Cabin Fever: East Coast Regional

HOST: Welcome everyone, to an other edition of “Quarantining Today.”  I’m your host, [name redacted], and we’re checking in with some of our favorite DFO contributors to see how they’re coping with the societal changes that the novel coronavirus pandemic has brought into their lives.  With me today are Senor Weaselo, Sharkbait, theeWeeBabySeamus, and King Hippo. Don_T will join us later.

First question for each of you – where are you exactly, and how are things in your vicinity?

Senor Weaselo

I’m in eastern, eastern Queens. Bad news: it’s NYC so I’m in the country’s, no, the world’s eye of the storm. And as recently as Sunday the 15th I was playing Hasidic weddings in Borough Park, Brooklyn, which has become one of the major hotbeds of the coronavirus. Considering the lack of social distancing at still rather large funerals, I would advise them to remember Deuteronomy 6:16. Good news, I’m not in the worst of it. Elmhurst, Corona, and Jackson Heights are the real worst part according to by ZIP, but that’s northwestern Queens, by Citi Field and LaGuardia.

At printing time we’ll have been isolated for about four weeks, almost a month. Really there were varying degrees of isolation in the city. First were the colleges, SUNY and CUNY. I work as a TA and tutor at one of the CUNY schools, and I was actually at work when I found out about the first wave of policy: A week without classes to transfer to “distance learning,” and then hopefully onward without a delay for the rest of the semester. The music faculty was getting out of a meeting when I told them about the update from CUNY’s Twitter. (I was the tutor on call so I asked one of the other tutors, who also is an adjunct, to fill me in.) That was Wednesday the 11th. And the professor I TA for was away in Michigan playing concerts, so I was conducting the string ensemble that day. I told them the news at 7 PM, that it was our last day of classes and that we would figure out how we’d rehearse—as you’d guess with all the lag it’s really hard to have Skype or Zoom rehearsals. It was a somber mood in the rehearsal room.

The rest of the city shutdown followed in stages. I played three weddings that weekend in the Bronx and Brooklyn, slightly shortened and a couple of them moved up to evade the inevitable impending stoppages. I attended a family funeral on the 17th, and looking back that was probably the last day we could have done it. The day before gatherings were cut from half capacity to 50 people, then 10 or so and schools getting closed (originally until April 20th but let’s be real, rest of the year), and the current “don’t deal with people unless necessary” basis. And all other things are pretty closed, I think. I admittedly haven’t gone out much (more on that later). I live at home, and it’s normally Madre Weaselo who does the grocery shopping (I go occasionally, but normally only for a couple things if she’s working on dinner and missing those ingredients), and she’s been fine with it. Maybe meat’s a little tougher to come by, but she hasn’t needed to beat anyone off with a loaf of bread or anything like that. To my knowledge.

HOST: To your knowledge?

Senor: I mean, she’d tell us that one, that’s going full Frank Costanza, origin of Festivus. “What happened to the bread?” “The bread was destroyed.”

[NOT-ZOOM CHAT FLIES OPEN]

Cuntler

I am in Evergreen, Colorado, about 25 minutes west of downtown Denver in the foothills, pretty close to Morrison and Red Rocks.

HOST: That’s not remotely East Coast at all— (Cuntler continues, undaunted)

The weekend of St. Patrick’s Day was when everything went sideways here.  We had been doing the social distancing thing for about 5 days, and we went to the Abbey in downtown Denver to meet my brother-in-law and sister-in-law (wife’s brother), and it was the emptiest we had ever seen for a St. Patrick’s Day celebration.  We came back up here and went to a celebration at a local brewery (Revival Brews, it’s fine) with friends, and that was the last time we went out socially.  We were supposed to go to NYC on 3/17, but we cancelled and are still in the process of getting refunds and rescheduling.  Surprisingly, everyone we spoke with was really friendly and understanding about it (What the fuck, NY? Have you gone soft?).  Instead, we (probably stupidly) got a really cheap room at the Broadmoor in Colorado Springs for a few nights.  When we got there, it was very empty.  It is a super fancy hotel, kind of a Republican getaway in the Rockies, but it is nice. My wife’s very conservative parents took her there a lot as a kid.  Anyway, we hung out in fancy room, ordered takeout for two days, and walked around a gigantic hotel like it was The Shining.  Right before we left, the firm decided everyone should work from home indefinitely, so I set up shop at home.  The kids are stuck remote learning for the year, but at least we all have each other to hang out with.  They miss their friends, and the wife and I miss our friends (edited: we really have more than one friend!), eating out, etc.

theeWeeBabySeamus: I don’t know what’s worse.  Living in a populated area that is now deserted (ie NYC, etc)  or living in the sticks (central North Cackalacky) and not being able to get out when cabin fever hits.  I went to the post office a coupla days ago to mail Easter cards and literally almost just threw them at the door without slowing down.  But at least the booze stores are still open.  Although they do now have those huge plexiglass sheilds.  HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA ROB THEM WITH THOSE IN THE WAY?????

Cuntler: We haven’t done too much that is crazy, although I feel like we are both experimenting a lot with different drinks.  So far, we’ve done a gin night, a bourbon night, margarita night, a rye night, and lots of beer. I think I’ve gotten really drunk twice in the last month (once ruining slack by posting a bunch of songs on the pets thread with BC Dick and zymm), but it isn’t much fun at home with kids.

tWBS: Vodka and Gameshows.  Sad but true.

Cuntler: I usually am a big time outside person, but the trails and parks are crowded (stupid hippies) so I take my dog for a walk or run at 6;30 every morning, come home and work remotely, watch some show on one of 8 streaming platforms, and go to bed.  I couldn’t get into Tiger King, too white trash for my tastes, but Ozark is entertaining and my wife has made me watch all the Reese Witherspoon shows (The Morning Show, Little Fires Everywhere) and they are good too. Maybe I’ll watch Game of Thrones.  Anyway, that’s about it.  Oh, on the work front, we are a 50 person or so law firm, and all of the shareholders (including me) took a 1/3 paycut.  My wife works in healthcare and makes the same amount I do, so we will be fine. She actually just got a raise and bonus, so maybe when the firm goes under, she will be my sugar momma.  On that note, if this goes on for months, I could see my firm dying.  We do lots of environmental, natural resources, and land work.  The price of oil and gas is in the toilet, the EPA has suspended hearings, the courts are halfway shutdown, and no one is buying businesses or houses.  THANKS OBAMA.  Anyway, we are hanging in there. At least the Bears have two shitty quarterbacks now instead of one!

tWBS: Yeah, the courts here have more or less shut down as well.  Wooooooo….  Hopefully the statute of limitations will arrive before my court date for….  Wait, I’ve said too much.

Cuntler: My wife just told me we are going to adopt a puppy tomorrow (maybe) so that could be fun.

tWBS: My mother asked me today if I thought pigs could get the coronavirus.  How the hell should I know?  Just cook the pork chops well done and don’t go kissing any pigs and we’ll be fine.  Yes, I got the look.

Cuntler: Man, I am so happy I am not quarantined with my mother. By day 3, I’d be out licking the touch screen at the supermarket.

tWBS: LMFAO

I’ve been quaratined with my mother for five years now.  Why do you think I go to California and Florida and Baltimore whenever possible?

Sharkbait: Florida I assume because you are in need of discount meth?

tWBS: Well, at first it was spring training, then the former tWLS.  Then it was gonna be spring training again this year, but they killed that off.  Fortunately everything was refunded, which honestly surprised me. But if you know a good meth guy in Sarasota, I’m willing to listen.

Sharkbait

Checking in from Boston. Things around here are OK. For the most part, people here are adhering to the social distance idea. Ive noticed the amount of traffic has dropped off considerably around my neighborhood. The people that are outside walking around also tend to stay away from each other so that’s good. I think they all learned a lesson after St. Patricks Day weekend, when people were packed into bars and waiting in line outside of them. The city issued the order to close all sit down dining the following monday, and people realized how fucking stupid that was.  Personally, I’m doing about as well as I can. Fortunately my company is able to have the entire workforce be remote, so I’ve been working from home since March 13th. That’s been an adjustment for sure, but I feel very fortunate that I’m in a position that allows me to do that. Mrs. Sharkbait has a verbal offer on a new job…contingent on the company being able to re-open. So we are looking forward to that once all this passes.

Other than that, we’re trying to stay inside and sane. The hardest part about that is having to avoid family. With an infant here, everyone wants to come see her, but we can’t take the risk of exposing our family in case we became carriers somehow. Mrs. Sharkbait and I each have a parent with not so stellar health histories, so we decided to basically avoid contact with our families, and do a lot of google hangouts (no Zoom. Seriously, don’t use it). This weekend, I plan on baking some bread since we’re running out and all of the stores are empty. Luckily I enjoy making bread, so instead of just doing it for fun, I’ll be doing it because we need it, which is a little surreal now that I think about it.

I’ve also started a quarantunes playlist that friends and family are contributing to, because we’re in need of some gallows humor.

Cuntler: I’ve heard zoom is fine if you have a password-protected meeting. Is that not the case?

Sharkbait: Zoom had to patch 3 major vulnerabilities last week alone. I think they’re also being sued for their security practices (or lack thereof) and multiple businesses and schools have restricted its use.

[CHAT FLIES OPEN AGAIN]

Game Time Decision: My work just went with zoom. Fuck. The head of IT sent this big email about how great it was and all the stuff it can do but just showed what a POS it is. And my favourite part is that it tracks how long you have the meeting window active in the meeting. I’m an IT guy, the meeting window is only active for me to sign in. Fawking piece of shit.

HOST: Canada already went.

Sharkbait: I push a security newsletter to my company and had the middle column all about zoom and how bad it is.

Cuntler: Good to know, although we are still using firm meetings.

[CHAT FLIES OPEN… AGAIN]

Ballsofsteelandfury: I can’t remember the last time I had a firm meeting with my lady friend…

HOST: Okay, this is—

Litre_Cola: Should have won some pools and you would have gently used fleshlights. No ‘Rona there right? Right????

Yeah Right: I found yeast at the store! We gon bake, bulee dat!

Sharkbait: Fuck yeah baking!

HOST:knew I should have put a password to get into in this room. *sighs* …Moving on. Second question, though some of you have answered it: What activities are you engaged in to pass the time?

King Hippo: I play Football Manager.  ALL.  THE.  TIME.

Sharkbait: Playing “Chopped: The Home Game” most every night to solve the dinner problem. Baking some bread as well as making dough for pizza.Oh and drinking.

Yeah Right: Sitting here at work commenting with you good folks while watching the clock. Oh and reading, reading, reading.

Litre_Cola: DAYDRINKING IS DFO. I am yelling that over the border at you Easterners.

BC Dick: I jerked off during a conference call today. I had paper taped over the camera and on mute. So it could’ve been better but it’s still a good way to go. 90% of the participants were women so even if I got fired I’d have some suitorettes in due time.

HOST: Careful there, Kellen Winslow…

[LEGALLY DIFFERENT FROM MESSENGER CHAT FLIES OPEN]

Doktor Zymm: When I’m not remote working, I’m on my second jigsaw puzzle, lots of reading, Civ 6, cleaning everything, bought a rowing machine, plus cooking and laundry. Oh, and trying to figure out how to refund/reschedule everything for my Greenland trip along with wildly speculating about when I’ll be able to travel internationally again without two week quarantines on both sides.  Tentatively rescheduled for late June, but I think that’s too optimistic. Honestly, this isn’t too different than working on my dissertation during a bad Chicago winter. In a lot of ways it’s better because I have more money and can go outside without 15 minutes of prep.

Senor: The good things: I’m still teaching, so it means four days a week I’m on the lappy in my room tutoring, TAing (even if nobody comes for my theory TA session), and private teaching. Teaching private violin lessons is not too difficult, teaching cello slightly tougher, teaching piano is rough. When not doing that, the professor for the string ensemble and I are recording the entire repertoire list, so approximately a movement or two a week. Recording is a pain in the ass because after 8:00 all the douchebags with their loud-ass car exhausts are on the streets, so I’ve had countless takes ruined, and with them, hits to vestiges of sanity. Recording sucks as it is, moreso when you’re recording to a video and have to be on it and therefore can’t actually put any musicality in the piece because there’s no wiggle room.

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Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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Don T

Yes! Mis hermanos dominicanos have a takeout window. Heinies for da hatas
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BC Dick

Dominican sisters with beer? Sign me up.

BC Dick

Or that’s brothers isn’t it? Still, beer.

SonOfSpam

Heineken? Jeez, I didn’t realize how thoroughly that hurricane wrecked you.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice!

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Cuntler

East of the continental divide. Close enough!

Brick Meathook

You’re east of the 405

Don T

Dynamite stuff, man. Hope you and your familiy are well.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh! Some exciting coronavirus-related news: my local Costco has toilet paper! And I got some of it!

LemonJello

Taking it from the restroom stalls? Ingenious!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Depends.

LemonJello

No. RTD clearly said toilet paper.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Conditionally.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well thank goodness RTD has a clean asshole now. I think we’ll all sleep better tonight. Especially the Ms. Dr. RTD Esquire (Retired).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

RTD before Costco:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

AND during…..

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Speaking of pork loin, we have sous vide-d the last two tenderloins then finished them on the grill and I don’t think I will ever have the slightest bit of interest in ever again eating a tenderloin that is cooked any other way.

Dunstan

Excellent — I have a package in the freezer still and have been planning to do it that way.

Dunstan

Ah, but you can still do that or any other spice rub and make a pan sauce. The sous vide part just substitutes for the “wrap in foil and stick in the oven and try to cook it to the right temperature” part.

Don T

The prep (brown sides, wrap with rub, 30 mins. In 350) is as easy and foolproof delicious as it gets (IMHO). My fave recipe. Close second, My Cuba Libre:
-fill 1/2 glass with clear rum
-squeeze 1/2 lime or lemon (the green one, still not sure which is which)
-ice
-top with Coke
-stir it if you wanna

Dunstan

I find that when I stir, the cake gets all mushy.

Dunstan

Yeah, oven roasting still gets you very good results. I’m not saying anyone needs to rush out and buy a sous vide device just for this. Get one for steaks, chicken breast, and lobster. And then, since you already have it, might as well use it for the tenderloin too.

BC Dick

There’s gotta be an elegant French past tense for sous vide

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

“Serpentine! Serpentine!”
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rockingdog

Found a funny:
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Viva La Tabula Raza

Not to be racist, but those guys look a lot alike.

BC Dick

Hey so you guys for house power do 110/220 yeah? In the USA.

LemonJello

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BC Dick

I saw it in Tapeheads just now. I think it’s just a nominal voltage. Clearly Canadian and American electronics are interchangeable. Right? No one has to buy a new electric razor when visiting Montreal. Yes. It is so.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

120 VAC for common circuits, 240 VAC for larger items; clothes driers, ovens, refrigerators, etc. Yes, same/ same 60 Hz. Being someone who forgets their converter when traveling and then purchasing on at the airport I have an extra if you are going to Belgium …… or Turkmenistan.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

United States and Canada have a completely identical and interconnected electric grid (with the exception of regionally specific electrical codes). So is the phone system, and electromagnetic spectrum regulation.

Now Mexico . . . that’s where the wild stuff is!

BC Dick

Ok yeah we have lots of interconnections but that’s transmission level stuff. While the actual voltage in each house could be different. The providers are all still local and have to abide by the required voltage in the area they are in. I’m sure it’s mostly just a difference in the way we say it or things have enough tolerance that 110-120 is no issue.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Both countries can give the kids forks and send them to play with the outlet (socket).

Brick Meathook

Actually it’s not 110v until it leaves the transformer on the pole near your home.

Transmission is done at extremely high-voltage/low-amperage.

I am an electric power nerd.

BC Dick

Yeah, I exactly that’s what I mean. The delivery voltage. I work at a power company here and we always use 120/240 for self contained meters to the majority of houses and a lot of businesses. That’s how the code specifies it but I think they mention 110/220 and even 115/130 but I think that’s not used any more.
The high voltage transmission stuff is all interconnected across Canada/US. I just noticed the US movies say 110 or 220.

If you like power I have a great book about the history of hydroelectric power in southeastern British Columbia from 1897-1997 that no one appreciated when I gave it as a gift to my entire family one year at Christmas. I have extra copies. I took a free box home.

Don T

Pft. Hold my b—
[power outage]
-Home

Don T

YES! Loved that movie.

LemonJello

How does one, theoretically, get to participate in these discussions of our current existence?

Asking foar a friend. (sadly points at self)

Col. Duke LaCross

I’ll be that friend. And also, would like to ask, (for another friend.)

ballsofsteelandfury

We need to get you guys in there. I’ll check to see how we can do it.

Don T

Send your how yer spending the quarantine stuff to [email protected]. I’d send you the style guide, but it’s illegible after a dog peed on it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Daytime Quarantine Watch while Working

So I Married an Axe Murderer – is very underrated.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And in some cases a documentary.

Sharkbait

Extremely underrated.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Horrendously underrated.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Amazingly underrated.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Drastically underrated.

LemonJello
ballsofsteelandfury

That is an EXCELLENT movie. The only problem is I can never find anyone streaming it.