Leap Years can get right fucked. Let’s be clear about that. This photo makes me smile, remembering when I looked upon politics with something other than existential dread. Plus…KITTY!! I did indeed wear this shirt to vote last night.
Also, I either ate something not-too-good, or dealt with a stomach bug all Thursday night into Friday morning. So, this writing shall be fairly brief and to the point.
Look, you’re not waking up for Brighton and Palace (7:30, NBCSN). Unless you are Litre’s sadistic kid. In which case…enjoy that sweet nil-nil goodness/family time.
Only three fixtures in the 10:00 window (we have some postponements due to the League Cup final on Sunday), but only the main/NBCSN game is at all relevant. Reeling Chelsea travel to desperate-as-fuck Bournemouth, in what looks like a “must get a result and maybe all three” game for the Cherries. I would hate to see them go down, and want continued agony for Tory Cunt Frank Lampard.
The 12:30 match is stupid, and rightly consigned to NBCSN. The Shite getting their bollocks licked away to Norwich…is nobody’s idea of a spotlight dance. I am rapidly giving up on humanity at this point.
Naturally, the two best matchups of the weekend…are both at 9:00 on Sunday. NBCSN picked United away to Hippo’s Toffees, and this should be a really good, wide-open matchup. If Everton want to remain in the European fight, they need this win. Period, end of. Handsome fucker Andre Gomes should get his first post-horrific injury start, in front of the home fans. I will be verklempt.
NBC Gold has Wolves at Spurs, not without its own European qualification intrigue. Don’t look now, but Mourinho might be blowing up the dressing room and wearing out his welcome MUCH earlier than even I expected. What a fuckstain that guy is, amazing some believed he could be an “upgrade” on Pochettino. Wolves have proven that Europa League does not have to be a poison chalice, and continue to flex their Portu-muscles on the continent and domestically.
One needs ESPN+ for the Caribou Cup final (11:30 Sunday, I have a weird feeling that Villa could give City at least a test), but it’s worth it for the Lesser Footy and/or #HAILGAMBLOR enthusiast. Especially with Bundesliga coming on board next season.
There’s some La Liga match going on this Sunday, but I will leave more knowledgeable folk to discuss.
/ Balls sees the Balls signal
Good morning everyone! It’s your friendly neighborhood Balls here to talk to you about the most exciting match of the entire weekend. It’s time for El Clásico!
This time, Barcelona will be visiting Madrid and the game will be held at the Bernabeu. Unfortunately, the game is on Sunday, so we’ll have to wait another 24 hours to enjoy and discuss.
Sorry in advance to Yeah Right for the fútbol-loving DFOers polluting your Sunday Gravy post with El Clásico talk.
Up until last weekend, Real Madrid were leading the league and were looking at El Clásico as a golden opportunity to lock the league away. That opportunity disappeared, however, when Barcelona won and Real lost. Instead of being one point ahead with the opportunity to make it four, Real is now two points behind with the possibility of being five points behind should they lose on Sunday.
To top it off, Real Madrid lost midweek at home to Manchester City in the Champions League after leading 1-0, so their confidence going into this game will not exactly be sky-high. A loss to Barcelona and a possible elimination in the Champions League at Manchester later this month could make things VERY uncomfortable in Madrid. Remember that Real is already out of the Copa Del Rey. If things don’t go Real’s way, they could exit March with no chance at any trophies at all this season.
As enticing as this scenario is for Barcelona fans, it is important to note that Real tends to play best when their backs are up against the wall. We may not be there yet, but we’re definitely wall-adjacent.
The Barcelona fan in me wants a 5-0 goleada. That ain’t gonna happen. The way I realistically see it, we may end up getting a 1-1 tie or maybe the ole TWBS.
***
And now, The Larch:
How is Hippe note here reveling in the Red Shiite’s disgrace?
We the Hippo Dictionary (TM) here…..
Ages 4 and over. I’m out.
Little Jimmy grew up and spent a lot of money paying women to peg him to the movie theme song.
Oh shit, Watford!
Double shot!
Yes, my mood is a bit dark…. why do you ask?
Hahaha. Anyone who has laughed at the family circus is a filthy goddamned liar. Dashed lines are not a joke, you worthless swine!
https://deadstate.org/senator-who-voted-to-protect-bathrooms-from-trans-people-caught-in-hotel-with-underage-boy/
But not in a bathroom.
His plan is clearly working.
Let’s fucking party!
HOT Lesbian action!
The GILF in the green? I’d burp her lid anytime!
Stays fresh when it’s sealed tight.
Sex directly after Sunday Service is the best sex.
-Recently transferred priest
I notice the pop up ads have changed in the last little while; since COVID-19 there are a lot less HOT ASIAN WOMEN WHO WANT TO FUCK NEAR YOU!
It’s so much better when they’re sickly and feverish, though.
I suppose you can redefine “HOT.”
And I’ve got something big and full of mercury for you, baby.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yFNDnSMmgI
Horny women on weed.
I’m sure this isn’t a new spin on things but I’m not on the social medium so I don’t know for sure.
I just thought that in terms of our societal woes and the state of things in general:
All the grandfathers said this exact thing would happen.
Maybe that’s why Clint Eastwood’s new movies are so popular.
We are all mules now.
To be clear I’ve seen none of his new movies. I did buy a dozen copies of high plains drifter for $5/DVD and give them out to family and friends at Christmas one year. Then I watched it and the first scene was a violent rape.
Didn’t get a lot of cards the next year.
But did you see how she was the shop keeper’s wife? Asking for it!
Showing all that ankle like a common harlot. The townsfolk did get their comeuppance, which was satisfying.
/me whimpers in lieu of Hello!
“The good old days.”
Well, happy weekend to me!!
For those who didn’t see live, go to like 2:30 of this, and gape at how bananacakes this was
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pERIqrOIiMo
Gape?
Jesus, that Bournemouth keeper has been amazing, even on that goal
yeah, Chelski could have 6 or 7, like they don’t have any centre backs at all
Is Frank Lampard the Tory cunt?
/Checks Hippo Thesaurus. Yes, yes he is.
TOTES, mah dude
/also, condolences on that Europa tie, I watched the ET period en espanol
A tie? For Arsenal? The hell you say!
(also I thought that they lost 2-1; shows you how much attention I pay)
ahem, ah said tie not draw.
/”tie” basically means “knockout round matchup”
Look, man, I’m just getting used to calling ‘uniforms’ ‘kits’; let’s not go making things more confusing for me.
and “jersey” is “SHIRT” – the Brits are especially testy about that American-ism
Smell it everybody!
Tough crowd.
Bournemouth seems to be having a spot of rain, eh?
Own goal? I WILL FUCKING TAKE IT!!!
Outstanding
Trying to eat really hot food when it’s still really hot?
It’ll burn you.
If only you would have known!
SUDDENEST CHANGE on the South Coast!
/sings
//off-key
You don’t being me flowers…anyeeeeeeeeeemore
It’s a beautiful day here in CT, and both kids are away for the weekend.
So naturally my wife is having one hot flash after another while I hack up a lung because I’m too old school for coronavirus, and instead seem to have picked up TB, because I was into TB back when it meant something, goddammit.
Fuck this.
https://deadstate.org/rick-perry-trump-is-gods-chosen-one-much-like-king-david-and-solomon/?fbclid=IwAR2uiTckUzxQ-uaLAB6zi-SYtqjXK-owiy3AXx3v9XgyipcIbVGkLibSoEM
Smallpox ftw.
“Pfft, we’ll airbrush that right out” -High School Yearbook photographer
Given my mistake below I think I’ll read some Kandinsky
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMTDAHK-tkE
Where is Teddy Crackedaxle’s opus, “Garage Sale Gigolo”?
#2 in the series?
Cloud Nothings “give up” song!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVO5OYoZQHc
Teh Cottage looks so weird with the Riverside stand under construction. Loogit its the Thames river!
Gots to tell you guys, The Yiddish Policeman’s Ball is a phenomenal read. She’s a mystery (but so much more) novel set in a universe where European Jews were sent to Baranof Island off the Alaska coast, post WW2. (you know, after Berlin was hit with an atomic bomb in 1946). That Chabon guy can turn a phrase, I’ll tell you what.
Also what caused my second divorce, heyoo
Wouldn’t that be the Policeman’s balls?
Well he had one removed, cancer, hate to see it.
What’s the sound of one ball slapping…….
You see, it’s a play on phrase one ha…….. ah fuck it.
Like that uber-subtle Van Halen song!
wait, is this a follow-up to “Yiddish Policemen’s Union?”
Oops! You’re right. I messed up. I crossed the streams with Secret Policeman’s Ball.
I briefly hoped there was another. This is indeed Chabon’s finest work.
Woot Saturday!
https://deadstate.org/guy-who-says-god-sends-natural-disasters-to-punish-gays-has-his-home-destroyed-in-a-natural-disaster/?fbclid=IwAR12yT-_M5GjJ3bH-GzKbYMs3XTThTi_HgiYnICcu28MER_GqxIsB19j2Lc
Bart has this covered.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7p23mA2VV0A
I just did some mathing and if Jason Witten played his entire career against the Giants he’d have 127 TD’s which would put him in 6th place all time. You can’t make this stuff up!*
*actually, you can.
HAMMERS WOOOO!!!!!
hammers booooooo
Wait this is still the same soccer season? That doesn’t bode well for my place in the soccer tip standings.
Lesser Footy – it’s always on somewheres.
You are god damned right – Gamblor
We can has 60 Ameri-quid on Barnsley. This will determine MY mood for the day…
Successful wagering acting as a mood stabilizer? Your health care crisis is worse than I thought. 🙂
oh, I promise my #HAILGAMBLOR moods is never, ever stable
Cherries…not great, Bob
How will my mood be all weekend? Tune in the next 2 hours and find out!
24 on PNE has a ret…special young man’s haircut
My wife said it is unnerving. What the hell is he thinking???
probably gets free Happy Meals all the time
Macclesfield Town v. Salford City is a New Order/Joy Division Derby!
Maria Sharapova has retired apparently, now’s my chance to swoop in
I bet you could easily fill her slot… on the women’s tennis tour.
I’ll just self-identify as a woman. A steroid infused woman. They can’t kick me out for that.
I really DO serve like a girl. A 10-year old girl who just picked up a racquet for the first time, but STILL!
“Is he hot?” -gurgle-, -gurgle-, choke-
Epstein, J.
Turns out that every single drug on the market is FOAR you to work on old cars with your somehow-not-bored children. WHO KNEW??
Is there a drug on the market for your kids to do it while you relax and get high?
“Daddy has more money than you do. If you want some you’ll grab the oil pan and a wrench and get cracking”
Tristan Wirf, an Ioway O-lineman that is 6’5″, 320, ran a 4.85 40.
Downhill?
His slalom time is even more impressive.
yeah, if he makes it to 15 and Donks WOO!!! don’t take him, I’mma be pissed
In my perfect scenario, the Giants trade down and then go Full Iowa and get Wirfs and then Epenesa. Although staying at 4 and drafting Clemson lb Simmons (and having impressive rook lb Connelly come back from injury) will solve our “So, who is covering the tight end?” issue that has been dogging us since Jesse Armstead left 19 years ago.
Don’t be surprised if this shows up, word-for-word, in my stunningly accurate 2020 draft preview!
I know you’re being sassy but what was your hit rate in years previous?
I’ve done it 3 years now and never got more than 5 right.
I’m actually pretty good at getting the position drafted right, but I’m not Peter King, so I don’t count that.
If you promise to trade down I’ll start a grass roots twitter campaign to get Gettleman fired and have you replace him. I hear the commute from Connecticut to New Jersey is a breeze!
I try not to put trades in, because that way lies madness, but I think you’re right. The G-Men should trade down and look to bolster that tissue paper O-line, (which I think I write every year), because you can’t take Barkley and then Danny Dukie with successive 1st picks and then give them nothing more than a set of subway turnstiles to work behind.
So, yeah, Gettleman’s gonna take that LB you mentioned and then get all pissy when people ask why.
Hoffenheim/Bayern on FS1 might be ok
or it will be over in the 2nd minute…
How low has Senor Chang fallen. The Masked Singer???
Oh, Zaha.
I love the ads on the smaller clubs. HAIR TRANSPLANTS IN TURKEY!!! What could go wrong?
Still seems logical compared to Visit Rwanda
Somalia is totally missing the boat on this opportunity.
All the students at JMU will be flying all over creation for spring break next week, so I’m guessing I’ll contract the Coronavirus (great. that word is ALREADY in Predictive Text.) by, what, St. Paddy’s Day?
m-m-m-m-m-my Cornoa(virus)!
I assume everyone will be glued to Mighty Whitey and Preston North End next right? Right?
I will stream it. I despise Preston, for reasons unknown. Today, they attempt to stand in the way of Mighty Whitey, that shall not abide.
MItro has played 47 games this term with Serbia and Might Whitey and banged in 40 goals. That is a very good rate.
Christ, he must be knackered.
Yay! Ayew, the ex-Hammer!
Morning gents! Go Palace.
A relegation fight makes for strange bedfellows.
North Sandwich beating Foxy Footy yesterday makes it more interesting.
And Fabianski choking away that point at Liverpool. *sob*
Norwich winning has me spooked.
I blame Hippo and his ridiculous Gamblor run for Leeds scoring a fluke goal in the 1st 5 minutes.
All good runs eventually crash out, junkie-style.
I bet against my Puebla last night. Blue Cruz won though!
Betting against one’s club is fine, so long as you still wish for them to win. FC Health Insurance likely made it more than a wash for you, at least.
Kruger, you sonofabitch.
I gots tuna over here. Wake yo’ ass up.
What the hell are you doing up at Decilitre hour????
I always fall asleep around 2am and wake up at 4:30 am. It really is starting to annoy me.
Deci actually slept til 515 today. I was just away for 2 days and Mrs. Cola said he got up at 3:30 both mornings.