Your “Mess With The Bull, You Get The Horns” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

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NFL Nuggets:

  • The NFL will be experimenting with new rules at the Pro Bowl:
    • Kickoffs after field goals or converts.
      • A modified CFL rule, whereby the kicking team can then
        1. Give the opposing team the ball back on that team’s 25-yard line to start their series; or
        2. An ‘onside kick’ option, whereby the kicking team gets a 4th & 15 at their own 25, and has to convert to keep the ball.
    • A change to the illegal shift rule.
      • It will not be a false start if a flexed, eligible receiver in a two-point stance who flinches or picks up one foot, as long as his other foot remains partially on the ground and he resets for one second prior to the snap.
  • I guess that means there will be a Pro Bowl Open Thread on Sunday, because there’s nothing more that [DFO] loves than exhibition football injected with new rules!
It might even encourage Hippo to surface on Sunday!
  • Interspersed in a story about how much of the Black Hole will move to Vegas from Oakland comes news that 40% of the PSL’s purchased for the new stadium come from outside Nevada.
    • According to the Las Vegas Review Journal, all the PSLs have been sold, raising almost $478 million for the Raiders.
      • The Raiders themselves only forecast reaching a total of $250 million.
      • Prices for Raiders’ PSLs ranged from $500 to $75,000.
    • And that The Black Hole has established a Vegas chapter, led by one Cisco Ortega.
Seen here with Beastmode’s mom.
  • I don’t give two shits about these topics:
    • One shit: Where will Brady play next year?
    • Other shit: Where will Rivers play next year?
  • Speaking of shits, it was revealed today that Barstool & Dave Portnoy were found complicit by the NLRB for unfair labor practices when it came to intimidating employees from founding a unionized workplace at Barstool Sports.
    • This was uncovered by Bloomberg, whose legal reporter filed a FOI request for the ruling.
    • You can read the full NLRB decision here, but here’s some of the juicier bits:
      • they have to delete all tweets related to intimidating employees from founding a union
      • they admitted to, and have to delete, the “Barstool Sports Union” Twitter account, which was set up to catch employyes trying to unionize
      • they have to remove an anti-union video mocking AOC
    • There is an agreement that no labor laws were broken, and there was no announcement of any financial penalty.

Still,…

ON THIS DATE:

January 21, 1994 – Robert Kraft buys the New England Patriots.

  • He paid $227 million to purchase the team from James Orthwein.
  • Today, the team and its assets are valued at $4.0 billion.
    • Mostly because of what he turned the surrounding area into.

  

1994 Masshole: “THAT MUTHAFUCKAH TOOK AHWAY MAH HAHNESS RACIN’, MICKEY! FUCK HIM AND HIS TEAM FAHEVAH!!”


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Vegas at Boston – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Penguins at Philadelphia Flyers – 7:30PM | NBCSN
  • NBA:
    • Clippers at Mavericks – 8:30PM | TSN4
  • NCAA:
    • Georgia at Kentucky – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Kansas State at Kansas – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Maryland at Northwestern – 7:00PM | FS1
    • Miami at Duke – 9:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • St. John’s at Marquette – 9:00PM | FS1
  • Tennis:
    • Australian Open: Second Round – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN

MLB Nugget:

  • Good times in the Home & Native Land tonight as Canadian Larry Walker & some guy named “Jeter” were elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame.  
    • He started his career as an Expo, and was part of the famed 1994 team that got screwed out of a playoff run by the strike.
      • An event which ultimately resulted in the move of the franchise & the False Expos winning the 2019 World Series.
    • He will likely go in wearing the hat of the Colorado Rockies.
    • He becomes just the second Canadian-born player inducted into the Hall, joining pitcher Ferguson Jenkins.
  • Equally satisfying – Curt Schilling did not get elected.

 

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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BrettFavresColonoscopyyeah rightViva La Tabula RazaballsofsteelandfuryBC Dick Recent comment authors
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yeah right

I’m current with The Outsider on HBO and it’s actually quite faithful to the book. Having never seen the streaming version of Mr Mercedes is the Holly Gibney character the same on both shows?

I only ask because the Holly Gibney character is one of my least favorite Stephen King characters ever.

I’ll watch anyway.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m just gonna watch Psych and pass the fuck out

ballsofsteelandfury

Did you hear about Pluto?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

How come Goofy wore gloves but not Pluto? Weren’t they both dogs? It’s like MLK never even tread this planet.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s messed up

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Senor Weaselo

I didn’t do a Beat post on Season 2 of Bugglebots, the British 3 lb. (okay, 1.5 kg) competition on YouTube that has the same format (basically) as the rebooted Robot Wars (which got cancelled). If you watch the whole season you’ll see some people from BattleBots, like Sarah Malyan (Nelly the Ellybot), Tim “Rackers” Rackley (Monsoon/Ragnarok), Tom Brewster (Monsoon) competes with his beetleweight Drizzle, and some others.

Doktor Zymm
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Important announcement: I have switched to beer

BC Dick

Good idea when you get too hopped up on whisky. Gotta balance the uppers and downers. Wait. They’re both downers. Never mimd.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Larry Walker should have been a no brainer.

And fuck Curt Schilling.

Senor Weaselo

In fairness, I would very much rather not fuck Curt Schilling.

SonOfSpam

WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’d fuck him. With the standard rusty chainsaw, sideways. What an asshole.

BC Dick

Before or after the chainsawing?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

It wouldn’t matter.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah, what do I look like, the state of Rhode Island?

Oh does that fucking have to work in both directions?

Gratliff

The funny thing about that is they actually created a compelling game with a rich world despite having no idea what the fuck they were doing

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Better to be the State of Rhode Island than the State of Massachusetts.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Fuck it.

Senor Weaselo

I WILL DUEL YOU WITH THEIR PISTOLS AT DAWN OVER MY SUBSTITUTE MATH/GLOBAL STUDIES/OTHER SUBjECTS TEACHER!

/I wasn’t in his 7th grade English class when he was full time
//I would like to apologize to Dr. Herbert for being a lazy little shit in 8th grade

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Andrew Yang is such a genuine dork. I’d be sadder that he’s gotten fucked over throughout the campaign if I didn’t already have a favorite in mind.

https://twitter.com/CoachSiteman/status/1219690875325952001?s=20

herodotus450
herodotus450

Preeeeety Smrt by ol’ penis-head McConnel to drag the trial on this late at night; most of his constituents have put their diapers on and gone to bed and will only watch the fox news recap tomorrow.

WCS

He’s not dumb, just a major prick.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah. Trump is evil and a dumbfuck. McConnell is evil and smart. That’s worrisome.

SonOfSpam

WELL ACTUALLY

He is annoyed that the Dems continue to bring up these amendments, and even asked if they could “stack” the vote (i.e., deal with them all at once). Schumer told him to get bent. The GOP had no idea the Dems were gonna drop hours and hours of testimony-disguised-as-amendments from the Managers. They are forcing up/down votes on each amendment, to be used in various commercials by GOP Senate opponents later this year. McConnell wanted today to be over long ago.

herodotus450
herodotus450

There’s no way he gets convicted, so it seems like the only question left is, does this trial change any potential voters’ minds? If listening to trump for 5 seconds doesn’t get people to turn on him, I have a hard time believing this will.

SonOfSpam

Repetition is a thing in politics. And this is causing damage.

BC Dick

Yes. Isn’t this all a huge waste of time and money? The Russia thing didn’t work so let’s try Ukraine. The election is this fall, no? Or next? Let the voters decide. That is the whole idea, I thought.

SonOfSpam

Except for the part where the idiot-in-chief is literally trying to fuck with said election.

They are doing their duty. And the Russia thing was very damning to anyone paying attention; unfortunately, too many are not.

BC Dick

If so damning why is this about something else? Seems like sore losers who think they know better than the electorate and are trying to correct what they think was an error by the people.

SonOfSpam

lol not at all. Russia was very damning; the Ukraine thing was brand new and thankfully for short-attention-span voters, much easier to understand.

BC Dick

Well if they had the evidence you’d think it would be used. The voter doesn’t take part in this impeachment kind of thing. That’s my issue with it. If Russia had legs they’d use it. It doesn’t so they’re trying Ukraine. They think voters are stupid so they go with this route rather than the election. That condescending attitude is what lost them the last election, why think it’ll win them the next.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I don’t think the intent is to change any of the faithful on either side’s minds, it’s to get the attention of the majority of voters who don’t usually pay close attention, like all the Obama voters from 08 and 12 who swung to Trump in 16 becuz her emailz or whatever.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Fuck Portnoy ’til he dies.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m astonished that I didn’t see this on Drew’s timeline coming home from work.

Gratliff

I would love to see the tantrum that came after deleting those tweets. He’s gonna fire bomb a soul cycle

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza
SonOfSpam

She’s trying my patience with this primarying-Jeffries shit. Wonder what side she’s on sometimes.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

In my experience, there’s no such thing as a perfect pol. Hell, as happy as I was to have him, I still got pissed at Obama a lot.

SonOfSpam

Oh, totally agree. That’s why I get annoyed at the Bernie-or-nothing types who demand purity. Hakeem is too centrist? Fuck off.

BC Dick

Dr. Reuben Portnoy is my fake mailing name. Now it’s ruined. Just like my last one, Wendell Smallwood. And the one before that, Vernon Showalter. I need another dead kid.

ballsofsteelandfury

Paging Scotchy…

SonOfSpam

Apparently there’s a thing called “BTS” (Boy Twinks: Seoul) that’s gonna sell out the Rose Bowl.

Meanwhile, Georgia Satellites are gonna play my kitchen next week. Tickets are one six-pack of beer.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Just don’t get all hands-y with Dan Baird.

SonOfSpam

My kitchen, my rules.

theeWeeBabySeamus

SonOfSpam

Did not have Rep. Jeffries spitting Biggie lyrics at Jay Sekoluw on my Impeachment Bingo Card.

Fuck Mitch McConnell with a polio leg brace.

theeWeeBabySeamus

With about a 3 minutes to go I told Mom, who doesn’t know shit about hockey btw….watch, in about a minute, Yinzers gon’ pull their goalie and then Philly gets an empty netter. When it happened she asks “How did you know that?”

It’s fucking hockey, Mom.

Gratliff

They should take away the Atlantic’s third spot and give it to the metro division and then relegate the entire Pacific division

Gratliff

Fuck Pittsburgh imo

WCS

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WCS

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Senor Weaselo

Not sure if anyone got cut from that to cause a “Bleeding Kansas” situation.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Dang, they’re still at it in the Senate. Wonder if they’re getting overtime.

scotchnaut

My work challenge tomorrow?

Find a home for 60+ pounds of washed and cut broccoli that was sent to us in error.

rockingdog
rockingdog

LOL thats soooo much broccoli.

scotchnaut

I called a few soup kitchens today and the general response was, “Uh, I could take maybe 5 pounds”.

LemonJello
LemonJello

As good a cover story as any for a little “hunter’s recon”

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have questions.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You got bukkaked by the jolly green giant

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

None for me, thanks.
—George H.W. Bush

rockingdog
rockingdog

Simpsons called it!
49ers gonna win da superbowl
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ballsofsteelandfury

90% of that 40% is from Southern California.

Gua-ran-teed

Senor Weaselo

Padre Weaselo was at the tar pits today apparently. My apologies to the tar.

scotchnaut

“If you paid up in time like we asked, we coulda done some serious damage.”

-Feathers, LA gangster

scotchnaut

These stupid ACC games I watch. This one is sponsored by “Night Hero”, the binoculars that see at night-right into your cousin’s bedroom!

Senor Weaselo

“You mean cousin sister?” -The SEC version of that commercial

rockingdog
rockingdog

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rockingdog
rockingdog

Found a funny:
Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job?

Me: Because of something my boss said

Interviewer: It says here you were fired

Me: That’s the thing he said

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL, cause and effect. Seems legit.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

1994 Masshole: “THAT MUTHAFUCKAH TOOK AHWAY MAH HAHNESS RACIN’, MICKEY! FUCK HIM AND HIS TEAM FAHEVAH!!”

I remember seeing Schaefer Stadium under construction from my aunt’s apartment across US 1 when we visited up home in 1970. I last visited that place to go to the pro shop for a jersey in Jan 2002, the week before the Tuck Rule game (still have that Bruschi jersey).
The horse track closed briefly for a couple years late 80s/early 90s, didn’t close for good till 1997, right after the Pats’ SB loss to Favre and Desmond Howard, so the reaction probably wasn’t as extreme as the quote above, except from all my racist uncles who hated football (insert quaint NE racial slur here) and loved harness racing down at the track.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Pens @ Flyers so far? Equal derp.
Let’s watch and see what happens.

Redshirt

Redshirt Family Impeachment Update (after 30 minutes of discussion):

Father: Doesn’t care about Trump, but hates Democrats and want them to crash and burn.
Mother: Pro-Trump but not to racist level.
Neck: Intact, unable to decapitate by biting through.

scotchnaut

Racist Level: [waits patiently]

LemonJello
LemonJello

“Hhhrgnnffgggg hrrnnnngggg fffssshhgllllllnnggg.”*
-A. Hernandez

*Decapitation seems like a bad way to go. Can I hang here and see how it goes?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I would hope that at the very least they recognize how much of a sham it is that Mulvaney, Bolton, Pompeo, and Giuliani won’t testify. Even if to “exonerate” the IMPOTUS.

jjfozz

fuck tuesdays. and winter. and oprah

scotchnaut

“That third one. Do I have to?”

-Steadman

jjfozz

If he did, it would be his first time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Let’s not be too hasty.
– Gayle King

Gratliff

Sometimes I think about how close the pens were to folding before the Crosby era and mourn what could have been

herodotus450
herodotus450

“I hear springtime in Sudbury is lovely this time of year.”
[hands Gratliff a frozen envelope]
“Wait you’re not Gary.”
[runs away]

jjfozz

Attentioin DFO Overlords, my boots on the ground ravens shitpost is ready for review.

Gratliff

Yinzers are the one good team the flyers don’t own so looking forward to misery

Senor Weaselo

And the one dissenting vote on Jeter was a Barstool writer. Who was also the Adam Dunn vote!

scotchnaut

Wandered into my local LCBO today and this tune was playing. Threw me for a loop because background/overhead music should be non-distinct and not elicit an emotional response.

rockingdog
rockingdog

LOL
what the shit Chelski
Arsenal play with 10 men for 90% of the game yet it ends with a tie? Sheesh….
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litre_cola

It was a superb game. Arsenal was lethal on the counter attack.

BC Dick

Won’t that just lead to closely flexed receivers fake jumping near the line trying to draw offsides?