I’m in a really bad mood. Fair warning for what you are about to read. Close your browser now if you don’t have the stomach for it.
I love women. I mean not like that. Well not ONLY like that. I mean…. NO YOU SHUT UP.
What I’m about to type out? This might come across as odd sounding, all things considered. But I’m going to say it anyway.
A strong and intelligent woman is about the best thing in life any man can find. Some of us do find the woman who can tether us to life. That’s a good thing. Some of us never do, in spite of trying very hard to find her. Life, and especially romance, is more or less a crapshoot. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you do not.
As many of you know, a little over a year ago I thought I’d found “The One”. I’m referring to the former tWLS in case that wasn’t clear.
She currently lives in Sarasota, Florida. She moved to Florida to take care of her father who was dying of Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. She’s still there now taking care of her mother.
She and I were friends in Maryland during our High School years. Then we “reconnected”, as more than friends, about a year and a half ago. Many of you already know that part of the story. No worries.
She’s smart. In her own way, she’s tough. I fully admire her for having pulled up stakes in Maryland and going to Florida to care for her parents. I mean that. A few years ago I did much the same thing myself actually. Still am.
And when she and I reconnected she needed some help. Her house in Maryland was…. Well let’s say it hadn’t been well maintained for a coupla years because she was away dealing with life in Florida.
I got that house fixed. Both from my own blood, sweat and tears, and out of my own pocket when needed. Because she couldn’t afford to do it. Long story there and I won’t go into the details. If you want more details, go here. But don’t get your hopes up because I have no intention of revealing all of it.
But my point is this…
She’s a good person. Actually, I’d call her a great person all things considered. What she’s overcome and what she’s done for her family? Wow, just wow.
I loved her. Still do honestly. And I did everything I could to show her that. To show her that I cared and wanted to be there for her in whatever way needed. But she wasn’t available. As I’ve often said, and I’m sure I will again, my timing has always sucked. Just a fact of tWBS’ life. I’m used to it by now.
Things with she and I did not turn out well. Obvs. But I don’t think badly of her for that, even though I think she likely thinks badly of me. Again, long story there and no details forthcoming on that.
I was supposed to be going down to Florida next week for Grapefruit League Spring Training.
I already had tickets for the Orioles vs both the Blue Jays and the Pirates. Was also gonna try to catch the Twins vs Yanks on my out of town. But sadly, it didn’t work out. Yesterday I had to cancel the entire trip foar reasons. And I had to eat the cost of the tickets for both O’s vs Jays and O’s vs Pirates.
Not a big deal there. The cost of my cancelled flights were able to be credited to my account (California will be cheaper to get to next time, LOL), and for this trip to Florida, both the hotel and rental car were fully cancelled. Fully refunded.
But here’s the thing…
The former tWLS is also a yuuuuuuge Baseball/Orioles’ fan. We both grew up in a Baltimore Suburb. So it’s not surprising. But the fact that she now resides in the Orioles’ Spring Training home is a little ironic. At least I think so.
I just would like to know why she hates me so.
The last time I saw her was late summer last year. I drove up to Baltimore to try to help her with some of the things she was dealing with. Nothing romantic at that point. Any thoughts of an ongoing romance was WAYYYYY done by then. I was just trying to be a friend.
But when you are trying to be a friend and the other person shouts out….JUST GET OUT….GET THE FUCK OUT!!!! (direct quote)
Well, it’s time for you get the fuck out. Which is what I did. Post Haste (which means “really damned fast”).
When she and I ended the romance, which was the right thing to do, I still continued to try to communicate and try to foster an ongoing friendship. It did not go well.
But, perhaps stupidly of me, when I planned my trip to Sarasota for Spring training, I tried again. Tried to foster a friendship, that is.
tWBS: No strings. I’ll be down for Spring Training in a few months. I’d like it if we could get together for lunch or dinner. Or if you wanted to go to one of the games? It would be nice to see you and to see your mom.
The Former tWLS: Nope, but thanks for asking.
So, how does one respond to that?
Exactly. There is no good response to that. So, I did not respond. That seemed the best choice for everyone involved.
Fast forward to two days ago, when I realized I needed to cancel my trip for other reasons. Well….. I don’t know anyone else in Sarasota. I did try to give my tickets away to other Orioles’ fans who might be able to make the trip, but none could pull it off on short notice.
So guess what my stupid ass did?
Yep, you guessed it. I texted the former tWLS and offered her the tix, FOC. The tickets weren’t refundable for me. I was gonna eat the cost one way or another. I thought long and hard (lol) about whether to approach her. But I finally decided to. And honestly, I expected her to either tell me to fuck off, or just not respond at all.
Turns out she was absolutely willing to take the free tickets and find a way to go to the games.
Just not with me.
As I already said earlier, she’s a wonderful human being in so many ways. I’ve seen how good a person she is, in spite of some shortcomings. I’ve seen how great she could be. She’s smart. She’s attractive. She’s not perfect, nor am I.
But then again I was never looking for perfection. And that might be the problem. I always accepted her (and anyone else I’ve ever been with) for who they really were. Not necessarily who they wanted to be. And I thought she accepted me the same way. Until she didn’t.
We all want to be better than who we are. We’re not. On a few occasions she asked me questions about what I believed about her. Yep, you guessed it. In spite of my beliefs about being honest with whomever I’m involved with…. Welp, I should kept my fucking mouth shut.
Most people don’t really want to hear the truth. Even if you try to sugar coat it one way or another.
This is my point I guess…
I met a very nice young lady a couple of weeks ago. Here locally to me. She seemed nice. Intelligent. Attractive. She’s in my same professional field.
And because of all of what I’ve just told you all about above up there? Nope, I just couldn’t. Just couldn’t take the chance again.
And that really fucking sucks.
It’s International Women’s Day this weekend. That happens on Sunday.
Don’t be like me. If you get the chance, take it.
Hmmmm….I’d like the chance to influence her.
But I digress…
Most of the people in my life who have influenced me positively? They’ve been women. Strong women. Women who had confidence in themselves. And I think that’s a wonderful thing.
I’m just not good at the romance-y type stuff I guess. Dunno why. But I am the common denominator.
Eventually we have to accept that. Even if I don’t fully understand why, I’m the problem somehow. So better to remove meself from the equation, drink a shitload of vodka, and try not to piss the bed.
Sports Which Will Kill Your Libido 2Nite
- Miami @ New Orleans – 8:00pmEST – TV: ESPN
- Milwaukee @ LAL – 10:30PMEST – TV: ESPN
- Chixxxx @ Detroit – 8:00pmEST – TV: NHLN
- Buffalo @ Bowling Green – 6:00pmEST – TV: ESPNU
- Kent State @ Akron – 6:30pmEST – CBSSN
- Wake Forest @ NC State – 7:00pmEST – ACCN
- Georgia Tech @ Clemson – 7:00pmEST – ESPN2
- Eastern Kentucky @ Belmont – 8:00pmEST – TV: ESPNU
- Boise State @ (5)San Diego State – 9:00pmEST – TV: CBSSN
- VCU @ Davidson – 9:00pmEST – TV: ESPN2
- Austin Peay @ Murray State – 10:00pmEST – TV: ESPNU
- Wyoming @ Utah State – 11:30pmEST – TV: CBSSN
Smart Girls…They’ll Kill Ya
That’s just a joke. Probably.
That looks like a good book. Don’t you think?
I include this only for the irony. Last name “Slaughter”.
I’m sure she’s actually a lovely person
/hides knives and firearms
Have a great weekend everyone.
And don’t be like me. Go find the one you could love. Just make sure she’s smart enough to appreciate you. But not so smart that she’ll murderize you for being an idiot.
OK, sincerely, my apologies for that one.
But it’s funny.