Eventual Balls Thoughts VII

I hope you are all following the “Safer At Home” or “Stay at Home” orders. It’s critical that we stop the spread of the disease before it kills people we love. It’s not a matter of just staying at home though. Please don’t take any unnecessary chances or put yourselves in situations where you might get hurt and end up in the hospital. Drive extra carefully if you’re on the roads. The last thing you want to do is end up in the hospital at a time like now.

Ok, enough with the seriousness. This site is based on dirty dirty dark jokes and boy have you guys delivered!

Many things happened at DFO last week. Let’s talk about them.

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DFO Banner Tournament!

The tourney is now complete with the final having taken place on Saturday.

Here is your 2019 Banner Comment Of The Year!

  • In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.” (73%)

I said previously that if the Jerry Rice/Terri Schiavo comment didn’t make it to the final, I would break things. There’s a gummy bear that’s not too happy right about now. That’s on you!

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BC Dick’s Curling Updates

Our awesome Master Curler has come up with a wonderful idea to keep us in Hot Curling Content until the league comes back. He’s taken a page from Senor Weaselo and come up with a wonderful Women’s Curling Championship Poll. Here are your winners from Week One:

Switzerland beat Denmark
Scotland beat Czech Republic
Italy beat Team USA
Russia beat Germany
Korea beat China

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Psych Marathon Update

I have finished Season 5 and am now on Season 6. One of the things I’ve noticed is that around this time they started doing “theme” or “tribute” episodes. These have been great!

I specially loved the Twin Peaks episode. Not only did they get original Twin Peaks cast members, but the way the story was developed and the multiple references made it one of my favourite episodes ever!

Fans of The Shining may also like the episode they did where Lassie moves into a new condo and things start going haywire.

It is also fun to see Shawn and Jules as a Couple. The episode where they go away for the weekend only to get robbed by Jason Priestley and his hot hot wife (Jennifer Finnigan) was excellent!

***

The Week in DFO

These are the things I read in DFO this week that reminded me how much I love this site:

Let’s start things off with a reminder to wash thoroughly:

h/t Unsurprised

and to work out to stay healthy:

h/t Unsurprised
h/t Moose

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Ladies and Gentlemen, your friends at Redshirt Industries, who brought you such products as “Debate Time Limit Shock Collars” and “Chasity Belts with Pneumatic Clamp Locks: The Ultimate Defense from Unwanted Sexual Contact”, is proud to present the “Six Foot Long Cattle Prod”. The next time someone invades your six foot radius or walks down the middle of the aisle, you have a reminder to keep their distance from you. This new product comes in several voltages ranging from “AAA-Battery” to “Electro”.
Redshirt Industries: Inane Solution for Insane Times

Redshirt

***

h/t Moose

The creepy part of the internet is going to be hugely disappointed when they find out that Scarlett Johansson crying and saying “I don’t want to swallow” has to do with eating hot wings.

Horatio

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So I had my old US Navy ship’s ballcap on today when I went by the grocery, Young HEB employee tells me “thank you for your service” and I said “Dude, your service here at the grocery store these last couple weeks is much more meaningful than any of my sailing around the Pacific and Indian Oceans getting drunk and banging hookers 35 years ago.” I think he got a laugh out of that.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Wait, are you my husband?

Gumbygirl

***

My daughter’s college has closed, probably for the semester and she’s announced that she’s going to take up catfishing while she can’t leave the house anyway.
I’m doing great as a parent.

Horatio

***

/ found a funny (originally is quasi-Rasist (employee is a Chinese Man with typical language jokes) – cleaned up)
An employee calls into work and says, “I can’t work today. I’m really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache and legs hurt. I can’t work.”
The boss says, “You know something, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.”
Two hours later, the employee calls again: “I did what you said and I feel great. You have a nice house. I’ll be at work soon. “

Redshirt

***

Terry Schiavo’s fighting harder to stay in this contest than she did to stay on this planet after they pulled the plug.

Horatio

***

Moar gently used fleshlites for the mantle!!!

Litre_cola

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Found a funny:
RESEARCHER: In front of you is one marshmallow. But if you can wait 15 minutes, I’ll give you–
TRUMP: (eats marshmallow and researcher)

rockindog

***

h/t Moose

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I feel bad for the 2020 Olympians who can’t compete because of a Dick Pound decision. It’s Eugene Robinson all over again.

SonOfSpam

***

h/t Moose

***

Just made fresh pasta for the first time.
I’m not just eating and drinking myself to death, I’m LEARNING NEW SKILLS DAMNIT!

Dunstan

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HE WAS A DOG THAT WAS PUT IN CHARGE OF THANKSGIVING DINNER! GIVE HIM SOME GOTDAMN SLACK!

scotchnaut

***

Dogs have no idea about ‘internal temperature’! and ‘resting period’. Julia Child covered this in her book, “DOGS DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT COOKING, GODDAMMIT!”.

scotchnaut

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h/t Moose

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h/t Moose
h/t Moose

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Like I’m ever going to bet against Russia when it comes to a battle against Germany in the winter.

Horatio

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“I did not finish the bag.”
Peyton M., interrupted in the Rocky Top training facility

Downfield Matriculator

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I was surprised that the Chick Boy brand was not from Thailand.

ArmedandHammered

***

h/t Moose

***

Truth:
If you are staying home to save lives you ARE being productive.

rockindog

***

I’m going to invoke the Alheimer’s rule here,
meaning that I’ve probably said this before but.
If you’re watching the OJ Made in America thing, well I met OJ.
My old girlfriend, the crazy redhead and I were in Jamaica getting crazy, mon and who should we see walking across the open common but OJ Simpson. He was golfing in Jamaica while looking for the real killers.
I had to say something as he walked up to the bar so I said, “Hey OJ! I used to watch you run for USC and the Buffalo Bills. We live in San Pedro”
I’ve been drinking you see.
OJ says “I know San Pedro well.” We shake hands, he shakes hands with the crazy redhead.
I buy him a drink and we talk about life and I tell him “yeah, you were the shit at SC and then you were in the movies and then…”
This was in 2003-ish?
He says “Yeah I know I know.”
Very personable guy. Fun to have a drink with.
We’re walking away and the crazy redhead says “I can’t believe I shook hands with a murderer!”
I asked her to speak more quietly in the presence of a murderer.
That’s my OJ story.

Yeah Right

***

h/t Unsurprised

***

h/t Moose

***

The rest of my family is on Day 2 of the Great Grounding. Everyone is so cheerful and happy.
I’m mentally preparing myself for the day I return from work to a blood-covered house and corpses everywhere. it’s the end of times.

Redshirt

If you come home to that you are at Scotchy’s shed in Northern Ontario and I would suggest making your way back to Ohio in a hurry.

Litre_cola

***

h/t Don T

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h/t SonOfSpam

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h/t tWBS

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h/t Moose

***

h/t Moose
h/t Moose

***

Found a funny:
[repeatedly mashing elevator button]
him: you know that doesn’t make it come any quicker
[starts licking elevator button]

rockindog

***

Thank you to everyone one for providing quality gifs to keep us entertained as we are quarantined in our homes. You may now resume working from home:

h/t Moose

Please stay home and avoid other people. King Hippo approves this message. See you next week!

ballsofsteelandfury
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Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

This morning, Gumby and I were on a conference call with the Steelers. Happens 4 or 5 times a year, no idea how we got on it. You guys will be thrilled to know that Big Ben will be ready for training camp! Hater’s in 3, 2, 1…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, he certainly doesn’t want to……force things…. he has to take advantage…… of the healing process…. don’t want to stall….. progress.

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

Ha! I hate his guts, thought they should have cut his ass( figuratively AND literally) when he was all rapey. I won’t miss him when he finally retires.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, he is the starter and no indictments. We all know what that means.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“This new pubic hair removal system seems risky.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The “sport” does not neglect the fans!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not the REAL Batman.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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De bull has deballed.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s gonna leave a mark.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I am surprised the pinned dwarf is not…….bigger.

King Hippo

Just found out ESPN+ has the “NFL’s Greatest Games” series. Watching San Diego/Miami 1981 AFC Divisional Round now.

King Hippo

Forgot how ahead of his time Fouts was with changing arm angle, etc.

SonOfSpam

That game was amazing for 12 yr old me. Was rooting for Miami for some reason, and the SD passing game was so damn frustrating if you were rooting against it. Sadly for the Chargers, their D could make David Woodley look legit (I think he was QB that game…plz ignore if I’m way off)

King Hippo

Don Strock just came in for Woodley!

I liked watching San Diego under Coryell/Fouts, even though a Division rival. I remember the following “Ice Bowl” game MOAR, though.

/also, I was 8 – watched every minute of every game, but memories hit or miss

King Hippo

/also quite weird to see FANS at the Orange Bowl. ACTUAL DOLPHINS FANS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Back in the day; heat plus sold out fan base made it a really difficult place to play a good team. For another one; check out when the vaunted ’85 Bear defense got chewed up by Marino. It was one of those “Well, now teams have a blueprint to beat these guys.” Welp, no.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don Strock had the BEST TAN IN FOOTBALL.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That was one of the most entertaining games I’ve seen in 50 years of watching.

King Hippo

Kellen Winslow (the non-public masturbating one) was one of my all-time favourite players. Such a matchup nightmare.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They gave him a couple of gallons of IVs at that game. Yeah, his son turned out a bit different.

King Hippo

oh yeah, I remember now him being almost carried off the field after, a teammate shouldering him on each side

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And during; they said he was faking it for timeouts. Come to find out he was having full body cramps.

King Hippo

yeah, he just said his BACK was even cramping, which is amazing (given how he kept performing)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ve had lower back cramps (not from doing porn either) and all I could do was lay there and grit my teeth.

King Hippo

yeah, I popped a pill just thinking about it

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Another one is a Jets v. Dolphins game, September 21, 1986

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Some people’s relationships; they get kicked in the face and just keep coming back for more.

King Hippo

/Hippo sheepishly raises hand

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, other people keep calling/ texting the punchers……

King Hippo

I mean, if you’re not his ex-wife or the waiter banging her, I’m sure The Juice can be very pleasant company. FUCK, what a great story, Mr. right

yeah right

He was incredibly friendly. We stayed for 7 days and he was there for 4 of them. He golfed every damn day.

King Hippo

He was just so desperate to find them REAL KILLAS, have to applaud such dedication!!

King Hippo

/one also assumes Brick has done Colombian Marching Powder with him

rockingdog
rockingdog

Found a funny:

dog: [growling]

robber: good boy hey nice-

me: nice try pal i trained my dog to only respond to hulk hogan’s voice

robber: you what

me: SICK ‘EM BROTHUR

yeah right

I can officially verify that the Pacific Ocean still exists. You can’t actually go to it but you can admire it from across the street. Fuck that felt good to walk today.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I have no idea why they closed the fucking beach, in March. it’s cold as shit there, and you can stay a mile from another human out there

yeah right

It fucked with my morning walk since I use the access road that runs between the parking lots at Dockweiler. I don’t get closer than 20 feet to maybe 5 people out there. Today I walked down Vista Del Mar between Imperial and Grand and climbed the big ass hill at Grand. For the vast majority of the walk I was walking right down the middle of the road VISTA DEL MAR at 8-9 AM!

Downfield Matriculator
Downfield Matriculator

When I last searched for “underage anal pounding” I got markedly different results than Moose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I did a general search….. not just pornhub. Also at my age the algorithms push towards medical care.

Senor Weaselo

You might want to burn your computer. And your router.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And your IP.

Game Time Decision

Not un-expected but schools closed here in Ontario until at least May. Should be interesting to see how my high-school aged kids get to learn for the rest of the term. The school board is talking about online learnings of some sort.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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This is from a direct to tape movie 2020 Texas Gladiators (1982).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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This Viet Nam musical doesn’t look that good.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I believe “Sandy” the one beach woman is miss-attributed; somebody else posted it.

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Don T

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Plus he exploded the heck out of Heinz Field. Suck it Stillers.

King Hippo

I love when y’all discuss comic book/superhero type stuff, b/c it helps me know how 80% of the clubhouse feels when Litre, Balls, Wakey, and I talk Lesser Footy.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

But what do we all like? pictures of radial engines

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That bull was pissed off and ready to roll.
(can’t stop laughing at that)
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The bull is PETA’s athlete of the year.

King Hippo

A bull named Karma!

Don T

If a bull is rushin’, pray standing up.
smh

theeWeeBabySeamus

I wish there was another angle. I want see where the guy landed. But his little matador hat did go about five feet.

Game Time Decision

Wonder if he stuck the landing?

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

I am pretty sure something got stuck in.

LemonJello
LemonJello

How is that not a called targeting penalty?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

TIL that Cam Newton has been moonlighting as a matador.

Horatio Cornblower

Block or charge?

rockingdog
rockingdog

LOL
I love his little black hat flying off and bouncing

Senor Weaselo

¡Olé!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The streaks from this fight are much smaller.