NFL News:
- Shockingly, the owners approved the new playoff format.
- It’s one extra wild-card game per conference.
- Using MATH, nfl.com worked out that the move to 14 playoff teams means 43.7 percent of all NFL teams would qualify for the postseason, compared to 33.3 percent in MLB (33.3), 51.6 in NHL and 53.3 in NBA.
- Even more shocking, Tom Brady has ended up with the #12 in Tampa.
- Former wearer Chris Godwin volunteered the number with no apparent compensation given in return.
- “He’s the GOAT,” Godwin said, who will now wear #14.
- Quarterbacks Vinny Testaverde, Brad Johnson and Ryan Fitzpatrick are the most notable No. 14s in team history.
- “He’s the GOAT,” Godwin said, who will now wear #14.
- Hopefully, this ties in with the news the Bucs are revealing their new uniforms next Tuesday.
- Former wearer Chris Godwin volunteered the number with no apparent compensation given in return.
- Despite long odds, the league is still planning on starting on time, running a full 16-game schedule plus the international games.
- The schedule of games will likely be released on or around May 9.
- The only concrete date is the Super Bowl, which is fixed for February 7, 2021 in Tampa.
- Speaking of undelayed timelines, the draft is still scheduled for three weeks from now.
- Friend of the site DrawPlayDave has some very good opinions on this:
The NFL has a tough choice coming pic.twitter.com/4LrwTJMbTm
— Dave Rappoccio (@DrawPlayDave) April 1, 2020
Today’s good internet dog is Sunny, a six-year-old Golden Retriever who delivers groceries from her owner’s house to the senior next door.
HERO OF THE DAY: This golden retriever is helping his elderly neighbor practice social distancing by picking up her shopping list, giving it to his owner, and then delivering her bags of groceries https://t.co/PVt3piQOP4 pic.twitter.com/7zaC78GIyM
— CBS News (@CBSNews) April 1, 2020
Again, using the notion that dogs cannot transmit the disease between humans, Sunny’s owner does the shopping for the neighbour, who delivers her list via Sunny, who then returns later once the owner has done the shopping.
In the absence of actual sports, I’ve decided that we need to relive the glory that was MXC.
For those of you too young, or too old, to remember, MXC was a show on SpikeTV where mainly Japanese people compete is various obstacle course like activities. The events were very challenging and often involve people taking some very nasty bumps. The show was called Takeshi’s Castle in Japan and episodes of this show have been dubbed over in English with hilarious commentary and other voice work. (Urban Dictionary)
Anyway, let’s start with Episode 1 – Meat Handlers vs. Cartoon Voice Actors.
Oh yeah, that takes me back. Future episodes will pop up on [DFO]’s newly christened “MXC Mondays”.
Tonight’s … entertainment?:
- Wrasslin’:
- AEW Dynamite – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
- NXT – 8:00PM | USA
- a few more “Raod To Wrestlemania” matches plus storyline builds.
- Forged in Fire – 9:00 PM | HIST
- In a throwback to the Iron Age, four smiths must forge daggers as if they were in 650 B.C., relying solely on coal forges and brute force to get the job done.
- Very Cavallari – 10:00 PM | BRAVO
- Kristin and Jay’s friends show up in Italy and bring the party with them. The crew embarks on a wine-fueled romp through the Italian country-side, having a fabulous time along the way. But conflict erupts when a drunken Justin starts flirting with another man.
In Canada, running all day but starting at 8:00PM ET, TSN3 will be replaying some of the “The Ocho” broadcasting, including Dodgeball, Highland Games coverage from Vegas, and the World Tetris Championships.
Now – go forth & commentate!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLnbU7b0Qyk
Shit just got REAL!
Suicide apparently is not painless and sounds a lot like drowning in your own phlegm.
I’m planning ahead, mental exercises only at this point, but examining options. Drink a fifth of really good scotch, go sit in the Corvette or Impala, eat a few Zanax, smoke a bunch of strong weed, start the engine of both cars, go to sleep permanently. Have the dogs in the garage as well.
I hate that I am thinking this way. Thank You, Mr. Trump, you fuckhole.
Mr Whipple died for our sins.
Laredo, TX has enforced masking starting at midnight
https://www.ksat.com/news/local/2020/04/01/laredo-officials-force-residents-to-cover-faces-outside-their-homes/
OF COURSE I started in on the comments.
The stupid has definitely ramped up. Whitmer did like a 2 minute interview with a kid on youtube the other day and comments are basically 120% people screaming that this is how she ushers in the new world order.
People are so busy tripping on their dicks to be crazy that they’re forgetting to be racist. It’s pretty crazy.
Calmer klan heads will prevail.
The US administration is using it for deregulation that has noting to do with fixing things, but hey.
Having visited Laredo and Nuevo Laredo 30 and 40 years ago, all I can say is “It’s about fucking time!”.
Georgia’s speaker of the house complaining that absentee ballots will hurt Republicans because it means more people will vote. Local republicans are falling into the trap of thinking they can just say the quiet parts loud because Dear Leader keeps getting away with it.
Reporters hearing this have to be alllll, can you repeat that?
You and I both know that the capture of the ad you posted was propaganda put out by naMBla. (Milton Bradley, that is).
Ohh my new personal ad has arrived!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgtkPKZ2OPk
So will they.
American Cornhole League Championship #2, too, also. Sad!
https://www.iplaycornhole.com/nationals/16
Lee Marvin was such a badass he would have made Clint Eastwood and Chuck Norris both pick out and eat the corn and peanuts from his turds. Lee’s turds, to be clear. To be sure, both Lee and Clint served in their respective wars, but Lee was wounded as a Marine on Saipan in 1944, Clint served as a soldier in the Army as a lifeguard at the swimming pool at Fort Ord in northern California for his entire stint in the military during the Korean War.
See, here’s what’s annoying: I thought a lack of going out to eat and fast food lunches and shit would equal weight loss, but now I’m just making big meals and while everyone else’s anxiety has them eating less, mine has me constantly picking at food when I’m doing shit around the house. Also find myself stress eating candy which is super not great. I will fuck up a bag of swedish fish. Just have to not buy it, but I never claimed to be an intelligent person.
I also got a full hour in on my elliptical the other day, which is about 20 minutes longer than I’d ever done before, so very mixed bag!
“Just don’t buy junk food, then you won’t eat it!”
“BUY all the food you can, it might be gone tomorrow!!”
Substitute “booze” for “food” and that’s where I am, psychologically.
https://www.mlive.com/coronavirus/2020/04/how-much-more-is-the-us-drinking-during-coronavirus-spread-a-lot.html
Based upon recent personal experience, this comes as no surprise at all to me.
I imagine it would be especially hard when you can get Amazon to bring you a 5 pound bag for less than 20 bucks.
You only buy 5 pounds of candy when you plan to eat 5 pounds of candy. Any talk of good deals is just a lie your brain tricked you into believing.
I only intended to eat 4 lbs, 11 oz.
You didn’t say anything about trash. SMGDH. Nothing quite like a two day old yogurt top…..mmmmmm, crusty.
I haven’t seen a Jean Sebastian this sick between the pipes since (checks notes) 18th century (checks notes again) Germany.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5WZBfRWH94
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfIPmWCrIHU
I haven’t seen a Nabokov grab something that young since… well.
So, more believable pederast: James Mason or Jeremy Irons? The Sting guy from the Police would be interested in y’all’s opinion.
Yes.
Pete Townsend gives you two thumbs up.
I know it’s funny memewise, but he was abused as a kid and was writing a book about it and some British police looking to bust a name fucked up his reputation.
That is a well-tempered joke right there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hv_zJrO_ptk
A real letdown from Physical Graffiti.
(I heard it called “Physical Graphite” somewhere, and now I have to pause to stop myself from saying it automatically)
DOUBLE DOUBLE!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXy7qYAKrfc
SHOTS SHOTS!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgcK7ZP3oaU
FF to 1:40 if you are short on time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zimsUDzOiSM
THEY TURNT ‘THE HOLY MOUNTAIN’ INTO A MUSICAL??
That thar’s prepper breeding stock, raht thar. Propose marriage immediately.
What’s that shit on the bottom half of the wine bottle?
Fancy handle. All that delicious butter makes your hands slick. THINK!
I thought those were paint roller brushes.
You asked about the wine.
Yeah. but you answered with the corn on the cob…
No I didn’t; it was my JOKING theory about the thing on the wine bottle.
Also just noticed; the spare butter appears to be on a Roomba. That’s just smart.
Lyke in the Tyme of The Black Buboes back in 1348, it is now a tyme of grate confuzion.
One leg salad coming up!
Delicious!
Unfortunately this guy will probably live.
yeah. (sigh…)
Oh, and will vote Trump in November, if we actually have elections (HA!)
Hippo I found a stream for teh futbol.
Lady ref, how exotic Nicaragua.
Bartlett is a town that still exists, between Austin and Temple. I imagine these Tailoring guys are no longer in business, though.
On this week’s AEW, Matt Hardy infiltrated Chris Jericho’s house with a drone, and Jericho sicked his chihuahua on it.
Why was he wearing pants in that hot tub?
https://www.change.org/p/chris-jericho-chris-jericho-to-go-back-to-wearing-pants
Not watching football?
PSA:
Stop using Zoom. For this reason, and many more:
https://mashable.com/article/zoom-vulnerability-windows-passwords/
I’ve personally set up 3 or 4 solutions in house over the years for our employees to do video conferencing and collaboration, and all anyone’s using now is fucking Zoom and I hate everyone.
My Navy Corner buddies and I had a Zoom Happy Hour last Friday. Worked pretty good, not any glitches at all considering the youngest person on the “call” was 55 years old.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUakLzaboMo
Also this: https://wearafuckingmask.com/
This deserves many upvotes.
The information means well, but is unaccurate. Surgical masks do not offer the same protection as N-95 masks.
Per the CDC website: Facemasks should only be worn by caregivers or those who are sick.
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/prevent-getting-sick/prevention.html
More important information:
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/hcp/respirator-use-faq.html
On the other hand to your point; a lot of people won’t look at the FACTS you linked because ‘gubermmint ‘spiracy.’ Which…..
Here is a good example of that shit.
https://deadstate.org/ny-attorney-general-orders-jim-bakker-to-cease-and-desist-hawking-his-bogus-coronavirus-cures/
There are not enough N-95 masks for healthcare workers and it will be worse if the public is out there buying them. Surgical masks offer good protection combined with minimal contact. Surgical masks also keep people from spreading it.
If someone with COVID19 sneezes on you and you’re wearing a surgical mask, you will have the same chance of getting infected as if you were not wearing one.
The problem is the false sense of safety people would feel while wearing them. They will also touch their faces more which will increase the risk of infection via contact with surfaces.
The best option is social distancing.
The change is coming one way or the other. Homemade will be the way they say to go, but dipshits will be dipshits and keep trying to get the n95 and surgical masks, and many who aren’t doing that will feel invincible in the homemade ones and get infected via stupid. There’s also going to be a portion who don’t realize you have to actually have a way to sanitize them and get infected by fucking about with contaminated masks (An issue already seen with glove use in public), but the CDC will ultimately make the recommendation to mask and it’s going to be normalized faster than you think. Just in the last week, the number of people masking in public has increased dramatically.
So far I’ve only used gloves at the ATM, HEB checkout, and gas pumps. Thrown away straightaway.
It’s time for my housecleaning lady to come clean, getting a bit grungy. Guess I’ll send her a text asking her to come if/when she feels it’s safe to do so. My house has two levels; I can hide upstairs for maximum distancing while she does the downstairs, which is the part of the house that I actually inhabit. I always have all clutter and in-the-way shit (dog bowls, all bathroom sink articles, etc) put up out of the way when she cleans anyway; all she has to do is clean, not clean up my mess.
It will be interesting to see her response.
My “Honduran exchange student” was by yesterday to do the yard. Gave him 20 bucks (25%) more than the usual.
The same? That is not true and it is an exaggerated example. I agree about the false sense of security as a problem and that is why I said minimal contact. The other thing is proper use of the mask; taking it on or off one should only touch the mask. Social distancing is great if possible, but there is situations all over in which it is impossible. The point is if you have to have any contact you need to reduce the risks as much as possible while not depriving healthcare/ FRs, etc. from the equipment they need.
Bad night to be #TeamWalt (in NicaGAMBLOR, obvs)
Managua up 1 though!!! Vamos La Maquinaria Azul!!!!
Caught up on Better Call Saul and Westworld now. My brain hurts, and I am out of shit to do.
Read this:
https://www.theringer.com/2020/3/31/21201052/westworld-season-3-episode-3-theories-charlotte-hale-host-dolores-caleb
Their conclusion was mine going into the season.
How didja like the first episodes of Sunderland til I die season 2? Absolutely superb IMO.
oh yeah, top stuff
Here’s some classical music to listen to after a long day being essential or quarantined.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2npdnuT8xfA
Myself and a wonderful lady did a sex experiment (several times) to this tune.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r30D3SW4OVw
They did that in Juno too apparently.
Was it in the spring time?
Finally, a use for the Navy. Target practice.
I’d be okay with them going onto their own island, but they could’ve at least left their superyacht as a floating hospital.
This is why I would be a great rich person. As soon as I reach $20,000,000, which should be enough for me and my family and descendants to live comfortably, I would use the extra to figure out how to help other people. If my family can’t live off of $20,000,000, we don’t deserve it.
Bloomberg spend nearly half a billion dollars trying to win an election he had no chance of winning. The population of the United States is 327.17 million. He could’ve given everyone a million dollars, which would be life changing money.
You are definitely a RINO.
/ found a funny
Jesus Christ: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Disciple: “What about money?” / “What about toilet paper?”
Jesus Christ: “…I’ll talk slower.”
Top Heavy is my fave James Bond female villain.
Villainess or on the side of good, Bond still gets to bang her, right?
She’s very religious …..
She deserves nicer sleeping quarters.
Emrata has a non-union Mexican equivalent. https://www.instagram.com/olivialarodriguez/
A red letter day for dipshits
^^^^^^^
———, but at least you won’t be snoring
FIRE ELON MUSK INTO THE SUN, FFS GRIMES, YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER
Jerry Sandusky’s new favourite NFL team? The one that drafts Chase Young.
I really think his brother Lure Young will be good. His dad must have been into fishing.
How you holding up, btw? Things still good in the household?
We are close to snapping but I still have a lot of wine and edibles!
Hopefully this stop the unfortunate trend of people stanning Cuomo, and begins one of people throwing him into the Hudson
This is foreplay for the dipshits who like him
It still makes him the third-worst executive branch politician currently in power from New York City.
/Yes, de Blasio is 2nd
It is largely my understanding that most New York Dems’ core liberal value is being from New York.
Cold blooded.
[Robert Irsay swings and hits a pinata, yellow glitter falls to the floor]
Colts Fans: “WOO! We’re getting a QB!”
Given the footage, I feel that CC had un-diagnosed assburgers syndrome.
[a time-traveling Benny Cumbersnatch poses for a daguerrotype]
Well, if he and Bruce Springsteen had a love child.
jfc
It’s almost like he lacked an authority figure to teach him the difference between “good attention” and “bad attention.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaDSuT3GIYQ
Take me out tonight
Where there’s music and there’s people
And they’re young and alive
NOT NOW MORRISSEY YOU PRICK.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAePmwWbsXM
I liked that. And a good choice of video so we get to see the ageless Zoey D
/I would suggest that for the draft each position be colour-coded so that each team could have a “Player Reveal”
For example, when it’s the Pats turn to pick, the barely legal Filipino giving Kraft a handjob would wear purple gloves.
Fans: “Purple? It’s a defensive lineman! Woo!”
I like it, but the gloves would be purple and white (or blue and white or what have you).
Great idea.
Apparently, the new Vice Dark Side of the Ring is on New Jack: The craziest motherfucker you should absolutely never wrestle against. He accidentally killed a minor in the ring after his dad lied about his age to help him get in (mass transit incident), intentionally overthrew a guy off of scaffolding so he’d miss the tables stacked to break his fall, and answered a shoot punch to the face with a receipt that involved a shoot fucking stabbing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rla6xX-IQU0
Oh, he also was on The Daily Show once to help convince kids that they should avoid college
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/q35d99/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-stay-out-of-school
I don’t know how many of you are old enough to remember it, but today is the 35th anniversary of George Plimpton’s epic April Fools prank, “The Curious Case of Sidd Finch” in Sports Illustrated. It was about a strange, french horn playing monkish dude who could throw a 168 mph fast ball. My husband fell for it, and got sooo pissed off when he found out it was a joke he cancelled his subscription. Still makes me laugh!
I remember reading it as a teenager in a doctor’s office waiting room (of course). Incredible article and incredible prank.
I remember this. It’s funny how many people got offended at that joke.
Everyone knows the best fake athlete is Taro Tsujimoto
I thought it was Mante Te’o’s girlfriend.
#ImaginaryThreesome?
For the record, I expect the international NFL fixtures don’t happen, and the season starts without fans (at least). But TV money rules, and we will have at least close to a full season.
I don’t see how a “virtual draft” isn’t safe. We will all watch it at home, and be grateful.
Maybe with all the players on home video, we’ll have more candid moments like with Michael Sam.
Cut to that 3rd round pick, and there he is blowing some guy. HAWT!!
CBS has a 3 round mock; the Jets’ pick in the 3rd is Willie Gay Jr.
IT’S HAPPENING!!!
Someone out there needs to name their child “Willie B. Gay”.
Hear hear. It’s teams picking college players. All you need is a phone. Maybe a chess timer with a taser, if you’re the Vikings.
That taser combo device would raise ratings at least 15-20%!
Is this for the record?
well, I guess I shoulda been all woke and said digital album release
Nicaraguan futbol, feel the heat.
/really need Jalapa to hold on here.
//no, YOU have a problem.
YES!! MXC MONDAYS!!!
YOU’RE THE BEST, BEERGUYROB!
I will enjoy seeing this again. Those disappearing rocks are my favourites. And so little padding
The rapid fire jokes on that show were next level-entertaining in a way that I’d never been entertained before.