The scene: The DFO clubhouse, where Old School Zero is currently sleeping on the couch while The Principal (starring Jim Belushi!) plays on the TV. There’s a recurring beeping sound emanating from a panel on the wall, which is also flashing a blinking red light. It would probably get OSZ’s attention if he hadn’t watched the end of Red Heat, then all of K-9 and Taking Care of Business before re-watching Red Heat and then popping in The Principal.

All while smoking more than a small amount of weed.

[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

Down the hall Don T opens a door in the hallway and peeks out. A blaring disco beat pours out of the room and strobe lights flash across the walls.

Don T (irritated): Hey, someone answer Zymm’s call! Hello… Anyone out there?

Grumpily, Don T steps out into the hallway.

Don T (calling back into the room): Hold on, ladies. I’ve got to get this call.

Female Voices (from inside the room): Awwww….

Don T starts down the hallway, then stops and calls back into the room.

Don T: And keep your clothes on! Remember our club rules!

Female Voices (from inside the room): Awwww….

Don T heads out into the main room of the clubhouse, shakes his head at OSZ, and tpas a button on the panel. The beeping and flashing red light both cease, to be replaced by a life-size hologram of Doktor Zymm.

Doktor Zymm: Ach! Don, I didn’t know you vere at ze clubhouse!

Don T: Well, I was going to head home, but then I got involved in a marathon game of Monopoly and…

Doktor Zymm: Ja, ja. Vell, vere ist everyone elze? I told zem all to ztay put during zis crizis…

Don T (looking around): Well, OSZ is here. In body, at least. I think he may have fried his brain on Jim Belushi movies…

Doktor Zymm: Ach! Ze funniest Belushi brother!

Don T: He’s really not…

Doktor Zymm: But zere is no one else zere? Horatio ist not ztuck under a couch cushion or…

Don T (looking around again, checking the couch cushions, peeking into the kitchen): No, sorry, Zymm, I don’t see anyone. But look, they’re adults…kind of. They know enough to stay out of trouble…sort of.

Doktor Zymm (looking concerned): I vish I could agree mit you…

Cut to: The Wasteleand! In the future! Where WCS is currently running across the desolate landscape, with Covalent Blonde and Future Clone Debbie Harry in close pursuit.

WCS (screaming): AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Covalent Blonde dives forward and tackles WCS, and they both fall into the dirt.

Covalent Blonde: You idiot! What were you thinking?

WCS: I was thinking that I really don’t want to get my head skwidged! That kinda thing hurts!

Covalent Blonde: Jeez, WCS, that rock thing was slower than a Phillip Rivers scramble. You could’ve just walked away from it and you would’ve been fine.

WCS: Look, all I know is that I like my head the way it is! Unskwidged!

Huffing and puffing, Future Clone Debbie Harry comes upon the scene, fanning herself to cool down.

Future Clone Debbie Harry (huffing): Are we done with all this running yet? I haven’t been this exhausted since the first time Moose decided that he wanted to try out his C.H.O.D.E.!

Covalent Blonde (frowning): His…C.H.O.D.E.…?

Future Clone Debbie Harry (puffing): Yes, and I wasn’t too thrilled about it, let me tell you! But he was so excited…

WCS (interested): Sure, I get that.

Future Clone Debbie Harry (still huffing): And he had waited so long to get it. I mean, they are a special-order item, and have to be manufactured by only the most experienced craftspeople. And they’re very expensive.

WCS: Oh, yeah, makes total sense to me. Can’t have just anyone getting their hands on a C.H.O.D.E.

Future Clone Debbie Harry (no longer puffing): Of course not! But when he opened the package, I have to admit that I was a bit taken back. It was somewhat bigger than it looked in the catalog.

WCS: Yeah, and I hear they can get even bigger.

Future Clone Debbie Harry: Oh, tell me about it! Why, he wanted to try that thing at the top setting right away, and I said, “Oh, no, mister! That thing is going to take some getting used to!”

WCS: I’ve had the same reaction from women.

Covalent Blonde (skeptical): Have you, though?

Future Clone Debbie Harry (ignoring WCS sticking his tongue out at CB): Well, let me tell you, I may have been a bit reticent at first, but I have to admit that Moose’s C.H.O.D.E. did add some spice to our marriage…

Covalent Blonde (interrupting): OK, blondie, every time one of you future-people breaks out a new acronym, it’s always something that sounds vaguely sexual, and it always ends up being some sort of zap-gun or food processor or whatever. So let’s break the suspense right now. Just tell us what this C.H.O.D.E. is and we can all get a good laugh and move on with our lives.

Future Clone Debbie Harry: Oh, silly me. I forgot that you pasties are basically cavemen.

Covalent Blonde gets up menacingly, then looks back at WCS, who is cleaning sand out of his ear with a finger while scratching his head with the other hand.

Covalent Blonde (sighing): OK, point taken. But I’d still like to know what this C.H.O.D.E. is, just to keep WCS from snickering about it for the rest of the day.

Future Clone Debbie Harry: Oh! Silly me! It’s a Colossally Huge CENSORED CENSORED Enhancement, of course!

Covalent Blonde (looking shocked, disturbed and just a bit nauseous): A Colossally Huge…

Future Clone Debbie Harry: And I must say, it’s well-named! Why, I could tell you stories…

Covalent Blonde: Please don’t.

WCS (picking a bug out of his hair): Or do! Feel free to share!

Grimacing, Covalent Blonde starts to walk off into the desert. Future Clone Debbie Harry and WCS follow. Future Clone Debbie Harry continues to blather on about the C.H.O.D.E. as Covalent Blonde covers her ears and WCS nods enthusiastically.

Future Clone Debbie Harry: And then there was the time Moose wanted to try the C.H.O.D.E. and the S.C.H.L.O.N.G.! At the same time!

WCS (grinning): Do tell…

Covalent Blonde: Aggh, I should’ve stayed in Hell…

As the trio walk off, they fail to notice a figure on a rocky rise half a kilometer away. Wearing a leather duster, cloth face covering and goggles, it watches them through a set of binoculars, then pulls a picture of Future Clone Debbie Harry out of its pocket. Nodding once, it puts both binoculars and picture away, then gets on a rough-looking futuristic hoverbike and starts the engine…

To be continued…