INT. TV STUDIO – NIGHT

ANNOUNCER: From North Carolina to Texas, from the brisket to the rump, from a rub drier than the Sahara to a sauce slathered wetter than the jungles of Borneo, this is “Barbecue Tonight” with your host Chicago Cubs broadcaster Harry Caray.

HARRY CARAY: Hi everybody!  Harry Caray here, and welcome to Barbecue Tonight. We’ve got a great show lined up for ya, joining us in the studio today all the way from Kansas City, Missouri, is the AFC Champion head coach Andy Reid. Welcome to the show, Andy.

ANDY REID: Thank you! It’s nice to be here. Listen, I hate to start things off on a negative note, but I was told there would be cheeseburgers in the green room, and…

HARRY: [interrupting him] Now coach, recently you beat the Tennesee Titans to advance to the upcoming Super Bowl in Miami.  That’s gotta be exciting for ya.

ANDY: Oh, yes Harry.  It’s been a long road to get back into the big game and I’m feeling even more hungry now than I was back in 2005.

HARRY: Hungry for a Super Bowl title.

ANDY: Yes, that too.

HARRY: Well I’m sure just about everybody in Kansas City is rooting for you, and you’ve certainly got an incredible team behind you.  Let me ask you this…who’s your favorite player?

ANDY: Well, I don’t have a favorite. I think they’re all important components of something that’s greater than its parts, and by that I mean…

HARRY: Mine’s Brett Veach.  He’s like the king of players.

ANDY: Well, actually, Harry, Brett’s not a player.  He’s the teams’ general manager, which means he’s responsible for selecting the players we sign to our roster, and negotiating their contracts. As a coach he makes my life infinitely easier, because I don’t have to worry about things like how to we can build a quality team without losing key players to free agency.

HARRY: Players like Patrick Mahomes.

ANDY: That’s right.  He’s one of the cornerstones for how this franchise has done so well over the last couple of years.

HARRY: Well! Player or cornerstone or whatever when Patrick Mahomes hangs it up the future of the Chiefs is pretty much dead.

ANDY: That’s true, but we’re hoping that he chooses to stay with this franchise for a very long time.

HARRY: I always thought you had to be pretty heartless to wear a coach’s hat one day and demand that a player sacrifice everything for the good of the team, including their physical and mental well-being, and then turn around and put on a general manager’s hat the next and tell them that they simply aren’t valuable enough to keep around once their contract starts to mature.

ANDY: I don’t know how Bill does it.  I can’t help but love these kids.

HARRY: It must be tough to make roster decisions when the players have all become like sons to you…

A producer slips into view and whispers something into HARRY’S ear.

HARRY: Oh.

There is a moment of dead air.  ANDY recognizes the awkwardness of it and begins humming “That’s Amore” quietly while wiping a tiny bit of saliva from the corner of his mouth. 

HARRY: When the moon…oh!  Now, Andy, we all know that the moon isn’t made out of green cheese.  But what if it were made out of barbecued spareribs? Would you eat it then?

ANDY: [looks at him quizzically]  Or course I would.  But how would we get there?

HARRY: Oh, some sort of rocket ship, I suppose.

ANDY: Will there be in-flight meal service on this rocket flight?

HARRY: Sure, why not!

ANDY: And how soon are we leaving for this moon voyage?  I can be ready in…[checks watch]…three minutes.

HARRY: [realizes that ANDY is serious] Gosh, I’m sorry…

ANDY: Did I say minutes? Cause I meant seconds…

HARRY: No no, Andy – this was just a hypothetical scenario. I didn’t mean to get your hopes up.

The two sit in silence for a moment, HARRY smiling and trembling slightly, while ANDY looks downcast.

HARRY: Hey! How’s about this? Would you rather coach your team to a Super Bowl title, or get mad cow disease.

ANDY: Well, I mean, my first choice would still be the moon thing.  But I guess if that’s not on the menu I’ll take coaching my team to a Super Bowl win.

HARRY: Oh good.  I was worried you were going to say ‘mad cow disease’

ANDY: Wait…

HARRY: I guess I’m just a worrier.

ANDY: Something’s not right here.  You’re not Harry Caray.

HARRY looks around nervously.

ANDY: Yeah, I remember now. The real Harry Caray died twenty years ago.  You’re Will Ferrell!  And this isn’t the set of Barbecue Tonight…it’s that “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night” show…what was it called again?

HARRY: [trying to distract him] Hey!  How’s about this…

ANDY: [puts his hands together to form a “T”] Time out.

…to be continued…