, that’s Flavor Flav.” – ‘more enlightened’ Packers owners
Dammit Ray. How many times do we have to tell you not to leave your stabby stabby things on the field.
I haven’t seen a “Kacey” bob their head like that since Ms. Kox retired from film.
Stupid mascot, it’s a “pull”, not “push”.
You usually don’t see something so soft in Baltimore outside of soft shell season. This item is better known as the Orioles lineup.
Holy crap, I know the in thing for comic book movies is the team theme, but isn’t this scraping the bottom of the barrel?
What did they call that play? The Rainbow Connection?
Alternatively: A Philip Rivers tribute play.
“Nailed it!” – Blair Walsh
“Nailed it!” – Mr. Ayo
“I am only the god of field goals, not punts! Stupid priests.” – Shanklor
The guy who keeps up with fatal shootings in Baltimore throws up his hands, muttering “I only thought I would have to work after the game.”
“Today, Starbucks announced the release of it’s new Oat Milk Latte”
This is the reaction when told Pumpkin spice would now be around all year
Fuck, yours is better