Mike, Mike, Mike….
Guess what day it is.
HUMP DAY!!!!!
Yep, we’re halfway there this week. Only four days until the LIV Tyler Superb Owl too.
Anywhoooo…
It’s time to start making plans if you haven’t already. Who are you inviting to your house foar the game? Who has invited you to their house? What will you be eating? How drunk will you be by kickoff?
Do you care who wins?
Talk about it all down there in the comments.
But for now we have some other sprots to deal with tonight. Actually not a terrible night foar a Wednesday.
And if you have the chance to hump someone, for goodness sake take it. But take precautions.
Including not giving them your home address.
(sorry, bad joke)
–
Sports Which Might Make You Feel Like You’ve Been Humped 2Nite
NBA
- Detroit @ Brooklyn – 7:30pmEST – TV: ESPN
- Houston @ Portland – 10:00pmEST – TV: ESPN
NHL
- Nashville @ Washington – 7:30pmEST – TV: NBCSN
- Tampa Bay @ Los Angeles – 10:00pmEST – TV: NBCSN
NCAA BB
- Northwestern @ (11)Michigan State – 6:30pmEST – TV: B1GN
- Vanderbilt @ (15)Kentucky – 6:30pmEST – TV: SECN
- DePaul @ (10)Seton Hall – 6:30pmEST – TV: FS1
- (7)Dayton @ Duquesne – 7:00pmEST – TV: CBSSN
- (20)Memphis @ UCF – 7:00pmEST – TV: ESPNU
- Alabama @ LSU – 7:00pmEST – TV: ESPN2
- Marquette @ Xavier – 8:30pmEST – TV: FS1
- Indiana @ Penn State – 8:30pmEST – TV: B1GN
- South Carolina @ Arkansas – 8:30pmEST – TV: SECN
- (4)San Diego State @ New Mexico – 9:00pmEST – TV: CBSSN
- (1)Baylor @ Iowa State – 9:00pmEST – TV: ESPNU
- Arizona State @ Wazzou – 11:00pmEST – TV: ESPNU
–
OK, Time To Get Over The Hump
(sorry, that made me laugh)
–
Let’s raise a warm, hate-week beaker of acid to the very worst thing in ALL of sports betting: the empty net goal. Making “winners” of fucking losers, at my expense, for years.
& one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ue4_MWwKY8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5d7uObToXw
So I’ve got a hair-brained theory.
Again.
The Mandalorian is basically…
Kung Fu! The TV show
With a baby Yoda.
They have no linear plot advancement, it’s just a reason to go on crazy adventures every week with a slightly exotic protagonist.
It’s an unconventional western.
The traits are right there.
Not to mention the weekly scripts are nothing more than X gets in danger. X gets out of danger using his wiley skills. Show the baby Yoda. Kill some bad guys.
Repeat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPHUZenprKc
https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2020/01/28/opioid-kickback-software/
This is some of the most vile shit I’ve ever seen.
So these doctors don’t think for themselves? That’s the real disappointment here.
“Combining Yelp-like reviews with an Uber-style on-demand booking service” for doctors. What kind of cut-rate, Yale-educated dunces would want that as part of their medical practice?
OK tWBS; what does !!LIV!! have to do with this years BIG GAME??
LIV=54 in Roman numerals?
If tWBS has been made a lizard person that has Xtra special permissions I wouldn’t be surprised. He’s been on here long enough to be one.
https://www.vulture.com/2019/09/let-liv-tyler-go-to-space.html
Yes that’s at least her 2nd space movie. Still doesn’t explain her connection to the BiG GAME:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMNgbISmF4I
OOPS sorry; I realize that looks like some other Superb Owl bowl instead of why you referenced Liv Tyler….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWChhdIgT6Q
I’m a lil late to the party (per usual) but:
“I’m shocked Kobe Bryant has passed away, strictly because that would be the first time he has passed.” – Senor Weaselo
That’s AT LEAST a 3 seed, and we’ve only just begun…
I haven’t done the seeding but selections will go no later than the end of 2019—it will have to wait until the 2021 tournament.
Dammit. It won’t have the same IMPACT in 2021 as it does now. My personal (late, per usual) new year resolution is to get at least one banner quote this year.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75wDuEhmVZY
Perfect! There are 65 banners from 2019. There are the ones from August-December 2018 as well which we can talk about.
Banner Pic caption: Marty Feldman’s non-union African equivalent
.
Shit.
That works, me thinks.
Mike Smith, starting Edmonton goalie, totally NOT a guy in witness protection with a generic name.
So that’s where Bubbles went after leaving Sunnyvale.
There have been over 50 fouls called in this game, and there’s still six minutes left.
Why are they showing a rerun of Jeopardy from 2 days ago? WHHHHHHYYYYYYY!
Criminal, almost.
Now they say they’re going to air today’s show at 2:07 am. I love you, Alex, but not that much!
tWBS now settles in to watch the Caps blow this.
And as I type that, shorthanded goal for Nashville.
Fuck.
Big 12 refs get $500 for every foul they call.
HAIL… what’s the woodball version of BLEERGH?
Big 10 refs learn how to look the other way from the Paedo State football program
HSIOW
I had an idea on the way home to make this better.
Flames? Something about a hot hand?
No. Just a full title card just as his foot touches the five yard line before he gets nailed.
I knew I should have touched on Scandinavian geography. But I knew a decent number immediately so… we’ll see?
OH AWESOME TELL ME EVERY QUESTION!
DAMMIT THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN WRITER WAS TONI MORRISON! Wait, that’s a pen name?
/NAWT RACIST
I hope you make it
Looks like I only got 31, but hopefully that’s not bad for a first try and that number will go up in future attempts? Maybe?
Oldest Fozz Spawn wants to have girl over friday night to watch his younger brethren.
My wife: “She has problems with her dad.”
Me: “Son, don’t ever date a girl with daddy issues.”
My wife: “Are you talking about me?”
Me: “Ummm.” [Pours beaker of rubbing alcohol. Sets it on fire. Chugs it.]
No. Never. Never.
So, no?
Agreed with Balls on the babysitting thing.
But he should take a run at her.
(yes I am going to hell I ALREADY KNEW THAT)
Any piercings, tattoos or obvious substance abuse? Cutting? Kleptomania?
If she’s got those and daddy issues he won’t have a chance to resist.
THANK YOU!!!!!
But yeah, no babysitting.
It was a Fletch reference of what you’d say to your wife. Should have worded it better.
Now let’s not get hasty. Daddy issues aren’t always counter productive.
(I’ve said too much)
Get yourself a Flaming Moe, eh?
In Baltimore that’s known as a—
Hot Taek…
Goalies should not be allowed to wear a first baseman’s mitt.
You wanna save it with the left hand? Then you risk broken bones.
Hey, you wanna catch a 100 mph puck with your bare hands, be my guest.
/Also give some love to the right-catching goalies, like all one or two of them!
No I would not want to catch a puck without a glove. Kinda my point. We might start getting some fun scores.
Goalie: Ooooh, that’s to my off hand fuck that.
And see? As I say that, Nashville gets two glove saves on the PP.
Oh wait, Caps didn’t completely fuck up. Wooooo!!!!!!!
I, who played first (where else do you stick a left but first, pitcher, and the outfield) would play goalie solely with the glove.
Which made things difficult when I played goalie in our floor hockey unit in gym and there was no glove. And definitely no lefty first baseman’s mitt.
We can’t haz stick savez?
I wasn’t good with my stick yet, being younger than everyone else.
There is an obvious joke here.
I will refrain.
I didn’t know El Senor was one of Jerry’s Kids
I was tossing up the alley-oop and everything…
I prefer it when Americans stick to making weird rule change suggestions to soccer. Leave hockey alone!
OK, as everyone knows I am not the soccer expert/fan around here. But let’s get rid of offsides.
Make it like basketball. If a guy stands in the crease for moar than three seconds he gets called, otherwise he can stand down there all day if he wants
Baring two dozen ghosts wrapped in chains and 72 spirits representing three different eras of time, I don’t think Trump’s gonna lose this one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1E24JE30hI
Bizarre. Usually something happens in a yakety sax video
Like this?
https://giant.gfycat.com/OddballGraciousChimpanzee.mp4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vPFeNKcNzw
Kobe: The ultimate helicopter parent.
“Really impressed with the spin on this story.”
-Stephen Miller
Are those arseholes in DC still asking pointless questions?
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
What’s she got, like two words per page?
Jeebus.
Am I alone in thinking it’s insane that McConnell gets to make the rules and not the goddamn Chief Justice of the United States? Not that John Roberts would be any different in terms of making decent rules or allowing witnesses, but it really adds to showing how big a fucking joke our government is to have the jury make the rules.
“I’m worried about Kobe.”
“Why?”
“His life is spinning out of control.”
If you go to /all on reddit and select “New” you are going to lose whatever faith in humanity you had. What in the hell is wrong with people?
Just got banned from Bernie Sanders subreddit. Go eat a shit sandwich you buncha rotting dingleberries.
I can not imagine a reality where I voluntarily view a political subreddit. One can only witness so much verbal analingus at any one time.
My post was basically: “This guy is gonna get curb stomped. Can you give me a reason I should vote for him?” Fucking people are fucking cancer.
Older people aren’t gonna for the most part. Sanders is polling at around 60% for voters under 35 where Biden is under 10. Those numbers flip at 65+. Warren and Bread Mayor are on top of both for the 30 years in between. Both camps’ best strategy would be to spend all their energy dragging those groups to the polls and ignoring changing minds at this point. You’ll never get a practical answer on Reddit between posters showing off their favorite candidate themed vibrators, though.
It’s so fucking stoopid I’d have to pay $50 a month to watch WVU play hoopsball.
I think there’s a HATE WEEK post in the works…
After all the final game party hate, I have somehow gone from watching the game with two or three sports fan friends to a dozen fans and non-fans in my small living room. Trying to figure out how to fit everyone in now. Hell is here. I am in it.
Party at BC Dick’s. Wooohooo
He does make a mean chili and one of his buddy’s weed selection is superb.
And I have it on good authority he has GHB.
Alas I’ll probably have none of those things this Sunday. It’s a classier group than normal. Have to use my dentist office personality.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKAwIwjHwZI
For those who haven’t seen it yet, Tunison wrote about a lesser known aspect of his ill fortune today.
https://medium.com/@mike_tunison/hi-im-on-the-shitty-media-men-list-but-maybe-you-already-knew-that-f446aed1f93b
And the accompanying Twitter thread:
https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/1222527287943487490
This made me nauseous. I hope he doesn’t do anything to himself.
It’s rough and the talk around it turning into people demanding he take a stand against the list and movement probably isn’t helping when he’s trying to center himself.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
And then when the lesser-connected ones start getting blacklisted, everyone becomes dumbfounded.
Live by the #cancel, die by the #cancel
Fuck it. Everything sucks.
And all the spineless, dogmatic fools just went along with it. Like some sort of mob on a hunt. For a… duck. A duck hunt, that’s it!
Cancel Culture was always centrist liberal shit because real leftists wouldn’t support deplatforming and censorship because, beyond principles, it’s been used against them time and time again for two centuries. Not to say they haven’t been a minority for a while, especially during the Cold War, but they are exhibit #1 that absence of proof is not proof of absence given that there were some large and influential movements and players until it was generally acknowledged – thanks to the Red Scare – to just deny their existence.
It’s like the AIDS movement slogan: Silence = Death. When you’re a minority, silence in all its forms can and has been the difference between life and death.
It seems inevitable that after having ones ideas suppressed, once they are no longer the suppressed voices They try to suppress any dissent. I believe the way to expose real hatred is putting a light on it, not forcing it into the shadows. And after the Cold War it seems that whole socialist/communist movement has switched to taking over the environmentalist movement as another way to destroy the evil capitalists. Don’t agree? A pox on you, denier. . It’s just a shame that all of them on all sides are horrible, self-interested filth. So I’ll just keep voting Candy.
Xmas Ape: Go on Red Scare
It is getting really annoying to drive around LA and seeing all the Kobe stuff. The buses have “RIP Kobe” on the front signs, the strip clubs have “Mamba Forever” on their electronic billboards, and restaurants have “Kobe forever” specials.
I shit you not.
I say the “too soon” limit has passed on Kobe jokes. Hell, there never was a limit. What are the Kobe hotel specials?
Giant Diamond Apology rings are gonna be hot for the near future
“Kode’s last spin move didn’t work out the way he wanted.”
First class ticket to hell.
That’s pretty good
Kobe “passing” jokes were low-hanging fruit, but my favorite so far was from SonOfSpam on this very site, how Lamar Odom outlived Kobe. I stole that joke. I made variations and I have spread that joke.
It wasn’t a joke. I really am shocked.
Kobe would never pass a dark joke
It’s not just in LA.
What bothers me the most is that Magic called him the best Laker ever.
Sorry, no.
Hell to the NO!
Off the top of my head:
Magic
Kareem
West
Worthy
Yup
And Mikan
Also true
And don’t forget Wilt and Elgin Baylor.
Holy shit! Yes!
Ummm Copperfield.
Magic and Kareem are fine but West and Worthy weren’t better than Kobe.
Then again, arguing about this stuff is what true shithead sports fans do!
(Woulda gone with Elgin Baylor instead)
*ahem*
Extra Credit Mandatory Viewing tonight of Edmonton vs. Calgary, Round II, the bout to knock that Tkachuk guy out, at 9 pm DFO Standard Time.
This place is going nutsy for this game and the return one on Sabado.