Jalen Ramsey Show – 003: Offseason Football Business

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

Latest posts by blaxabbath (see all)


Welcome back to a new hour of The Jalen Ramsey Show, where asking for safety help means you’re not ready to talk trash! We’re here to discuss about your life and your money. We have open lines at 818-338-0011. Starting us off this hour in San Francisco, California we have Kyle. Hi Kyle, welcome to the Jalen Ramsey Show.

Hi Jalen. I appreciate you taking my call. How are you doing?

Better than the Jaguars under Tom Coughlin. How about yourself, Kyle?

Better than just about every other team under any general manager, Jalen. Just enjoyed a very successful and lucrative contract year at work here.

That’s fantastic Kyle. So what can I help you with today?

And, real quick, I wanted to contribute a lot of my success to you. I actually saw you live twice this year and, after hearing your message and watching you execute in person that what you preach all week in practice, it really helped me understand the blind spots and understand the steps I needed to take to be successful. 

That’s good to hear, Kyle. It’s no secret that I strive to be amongst the best to ever play cornerback and I appreciate when others feel the same drive to excel in their ventures.

So the reason I’m calling today is, I’m 40 and am living comfortably in the Bay Area here but, aside from my general expenses, I’ve just been working and pretty much piling up cash. I’ve decided that I need a break and want to take a trip to reward myself but I’m just not sure that’s the best way to spend my money and I’m getting a lot of conflicting advice here. 

Have you been investing at all or just hoarding all your money?

I’m investing and keeping my retirement accounts funded.

What is your income and what kind of trip were you thinking?

A little over $5million per year but I expect that to go up soon. For the trip, I don’t know. Maybe Seattle or something? I’ve been a couple times for work but I’d like to go tour some of the historical sites of grunge music. I think I can do the whole thing for under $3,000.

Well, I don’t see any reason you can’t take a $3,000 trip. I don’t really understand what you’re going there for but, for the sake of spending, we’re talking 6% of 1% of your income. So, I can’t imagine under what scenario you don’t take this well-deserved vacation.

My father is a big fan of one of the Presidential candidates, even speaking as kind of a character reference for the guy back in 2016. And he says I’ve been busy focusing on football but he’s been in tune with the campaign and thinks that, you know, I should throw every penny I have at this guy’s real estate offerings because they’re only going to go up in value as the global market looks to curry favor over the next four to 25 years. But real estate isn’t really something I’m familiar with and I’m a little uncomfortable using my trip money for this investment.

A candidate with real estate offerings? Is your dad, by any chance, a child rape apologist?

Well, he is a devout Roman Catholic. I mean, he was until he found Donald Trump and, like all — and I mean, every single one without exception — Republican voters, has reject the teachings of Jesus Christ so he could worship Trump as his one true Messiah. So maybe he’s more of a Thomas Road Baptist?

And would your father, maybe, be the kind of person who’d lie about a rookie quarterback’s medical condition to throw him on the field in a playoff game that would ultimately result in LCL and ACL injuries to the quarterback and would never be the same player again?

He would.

I see. And, final question — just for the sake of clarification — would he say the only good me is a dead me?

Absolutely. We’re close friends with the Bush family.

Go take your trip and never listen to your father again, Kyle. First off, never invest in anything you don’t understand. But, more important, you’re obviously a mature man in your own right and an established coach who needs advice from dinosaur coaches the way Jeffrey Epstein needs some time to himself. And tell Joey Bosa to stop casing my house at night. Any burning crosses on my yard are just going to get me in trouble with my HOA.

Alright next up in Phoenix, Arizona we have Tyler calling in. Tyler, welcome to the Jalen Ramsey Show.


It’s actually Kyler. Like with a K.

Doesn’t matter. Tyler’s just what the screen here says.

Then I’ll jump right to the point. I’m new to this industry, at least as a paid professional, and after signing a contract less than a year ago to play quarterback, I just won the Rookie of the Year award. My question is, you know, I think I should be able to ask for a new contract with ROY-winner money now. My agent says our general manager is usually drunk and possibly in DUI lockup for this week after the Waste Management Open but, once he’s out, what would you do?

Rookie of the Year? You’re calling me about winning Rookie of the Year? Oh boy, let’s look at this academically. You’re now amongst recent quarterback ROYs like Dak Prescott, who is coming up on free agency this offseason. Oh and, before that, now-backup-to-league-MVP Robert Griffin II, Oh, and before that, multiple-time SB champ and front office sure-thing — oh wait, I mean free agent, Sam Bradford.

Yeah but I’m different than those guys. I came on the scene NFL-ready and have been paired with a coach who knows how to use my skills. And when the —

When the front office puts some weapons around you, you’re going to be looking at a perennial Super Bowl favorite with teams unable to stop Tyler’s Unstoppable New Offense. Right?

Our fan base really believes in me.

Kid, your fan base believes in the Crowdstrike conspiracy. They think Crazy Eyes Debbie Lesko has some good points. Oh and by the way, Nick Bosa is the Rookie of the Year. You’re Offensive Rookie of the Year playing one of the softest schedules in the league during a season in which there is no film on you. So, I’m all for players having more say in where they end up but you’re in no position to demand a trade or a release, especially when the only coach and team you could conceivably have won Other ROY with has already guaranteed $35million to you. So where’s your leverage? Where else you gonna go? Nah, you’re not even that good and ‘keeping losses close’ is no accomplishment for a guy leading a cellar team. I mean, your GM is absolutely incompetent and your owner is a big dope who might restructure a rookie deal after 10 months even though I’m pretty sure it’s against NFL rules just because his history of mismanagement has made him a man who is constantly seeking approving headlines from local media. But, for my two cents, I say put your head down, train this offseason, and come back ready to show us that Tyler isn’t a one-season novelty.

Dude, this is pissing me off. My name is Kyler. With a K.

I wouldn’t know because I’ve never lost a game to the Cardinals and I don’t plan on it. So if you don’t like my advice, that’s fine. You can call the Bengals or Browns cornerbacks shows and I’m sure they’ll tell you what you want to hear. And if you think beating the Browns and Bengals is grounds for a contract renewal, go for it. If you want to be best, ignore silly little awards that, frankly, you only got because the AP ain’t going to to give an award to anyone on the leaving-Oakland Raiders and you only got a trophy because Josh Jacobs got absolutely jobbed.

Hey man! I’m sick of this disrespect! So fu —

Get to one playoff game, kid. ‘Sure is fun to watch’ doesn’t win jack.


So that’s it for today. As always, I want to thank all our listeners and remind all of you out there that I only talk because I can back it up. Don’t be trash like Josh Allen. We’ll be back next time, right here, on The Jalen Ramsey Show.

blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
Please Login to comment
5 Comment threads
3 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
7 Comment authors
blaxabbathRikki-Tikki-DeadlyballsofsteelandfuryBrettFavresColonoscopyGame Time Decision Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just because I’m late to the party doesn’t mean I can’t still love this.

ballsofsteelandfury

Very well done. I love the Cardinals hate.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Points for using the Rams’ phone number

Don T

Jalen brings TRUF 🔥🔥🔥🔥

SonOfSpam

Man, Tyler got pwned.

Game Time Decision

TyKler. with a “k”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sounds like a Penn State grad