AEK Athens’ Ultras are anti-Nazi, that is a good thing.
This will be a brief synopsis of what is going on in the world of futbol and as it is early you won’t read an essay at this hour.
England, in the Premiership Liverpool has this in the bag and hasn’t lost for ever. They are a machine and the only question left is will they finish better than the “invincibles” of BK’s Arsenal.
Only two games today (Thanks Boris!) Hippo’s Everton vs King Woy at Palace is your early tilt. Woy has made this club so much money but management refuses to bring in new players. I predict Woy leaving soon as he is about 97 years old and ain’t got time for this shit. The 11:30 game is Brighton Seagulls hosting the Moose Hornets of Watford who are in the relegation zone. Zzzzzzzzz……
The race for promotion is a white knuckle ride every week. A few matchdays ago it looked like Leeds and West Brom were going to run away with the auto promotion. Well just hold on a second early risers! They have both faltered tremendously and now Mighty Whitey, The Bees (Brentford), Robin Hoods (Nott Forest), Bristol City, are all within 5 pts of auto promotion.
Mighty Whitey travels to Blackburn Rovers, not to be confused with the Irish Rovers. Leeds in their usual tailspin travels to Nottingham Forest. SPLIT THE POINTS! The Bees host Middlesbrough who I do not think is an actual club. (Bristol City got beat on Friday by Birmingham, Huzzah)
France, wine, cheese, and Hippo gambling on 2nd division Frenchie futbol. In Ligue 1 PSG and their dirty oil money is up by 12 pts right now so nothing to see there of any importance. This week Marseille hosts Toulouse and their proximity gives them a rivalry I suppose. Rennes gets their hands on Brest (heh). Mustard FC (Dijon) hosts Nantes.
Germany’s Bundesliga is fairly tight with Bayern, Red Bull Leipzig, Dortmund, and MunchyGladToBeBack all within 3 pts of each other right now. The only leading club playing tomorrow is Dortmund who heads to Leverkusen. I would recommend watching this game instead of the late English game as Haaland is a beast. He snubbed England to play in Germany for Dortmund (makes Balls happy) due to his love for there fanbase. If you get an opportunity to watch him DO IT.
Spain, White Scum is up by three points on Barca who are having some inner turmoil with Messi fighting Abidal. For the first time that we have heard of Messi leaving even though he has said he wants to be there his whole career.
Neither club plays today after both getting dumped from the Copa Del Rey which now almost assures a Basque derby for the final. Can you hear Balls’ erection from where you are?
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Balls’ La Liga Insight
Messi will win any battle with Abidal. Please remember that this is the club and directorate that got rid of Abidal the player when he got cancer. Also, Messi, at the time, told Abidal not to send videos to the players as they were upsetting them seeing him close to death.
These two are not pals.
Abidal got in as part of the front office because the new Board felt guilty about what the previous Board had done to Abidal. However, they don’t feel so guilty that they will choose Abidal over the greatest Barcelona player ever.
***
Italia has a 3 club race with The Old Lady and fancypants Ronaldo up by 3 points on Inter, and 4 pts on Racists United (Lazio). There are 3 good match-ups in Italia today in Purple pasta people (Fiorentina) host Atalanta, The Shrouds (Torino) host Claudio Rainieri and Sampdoria (fuck that guy), the Old Lady (Juve) travels to Hellas Verona who have screwed so many of my bets this season.
To teh Hippo’s delight Stevie G’s Rangers are behind Celtic by 7 pts. If you are Catholic you will enjoy the fact that Celtic is winning while Hibs is in 6th and Hearts are in dead last.
Scottish Cup weekend and nothing jumps out at me however I would like Ayr United to take care of St. Johnstone.
In Bolivia there is a 4 way tie four games in to the season with Bolivar, Always Ready, ROyal Pari and Oriente Petrolero tied with 3 wins and a draw. I expect Jorge Wilstermann, The Storngest to right their respective ships and Blooming to stay near the bottom. I love the name of clubs in Bolivia.
It is/was derby weekend in Melbourne and in Sydney this weekend but the Sydney game was called off due to a waterlogged pitch. What is it with this country, first no water, now too much water. I recently spoke to their Prime Minister and his solution is to burn more coal. He told me this as he was lighting Aussie 100 dollar bills on fire, what made it more concerning is that they are made of plastic so probably toxic.
I have started to watch Liga MX and continue to pester Balls for more knowledge. When I first selected my team Puebla apparently they were overachieving as reality has struck and they are pretty brutal. I still want to visit, eat, drink, and support my Sweet Potato Eaters. They played Friday night and hosted Santos. I will predict a 2-1 loss with a bullshit referee decision ultimately screwing Los Camoteros.
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Balls’ Liga MX Insight
Liga MX, like México itself, is a whirlwind of contradiction, tradition, corruption, passion, and action. Litre’s chosen club, Puebla, is no different. Naively, he chose it because they featured a Canadian player, Lucas Cavallini, who quickly became a reliable scorer and club favourite.
And then he left.
A little history on Puebla:
- The city of Puebla is located slightly southeast of México City exactly on the other side of the famous volcanoes, the Popocatépetl and the Iztaccihuatl, that loom over the capital.
- In the early 20th century, there was a significant English presence in México due to mining activity. Through the English, soccer was introduced to the local population.
- In 1904, the first organized football competition took place with Puebla as one of the founding clubs. Incidentally, Pachuca was also in that league. Those are the two oldest clubs in Mexican football.
- It wasn’t until 1943 that the Mexican league, as we know it, came into existence. All official league records start on that year.
- Puebla has won the Mexican league two times and the Mexican Cup two times, all of those coming in the 80s with 1989-90 being the magical year in which they won both competitions.
- The father of Javier “Chicharito” Hernandez, Javier “Chicharo” Hernandez scored a goal in the final the last time Puebla won the championship.
- The rest of the time has been spent up and down, in and out of the first division, and with many controversies, financial difficulties, and periods of good fortune. Litre got on the train as they were going through one of their good periods.
Someday, when I meet Litre in person, I will tell him about what the original Estadio Cuauhtémoc looked like, why Volkswagen is forever linked with the team and the city like Ford is with Geelong, and why Pueblan food is the most delicious in all of México.
LATE NIGHT UPDATE: HOLY SHIT WHAT A FINISH TO THE GAME LAST NIGHT!
True to Litre’s prediction, Puebla were losing 2-1 deep into the game (the second Santos goal being a Puebla own goal, of course). So deep that it was the 3rd minute of 6 stoppage time minutes. Puebla got a free kick and the goalie went up to try to score the tying goal.
No one made contact and the Santos goalie easily got the ball. As he quickly tried to clear the ball to get an empty netter, the Puebla goalie hip- checked him. The ball managed to clear the halfway line and was heading towards the Puebla goal. A Santos attacker grabbed it and started dribbling towards the empty goal. As he was ready to kick the empty netter, a Puebla defender came out of nowhere and stole the ball!
Puebla quickly went back up up the field. They got the ball on the right side and took a shot that rebounded off the goalie, off a sliding Puebla forward, past a sliding defender, and into the net.
Game tied. No foul called on the Puebla goalie.
But wait, there’s more!
Santos attacked to get the win back and failed deep in Puebla’s side of the field. Puebla then mounted a counterattack in the dying seconds. Somehow, someway, they got the ball in the Santos area and got fouled.
Penalty Kick!
And then, in the last play of the game, the Puebla forward calmly stepped up and…
MISSED!
He kicked it sky high while leaving a divot behind bigger than the one I created the last time I played golf.
***
Wooo boy, we have ourselves an Athens Derby when AEK hosts Panathanaikos. They are 3rd and 4th in the Super League right now so both could use the points. These two are a ways back of PAOK and Olympiakos who will get the European spots. Greek football is great,it has crazy owners, psychotic fans, dirty tackles, smoking, flares, passion and acceptable game play. Unless I bought the Greek channel there is very little way to see the games. I guess I could ask Scotchy as he has every channel.
I leave you with some more Scottish comedy, and COYW (nawt raycess)
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Balls’ Bourniston Video
Litre got me into watching this show. It is fookin’ amazing! This is one of my favourite skits. So much so that I have a Nae Rolls t-shirt that I wear around LA. I’ve yet to run into someone that recognizes where it’s from.
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FYI, the AFL Women’s season started last night. Unfortunately, I couldn’t watch because something is up with my Watch AFL subscription. If you guys can watch the games, I highly recommend it. The women do tend to hit harder than the men…
250 miles down below and at the bottom of the 353.5 mile long ramp, Houston waits anxiously for the Greatest Thing Ever to happen.
This is actually a very good crowd for the XFL. Did they give away free wrasslin’ tickets at the door?
Close. If they go to XFL, they don’t have to go WWE.
https://youtu.be/M9_REuJnDgc
Laika’s grandchildren get their revenge.
SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGS……
One more Deep Cut.
No drinking from the toilet.
I finally found a sandwich that equals the great pastrami at Langer’s Deli in Los Angeles.
It’s the Sandwich Viande Fumée at Schwartz’s Carcuterie Hebraïque de Montréal. You get three choices, lean, medium, and fatty. I wanted the fatty but they recommended the medium and here it is:
I even had my annual Coca Cola and it was a perfect match.
I admire the courage you showed when you ate that totally foreign sounding/tasting Montreal Smoked Meat sandwich.
Everything is fucking foreign here.
However . . .
That doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad, per se, despite its unAmericanisticism.
Langer’s makes pastrami, which is leg meat, while Schwartz’s uses brisket from chest meat. It’s smoked overnight and then steamed during the day. They told me this.
Steamer full of smoked briskets (cover removed):
Here’s a smoked meat slab!
As someone who spent years going to stuff like this, it was pretty surreal when mainstream US discovered Antifa and put their own spin on it
https://youtu.be/iQ4jtmHaFHA
Uncle Al has been on this shit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTkywyKV-9U
After all the cold and wind and rain and shit, I got out there today and walked about 5 and a half miles. The beach was gorgeous and damn it felt good to get loosened up and just go after it.
I feel so good I’m gonna start drinking!
“You know, this first XFL game wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t as gimmicky as XFL 1.0. The quality was NFL Presason-ish, but it was there. This may have potential.”
(sees the Houston team’s jersey with an oil derrick on the helmets but with their primary color as red and not a shade of light blue)
“This XFL thing is a disaster and must immediately end!!!!”
Most under-rated pass of all time? It has to be Ricky Proehl’s TD catch in ’99. The Rams scored at will against everyone and were stopped cold in their tracks vs. Tampa Bay. Proehl managed to grab a TD vs. a D that was a stone cold killer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t-6iZk8dJk
The final score was 11-9, btw. And this happened with less than 4 minutes to go.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/mlb/president-trump-tweets-support-for-pete-roses-reinstatement/ar-BBZN6hZ
…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand now for the first time in my life, I’m against Pete Rose making it to the Hall of Fame. I mean the rule against gambling on baseball was clearly posted in the Clubhouse, and if he would’ve admitted he did it and had a gambling problem, he would’ve gotten help and would’ve probably only been suspended for a year or two.
Curt Menafee has already forgotten the X-500s name.
How Women Live, part MCCLVII
“Christ, what a bunch of assholes”
That picture says to me; ‘Four more years of a destructive idiot and his kleptocratic minions.’
FUCK that’s depressing.
Book it.
Take 40 years off everyone in the picture and you have a NYU philosophy class
NEWS FLASH!
When you find your son’s weed stash you tend to over-indulge… More at 4:20.
Well you have to teach him a lesson…
She’s gotta be in the top three of “Best Obituaries Ever!”
Well, I don’t know if she O’bitch or not.
I’ve been staring at this GIF for 10 minutes waiting for it to finish loading.
I didn’t last 1/100th of that long.
XFL Refs: “We’re calling an official timeout!”
XFL Refs: [check to see if the cheque cleared]
Jurassic Park’s Mexican non-union equivalent?
This is a twist, we get to hear the Referee’s passive-aggression reaction to his call being overturned.
“Oh, really? He was down? What down is it, Mr. Arbiter of Right and Wrong in the Universe?!”
Doesn’t help that they hired his mom in the review booth.
“OH REALLY??”
-Bill B., Montserrat
XFL Rule: If a wr can get one foot out of bounds, it’s a legal catch.
If I was a coach I’d have all my outside wr’s run their routes out of bounds. [taps forehead]
That training will help them get on the Bengals’ squad a lot quicker.
Let It Fall on netflix is good
its about the LA Riots i think…
MLB: Has two teams involved in a sign stealing controversy that shakes the league to the core calling in the validity of not one but two World Series Championship for the first time since the Black Sox Scandal of 1919.
XFL: “We now go live to the Head Coach calling in the plays to the QB.”
Me watching The Tudors, waiting for Natalie Dormer to, uh, show her talents:
“Three quarters in the books!”
Was this said by:
1.) the announcers after three quarters
2.) the DC Dragons’ accountant, tallying up the receipts after the game.
[cute between-the-legs pass leads to turnover and the Jets come back down the ice and score]
Hey, Senators!
The Sensators currently have, and are quite likely to finish the season with, the best odds at the number 1 pick.
Despite having no chance at having the worst record in the league, of course.
The site I looked at had them at the 5 and 6 spot and you guys getting that Lafreniere kid.
Looks like as long as the Sharks finish 9th or worse, the combined odds for both of Ottawa’s picks could be better than the last place team. Still need to run the numbers by Dok though
We’ll have to wait until she gets back from Upper Mustardstan. I hear the weather there is really nice this time of year…
Upper Murderstan?
You say ‘tomato’ and I say “Our cover has been broken!” Goddamn it, Moose!
Less depressing countryside than Middle Suicideia.
“Nice Segue.”
-Jimi Heselden
Goddamned two wheeled uncontrollable pun. Deep cut.
So next week they’ll allow people other than the players’ families into the stadium?
At least it better than the flag football they showed on NFL Network a few years back. I’ve seen High School Marching Band Invitationals with more people in the stands than that.
So how bad is XFL Part Deux?
How bad? It’s Michael Jackson dangling a baby over a balcony and not a Micheal Jackson album.
XFL players begging for change in the stands is the worst halftime show ever.
In Cincinnati, they usually beg for fresh water, towels or athletic tape.
“Fresh water? Lucky bastards.”
-Citizens of Flint, MI
Get the lead out, you lazy bastard.
My 17 year-old has been in the shower for over 12 minutes and Vegas refuses to give me odds on him masturbating. This is bullshit!
1,000,000,000,000.97 to one.
I’m more interested in the O/U on how many times, because at 17 I was not lasting 12 minutes.
Yeah, but we weren’t being given antidepressants at birth when we were that age
/son exits shower
Me: [with microphone] “Hey Buddy, were you able to wack off more than once during your shower? A completely not-pervert guy on the east coast is interested to know.”
Son: ….
Me: “Well?”
Son: [sighs] “You promised that this line of questioning would be over after I answered all the guys on your site that live in the Midwest and West Coast!”
Me: “What can I say? Sometimes circumstances change.”
Son: “I won’t go on the record for less than $50.”
Me: “Deal!” [turns on recorder]
There are website devoted to just such an encounter.
[dad leaves.
MILF pizza delivery shows up.]
What about the guy in the Rockies. I have money on this.
This is fucking hilarious.
Good point. Youth brings stamina and a fully functional prostate.
HOX!
I’ve it before and I’ll say it again: NFL is making a mistake not expanding to Japan.
I’ve It before too.
[preaches to the choir]
-Moose
*band
For you guys doing the fantasy thing for the XFL, if he wasn’t auto-picked for you, check out Alonzo Russell. He’s a wr that was a surprise cut for the Giants at the end of pre-season. He’s a speedy motherfucker with good hands that can get separation.
Like anyone can get into the site to make any changes
Interesting that you can hear the play call from the coach
Howdy. I’m pretty sure the poop I just unleashed is illegal in most states.
I just finished a chicken-gumbo stew, so you and I will be sharing a cell soon.
LIVE SWEARING! Kinda liking this D2-level football league.
Bobby Knight looks to be near death.
Isiah Thomas, unfortunately, looks quite healthy.
If Bobby Knight is near death he should just relax and enjoy it.
There it is!
Isn’t one of the DFO crew at this game?
That rings a bell-I think it was part of his probation agreement.
I thought fozz or sonofspam
Came across a new XFL rule: If a qb attempts a naked bootleg he cannot have pants on. If I were a coach I’d have my signal caller out there pants-less all game long so that the possibility of the naked bootleg exists on every play. [taps forehead]
Mighty Senators power play fails to get a shot on net. Our leading point guy hasn’t scored in 16 fucking games.