Your “Championship Saturday” 2020 Banner Madness Championship and Saturday Morning Open Thread

Senor Weaselo
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It comes down to this, a clichéd saying that means you don’t have anything better to say. But I do!

It’s been a rough month in the world. In short, it’s all gone to hell, even if we’re not all gonna die. We think. Unless you’re a disciple of BOLTMAN. In which case we will all perish and femur drum solos will be eternal. Speaking of long drum solos…

Rest in peace, Neil. But that didn’t involve any bones. Like this one.

Wait, that one didn’t either! Even though it was in the name! Rip-off.

Either way, it’s the 2020 Banner Madness Championship, and coupled with Belarusian lesser footy and iceball, it’s basically all we got. And Marbula One, which is the “sport” that I’ve been keeping track on. It should not be as riveting as I find it, but I am the guy who breaks down the robot fights on this site so I’m a bit less conventional with my sports.

Speaking of, yes, BattleBots is postponed for coronavirus. Obviously no update yet.

Back to us, here are your Penultimate Four results.

58. “In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.” beats 49. “The Dolphins just announced that their entire roster will be listed as Questionable for next week. They’re not injured, just really fucking questionable.” 22-10

59. “If Garrett had only hit a woman with that helmet he’d be back by Week 14.” beats 2. “These goal posts are taking it like an NFL girlfriend lately.” 21-10

So that gives you your championship matchup, a pair of late in the year comments. Or as Nomonkeyfun put it:

Domestic violence vs. ignoring the trauma of veterans who ya got?

Trick question, latter leads to the former. Everyone wins.

He is correct on that one. But there are your choices, this or that.

(Note: “Engine, engine, number 9, on the New York Transit line” doesn’t exist anymore. They discontinued the 9 train back in 2005.)

2020 Banner Madness Championship

  • 58. “In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.” (73%, 32 Votes)
  • 59. “If Garrett had only hit a woman with that helmet he’d be back by Week 14.” (27%, 12 Votes)

Total Voters: 44

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You have the requisite 24 hours. Vote now!

Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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Horatio Cornblowerherodotus450Senor WeaseloGumbygirllitre_cola Recent comment authors
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Horatio Cornblower

I voted for myself, but that’s just because my conscience was removed during law school.

herodotus450
herodotus450

This Championship does come with a significant cash prize, right?

WCS

WCS

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ballsofsteelandfury

I love it when Bob talks to inanimate objects.

litre_cola

I am actually looking forward to Nicaraguan futbol later. It is dire, but it is sports.

WCS

I’m bored, too.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

If only there was a virtual poker table we could all assemble around to talk shit, play cards, and while away the time.

If only.

litre_cola

Oh I agree. I think teh Hippo, Sharky and Maestro have admin rights

King Hippo

the weekend afternoon MSNBC lady sure ’nuff is purty

yeah right

It’s 12:07 local time and I just got out of bed. I also made a high level corporate executive decision to wake and bake. I haven’t done this in over 30 years.
God bless.

litre_cola

You are supported in your decision.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog
rockingdog

Tuna!

Gratliff

Never watched trailer park boys. Guess I’ll knock that out so I understand another family of memes.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Yea its ok.

King Hippo

First season isn’t great, but catches fire after that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Hopefully your booze stash is holding out.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I had to take public transit across town. I am pretty sure I am fucked now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is it fucked up that I think I can identify what that’s from? Friday the 13th, Final Chapter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Depends; are you masturbating to it? Okay, never mind; only Hippo is here to judge kink.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There is one type of story worth hearing about.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

I guess she is allergic to pussy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan
Dunstan

I can think of worse ways to die.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cost me $500.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

SIGH. It can be a real chore sometimes. – Deanna F., Hattiesburg, MS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

At least nobody should be complaining about lack of sleep these days.

King Hippo

I have had days where I took a 3-4 hour nap, and then still slept 9-10 hours.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s just good work, right there!!

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King Hippo

I try to think of it as “death practice”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I have to get shit faced and pass out or take a Xanax in order to sleep more than a couple of hours in a row these days. I just hope they allow that my dealer gets designated an essential service so he can still make house calls.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well there is a way to add the excitement back in; take sleeping pills and a laxative at the same time; WHO WINS?

/old joke.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Excuse me? Sharkbait and I still arent gettin enough sleep.

yeah right

Y’all picked a curious time for procreation but God speed none the less.

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

Ha, you’re not sleeping with my husband! Two nights ago, he fell out of bed at 2:15 , and couldn’t get up. I had to drag him back up, and he’s a bruiser. Then at around 6 am he woke he up because he was scrabbling around on his nightstand looking for his “writch watch”. He kept pointing to his wrist and saying writch watch over and over. He seldom wears a watch, and he keeps his watches on his dresser, not his nightstand. I think he took an edible, and then an Ambien, right before bedtime. I’m probably going to smother him one of these nights. It will be a mercy killing!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

For some reason, all I could think about reading this post was this:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Some don’t deal with isolation so well.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

Michael Shannon is the shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed; “character” actors often try harder, a LOT harder.

King Hippo

Big Daddy Drew??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The below reminds me; no one in the stadium; Garett Bolles will still false start.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Cancelled my next two cleaning lady visits (county and state quarantine rules), but offered to send a check to cover 50% of the missed appointments. Does that seem fair and reasonable? I don’t want to be an asshole, but I am worried about money for the family (especially if I need defense counsel for killing any of my HippoSpawn).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“cleaning lady visits”

I’d consider paying 80 to 90%; but my employment is solid right now and I was considerate enough not to have known prodigy, so my situation (sitch) is different. Maybe give her some of the gambolor monies.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Then again……

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That is very fair and reasonable.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Does she bring cleaning supplies or is it at Hippo’s?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Legit question; if she purchased supplies for his work it makes a difference.

King Hippo

Supplies kept at my house, but she largely buys. I pay her back for anything she buys, she leaves me a receipt and I pay on next visit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hippo supplies can be expensive.

King Hippo

We also have FK Gorodeya for the HT win. God bless and keep ye, Belarus!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered
Fronkenshteen
ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

What do you mean now? We have been fucked ever since the Oompaa-Loopaa’s village idiot was elected president.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

We’ve been fucked since Reagan got elected.

Gratliff

I would say supply will worsen, but Americans are fucking stupid. People won’t mask en masse until there’s a legal threat.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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There isn’t enough masks for even healthcare workers. In Colorado the nurses are fucking sewing up masks at the hospital. This recommendation will wind up with more shortages.

Gratliff

There will be a massive wave of production, but who knows how long it will take before it matches demand. Michigan has ~100k N95 masks from the federal stockpile coming, but that’s only going to hold us over for so long. My gf’s an ER nurse and paramedic in Flint and she bought 3 N95 masks just for her own use at work at an obscene cost because the workers already saw the disaster coming early. People should, at the very least, be doing something to cover their faces, even if it’s only a bandana, which won’t do much for airborne, but better than nothing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m covering my face right now….. with my house. Agreed, but I think the standardized masks should go to health workers and sick. Those that are not in those two categories can do something else.

King Hippo

The Republic just has to survive long enough for Diamond Joe’s Trans-Am to roll into town. 50/50 odds?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Martial law and “postponed” November elections seem more likely to me.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Therapist: “You should take off your masks, open up to people to make better social connecctions.”
CDC: “WEAR A MASK AT ALL TIMES.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, I’m already wearing condoms in everyday life.

Dunstan
Dunstan

From his 80s stand-up “The Off-White Album,” back when Dennis Miller wasn’t doing hacky right-wing shtick (and then whining that people think he’s political):

“People are complaining about having to wear condoms now. I’ve found a great solution. I wear two condoms in my everyday life. When I go to fuck, I take one off, and I feel like a wild man. Kind of like swinging two bats in the on-deck circle.”

Dunstan
Dunstan

I wish the authorities would make up their minds. Just last year, the police told me to STOP wearing a hockey mask around the neighborhood at night.

rockingdog
rockingdog

LOL

Fronkenshteen

How does this premier league season end now? Has the plague saved West Ham from relegation?

King Hippo

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2020/03/how-will-coronavirus-end/608719/

A number of Premier League clubs want to end the current season with immediate effect and replay it in full once it is deemed safe to do so — even if that means Liverpool being denied a first title in 30 years.

One senior figure told The Athletic it is morally wrong for football to even be discussing playing behind closed doors while the coronavirus crisis is at its peak.

“You look at the people sitting around the Premier League table by Skype; their egos cannot sustain a mirror being held up to them,” they said. “The fact is they are not as important as a Tesco delivery driver at this time. We run a game. No more, no less. There is no place for sport at the moment.”

At a meeting of all 20 top-flight teams last week, there was a “100 per cent” commitment to completing the 2019-20 campaign whatever that may take, including the prospect of staging matches behind closed doors, and the idea of declaring it “null and void” was off the table. That was largely motivated by the possibility of having to pay back £762 million in broadcast revenue which has already been distributed, in addition to issues around competitive integrity.

But privately, some clubs have developed strong reservations about resuming football during the coronavirus crisis and are leaning towards the season being re-run regardless of the consequences.

This was a view initially raised by West Ham United vice-chair Karren Brady on March 14 and in the subsequent Premier League video call, she and Brighton & Hove Albion chief executive Paul Barber sounded a note of caution on the realities of finishing the matches, though there were no dissenting voices.

Yet behind the scenes, it appears there are more who do not share the collective message, with the chairman of another club telling The Athletic he finds the existing position “insulting”. Any decision on what comes next needs 14 of the 20 clubs to agree in a vote.

Despite European football’s governing body UEFA stating its aim of concluding all domestic and European club competitions by June 30, as things stand, the men’s and women’s seasons in England have been “extended indefinitely” with fixtures recommencing “no earlier than April 30”.

One chairman is furious that the sport is even considering a return in the midst of such societal turmoil, describing it as “embarrassing” and adding: “What we are doing is wrong.”

Several teams are said to be of the opinion that April 30 should not be viewed as a chance to play, rather to buy time for the authorities to negotiate with broadcasters over the size of any rebate.

The next Premier League shareholders meeting is scheduled for April 3 and one high-ranking club official said: “I’m hoping the situation changes by then but unfortunately, the world is changing and it’s changing for the worse every day.

“It’s absolutely clear what is going to happen. It’s a worldwide pandemic. You just start (the Premier League season) again and there are very few losers. Liverpool, I know. But in the grand scheme of things, honestly, it really doesn’t matter. You’ve just got to start again.

“This (COVID-19) is going to get worse here (in Britain), so it’s not about players returning to training. If we all stay at home and self-isolate for the next two, three months, we’re going to get through this quite simply. But even then, there’s going to be a period of slow reintegration into normality, otherwise the virus will spike again. So, if we’re lucky, the new season will start in September.

“If they want to say, ‘This season is over and it will be recommencing with the final nine games being played out in September’, fantastic. But if that’s not feasible. Just end this league with whatever consequences that has. End it and say the new league will start in September.

“We look like petulant, ridiculous children now. I passionately believe what we’re doing is wrong. And I would like to think my colleagues now believe that as well, that the world has changed. It’s a scary place at the moment and we’ve got to treat it seriously.”

Professional Footballers’ Association deputy chief executive Bobby Barnes told The Athletic earlier this week that an initial reluctance among players he is speaking to over staging matches in empty stadiums has started to shift because they realise there may be no other option.

This concept is opposed by one chairman, who said: “How can you play a contact sport that could result in injury and a highly-paid, highly-privileged individual having to go to hospital to be fixed, placing an even greater burden on the hospital system at a time when the virus is escalating? I just find it so insulting that we’re even talking this way; it’s just not important.

“If we start playing behind closed doors, can you guarantee you’re not going to have thousands of people turning up outside (the stadiums)? It’s absurd. Forget the practicalities of it. I just find the whole proposition insulting. That people are on ventilators dying and yet we’re playing a game. I’m baffled by it. Even in good times, what we do is full of self-importance. It’s just a game of football.”

With Liverpool 25 points above second-placed Manchester City and two wins from securing the Premier League trophy, Wolverhampton Wanderers and Sheffield United perceived to be overachieving in sixth and seventh respectively, and Leeds United and West Bromwich Albion in the Championship’s automatic promotion places, such views will not be universal.

But one club director feels football has its priorities wrong: “The position we’re taking is ridiculous. There are such bigger issues to deal with yet every question is, ‘Will Liverpool be champions?’.

“It really just doesn’t matter. In world history, this will be recorded as a very challenging time. There is a place for football and entertainment but that’s in a time when there are no troubles and there are no major issues that need to be dealt with.

“At a recent meeting, one club said, ‘Listen, I’m going to let my players go on holiday but if they get stuck because the situation changes, do you think the government will send private planes over to get them so they can play football?’. This is how disconnected and ludicrous they are.”

litre_cola

Mighty Whitey will lose a bunch of their players that stayed on an extra year because they like West London and Khaaaaaaaaan invested heavily so they go back up for that sweet sweet TV money.

King Hippo

I do hate it for y’all, but on the other hand, FUCK LIVERPOOL

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rockingdog
rockingdog

Found a funny:

[repeatedly mashing elevator button]

him: you know that doesn’t make it come any quicker

[starts licking elevator button]

herodotus450
herodotus450

If the WTC Tower elevators had prostates…

King Hippo

hey, you’re already gonna win this year’s torneo, let someone else have a chance!!

King Hippo

my goddamned kid ordered $14 “bronzing oil” off Amazon last night. Glad to see the next generation having priorities straight, and taking the state of emergency seriously.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

When will it be delivered? Delivery time for my dog’s food was next day last time I ordered it; I ordered a bag last Sunday and it won’t even be shipped until 21 April. WTF?

King Hippo

16 April!

/glad I have a fuckton of stuff for the cats already

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I ventured forth on Thursday and bought 2 months’ worth at the locally owned pet store once I realized that what I had on hand would not last until 21 April. Today I went to the local package store and added to my whiskey and rum horde, just to keep the economy running, and filled all my gas cans at the local Kwikee Mart. Tomorrow I will go out and see what they have at the grocery store. My village of Bulverde had it’s first reported case yesterday.

Fronkenshteen

Goddamn! Stefon Diggs to the Bills? When did that happen?

King Hippo

my sense of time is very distorted, a week feels like a year (but I think is fairly old news)

King Hippo

/checks Rotowire, was 16 March

Fronkenshteen

This makes them exciting, no?

King Hippo

taking their shot with the P*ts maybe down, but if Belicheat gets Red Rocket (seems to me they are having a staring contest with CIncy) I still like them to win the Owl.

But yeah, Buffalo and Indy all of a sudden look interesting

Fronkenshteen

Who’d Indy get?

King Hippo

King Laserface, DeForest Buckner

rockingdog
rockingdog
litre_cola

Ooh hot Nicaraguan action later.

King Hippo

maybe I should start betting Draws there? Damned LiveBet feature not working for me, or I could have further profited on FC Minsk’s 2nd (I like to bet “total first half goals” between 35′ and 40′, especially when my HT bet is a goal to the good, insurance that can also double down).

King Hippo

oh snap, 3-nil!!

King Hippo

Gingerballs Hammer being hisself:

litre_cola

Kicks can down street. This used to be such a nice time of day. We were gambling, I was raging at a tv screen because Mighty Whietey’s back 4 is a shamlbes. Arsenal would shit the bed late, Chelsea could fuck off (still can ). Sigh.

Sharkbait

This is keeping Spurs from doing Spurs things at least

King Hippo

I counter with “Everton, that”

King Hippo

What, you don’t also have a HT bet on FC Minsk? SUCKER.

/fuck a duck, that BATE Borisov result threw me for a loop

King Hippo

One of my fellow Bitter Blues told me that I probably would find Footy Manager frustrating if I had no recent gaming experience, and have no desire to find out what professional players used as the “one holy tactic” to progress.

I really just wanted to choose my XI, sell Gylfi Sigurdsson, and watch some simulated LESSER FITBAW

Don T

Ahhh. Love the smell of suffrage in the moaning [phonetic].
In real world events,
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ENEMAS TO VENTILATORS!!!!

herodotus450
herodotus450

I offered Joe Buck $40 to commentate this championship vote. He countered with $50, which was too much for me.