“C*ck Weasel” and Other Terms of Affection: Your Monday of Hate Week 2020 Open Thread

Brothers and sisters, I welcome you to DFO Hate Week 2020.

Hate Week is our annual pre-Super Bowl spiritual enema, casting out the residual toxins of the Season That Was and preparing ourselves for the new and exciting toxins to come.

Today, I present my List of Unpopular Opinions. Feel free to Hate in the comments below, but be aware you are Wrong.

1. Video review of pass interference calls was a overall a good thing. Not because of any actual wrongs righted- the application was spotty and slipshod, and the whole change was a ridiculous overreaction to an unprecedented failure of the referee system in last year’s playoffs.  But it was still good because the near-universal refusal to grant those challenges early in the season refocused us all on the actual standard for all replay review: “incontrovertible visual evidence.” For almost every call up until now, the standard became “whelp, I would have made a different call if I saw it in ultra-HD-slow-mo.” That’s why you get interminable reviews trying to determine if the laces on the football moved at all when the receiver hit the ground. That’s why you get coaches throwing the challenge flags on 60-40 calls. And those coaches got a rude fucking awakening when the NFL decided to (clumsily) apply the incontrovertible standard and deny somewhat arguable calls. It was at least a little glorious. Now, get rid of PI replay and apply the right standard, you corporate officiating puppets.

2. Josh Rosen will be an NFL starter in the next two years. The Chargers should be slamming the phones trying to get him back in LA, both from a marketing standpoint and because I think he could actually be middle-of-the-league if he had an offensive line.

3. Seinfeld was at best an overrated adequate show. It’s Absurdism for Beginners. It is the Bartles and Jaymes of post-fart-joke comedy: you liked it when you were a teen and just getting into it, but if you’re over 30 and still singing its praises, I’m judging your ass. The only credit I give it is acknowledging in the finale that every character is a terrible, terrible person.

4. Buffalo needs to trade Josh Allen and take Justin Herbert. And go back to the red helmets.

5. Joe Judge will end up being a better coach with the Giants than Matt Ruhle will be for the Panthers. This will switch when they each get their second head coaching gigs.

6. The league is better when Cleveland and the Jets suck irredeemably. Hell, the world is better.

7. Fuck Sinatra. He was a hack.

8. The XFL will make it through two full seasons. This is Vince McMahon’s last throw of the dice and he will throw money at it until it catches on or catches on fire.

9. Don’t sleep on Raheem Mostert for Super Bowl MVP. If Shanahan can bear not throwing it 50 times to prove what a genius he is, Mostert is the 49ers best defense against Mahomes.

10. Presentation in food is overrated. You may eat with your eyes first, but I’ve never said “I’m glad I ate that- it was bland but pretty.”

11. Video replay in general is Good. I don’t understand how you can enjoy a win by your team if you know it was the result of a blown call. Any insight, DonT?

12. Super Bowl Ads can eat a containership full of dicks. I don’t care if they are the only thing half the people at your party care about. Kill those people. Roast their bodies over an open firepit so you have sustenance in the fourth quarter after the cheese dip runs out.

Major sports tonight:

Let’s not kid ourselves.  Since NC State Fans is the only demographic on this site bigger than Attorneys, you fuckers are almost certainly going to watch UNC take on NC State in Junior Bouncy Football. I refuse to acknowledge the existence of college basketball until February 1. Get off my lawn.

 

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Feared conqueror; scholar; poet; revered holy man; professional raconteur; soldier of fortune; gentle yet thorough lover; bandit; blazing gypsy speedboat. I have been called some of these things.
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Feared conqueror; scholar; poet; revered holy man; professional raconteur; soldier of fortune; gentle yet thorough lover; bandit; blazing gypsy speedboat. I have been called some of these things.
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Don TCol. Duke LaCrossyeah rightMr. AyoLow Commander of the Super Soldiers Recent comment authors
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Don T

Seinfeld was hilarious, Sinatra’s voice is heavenly, and, turning to non-subjective matters, IT WAS A FREEKIN LATERAL!1!1!

Col. Duke LaCross

So, I’m going on day 26 post skin-removal surgery and just made an appointment for Wednesday to have my last two surgical drains removed. I start my nighttime routine tonight which consists of measuring what’s in them and logging it on a record. Taking a mountain of pills, vitamins and antibiotics. And cleaning everything really well.

So I’m brushing my teeth right before emptying the drains, and I feel something trickling down my leg. Those ports have been bleeding from the word go, so I didn’t think much of it. I pull my shirt off to milk the tubes and measure my drains and I look down. The one on the left had about two inches of the part that should be inside my abdomen hanging out of the hole. Fucker is falling out! So I send a photo to my NP (closest thing I’ve ever come to ever sending a dick pic). And asked her what to do. “Do I just push it back in there?”

“Duke, are you fucking stupid? Do you want an infection?” She replied. And booked me for tomorrow morning instead.

She also said I was surprisingly calm. I chalk this up to this barely registering in the top 5 of weird things that have happened in the last month. This is pretty pedestrian compared to getting a massive hematoma right in the middle of my chest which made me look like the three-bewbed hooker in Total Recall. My nutsack swelling up to the size of a cantaloupe, and having to go in for weekly iron infusions for the next two months because of the blood loss related to the hematoma.

Moral of the story, try not to ever get to 500 lbs, because if you do manage to get healthy, you’re still gonna hate the way you look and still are gonna want to do something about it. This recovery has been a pain in the ass. Zero regrets. Hopefully look pretty good in a month.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You had me at cantaloupe nutsack

BC Dick

I switched to porn at “milk the tubes”. Hope it works out well, though, on a less milky note.

Col. Duke LaCross

It’s still there. It doesn’t hurt or anything, but it’s really in the way. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’d feel 100% better if that would just return to normal. 3 1/2 weeks and I’m starting to get nervous. Gonna ask the surgeon tomorrow if anything can be done or if I just gotta wait it out. I was getting stared at at the gym this afternoon when I was walking the track.

Pretty much all I want to do is “cuddle” with the ladyfriend. It’s been a month and god bless her patience, but right now I’m terrified that she’ll freak out when she sees that.

Don T

Or, you could rebrand yo’self as Duke Cojones
Best of luck, man.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Jesus Christ, someone get this man 10 beers!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Artist’s depiction?
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yeah right

As we continue our quest to see every Oscar nominated movie, tonight I saw Jojo Rabbit.

I only knew as much as the 2 sentence synopsis issued.

After a little bit of uncertainty and a few uncomfortable chuckles it turned into one of my favorite pictures of the year.

As a long term movie guy I’m not certain it’s going to pull enough votes to win but holy shit did this movie have an amazing heart.

Goddamn do I give this the highest recommendation.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’ve heard it was a great idea but missed on execution. Glad to hear otherwise, because I was going to watch it anyway.

Both Lighthouse and 1917 have been among the best movies I’ve watched in a long time.

BC Dick

I’m hoping to see all three of those. Jojo Rabbit is the one with funny hitler, right? Also want to see Parasite. Any reviews on that?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

That is next on my list. Probably will get to it this weekend.

yeah right

Fuck yeah. It’s pretty incredible. You see the true disconnect between classes in Korea. I love how light hearted it starts but I love more how dark it finishes.

Absolutely cosign.

Don T

Never seen a movie like Parasite. Must see.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’ve been trying for a month to make time to watch 1917.
You inspired me to make it so tomorrow..

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

The tracking shots! My god man, the tracking shots!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’ve heard! That’s why I NEED to see it in a theatre.

yeah right

Yes. You need to see it on the biggest screen possible.

yeah right

Holy shit is just the one tracking shot more or less. The light and shadow? Fuck off!

Col. Duke LaCross

Saw it yesterday. That movie was fucking impressive as hell.

yeah right

My 2 favorites this year but this one deserves merit.

Don T

I saw Jojo Rabbit last Saturday. See this movie. It’s very, VERY funny and so moving I had to go to the bathroom mid-movie to get some tissue to wipe my eyes. Just incredible.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Woah, this chair umpire lady at the AO is something else.

The Rev was right.

BC Dick

Seconded. Third? Just waiting for her to shout, “in!”

BC Dick

Hot as a slow koala

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Is this photo moving or did I get a contact high?

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m stealing this from the previous thread. Jed looks like the fat, spoiled failson in every 80s comedy.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

How do you fuck up wearing a suit that badly? This would get Trump to go full catty bitch

Sharkbait

He looks like a crappy, off brand Seth MacFarlane

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Seth’s non-union McDonaldland equivalent

FelonySqwrrl
FelonySqwrrl

Jed IS a fat spoiled failson. He ruined this franchise for me. Never going back.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

3. Get A Life was Icarus. True genius is never recognized in its own time.

TheRevanchist

It had this Adult Swim vibe to it before Adult Swim.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I read the full quote from that story about the football coach saying Hitler was a great leader. I think the context makes it worse.

herodotus450
herodotus450

“So in the first quarter we’re just gonna give them yards, as many as they want, just appease the hell out of em. OK you art school dropouts, let’s go!”

BC Dick

Does calling him an effective or successful leader instead make it better? That dinner would be interesting, though.

Gratliff

Fun fact: last night’s Royal Rumble winner is among the people seen here falling to catch AR Fox.
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

They look like the only thing they could catch is

/UNSURPRISED IS QUICKLY DRAGGED OUT OF THE ROOM

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I was at an event today (non-sporting) and they had a moment of silence for Kobe.

What the fuck.

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

Duplicate removed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

See banner

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Aw, I was just giving you shit

TheRevanchist

Everyone forgets Shaq had to carry his ass to a title.

Gratliff

I live with a Lakers fan who is devastated by the news and am doing my best thoughts and prayers voice as I think of ways to avoid saying he doesn’t deserve the energy

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

I get that Kobe was popular, but the media response has been over the top. Live all day coverage just to see the NTSB play a game of pick-up.

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

I know. LA coverage is wall to wall. I was thrilled when Jeopardy came on, I was sure it would be preempted for more weeping and wailing

Gratliff

Listening to this on the phone while Gilbert’s version of the Aristocrats is on the TV

Gratliff

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Gratliff

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Except that it turns out Sinead was right the whole time and her critics can eat shit and die.

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

Iowa Wisconsin is whiter than a Trump rally. Including the token black guy.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Don T watching intently
https://www.twitch.tv/sashagrey

SonOfSpam

Is that even remotely safe to click on? Who or what is currently in her?

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s a crap shoot.
(heheheh…see what I did there?)
Errrr…I mean who is this person you speak of?????

herodotus450
herodotus450

Nah it’s totally safe, it’s twitch. She’s raising money for Puerto Rico apparently. Not that I would know anything about it.

SonOfSpam

Nice. What will she do for, say (checks wallet)…eight bucks?

herodotus450
herodotus450

If I’m understanding things, she’ll dryly acknowledge your existence.

SonOfSpam

Dryly? (sigh) Just like every other woman.

Recovery Whiskey
Recovery Whiskey

SFW. Looks like a nice young lady talking on a microphone. Someone you could bring home to mom.

herodotus450
herodotus450

It’s a pretty big microphone though. Black, too.

SonOfSpam

Going thru this retrospective on E-SPAN, it occurs to me that Lamar Odom outlived Kobe. Could’ve gotten great odds on that.

Dunstan
Dunstan

If you want to call Sinatra an asshole, by all means. He didn’t treat women well, and only a very insecure person wants his friends to call him “The Chairman” of their little friend group.

But a hack? Before he was The Chairman, he was The Voice. Uh, you know, before that term got used for a shitty American Idol rip-off.

Swing, baby!

SonOfSpam

Agree totally…hacks cain’t do this:

Redshirt
theeWeeBabySeamus

Chance to cut the lead to 2 with 6 minutes to go. But sure, let’s take a stupid assed shot early in the play clock without working the ball instead.

I LOVE MY SCHOOL!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

If these assholes aren’t running wind sprints tomorrow, Keatts should be punched in the throat.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Found a funny:
me: i’m going to make one of those diagrams that uses circles

dracula: venn

me: probably tomorrow

Redshirt

1. Its a good idea in theory, but the problem is all the calls haven’t been uniformly called the same.
2. Depends on the coaching and team. He’s at risk of being a bust though.
3. Agreed, though the case in the last episode was really stupid. I’ll happily serve as a witness to the crime to aid in finding the perpetrator, but I’m a citizen. I’m not trained in police tactics, martial arts nor trained in using a gun. Like Garek in Star Trek, the best I can do against a criminal is to deal out several cutting remarks which, no doubt, will leave lasting damage to their egos.
4. I’ll extend to the Bills the same offer I’ve already extended to the Bengals, Browns, Buccaneers, and both New York teams: Go back to your jersey designs from the 1990s and no questions will be asked. The same idea includes the Patriots and Pat Patriot and Steelers and their numbers style from the 70s.
5. Agreed, but Giants are more setup for success than Panthers.
6. That’s nice, but we can do better. Remember when the Soviet Union when down and everyone was happy and hopeful. The Patriots sucked then.
(…too many damn thoughts….brain needs to catch its breathe….)
7. My knowledge of Frank Sinatra only extends to SNL parodies, but I believe if he were alive, I believe he would say “I’ve pinched off stools in the crapper with more talent than you, you worthless son of a bitch!” If he was alive, that is.
8. I’ll give Vince credit, he’s trying this time.
9. Agreed. Don’t outthink everyone. Dance with what brought you here.
10. On the contrary, a finely presented plate can make the dinner feel special. But I draw the line at putting inedible things on the plate like strings, bows or inedible plants. A plate is for food, not a fine arts exhibit.
11. Good overall, but it needs refined. If it takes you five minutes because the ref is having them slow the video down to 4 frames a minute and while asking to isolate Grid 17 by 21 and Enhance, its Indisputable.
12. I spend as much attention on Super Bowl Ads as I do on the ads on the game on my cell phone to boost my troops and gold and the disclaimer not to record the games I’m watching without the expressed permission of Major League Baseball or the National Football League.

Redshirt

It works better if you read all this in the same tone as Kevin Costner’s “I Believe” scene from Bull Durham.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think U*NC’s Robinson might wish he had been on a particular helicopter right about now.

Too soon?

King Hippo

I wish they’d all been on it. We’d still have found a way to lose.

theeWeeBabySeamus

We are NC State. It’s what we do.

Redshirt

No, too soon would be saying one of my favorite jokes:

A lot of people say that air travel is safer than driving, but how many air plane collisions have you seen where the pilots stand outside their plane exchanging insurance information?

King Hippo

I think (except for the Owl) my teevee might be off until #BFIB starts. Oh wait, I watch that mostly on the laptop. Maybe I will throw my teevee out the window.

scotchnaut

“Window? Please explain.”

-Jim Tomsula

King Hippo

like a “speed hole” but bigger

scotchnaut

The Ottawa Cravats Tie it Up!

King Hippo

I feel so bad for Kevin Keatts, he had no idea what a cess pool he was climbing into.

theeWeeBabySeamus

They play hard. Just not particularly smart sometimes. The weave and heave is still a thing in West Rawlee.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Devils-Sens, I haven’t see this many underachieving 1’s since the DFO Bachelor Auction.

TheRevanchist

“And here we have 82 year old Poopface McHairyback. Coming in a 5 foot 2 inches, with a 42 inch waistline, there is plenty of him to love. He likes long walks on the sandbox at the trailer park, camping drunk behind the 7-11, and has a pocket full of ED medication that hasn’t been used in 10 years.”

scotchnaut

“No bids? I couldn’t be more Unsurprised.”

-Anonymous

King Hippo

Methinks we could raise some serious cash with that as a threat.

scotchnaut

Wolfies got themselves another Cat Barber-type fella that can get to the bucket whenever he chooses….

King Hippo

Markell is good. Too bad the taller players don’t similarly try to get rebounds.

TheRevanchist

If you aren’t watching the AO, you are probably wasting your sports viewing time on something shitty, like MLS. Watch some great tennis, you heathens!

King Hippo

when does the hottest contestant play?

TheRevanchist

Djokovic plays around midnight PST, either tonight or tomorrow night.

King Hippo

/says someone who hasn’t ever taken a proper look at Rafa’s ass (smh)

TheRevanchist

Clearly we do not have the same taste in men. Djokovic has those dreamy eyes and that lush hair. It’s a handsome version of Aaron Rodgers with a likable personality.

litre_cola

I feel he would be very robotic intimately where Rafa would be gentle.

Sharkbait

For my old job, I had to babysit video transmissions of many tennis tournaments. Most out of my timezone, for every day there was play.

Fuck that place, and fuck tennis. ESPECIALLY fuck the Australian Open.

Sharkbait

Last night at home before Mrs. Sharkbait and baby Sharkette come home from a weekend away. I’ve ordered Indian and have whiskey. Fully prepared to enjoy this evening

King Hippo

I’m not saying it’s your fault NC State is such liquid shit, but I really blame all of y’all.

Redshirt

(last night)

“Okay, I know I was slightly uncomfortable with Doctor Who casting the latest regeneration of The Master as an Arabic looking man who says “Killing is in my nature”, but based on the previews it looks like we might get to see The Valeyard. A future version of The Doctor whose embraced his darker impulses. We saw a small side of this in the 10th and a decent look of it in the 12th Doctor, but it will be nice to actually see it in a character and not just points where The Doctor has reached his breaking point and has stepped right past it.

So lets see what the people behind Doctor Who think of when they think of a evil version of The Doctor?”

(sees a black woman)

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Senor Weaselo

And The Future Doctor STILL isn’t a ginger!
/Calling it now, Rupert Grint as the 23rd/24th Doctor

King Hippo

Both teams on my teevee is fucking AWFUL.

scotchnaut

Ah, but is your moneys on the Wolfers being less awful?

King Hippo

I would only ever bet on the Holes here, and solely for jinx purposes

King Hippo

and Devin Daniels is still wearing #24 such blatant disresPEK imo godbless

Senor Weaselo

Cock weasel? Well, enough about my penis…

scotchnaut

Devils/Sens are on you gotdamn Incompleteist!

Senor Weaselo

Isn’t that an AHL game?

scotchnaut

Huh. I’ll give you a head’s up. If ever you’re walking at night and three streetlights in a row are out? You better start running, buddy.

Senor Weaselo

Welp, I know how the next installment of Senor in the City ends.