Your 2020 Banner Madness Penultimate Four!

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn’t doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn’t happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
Senor Weaselo

So we’re finally here. The 2020 Banner Madness Penultimate Four. The four to make it, already champions in their own right to survive an impressive year of banners. Let’s go through it all.

GAMBLOR Region
First Round
64. “Only thing wetter than this Ravens-Steelers game is my wife seeing the Witcher in the tub.” beats 17. “I haven’t seen this much scrutiny over a black man touching a piece of metal since the OJ trial.” 21-11.

27. “You’d think everybody would remember the name of the jockey who became famous for riding Cigar, but all everyone ever talks about when it comes to that subject is Monica Lewinsky.” beats 43. “‘I aspire to write as infrequently as this DTZM fella’ -George R.R. Martin’” 20-11.

50. “THIS AARON DONALD I CALL HIM PEYTON MANNING IN THE TRAINING ROOM BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO DROP THE SACK ON YOU AGAINST YOUR WILL AND NO ONE WILL DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.” beats 6. “LA is the trickle-down economics of sports: as an idea, it’s stupid, ignorant, and wrong. But every decade or so, it gets an awful lot of traction.” 18-13.

44. “Touchdown, Mohammad. NO, NBC! DON’T SHOW HIS PICTURE!” beats 9. “According to TMZ it was a $59 an hour massage parlor. Somewhere Mike Brown is applauding his fellow cheapskate owner.” 19-8.

56. “The Bengals have a bye next week. They’re three point underdogs.” beats 36. “All this talk locally about the passing of Pat Bowlen… just goes to show you that one should go ahead and pay for a higher quality and more discreet massage parlor handjobs.” 26-5.

20. “THIS AAF, I CALL IT A LOT OF MY RELATIONSHIPS, BECAUSE IT GOT OFF TO A GOOD START, BUT WHEN THE MONEY RAN OUT IT WAS ALL OVER.” beats 42. “The Peloton going downhill at incredible speed reminds me of Eli Manning’s last three seasons.” 15-12.

49. “The Dolphins just announced that their entire roster will be listed as Questionable for next week. They’re not injured, just really fucking questionable.” beats 61. “Chase Young is a great football player in addition to being the job description for Jerry Sandusky.” 15-12.

11. “We have to wait to vote? What are we, black people in GOP-controlled states?” beats 26. “Tan Son Nhut Air Base has been renamed Adrian Peterson International.” 18-10.

Second Round
64. “Only thing wetter than this Ravens-Steelers game is my wife seeing the Witcher in the tub.” beats 27. “You’d think everybody would remember the name of the jockey who became famous for riding Cigar, but all everyone ever talks about when it comes to that subject is Monica Lewinsky.” 21-15

44. “Touchdown, Mohammad. NO, NBC! DON’T SHOW HIS PICTURE!” beats 50. “THIS AARON DONALD I CALL HIM PEYTON MANNING IN THE TRAINING ROOM BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO DROP THE SACK ON YOU AGAINST YOUR WILL AND NO ONE WILL DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.” 21-15

56. “The Bengals have a bye next week. They’re three point underdogs.” beats 20. “THIS AAF, I CALL IT A LOT OF MY RELATIONSHIPS, BECAUSE IT GOT OFF TO A GOOD START, BUT WHEN THE MONEY RAN OUT IT WAS ALL OVER.” 25-11

49. “The Dolphins just announced that their entire roster will be listed as Questionable for next week. They’re not injured, just really fucking questionable.” beats 11. “We have to wait to vote? What are we, black people in GOP-controlled states?” 18-17

Regional Semifinal (Salty 16)
44. “Touchdown, Mohammad. NO, NBC! DON’T SHOW HIS PICTURE!” beats 64. “Only thing wetter than this Ravens-Steelers game is my wife seeing the Witcher in the tub.” 22-13

49. “The Dolphins just announced that their entire roster will be listed as Questionable for next week. They’re not injured, just really fucking questionable.” beats 56. “The Bengals have a bye next week. They’re three point underdogs.” 18*-17 (tiebreaker)

GAMBLOR Regional Final (Ice Milk Eight)
49. “The Dolphins just announced that their entire roster will be listed as Questionable for next week. They’re not injured, just really fucking questionable.”
beats 44. “Touchdown, Mohammad. NO, NBC! DON’T SHOW HIS PICTURE!” 16-12

 

BLEERGH Region
First Round
29. “THIS GUY TUUKKA RASK, I CALL HIM AN IUD BECAUSE NOBODY IS SCORING WHILE HE’S IN POSITION!” beats 31. “My lifelong dream is to become a kept man.” 18-17.

60. “The way the Jets are hitting him, Renfrow’s nickname must be World Trade Center.” beats 28. “I haven’t seen Ajax write their own death sentence so quickly since Deadpool learned his disfigurement was unfixable.” 34-4.

32. “‘Two base error’ also describes the first time I had sex.” beats 8. “Birmingham playing in the black unis is what Alabama natives call reparations.” 22-17.

22. “I’ve seen photos of barracuda with less pronounced underbites that [sic] this Habsburg-jawed harpy.” beats 16. “The band Beyond Reasonable Doubt was not nearly as good.” 19*-18 (tiebreaker).

58. “In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.” beats 37. “If Chile just takes its time and let’s [sic] all of its various ingredients come together slowly, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the end result.” 32-4.

54. “Michigan must be approaching puberty because Penn State seems to be losing interest in beating them anymore.” beats 63. “It’s the second career game for Tampa receiver Ishmael Hyman. Hope nobody played him in fantasy; he’s probably still sore from last week, as the first time can be pretty rough on a Hyman.” 22-10.

38. “Spitse is a very popular player in the Netherlands, but not so much as her cousin Swallowse.” beats 35. “Asian women haven’t been involved in something that shameful since Robert Kraft’s last massage.” 23-10.

47. “When they Punt you punt shorter, They put up a touchdown you put up a field goal. They take the lead you throw an interception… that[‘s] the [C]hicago way!” beats 57. “Brady watching Jackson from the sidelines wondering about the science of ‘Get Out.’” 21-12.

Second Round
60. “The way the Jets are hitting him, Renfrow’s nickname must be World Trade Center.” beats 29. “THIS GUY TUUKKA RASK, I CALL HIM AN IUD BECAUSE NOBODY IS SCORING WHILE HE’S IN POSITION!” 22-7

32. “‘Two base error’ also describes the first time I had sex.” beats 22. “I’ve seen photos of barracuda with less pronounced underbites that [sic] this Habsburg-jawed harpy.” 26-4

58. “In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.” beats 54. “Michigan must be approaching puberty because Penn State seems to be losing interest in beating them anymore.” 20-10

38. “Spitse is a very popular player in the Netherlands, but not so much as her cousin Swallowse.” beats 47. “When they Punt you punt shorter, They put up a touchdown you put up a field goal. They take the lead you throw an interception… that[‘s] the [C]hicago way!” 17-13

Regional Semifinal (Salty 16)
60. “The way the Jets are hitting him, Renfrow’s nickname must be World Trade Center.” beats 32. “‘Two base error’ also describes the first time I had sex.” 24-20

58. “In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.” beats 38. “Spitse is a very popular player in the Netherlands, but not so much as her cousin Swallowse.” 34-11

BLEERGH Regional Final (Ice Milk Eight)
58. “In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.” beats 60. “The way the Jets are hitting him, Renfrow’s nickname must be World Trade Center.” 21-8

 

BOLTMAN Region
First Round
48. “Maryland channeling their inner older, more mature Jesus by not going crazy at Temple.” beats 10. “Fuck ‘A Star Is Born’: if I wanted to see a woman desperate to save her man from an alcohol fueled doom I’d put my wife and I on ‘Temptation Island.’” 20-17

2. “These goal posts are taking it like an NFL girlfriend lately.” beats 18. “Now THAT’S some music to fuck your 13 year old cousin to!” 19-17

51. “THIS JASON GARRETT, I CALL HIM HILLARY CLINTON BECAUSE HE TOOK WISCONSIN LIGHTLY AND IT’S GOING TO COST HIM A JOB” beats 39. “Jesus gets a red. Where’s your VAR now?” 26-9

62. “I feel it’s fitting that the final play in the Oakland Coliseum is of a Raider being hit in the face with a pass that it was really important for him to catch.” beats 30. “I am going to get ahead of things here and insist that you cut off all contact with her immediately.” 20-16

15. “11 days to make it just one round—what are we, Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ belt?!” beats 24. “French construction workers will always do better work than international terrorists.” 18-15

19. “Like an improvised rope made of bedsheets, Sharkbait’s banner held together long enough to strangle the competition.” beats 4. “You Roughride long enough, you’re gonna end up with some Browns.” 18-14

40. “I’ve had enough of condescending bodies of water. Get over yourself, Lake Superior.” beats 41. “A friend of ours got married, for the 5th time, recently. When we saw the news my daughter said ‘One more and she’ll be Thanos.’” 24-8

14. “To be fair, Gruden saw end of career Jerry Rice. Kind of like judging pie eating abilities of end of life Terri Schiavo.” beats 3. “This game has had more fourth downs than a couple whose youngest child has trisomy 21” 26-6

Second Round
2. “These goal posts are taking it like an NFL girlfriend lately.” beats 48. “Maryland channeling their inner older, more mature Jesus by not going crazy at Temple.” 15-13

51. “THIS JASON GARRETT, I CALL HIM HILLARY CLINTON BECAUSE HE TOOK WISCONSIN LIGHTLY AND IT’S GOING TO COST HIM A JOB” beats 62. “I feel it’s fitting that the final play in the Oakland Coliseum is of a Raider being hit in the face with a pass that it was really important for him to catch.” 15-14

19. “Like an improvised rope made of bedsheets, Sharkbait’s banner held together long enough to strangle the competition.” beats 15. “11 days to make it just one round—what are we, Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ belt?!” 16-12

14. “To be fair, Gruden saw end of career Jerry Rice. Kind of like judging pie eating abilities of end of life Terri Schiavo.” beats 40. “I’ve had enough of condescending bodies of water. Get over yourself, Lake Superior.” 15-14

Regional Semifinal (Salty 16)
2. “These goal posts are taking it like an NFL girlfriend lately.” beats 51. “THIS JASON GARRETT, I CALL HIM HILLARY CLINTON BECAUSE HE TOOK WISCONSIN LIGHTLY AND IT’S GOING TO COST HIM A JOB” 23-14

14. “To be fair, Gruden saw end of career Jerry Rice. Kind of like judging pie eating abilities of end of life Terri Schiavo.” beats 19. “Like an improvised rope made of bedsheets, Sharkbait’s banner held together long enough to strangle the competition.” 26-11

BOLTMAN Regional Final (Ice Milk Eight)
2. “These goal posts are taking it like an NFL girlfriend lately.” beats 14. “To be fair, Gruden saw end of career Jerry Rice. Kind of like judging pie eating abilities of end of life Terri Schiavo.” 20-17

 

SHAN’KHOR Region
First Round
5. “Fitzgerald is coming back to the Cardinals? I’m guessing that BS in communications from Phoenix University Online didn’t open as many doors as he thought it would.” beats 33. “So to summarize, tWBS collected three pussies this week, and didn’t get to keep any.” 18-11

7. “Tony Romo’s mic breaking down is perfect, because Tony Romo always fell apart in the postseason.” beats 53. “Packers musta been acquired by Goldman Sachs to be bailed out that bad.” 17-11

55. “I’m not saying Belichick’s son looks like a homeless person, but Scotchy just slit his throat.” beats 13. “I’m not sure why I’m still watching The Walking Dead in general, but I will say that watching it while eating a plate of leftover ribs definitely adds a level of interactiveness that I wasn’t expecting.” 20-8

1. “Like most vaunted Ds, it ultimately disappoints” beats 21. “This list of Bond villains proves that white folk are evil.” 22-6

46. “Rim the top of a Narragansett tall boy ‘Not too tall or they’ll hit the shower head.’ -J. Sandusky” beats 45. “This [AFL] game reminds me of Brazil because there are a lot of behinds.” 14-10

59. “If Garrett had only hit a woman with that helmet he’d be back by Week 14.” beats 25. “THESE GWS GIANTS VS. FREMANTLE, I CALL THEM BALLSOFSTEELANDFURY BECAUSE THEY SEEMED TO PREFER SCORING BEHINDS RATHER THAN JAMMING IT HOME UP THE MIDDLE” 20-5

23. “The last time Magic Johnson said that he wanted to have fun again he had to go on a retroviral cocktail.” beats 52. “This Julian Edelman I call him a symptom of white flight because he’s got 14 Targets.” 15-10

34. “If the German men’s team is called ‘Die Mannschaft,’ then it follows that the women’s team should be called ‘Die Neinschaft.’” beats 12. “I’m not afraid to say that when I think of Brie Larson I also think of seamen.” 16-9

Second Round
7. “Tony Romo’s mic breaking down is perfect, because Tony Romo always fell apart in the postseason.” beats 5. “Fitzgerald is coming back to the Cardinals? I’m guessing that BS in communications from Phoenix University Online didn’t open as many doors as he thought it would.” 14-13

55. “I’m not saying Belichick’s son looks like a homeless person, but Scotchy just slit his throat.” beats 1. “Like most vaunted Ds, it ultimately disappoints” 17-13

59. “If Garrett had only hit a woman with that helmet he’d be back by Week 14.” beats 46. “Rim the top of a Narragansett tall boy ‘Not too tall or they’ll hit the shower head.’ -J. Sandusky” 20-9

34. “If the German men’s team is called ‘Die Mannschaft,’ then it follows that the women’s team should be called ‘Die Neinschaft.’” beats 23. “The last time Magic Johnson said that he wanted to have fun again he had to go on a retroviral cocktail.” 18-12

Regional Semifinal (Salty 16)
7. “Tony Romo’s mic breaking down is perfect, because Tony Romo always fell apart in the postseason.” beats 55. “I’m not saying Belichick’s son looks like a homeless person, but Scotchy just slit his throat.” 22-12

59. “If Garrett had only hit a woman with that helmet he’d be back by Week 14.” beats 34. “If the German men’s team is called ‘Die Mannschaft,’ then it follows that the women’s team should be called ‘Die Neinschaft.’” 23-12

SHAN’KHOR Regional Final (Ice Milk Eight)
59. “If Garrett had only hit a woman with that helmet he’d be back by Week 14.” 
beats 7. “Tony Romo’s mic breaking down is perfect, because Tony Romo always fell apart in the postseason.” 25-12


That’s a pretty big list of stuff. 60 polls down, 3 to go. The bracket was predetermined as the order by random.org, so it’s GAMBLOR vs. BLEERGH and BOLTMAN vs. SHAN’KHOR.

49. “The Dolphins just announced that their entire roster will be listed as Questionable for next week. They’re not injured, just really fucking questionable.” vs. 58. “In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.”

2. “These goal posts are taking it like an NFL girlfriend lately.” vs. 59. “If Garrett had only hit a woman with that helmet he’d be back by Week 14.”

The championship will be Saturday morning. Not sure yet if that will have a 24-hour or 48-hour block to vote.

2020 Banner Madness Semifinals

  • 58. “In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.” (69%, 22 Votes)
  • 49. “The Dolphins just announced that their entire roster will be listed as Questionable for next week. They’re not injured, just really fucking questionable.” (31%, 10 Votes)

Total Voters: 32

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2020 Banner Madness Semifinals

  • 59. “If Garrett had only hit a woman with that helmet he’d be back by Week 14.” (68%, 21 Votes)
  • 2. “These goal posts are taking it like an NFL girlfriend lately.” (32%, 10 Votes)

Total Voters: 31

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Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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nomonkeyfunMoose -The End Is Well Nigh Recent comment authors
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nomonkeyfun

Domestic violence vs. ignoring the trauma of veterans who ya got?

Trick question, latter leads to the former. Everyone wins.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Good work.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If only other races for votes had this kind of positive competition.