Your “Any Kennel In A Storm” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

NFL Notes:

  • Blake Martinez has left the Packers for the Giants.
    • A three-year, $30 million deal.
    • The Packers made him an offer at a lower number, which insulted him.
      • “I think the way they value the inside linebacker position especially in that defense, it wasn’t as valued as other places I guess in my opinion.”
  • The Bengals have released CB Dre Kirkpatrick, with their finest “future endeavors” statement.
    • “We appreciate his many contributions to our team and community over the years, and wish him the best moving forward.”
    • Contributing to the decision was his age (30), his injury troubles (six games played in 2019), and his salary hit – they save $8.3 million by cutting him & only take a $2.8 million dead-cap hit.
  • The newly approved CBA is under scrutiny for apparent language changes after adoption.
    • Eric Reid says language was changed & added after ratification, and he has proof.
      • He wants a revote because, he argues, the language change would have drastically affected the adoption process.


Today’s internet good dog is a very good dog that delivers wine in Maryland.

 

Soda Pup, an 11-year-old Boxer owned by the proprietors of the Stone House Urban Winery in Hagerstown, Maryland, delivers the called-in order from the office to the car, to avoid human-to-human contact in the delivery process.

People have to prepay by credit card, but the winery says business has been steady because people are getting a kick out of the process. He carries two bottles out to the car, and there’s a treat in the side pouch for the customer to give the dog as a “tip”.


Looks like we’re getting some bad press.

Guess I shouldn’t have mentioned U****x last night.

I kid – Vince is making fun of the Cuomo brothers for being whiny pissbabies during the lockdown.


Tonight’s … entertainment?:

  • 2020 Royal Rumble – 7:00PM | FS1
    • A replay of a quality event to get you “ready” for this weekend’s Wrestlemania.
  • Raptors Rewind – 8:00PM | Sportsnet
    • 2019 NBA Playoffs – Sixers/Raptors Game #7
      • “The shot”
  • Moonshiners: Outlaw Cuts – 8:00 PM | DSC
    • Legal and outlaw distillers compete head-to-head to see who makes a classic Appalachian tradition called “Mountain Brandy”.
      • Judged by moonshine legends Mark, Digger & Tim.
  • Moonshiners: Master Distiller – 9:00 PM | DSC
    • Tickle hosts as Appalachia’s most notorious moonshiners go head-to-head in a moonshine distilling competition. Mark, Digger and Tim run their own secret recipes to be judged by the public to determine once and for all who makes the best shine.
  • Ink Master – 10:00 PM | Paramount
    • The artists fight for survival in a staple, portraits, and a shocking skull pick threatens the team dynamic.

We are slowly running out of pre-taped shows. Pretty soon, it will all just be “Big Bang Theory” reruns. GAH!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Gratliff

From early years of WoW PVP playlists
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Senor Weaselo

Leeroy…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, it really WAS the last supper huh?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dine n Dash.
COME ON JESUS!!!!! PAY YOUR BILL.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

They all went to the bathroom at the same time when the server brought the bill.
“Whadda ya expect, they were a buncha goddam Jews”
—Donald J. Trump et. al.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Need to mix in some roughage there, amigo.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

But sometimes yes?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Annoying people, why don’t they just go away?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Because I want to annoy you. You were talking about me I presume.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

This is brilliant, although the people that really need to see it and understand it never will.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

They already understand. That is the problem.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Whereas the monument to the Trump Administration’s handling of the situation will be “live” art consisting of one hand vigorously fapping.

Gratliff

I still hold that the Bush administration was the worst in the nation’s history, but that race is sure getting tight, and could change basically at any moment now

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

https://www.military.com/daily-news/2020/03/31/pentagon-orders-bases-stop-reporting-coronavirus-numbers-cases-surge.html
The strategy is sound of OPSEC, but nevertheless disturbing.

This happened today, extracted from an email sent by our head contracting officer supervisor:

“My folks have been coming in the building to work actions in small groups since this started (we cannot remotely utilize CONWRITE system) but our CONAWARD support team (Bay 7) have all been sent home to self-quarantine for minimum of 14 days (unless possible COVID is negated by testing). This means we do not have a way to award anything electronically.

We are going to be working some manual SF 30s. Coordinating to have a discussion with local FM on ramifications of issuing manual SF 30 s and not being able to upload to EDA – to see if this will be accepted as funds obligation until a better solution is implemented.”

I’m really starting to get paranoid.

Gratliff

I would expect when this is all said and done that we find out that basically every country either blatantly lied about the numbers or just didn’t test to keep them down. I suspect China, US, and Russia will probably be the most egregious, at least early on. A lot of people think Japan did too early on to try to prevent the Olympics from getting postponed, but that didn’t work out too well.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
herodotus450

7. Rest easy knowing you’re the vice president and won’t be held responsible

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Step 0: Drop a pill bottle

theeWeeBabySeamus

See, you’re confused. You’re thinking of how to distract a Hippo.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Oh right!

I meant to say: Offer betting lines.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m the crazy one; Hippo is the gamboling addict.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Obligatory

You don’t have to refresh, you know what it is.

theeWeeBabySeamus

8. Check their pockets for valuables.

litre_cola

9. If attractive, do illegal acts to the incapacitated.

theeWeeBabySeamus

We are all horrible human beings I’ve just realized.
DON’T CARE.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What the fuck is your problem? She’s still warm?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*He if you can roll them onto their stomach.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Anything below 80 degrees and I’m out, not in.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A little of the ol’ in-out, eh guvnah?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You say that now……

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Attractive?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Given the upcoming civil war here, it might be worthwhile to bookmark this post.

Gratliff

Blacktop Mojo should be bigger than they are right now

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Scotchy seems to have acquired a new toy for his extracurriculars

theeWeeBabySeamus

How much Clorox does it take to clean off hobo blood?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Aren’t there better alternatives than bleach?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“Ski School”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

theeWeeBabySeamus

She might be repeating this year.

Game Time Decision

Better off dead 2

Col. Duke LaCross

One of our sister facilities!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“Caddyshack”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

“Chicks With Dicks Vol. XII?”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“Ex Machina”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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From a sex toy infomercial.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“I, Robot”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“American Pie”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

name the movie:
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“Pulp Fiction”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gone fishin’?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

name the movie:
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“The Passion of the Christ 2”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Ten Hard Inches of Cross”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

“The Passion of the Christ 2: Crucifixion Boogaloo”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Barton Fink Goes to the Vatican

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

Deep Throat

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

ANSWER: The Black Narcissus (1947)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“Goonies”

scotchnaut

“Lassie: You Done Fucked Up Big Time. We’re Supposed To Be Down There.”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I had a brief flash of “What’s that, Lassie? Timmy is stuck down the well?” when I first saw that still shot but could not put anything intelligent on the keyboard. Nice.

Redshirt

/watched a painfully unfunny

Don Lemon: “Did you get my gift?”
Chris Cuomo (in isolation his Coronavirus Bunker): “No. What?”
Don Lemon: “A six pack of Corona.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maybe find Lust For Freedom VHS art (Eric Louzil, 1987).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Here is some beautiful artwork from the movie:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t know much about art, but I know really good art when I see it.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

name the movie:
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“1917”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Ronin

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Bingo

Dunstan
Dunstan

Butt Bongo Fiesta IV?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

ANSWER: The Third Man (1949)

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

name the movie:
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“Princess Bride”

scotchnaut

“I’d Fuck Me-The Sequel.”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

“Baubles, Bangles & Beads”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

ANSWER: The Grapes of Wrath (1940)

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

name the movie:
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“Footloose”

scotchnaut

“An American In A Sound Stage In Paris.”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Are you referring to Gershwin or Brando. Could be both, I reckon.
“American Tango in Paris”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

“Flashdance”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

ANSWER: An American in Paris (1951)

so close scotchy it was a sound stage in culver city no cigar

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

name the movie:
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“Sin City”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

The Front Page

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

ANSWER: His Girl Friday (1940)

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

name the movie:
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“Aquawoman”

Game Time Decision

The shape of water

Col. Duke LaCross

Splash?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

ANSWER: A Place in the Sun (1951)

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

name the movie:
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

“X: The Prairie Ballad”

scotchnaut

“Granny Get Your Gun”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

“Skeet Shootin’ Mama”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hopefully Grandma forgot to buy ammunition.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

ANSWER: Night of the Hunter (1955)

note: Lillian Gish ain’t the hunter

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

name the movie:
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’m going to name it “Arch: The Story of the Streets”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

you’re very close, ayo

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I know, I’m really good with movies.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Production Designer: Eero Saarinencomment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

St. Louis: We have a shitload of stoplights apparently.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Goodtime Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great Frisco Freakout.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

ANSWER: Tin Men (1987)

scotchnaut

Not gonna lie-Quentin Tarantino’s non-union Mexican-equivalent movie, Once Upon A Time In TijuanaHood, isn’t very good.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Shocking in Tijuana is when they let the donkey out of the gimp suit.

The Maestro

Shalom, folks. Hope you’re well. If anyone’s interested, there’s poker happening tonight. Come win all the DFOBux your wallet can hold!

/our wallets can’t hold shit both in fantasy and reality because we’re all fucked currently, but whatever
//can you trade DFOBux for hope and/or intoxicants?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

fake CAN$ is worth .71 fake US$

SonOfSpam

Wine dog is a very good dog.

litre_cola

Always and forever.

Redshirt

American History Channel is airing “9/11: As We Watched”. Because March was just too gosh darned good and happy.

King Hippo

It’s considered a sitcom in Saudi Arabia ,, ppl forget that

scotchnaut

Your ppl forget that tag is a fucking killer for me. Yeah, I laughed out loud.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That was a terrible time, what with living in Sacramento and all.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Belated thoughts and prayers.

scotchnaut

Speaking of happy 9/11 memories, my soon-to-be-wife and I had sex in the shower that morning. We watched the action unfold as we toweled off. Some things you just don’t forget.

King Hippo

Having seen this film multiple times, I am still surprised at what mouthy motherfuckers these Packers were.

/especially Eugene “they’re not even GOOD” Robinson, whose team would lose to Elway in the Owl two years running

WCS

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“What did I do to you?”

scotchnaut

YOU DUMB SONS OF BITCHES IN NEW BRUNSWICK CAN LICK MY ***************

litre_cola

We don’t Acadian shame here Scotchy.

scotchnaut

Crap! I swear I did not get that email.

King Hippo

Steve Atwater blowing up Brittfar = HippoPorn

litre_cola

Middle of toddler 20 minute tantrum. Been screaming for no reason for approx 45 mins. Good times.

I have 0 clue what this rage fest is about. That is what makes it interesting.

scotchnaut

Toddler just might be tired? I don’t know. Wife taught me that when the kiddies have out-sized displays of emotion they just want positive displays of affection.

scotchnaut

It worked for us.

King Hippo

We had to just ignore it. Keep calmly repeating “I’m glad to listen when you calm down and use words.”

litre_cola

That sounds like my bartending career.

Redshirt

My friend’s daughter is two and she hasn’t figured out what sleep is. She reacts to naptime as if she’s having a Vietnam flashback.

BeylesMuse
BeylesMuse

Me thinks this will be you progression. From Canadia with love.

BeylesMuse
BeylesMuse

I also think he may have indulged during the performance.

King Hippo

Superb Owl XXXII? 7 > 4, just basic maths SUCK IT, Wisconsin!!

Redshirt

Elway > Favre
5+12+23+1+25 > 6+1+22+18+5
66 > 51

The match checks out.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Scotchy’s brought us Swedish and Norwegian dark crime noir Netflix miniserieses, but now there’s one set in Iceland on Netflix. So much lutefisk!

WCS

The other half of Drew’s brain just exploded.

scotchnaut

Is it Trapped? (Which is also brilliant tune written by Cat Stevens and sung by, well this guy)

herodotus450
herodotus450

It’s called The Valhalla Murders

scotchnaut

Check out Trapped. It doesn’t suck. I’m just fascinated by this genre as spun by Scando countries.

Redshirt

TV-PG
violence, sex, nudity, fear, substances, language, gore

Either Netflix is acting up or this is going to be one hell of a episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Substances; vegetable, animal, or mineral?

Redshirt

Momshirt’s doctor is now on his 4th diagnosis. We’ve now moved on to Rare Disease Category. Momshirt had pains that go from 7 to KILLMENOW! And because of the COVID-19, we can’t go to the ER because its not a life threatening. That’s and us going to the ER will expose my family to it.

Thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

WCS

Shit man. Sincerely sorry. Hang tight.

scotchnaut

Thoughts: “Your doctor might just suck balls.”

Prayers: “I hope that your doctor doesn’t suck balls.”

Redshirt

I relayed that to my mother. She laughed. Thanks for that.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Sorry to hear. hang in there…

scotchnaut

Alternate Timeline:

Terry Fox plays basketball in the NBA, wins the league MVP twice and represents his nation in international competitions. Also, Steve Nash dies on the side of a highway.

Senor Weaselo

“It’ll all be Simpsons episodes!”
“That’s good!”
“Post-2010.”
“…”
“That’s bad.”
“Can I go now?”

WCS

The cable contains potassium benozate.

scotchnaut

/watching a Terry Fox Doc on TSN

I’d die in northern Ontario as well if it meant that I wouldn’t set foot in Manitoba. Can’t blame the kid.

edit: [is secretly hoping that a lurker from Manitoba creates an account in order to slag me and in turn the site has one more Canadia commenter]

litre_cola

I, SIR, was born and raised in Manitoba!! I left at 21.

scotchnaut

That’s great. Listen, our goal here is to shit on all the other provinces until The Canuck commenters from every single province are represented. Watch this!*

*look to the top of the thread as of sorta now

Game Time Decision

Think we only have 3 provinces covered: ON, AB and BC

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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King Hippo

I guess Bungles management done forgot about Dre!

/and JEEBUS, the bracket reveal reminded me that one can be a regular columnist for an NFL humoUr weblog, and still not be very funny at all

//even sadder, I thought the “kept man” one was me, and whole torneo I was all like “at least I had ONE entry”

herodotus450
herodotus450

Bungles management

>>File not found

WCS

*File not paid for

>>Mike Brown

King Hippo

One bets that anytime he has to go to a wedding or funeral, he leaves the tag on the suit and returns it immediately after the event.

WCS

Including his own.

King Hippo

I wonder how much they’d improve if they just added Redshirt as an unpaid intern?

Senor Weaselo

I had one entry and got the worst curbstomping in the tourney. And I created the thang ding!
/Got a strong contender for 2021 with my Kobe banner though

Redshirt

I’ll give them credit for trying. Normally, they sign two players and call it an offseason.

At least they got rid of Kirkpatrick. It seemed like every deep TD pass had #27 running five yards behind the receiver.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That dog does not look happy.
Just sayin’.

“Oh sure, you guys get a pandemic and you make ME work my ass off”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HOWEVER HE IS A GOOD DOG.

scotchnaut

GAH! is spelled wrong. It’s BAZINGA!