Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Flagstaff War

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This corona thing feels like a stalemate this week, Jim. It’s affecting all of us – hell, even my own productivity is down.

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Speaking of stalemates, Johnny, did you know that since overtime was added to NFL rules in 1974, there have been only 25 games that ended in a tie?

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What am I, Jim? An idiot? Of course I do. I’ve watched each of them seven times this week, in fact.

I don’t know why you think seven complete times of watching a game is enough to teach you anything, John. I’ve only just started scratching the surface of the beauty of a tie, and I just hit triple digits in the number of viewings of each game.

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I have a brilliant mind, Jim. That’s why you’re in college ball, and not me. At any rate, as a bone to the readers, let’s talk about an immaculate tie between an obscure rivalry this week.

THE FLAGSTAFF WAR

Combatant 1: The Māori people of New Zealand

Combatant 2: The Royal Navy, British Army & Board of Ordnance

Location of Conflict: Bay of Islands, North Island, New Zealand

Reason for Conflict: Someone kept chopping down a flagpole.

Map of New Zealand and the Bay of Islands
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What happened? In 1840, having just recently landed in New Zealand, British colonialists signed the Treaty of Waitangi, establishing British sovereignty over the islands while maintaining the autonomy of all Māori tribes who lived there. With French explorers having threatened to establish settlements in New Zealand, and disrupt the traditional ways of life of the Māori, the Treaty was intended to be a way for the Māori to achieve protection from hostile European explorers while also allowing for economic development and settlement by the British, who had established successful economic relations with the Māori in the late 18th century. The French were unsuccessful at settling the islands, and British settlers began to arrive in droves from the British colony of New South Wales, Australia, to begin colonisation of the North Island.

As early as 1841, however, many Māori chiefs felt that the treaty was unequal and soon to be devastating to their traditional way of life, and took up arms against the British in order to protect their peoples. The British colonial government persisted, imposing new tariffs on goods bought and sold, and encroaching on Māori lands, further exacerbating tensions. By 1844, Māori chief Hōne Heke of the Ngāpuhi was fed up, and decided to march on Kororareka to teach the Brits a lesson about unchecked colonialism. Heke’s ally, chief Te Haruata, chopped down the flagpole on Maiki Hill, where the British garrison was stationed, to show their feelings of betrayal.

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Hōne Heke actually had the flagpole re-built, but as relations with the British continued to deteriorate, he returned in early 1845 to chop down the flagpole down two more times. After the third destruction, the British built a blockhouse directly in front of it, and covered the pole in iron. Despite the show of force, Hōne Heke had no intention of backing down, and thus, the Flagstaff War officially commenced on the morning of March 11, 1845, with the raid of the town of Kororareka. Even with the Royal Navy moving HMS Hazard into the Bay of Islands to bombard the Ngāpuhi warriors ransacking the town, they still couldn’t keep the Māori from chopping down the flagpole a fourth time, and killing all the soldiers in the blockhouse.

The Flagstaff War was a messy war, particularly due to the fact that the Māori were not united in their contempt for the British colonial government; many tribes of Māori took up arms on behalf of the Crown, and waged war against Hōne Heke and the Ngāpuhi.

The Aftermath: In what was quite unusual for Māori custom, the Flagstaff War lasted for 10 months before a peace treaty was signed between the British and the rebelling Ngāpuhi tribes – an extremely long and protracted campaign. In the end, there was no clear winner and no clear loser – British hegemony was established on the North Island, while Ngāpuhi chiefs Hōne Heke and Te Haruata enjoyed tremendous boosts in respect and prestige amongst both fellow Māori chiefs and their tribes from across the North Island. In all, casualties were 82 British soldiers killed and 164 wounded, and about 60-94 Ngāpuhi warriors killed and another 80-148 wounded.

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As for the flagpole… it stayed chopped down, and wasn’t rebuilt until 1858, when Ngāpuhi veterans of the war negotiated the erection of a permanent one, partly as a way of commemorating the battle. It remains standing on what is now known as Flagstaff Hill, in the modern-day town of Russell.

John… don’t call Jeff Fisher right now.

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Why not, Jim? I had some questions about ties, and wanted to consult with the game’s greatest guru of playing not to lose.

Because I guarantee he’s got an erection the size of a baseball bat after reading about the stalemate we just discussed.

***

Information for this article taken from here, here, here, here, and here. Banner image by The Maestro.

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The Maestro
The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn't in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/author/the-maestro/
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Don T

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Nailed it.
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LemonJello

I hope he was beaten with bars of soap wrapped in towels in the shower after this.

Sharkbait

Fun fact: Edmonton went down the other end to score and tie the game, forcing OT. The point in the standings they gained moved them into second to last place, behind Chicago, who ended up with the #1 overall pick and drafted Patrick Kane.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bBns6ZUn0U

Dunstan

Man, the poor Oilers, missing out on a #1 draft pick. They just can’t catch a break in the draft.

Unsurprised

It shouldn’t have surprised me that when I told a legislator from my home state I went to law school with that now would be a good time to adopt all mail ballots like in Washington and Oregon, his first reaction was to shit on it. With Democrats like these, huh?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nawt wearing her bandana mask correctly. smgdh.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Gotta have priorities.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“No matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.“
— Lily Tomlin

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

“How did that fucking guy get reelected?”, he said, fully aware that he was probably going to see the same thing play out in November.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Game Time Decision

I guess early minions weren’t as indestructible as the later ones.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

Klytus, I’m bored.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

This Rocky reboot takes some liberties with the source material.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Speed bag.

Dunstan

You’ve got to be nuts to try that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You should be sacked for this comment.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rodney_Peete_is_1337

You know what this war needed? Some of Marty Mornhinweg’s wacky weapons.

Unsurprised

I need to find that FB post about which pole arm / spear weapon would be best to maintain social distancing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is on old one, but seems to be coming back in style.

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Unsurprised

Politicians are the dumbest people in the world except for the people who vote for them.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

A simple idea for a cloth mask is to cut a sleeve off of a t-shirt you don’t regularly wear and pull the sleeve over your head and cover your nose and mouth with it.

Cut both sleeves off and you’ve made 2 cloth masks AND a muscle shirt..

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Muscle”

LemonJello

Sun’s out, guns out.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“So sad.”

-Conspiracy theorist/ school shooter

rockingdog

LOLcomment image

ballsofsteelandfury

Where’s Redshirt when you need him?

Brick Meathook

Do you think Queen Elizabeth has ever wiped her own ass?

LemonJello

I don’t think the Queen has ever passed gas, much less evacuated her bowels…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

Did you find instructions on how to make your own on Pinterest?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They were in Roman Times.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
    Everybody hates font jokes.
Dunstan

Well, this does explain Jean-Luc Picard’s accent.

ballsofsteelandfury

How this post wasn’t sponsored by Viagra, I’ll never know.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

POST.

Dunstan

I guess they couldn’t raise the funds.

I hear they’re hard up for cash.

They’ve even been stiffing their creditors.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If this comment stay up for more than four hours, call a physician immediately.