Your NFC Championship Game Open Thread

The eyes of a nation shift from Kansas City to San Francisco. The tv is changed from CBS to Fox. Mozza stix have been replaced by chicken wings. A glass of scotch that doesn’t need to be topped up is topped up. Balls are scratched. Someone finally notices the huge mustard stain on his t-shirt. A thought is given to exercising and is quickly dismissed. “Japanese threesome” shows up on a search history. All this and more is going on right now! 

TO THE GAME!

Packers/Niners:

-I still maintain that Green Bay is the most nondescript three loss team in ever. How do they win? It seems as though Matt The Flower tossed the keys to the other Aaron (Jones) and he’s the fella that makes the team go. Given that they’re in the champeenship game they must be doing something right. I just don’t know what it is.

-The Green Bay Smith Boys (Za’Darius and Preston) are the only teammates to have 12 or more sacks this year. I guess that’s something.

-On San Fran’s side the combo of Bosa and Ford are legit game-wreckers. The NFL’s average sack rate is 6.5%. When those two are on the field together their sack rate is an incredible 17.3%.

-Funny how Shanahan The Younger is just like the old man in that you couldn’t trust which running back he would go with. By all accounts Mostert had wrestled control of the #1 spot as the season came to a close but then Coleman went off last week. I think this speaks well of coach not embracing a specific strategy going into a game and just going with what works. “MID-GAME ADJUSTMENTS!” Are you listening, Pat Shurmur?

-Prediction Time! Let’s do 28-23, Niners.

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UnsurprisedBC DickGratliffBrick MeathookViva La Tabula Raza Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

“I swear, I won’t hit you anymore, baby!”
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BC Dick

Berating? Clinton murdered one of his staff.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

He also got another to blow him

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Time to run away.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jeebus is in better shape than I thought. You’d think he could have just outrun the Romans.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

This year, I’m gonna try to visit here more often than I have in past years during the NFL off-season. I don’t give a fuck about soccer/futbol, NHL (aka ice soccer), and I will admit that I am a bandwagon guy for the SA Spurs (I used to go see them play for five bucks at the old venue back in the 70s. The Iceman Cometh) and they kinda suck now so I only follow to see if Popovich or Steve Kerr will bag on The Orange One, but most folks here don’t even recognize the NBA as actual sport.
Edit: what the fuck was that post all about? Fuck if I know.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Give me a peach basket or give me death

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

My guess is that James Naismith probably never even saw a black person in the flesh.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You sound like Andy Reid at an all-you-can-pick peach orchard.

Spur
Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I have that same outfit.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Pix or your full of shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I can’t pull off the stockings anymore.
*sigh*

theeWeeBabySeamus

I mean literally. They won’t come off.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve still got three weeks with no weight allowed to be put on my foot. this shit blows dead dogs.

ballsofsteelandfury

Spur
Spur

I would take Viva La Tabula Raza, Hippo, Horatio and Seamus on a travel show. Imagine us in Greece for a week

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve been to Greece. i love it there. Thanks for the invite!

Gratliff

Mostly imagining 5 unconscious people in a seedy motel

Spur
Spur

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Beerguyrob

With only 6 kidneys between them.

theeWeeBabySeamus

We’d never last a week.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I lived in Turkey as a USAF dependent from 1970-73. Also, I was the USAF’s environmental restoration team chief for Incirlik Air Base back in 1999-2004.
Anyway, I am familiar with that part of the world. Looking forward to hanging with invitees at some horrible third world shithole! Can even recommend some venues!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

BTW, Greek women have incredibly hairy bushes. Not that there is anything wrong with that…comment image

Spur
Spur

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ballsofsteelandfury

Doctor.
Doctor.
Doctor.
Doctor.
Doctor.
Doctor.
Doctor.
Aaaand Doctor.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Obligatory

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh. And this. Unrelated.

h

ttps://pixxxels.cc/gallery/3awthsx8w/

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I just want to share this again before I head out to be outside for once today.
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Spur
Spur

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This is a stupendous feat to have slept through most of two days. I didn’t even do that when I was unemployed except when I was sick as Hell.

Spur
Spur

Getting old. Nothing wrong with it

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Can attest, beats the fuck out of the alternative.

Spur
Spur

SAG awards is all about old Tits

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Like these?
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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

She has striking, uh, eyes.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Skin care is something else nowadays.
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Gratliff

Lots of people surprised the New York Times sucks a dick tonight like they haven’t seen anything the New York Times has done in the last 4 years.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Or 40. Or 140.

But at least they opposed invading Grenada.

Gratliff

Cue newest oped piece “Why Grenada Had It Coming” by Bret Stephens

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Mind if I come over and take off my panties and sit on your face?
—Judith Miller

Gratliff

The Paper Of Record
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Gratliff

In classic NYT style, they spend the first part of it listing the justifications of ecofascism, and then finish it up by condemning a group of people perpetrating it

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Post the actual article with a link.

Gratliff
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus, that highlighted portion makes me sick to my stomach.

Gratliff

This is from the actual endorsement write up. Warrbuchar may not appreciate the juxtaposition.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Post the actual article with a link.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

The world will die behind a paywall.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is cute.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He could have punted, passed, or kicked it

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Deep cut.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

“Fuck your call.”

BC Dick

and he forced the ref to walk it back to him a few extra steps

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

King shit

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Since I had successful bariatric surgery last year, I must admit that every time I see some fat fuck that is as fat as I used to be, I think to myself “dude, get the surgery, you will not regret it.”
I even got to stop taking insulin for my Type II diabetes. $450 savings every month.

Col. Duke LaCross

So one of the unintended consequences of having major abdominal surgery as a guy is that fluid collects in low areas of the body. Low, hanging areas. I was not aware of this and I wasn’t really prepared to see THAT. I called my surgeon’s assistant/nurse, who I’ve been friends with for twenty five years and said, “uhhh, what the fuck?! My yambag is the size of a softball!!”

“Whoops, we don’t have too many guys get tummy tucks. I forgot to warn ya. It’ll go away in three weeks or so.”

Doesn’t hurt, but now two weeks post-op and it’s getting inconvenient.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I know there are a couple or more professional musicians that regularly comment on this site. What do y’all think of a song like this? To me, it’s fooking brilliant.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am at peace with the fact that the Chiefs are going to the Super Bowl, because it is too much to ask of the universe that they never reach it in my lifetime.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Why the Chiefs hate?

ballsofsteelandfury

He’s a Raiders fan.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

But what have the Chiefs ever really done to the Raiders, at least in the last 50 years?

ballsofsteelandfury

I don’t get it either but Raiders fans are a special brand of irrational.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Having been an opponent in the AFC West is sufficient.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

So, what about them 1976-2001 Seattle Seahawks?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I took a picture of myself flipping off their stadium less than a week ago.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I grew up in Washington DC and of course grew up a true [*Redacteds] fan (I can’t stand them now). Back then, in the glory days of the NFC East, we really only hated Dallas. Not just the Cowboys, but they also stole our baseball team and killed President Kennedy. The Eagles were tough but it was a shithole city; the Giants were good but New York was too big to hate; and nobody cared about the Cardinals. So Cowboys hate had a basis, not just being a divisional rival.

Gratliff

Somebody say “Fuck Dallas”? ’cause fuck Dallas

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Fuck Dallas

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I don’t doubt I’ve told this story before.
My dad was an Air Force intel/comms officer and was stationed at the Naval Security Agency on Nebraska Avenue in DC back in 1966-1968.
He would hang at this bar called The Goal Post, and occasionally take me by there (I was 7-9 years old during this timeframe).
I was dandled on the knees of the Redacteds defensive linemen, and one summer Sonny Jurgensen worked behind the bar because he had a Merc 450SL he had to pay for and his wrist was broken. Dude was being paid, what, $35K per year? He used to make me grilled cheese sandwiches.
Those Redacted guys inculcated in me a hatred of the Cowboys that has never faded.
So, 50+ years on, yeah, fuck Dallas. But also, Fuck Snyder and the Foreskins.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I went to American University, right across Nebraska Ave.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

All I can remember from that time is my dad driving through DC to get to work with his pistol sitting on the console of his Buick Wildcat during the 14th Street riots after King was assassinated. Times are fucked up now, but they were fucked up then, too.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

My father worked on The Mall, which was covered with “temporary” buildings from WWI & WWII. My dad worked in “Main Navy” which was next to the “Munitions Bldg” on the site of what is now Constitution Park (all the temp buildings were torn down in 1970). I remember riding with my mom to pick him up in 1968; driving down through Arlington Cemetery you could see the city burning and tanks in the street.

ballsofsteelandfury

For Spur:
comment image?crop=0.635xw:0.777xh;0.159xw,0.223xh&resize=640:*

ballsofsteelandfury

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Waiting for the follow-on video of Jeremy Clarkson saying something completely sexist and misogynistic.

Spur
Spur

Even the color i lovecomment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I drove a 5 series BMW for over 10 years. Always kept the blinker fluid reservoir filled. I’m sure I did some asshole BMW driver things over that period of time, but I don’t think I killed anyone.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve driven a Z4, a M3, and now the hybrid 3 series. My next car will likely be the M2 Competition.

I AM an asshole, but I don’t drive like one.

Spur
Spur

what color m2?

ballsofsteelandfury

Black

Spur
Spur

Ive been an Infiniti ower since 2003 but it’s time. I’m thinking M2 Comp or Audi RS3 (maybe 4 if we have a great year)

ballsofsteelandfury

If you go M2 Comp, I recommend doing European Delivery. Saves you a bunch off the price and, if you do the flight using frequent flyer miles, you get a cheap vacation out of it.

Plus, AUTOBAHN!

Spur
Spur

I’ve taken two solo trips Trans-Siberian Railway and Egypt/Turkey. I loved both trips. Learned about myself from each.

ballsofsteelandfury

Trans Siberian is a bucket list trip for me. Maybe in 8 years when I retire…

Spur
Spur

It’s worth it. I paid for it before i fully knew what i was going in debt for.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

When my 530 got totalled after a rear-end collision, I bent my neck to the inevitability of my entering old age, and bought a Lexus. Sad, I know. But I still have my Corvette and Impala SS!

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes, good old Vlad!

Spur
Spur

Caddy Blackwing might be for you

King Hippo

Can even sleep in a bit. THANKS DOKTOR KING!!!

rockingdog
rockingdog

King Hippo

Norm/Pigeon fucking rules

Redshirt

My employer doesn’t give MLK Day off.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I always will fondly remember how racist Arizona had to adopt MLK Day as a holiday or the NFL would pull their hosting of a Super Bowl. comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Meanwhile, in New Hampshire, the only sport that had enough clout in the state to get that done was NASCAR. Curiously, the subject never seemed to come up.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

A Super Bowl taking place on the old runways at Pease AFB would be problematic. Plus, not a lot of hotels nearby.

Gratliff

Does anyone anymore? I work in public education and pretty sure no one in this state takes it off

Senor Weaselo

He had a dream that you could have mattress sales in his name as opposed to because it’s a day that ends in Y.

Or that you can buy a Big Mac and get a free one to give to your fellow man, whatever their color.

Or whatever other asinine sales they have.

Horatio Cornblower

Back up there, chief.

What’s all this about 2 Big Macs for the price of 1?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

An AFC Championship and two for one Big Macs? What gods did Andy Reid please?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’m working in Canada and these racist fucks don’t give MLK day off either.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Isn’t that because there are no black people in Canada? Don’t the French fill in for that particular ethnic hatred box to be checked? Canada is one of the countries that I have not visited, although I worked under a Canadian general back when I was in Afghanistan.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

There’s a lot of black people here.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I am glad to hear that. Shit I see is that Chinese are taking over BC and most folks can’t deal with the crazy real estate prices. Guess Canada gets to have diversity too.

Beerguyrob

Significant black populations East of Toronto.

Beerguyrob

You’re in Quebec. They have particular… “sentiments” about their province’s dusky hued residents.

Senor Weaselo

While we’re winding down, I’d like to mention that Jimmy Heath passed away. He played with Miles, Dizzy, Coltrane, all those guys. I ran into him once in the halls at school and gave him my dad’s regards—he and Padre Weaselo ribbed each other about their respective baseball teams. By all accounts a very sweet man, and one of the percussionists on my gig mentioned he was in Georgia celebrating his 60th wedding anniversary. May he rest in peace and jam with all those guys in the great beyond.

Bogdanski
Bogdanski

He was one of the last remaining giants.
Tootie lives.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m nothing like a jazz scholar, but I know who all those folks are you mentioned that he played with, though I’m not familiar with Heath specifically. What a life. Hope I can make 94. That would be another 34 years!! That’s another 12 or 13 Brady SB victories!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, that was a fun, not-as-drunk-as-I-might-have-got day. Gonna finish watching the Brian Wilson doc on youtube, and this show seems promising for afterwards:

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I’ve very much enjoyed the fellowship with you assheads today. Now I gotta go eat and play gameshows.
What time is it?
HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!

Redshirt

Reality: Thomas Edison was a genius but a control freak dick.
Doctor Who: Thomas Edison was a Grade 7C Dick.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Genius?”

-Tesla

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I see it’s time for my annual three week crush on Chris McKendry.

SonOfSpam

Damn, missed the SAG Awards.

My balls have accepted in absentia.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hahahaha

Redshirt

Hopefully you balls lean left, or it will get booed off the stage. Again.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Redshirt

Eight pass attempts. Wow.

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

Terry called him Mozart. Who would have guessed he would know whi Mozart is!

Senor Weaselo

“He was a painter, right?” -Andy R., Kansas City

King Hippo

he had CTE before CTE wuz cool

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

He got confused, he was actually talking about that Mostar town in Bosnia-Herzegovina.comment image

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

Colonel Mustard. In the liberry. With the candlestick!

Brocky

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King Hippo

c’mon now, Spur said he done came thrice, we don’t want him 2 die before he gets to see BlueBunny in Big D!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Little known fact: The kid in the Raiders hat was RTD as a child.
Yes, he fell into a vat of bleach just after that was taken.

SonOfSpam

If he was retarded as a child, prolly still is.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nah, he’s just stoned.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

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Covalent Blonde

Kyle Shanahan lookin’ like a Beastie Boy

King Hippo

he can replace the dead one!

Beerguyrob

Why does FOX insist on having their most inarticulate cast member do the public speaking?

Covalent Blonde

To show off that Kangol

Game Time Decision

Gronkowski or Trent Green?

SonOfSpam

Hannity’s there?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Most inarticulate person regularly featured on FOX is the president.

SonOfSpam

Correct by a lot.

theeWeeBabySeamus

/checks twitter
//j/k, fuck twitter

Gratliff

ALso, the new conference trophies fucking suck. Bring back the ones the owners couldn’t safely lift over their head

Gratliff

Boooooooooooooooooooooooo

Brocky

I’m not watching anymore, is ginger hammer on

King Hippo

I was saying Boo-urns!

/just kidding, teevee box off. Baby Shanny can thank Jeebus on his own time

Spur
Spur

Going to put some work in on non-Football weekends, Spur wants a BMW M2 for himself at years end.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That’s a lofty goal. Go get it!

SonOfSpam

Cal has 30 points with four minutes left to play at UCLA.

They outscored Rodgers, but just barely.

King Hippo

wait, they scheduled a basketed ball match opposite the goddamned Conference Championships? How many people in attendance, 40?

SonOfSpam

Yes just like any other UCLA game lately

rockingdog
rockingdog

Brocky

I’m sorry Rob

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Senor Weaselo

And MST3K can go another year without posting the “Packers won the Super Bowl” riff.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Now we have two weeks of listening to inane questions.
Teams don’t matter to them.

SonOfSpam

Niners were right to pass on Rodgers.

Spur
Spur

And the Pats are wrong to Pass on Jimmy G for old Brady

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Absolutely.

King Hippo

I bet Grumblelord was overruled and he still carries a grudge.

Game Time Decision

Left end of third to work out. Think I made th right call

Dunstan
Dunstan

Hmm. Gold prospectors versus Native Americans. Traditionally that didn’t go so well for the natives, but now they have casinos to drain away the white man’s gold, so they may hold the edge now.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Kinda like the path of the universe bends towards justice.

Beerguyrob

I’m fine with the Niners winning, but Jed York is despicable enough that I have to root for the Chiefs.

Covalent Blonde

More than fair

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