There’s much talk of drinkling and fooding in the early thread so I know that everyone is doing it right proper today. The forty-five minutes I spent on the elliptical (god, I hate that motherfucker) won’t even begin to justify the calories that I’ll be absorbing through the day but we all like to pretend, right? And this tilt-doing the research for the intro it’s remarkable how well coached these teams are, the disparate weapons each squadoo has, the game-planning that’s been done to get here… Everything about these two teams is so impressive. So, as Guga Foods would say, Let’s Do It!
TO THE GAME!
Niners/Chiefs:
-Everywhere you look it’s strength against strength against strength. The Chiefs started the season looking like last season’s Shoot ’em up squad that had to out-score everyone and yes, they have some of those same attributes but now they can actually stop people-namely, outside receivers.
-San Fran’s stifling D plays zone coverage the second-most of all teams. Wanna guess which football tosser had the highest QBR rating against zone coverage? Yeah, that Mahomes kid.
-San Fran has only trailed by more than 7 points just once all season long. But Andy Reid’s record after getting a bye in regular and postseason is a gaudy 23-5.
-In bottling up receivers the Chiefs D has allowed the 3rd-most catches to the tight end position. Kittles has been vewy, vewy qwiet the past two weeks but he may have to be the gamebreaker today if San Fran has to match scores. He’ll most likely be defended off and on by Honey Badger who has been very effective in a ‘roaming’ role this season.
-It certainly seems as though the Niners own the best d-line in the biz and the numbers back them up. When Armstead, Ford, Bosa and Buckner are on the field at the same time they get a pressure rate (just think of a fast-collapsing pocket) of 44%. On third and fourth down that rate rises to a ridiculous 57%.
-So Mahomes under pressure-I wonder how his numbers look when he has to throw in 2.5 seconds or less. [shuffles through notes] Ah, here it is-he’s 218 for 300 on his completions (72%) with 16 TD’s and no intercepts. Jesus Christ.
-I took a look at prop bets and the one that makes me curious is Mahomes running yardage at 24.5 or 30.5, depending where you look. He’s run for 53 in each game, you know there’ll be at least one designed run for him, you know he’ll get flushed out of the pocket a few times and you know he’s going to take off if there’s a long ball play and Hill is covered and the open middle of the field beckons. Am I missing something here?
-Prediction Time: I don’t think this game will get away from the Niners. I do want Reid to get a ring and not be saddled with the ‘couldn’t get it done in the big game’ albatross. I am all for Mahomes getting a Super Bowl under his belt on his way to eclipsing Brady as the best QB of all time over the next 15-18 years. Let’s do 31-28 Chiefs.
How about you? Where’d you put the moneys? Who was the first to bring up politics out of context? Who’s the sloppy drunk in your gang? You didn’t burn the nachos did you? Fill some space down below.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
You know, I didn’t care much about who won but, now that the game is over, I have a warmth from SF losing that I wouldn’t have felt had KC lost.
Oh, another Trump ad. Fuck you if you vote for that asshole.
…why is everyone looking at me while discretely palming a blade?
hey, I told you my cat’s name in case you can’t vote for the Demmycrat!
You know what you did
Kyle Shannahans father spoke as a character witness in ‘16 Trump rallies.
I guess it’s hardly surprising that he tried to kill RGIII then, is it?
I will never forgive that
Andy Reid has won a Super Bowl. After years and years of frustration. To do that he coached through the addictions and arrests of two sons and the death of one, without more than year off, at best. He was able to set aside any sort of moral questions about the continued employment of great players and questionable human beings like Tyreek Hill and Frank Martin. Good for you Andy. Top of the fucking mountain indeed.
Almost 1400 comments plus 100 in the halftime thread, not too shabby!
The President just congratulated the state of Kansas
Alas, it appears to have been deleted now
Nothing on the internet is ever really deleted
Oh I’ll bet. If only Twitter had the ability to screen shot that shit and make it live forever.
LOL. Fucking idiot.
I thought he was a geography major.
Hey he’s the president not a cartographer!
In his defense, half of America also believes Kansas City plays in Kansas. And not just the GOPs.
Jesus fucking Christ.
“Is this Kansas City, Kansas, or Kansas City, Missouri?”
—WC Fields, in a movie I saw fifty years ago on Saturday afternoon local TV, upon crash landing in a Chinese rice field in a Ford Tri-Motor or some similar type of early airliner, while surrounded by Chinese coolies chattering in a language not English.
Sam Brownback is a big Trump supporter/imitator. He’s throwing a shout out to his bro.
Kyle Shanahan is a super Bowl legend
Andy Reid is now officially alt-universe Marty Schottenheimer.
https://twitter.com/Chevyxt/status/1224168006852456449/photo/1
No Jovan Belcher shoutout?
That guy give it all for this organization.
I don’t recall Andy making a single questionable decision tonight.
He didn’t stay at a holiday express last night
He even passed on the pre-game salad.
Could we have been wrong this whole time, and over exaggerating his failures for comedic effect? No. No, it was his fault.
That comes later, when he decides on thirds of roast beef at the hotel buffet.
Ask his kids about that.
I’m not touching that fucking Ouija board.
I mean, not TONIGHT
Can we do a live look-in on Mitch Trubisky?
Guy is probably leftinately happy for mahomes.
The Chicago fanbase on the other hand
Eric Bieniemy, Offensive Coordinator for the Chief is now a Super Bowl Champion, but still not worthy of a Head Coaching job.
Well, it’s not like his daddy was a head coach, so how good could he be?
Plus he played for the Bangles; that’s a big knock on his judgement skillz.
The camera on Hill’s kid is so cringe.
Better to have a camera on him, for evidentiary purposes later.
Honey badger gets a ring too
Wow, even with what seemed an interminable halftime, that was only 3-1/2 hours.
I just figured it out.. Otto was Jon Hamm the whole time, and didn’t want to be on the radar when KC sprts got good.
It’s entirely possible
Big if true
Niners fans are gonna feel this one for a while
Kyle Shanahan will do that.
Free Denny’s grand slams for life.
You go eat Andy Reid.
Love this gif so hard
That was a pretty damn excellent Owl! Congrats to everyone!
Magical!
Congrats to Andy Reid on finally having an equivalence between Super Bowls & sons.
YES!
its all about balance ,, ppl forget that!
And nothing for Dee Ford
What’s the o/u on how many tons of confetti will have to get cleaned up tomorrow?
Fuck the Hunt family with their silver market crazy Texas Republican bullshit. But good for Happy Walrus.
You cannot tell me that last minute of clock management was anything short of perfect.
A moment of silence for all the narratives that just got erased
I love the walrus. I am happy. And as always, fuck the Patriots!
Andy Reid’s son is going to party hard in Miami tonight
I had a comment here, but I deleted it and all I’ll say is that Reid’s decision to immediately jump back into coaching despite his sons’ problems with drugs was something that, as a parent, I cannot at all understand, but each family has to do what it thinks is right.
But dead kids man. I hope to fuck this was worth it.
McNabb slides further into irrelevance and hopefully will shut the fuck up for a minute
THE CRAZY WALRUS MAN DID IT, EVERYONE!
Kaep woulda won it
Andy Reid waving over the girl with the tray of cocktail weenies.
Again.
FOURTH AND 26! GO FOR IT!
Andy Reid is not leaving this game with all three timeouts, damnit.
The last of the Bill Walsh coaching tree to get a SB. Fittingly against the Forty Whiners of Santa Clara
Looks like poor Nick Bosa is gonna have to commit a war crime if he still wants to meet his Messiah in the White House.
Looking forward to Kelce showing up to the parade in a fucking Gundam
Lengthy waiting to take a knee there for time out reasons.
Meanwhile, Alex Smith died on his way back to his home planet.
Still need Garofolo to not complete another pass…
Coach Reid: “3 timeouts left? Fuck it. Use them all.”
Assistant Coach: “But…
Coach Reid: “DID I STUTTER? USE THEM ALL!”
I would. Enjoy the moment.
i am walrus , I am the eggman coocachoo coocachoo Andy redi
That’ll do it.
OTTO YOU BEAUTIFUL CHART-WAVING BASTARD, THEY DID IT!!! THEY FUCKING DID IT!!!
All the Gatorade bath prop bettors are gonna be pissed when the Chefs dump Andy Reid with gravy instead.
And would NEVAR stand for wasting gravy like that.
How is KC Wolf in both Miami and Missouri?
Grats, Andy. After you’re done with your sevenths at dinner, try to aim for Tyreek as you collapse into your food coma
If the Chargers were ahead right now, they’d find a way to blow it.
EAT SHIT MARLON MCCREE
Only blowing the Cardinals are doing tonight is 85% of their front office at DUI stops.
Altar boys tremble in fear.
Its better this way. My dad, a Bengals fan, not only rooting for a 49ers Super Bowl win, but a last second 49ers Super Bowl win just felt wrong.