Your “Rules?” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

NFL Nuggets:

  • Proving once again that the only true crime in the NFL is taking a knee, Aldon Smith has been reinstated by the NFL.
    • The Cowboys (naturally) signed Smith to a one-year contract worth up to $4 million, with $2 million in base salary and $2 million in sack incentives, but no money guaranteed.
      • He hasn’t played since the 2015 season due to various legal & substance abuse issues.
      • He turns 31 in September.
    • He claims that, because he hasn’t “put mileage on my body”, he should be able to resume his career at a high level.
  • Right on cue, here comes Josh Gordon.
    Hi!
    • By appearing in 11 games for the Seahawks in 2019, Gordon appeared in enough games to satisfy his contractual obligations and to become an unrestricted free agent. He’s currently able to sign with any team.

The list of proposed rule changes was published & sent to teams on Thursday.

  • Among the proposals: (all taken from the cited article)
    • Adding a booth umpire and a senior technology advisor to the referee to assist the officiating crew.
    • A proposal that would give teams another option instead of an onside kick.
      • It would allow a team to maintain possession of the ball after a score by substituting one offensive play – attempting a fourth-and-15 from its 25-yard line.
        • This could be done a maximum of two times per game.
    • Making permanent the expansion of automatic replay reviews to include scoring plays and turnovers negated by a foul, and any successful or unsuccessful extra-point attempt.
    • Providing the option to the defense for the game clock to start on the referee’s signal if the defense declines an offensive penalty that occurs late in either half.
      • This would eliminate instances when an offense could benefit time-wise from committing a penalty.
    • Expanding the defenseless player protection to a kickoff or punt returner who is in possession of the ball but who has not had time to avoid or ward off the impending contact of an opponent.
      • Essentially, the CFL’s “no yards” penalty.
    • Preventing teams from manipulating the game clock by committing multiple dead-ball fouls while the clock is running.
  • One proposal not making the cut was the proposal to return overtime to 15 minutes.


Tonight’s … entertainment?:

  • Korea Baseball Organization:
    • NC Dinos at Doosan Bears – 2:30 AM | ESPN2
  • Celebrity Escape Room – 8:00PM | NBC
    • Ben Stiller brings the phenomenon of escape rooms to television in spectacular style with “Celebrity Escape Room.”
      • Jack Black serves as host and all knowing Game Master, putting celebrity players to the test as they all work together under intense pressure to beat the clock, unlocking a series of colorful, themed puzzle rooms.
  • The Red Nose Day Special – 9:01PM | NBC
    • Featuring the biggest names across entertainment with a packed lineup of music, comedy and short documentary films that will educate and engage viewers.
      • The films will share stories of children and young people who have been affected by poverty and how Red Nose Day funds have helped change their story for good.
  • Top Chef – 10:00PM | BRAVO / Food Network Canada
    • With only six chefs remaining, the challenges get even more difficult, when pastry super-chef Sherry Yard awaits the All Stars for a dreaded dessert Quickfire.
  • To Tell the Truth – 10:00PM | ABC
    • Sports icons / chucklefucks Deion Sanders and Shannon Sharpe join comedians Joel McHale and Gillian Jacobs to make up the celebrity panel.

Once again, I’m reminding you to tune in Friday evening for a Very Special Episode of Sexy Friday, dedicated to the recently departed yet never forgotten Wee Baby Seamus.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Please Login to comment
35 Comment threads
130 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
24 Comment authors
jjfozzRikki-Tikki-DeadlyBrick MeathookBrettFavresColonoscopyMr. Ayo Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

For Ayo:

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuck this day/week/month/year/decade

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Dude.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’d be more worried if he was coming dead

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Amen. I forgot to make this joke.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

That top picture is (as Jon Stewart said) “my originally issued album.” My sister’s puppy chewed the corners.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That headline would be more effective in French.
(Ce titre serait efficace en français.)

Vous n’avez pas à vivre au Québec

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’ve been working remotely from L.A. for over two months now.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I miss this, though:
comment image

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Wait, you’re still working?

I thought you were suckling at the teat of their socialist unemployment program. And California’s.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

My contract ends this week. I plan on sucking on BOTH of them.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Sexy Friday is tomorrow champ!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

Cuntler

FINE. Blues song:

https://youtu.be/oHowqKYSXNI

Cuntler

I’m drunk. Worthless really. Cheers. Here is some phish. You guys hate this shit! Bears. https://youtu.be/DJ3HPkiEYKw

SonOfSpam

Phish is kinda stupid, but being drunk is not worthless. It’s life-affirming.

Cuntler

The best part about phish is they know they are stupid. That’s why Zappa is bad because he thought being stupid is some kind of art. Phish knows being stupid is fun and not serious. Biggest nerd rockers since devo.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’m going to second that Zappa is way over-rated, even though that’s “heresy” is some circles. If the nerds like him, good for them.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

ooh i had a “+1” here a bit ago – a nerd must have downvoted

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

ooh! it’s back up to “+1” !

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

You’re welcome.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

ooh you fucks it’s back to zero

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

is it ayo? is it ayo who’s responsible for this?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I have only voted once. I would never dare to manipulate voting in such a manner.

Also, my modest screen shows your post still carries a reputation of +1.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Someone just this past week did the joke where they took a friend to a Phish show, and after half an hour the friend asked how long they were going to continue to rehearse.

Cuntler

Eh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s a good joke for any band you dislike, or one you like that someone else stupidly hates.

jjfozz

Tomorrow nights plan that will have me in excellent shape for all the DFO craziness

1. Eat an edible
2. Two beers, order food for my boy’s bday.
3. A bourbon or three, Also, cigars.
4. Avoid eating, hover around. Sneak in three more beers.
5. Bourbon and dodging Mrs. Fozz
6. Drink a beer with my oldest. Be sad and happy.
7. Edible and cigar
8. Explain how I’m not wasted. I’m fine.
9. Beer, bourbon, beer, cigar. Deep breathes to convince me I’m ok.
10. DFO check in. Post. Feel sad as shit about tWBS. Cry in silence.
11. Drunk, maudlin, cigars, listen to Nebraska. Sleep.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Please turn on your spellcheck prior to this activity.

jjfozz

I thought it was clean. Oh well. Blowe meigh

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

OMG you go “full depression” when you get hammered and listen to “Nebraska.”

SonOfSpam

Assuming the Counting Crows did that album because of Omaha.

I know my music.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Shit, now I’m listening to “Johnny 99”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Listening to Bruce Springsteen’s “Nebraska” is as depressing as watching Bruce Dern’s “Nebraska.” Fight me.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Both are better than going to Nebraska though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I can’t endorse this enough.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hay man, just want to be able to understand you.

jjfozz

My oldest turned 16 eight minutes ago. How in fuck did I get here? Shouldn’t I be waking up in a bed full or barf and scribbled phone numbers on the back of matchbooks? Goddamn you, time, I want to be 25 forever. Fucking dick.

SonOfSpam

So, when you say 16…
1) Gender?
2) State rules?
3) Pic for the post, for, I dunno, posterity?
4) Did he/she get my e-mail?

lol just kidding I don’t even like kidz bop

jjfozz

Male
MD
Mmmm, no pix
Fucking weirdo

He is my namesake, smarter than me, and I want to punch him 98% of the time he is awake.

SonOfSpam

I hear all that. Being a parent is the best and stupidest thing we do.

But our kids being better than us? That’s awesome.

jjfozz

He is so much better than me. He’s tall, confident, easy going, and smart as a whip. He’s also tall, I am not. Also he does not have my Italian snozz or big ears.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

jjfozz

Jesus fuck, Blazing Saddles is the funny fucking movie I have ever seen. Call me whatever you want, it’s a fucking goddamn masterpiece.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I will call you…..TIM!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

TIM! I agree; it is a fucking masterpiece and holds up very well.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Another “film they could not make today.”
—Cleavon Little
Edit: I saw Blazing Saddles when it opened at the old theater in Redlands CA. Young Frankenstein, too. The mid 70s were a fertile cultural field for me.comment image

SonOfSpam

Play chess? Screw?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are just a pawn….bitch!

Sharkbait

Pawns jump Queen!

SonOfSpam

It’s good to be the king.

(Mel Brooks better live forever or at least longer than I do)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In the game of life.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Lone Pine, California:

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Tonto should be wearing a face mask and also be practicing social distancing and staying away from US highways.
—SD Governor Kristi Noem, face-riding the Orange Blob.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sharkbait

Why does Tonto look like Robert Shaw?
comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

His dad’s been aroun’ my fren.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Jesus H Christ, Chiefy.comment image

SonOfSpam

Tonto was a top.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Who has the best head decoration?

Tonto the minimalist, with a thin leather-strap head band that has no functionality

or

The Lone Ranger who, in this photo, has gone full baroque.

Discuss.

SonOfSpam

Phantom of the Plains?

Hey, if it ain’t baroque, don’t fix-

(strangled by human race who doesn’t wanna hear the laziest pun ever)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

One those movies where you can use for everyday life.

Sharkbait

But what if the call is coming from inside the house?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Meh, it’s just some robocall about how your automobile warranty is expiring and needs renewal.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That would be IP over internet?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Or it is probably your neighbor’s router. [types in “password”]

King Hippo

I shall have my longer twopence (don’t get too excited there, Father, Mother isn’t bringing home another “special friend” this evening) on Sabado morning, Lesser Footy-style. There Will Be Rambling.

/also, I thought more on the onside kick replacement rule, and I think the defenses should be allowed 12 men on the field to liven things up

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

SonOfSpam

To quote Robert Plant, ramble on.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s an interesting point; how good are your odds of completing a 15-yard Hail Mary? Probably a lot better than completing a regular one. A LOT better.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

rockingdog
rockingdog

Found a funny:

thinking of my high school classmate who said “my people built that” referring to the gothic architecture of Notre-Dame because she identified as a goth

ballsofsteelandfury

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d like to clog her toilet…… wait, no, let’s go a different route.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Any MPFC reference = automatic +1 from me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I would have thought you would have said something like ‘Lumberjacks don’t wear Lederhosen!”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I try to remain at least slightly unpredictable.

jjfozz

Good eve, you buncha knuckle dragging apes. I’m cruising a steady diet of edibles, bourbon, and beer. so i’m kinda mellow but ready to throw fucking hands at the drop of a gun

ballsofsteelandfury

Bourble Time?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

litre_cola

Hell yeah, I call that my “health” regime.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

SonOfSpam

Hey gents.

Twas my anniversary yesterday (25 to be specific) and instead of gorging myself on cruise food and watching a polar bear eat a local and disappointing my wife with sex attempts, I stayed home and hung out with the wife and kid. Today is mom-s birthday, so we’ve been virtually celebrating that. All this is a way to say I’ve avoided the grieving on site, but rest assured Seamus’ loss is hitting really hard.

I started the “Dude” thing with him during the music Friday posts because, good God did he have horrible taste in music. We’re trying to fit the topic with music we like, and along comes Seamus with a Kelly Clarkson video followed by Florida-Georgia Line, and they’re both probably not really topic-appropriate. So I replied once with “Dude” just like you’d say to your friend when he puts on a Ace of Base song and starts singing along. “Dude” means “Hey, I’m trying to do you a favor because I think highly of you so change this fucking song right now before I assume you’re the son of Satan.” And Seamus, God bless him, reacted by lol’ing and looking forward to getting “Duded” (giggity) every Friday.

Anyway, there was more to our internet friending than that, but that’s how I choose to remember that crazy lovely smart idiot. Only got to meet him once (at DFO Meetup LA last year), but he made his impression because he always did. Rest in peace Mark.

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

Don T

i like this song

SonOfSpam

Hermano.

Don T

JAJAJAJAAJAJA [phonetic]

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Vato!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

WCS

“I am soooo baked right now.”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ll raise ya a Joy Harmon.comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, there is a stoned Asian in tiara in that one. But agreed; Joy is 1,000> than whats her name

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

But probably not anymore, 50+ years on…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I guess I should always be more specific; AT THEIR RESPECTIVE PRIMES.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

This late at night, with as much as I have aboard, I am thick as a fucking plank.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I will challenge your thickness!

Wait, that doesn’t sound right.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

rockingdog
rockingdog

I just read the post about Seamus. Very sad.
Sexy Friday just wont be the same….. comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Both Horatio’s and DonT’s posts are absolutely topnotch; it is dusty at my house.

Dave:

comment image

Sharkbait

Evening internet friends. How is everyone holding up?

Horatio Cornblower

Fair-to-middlin’

litre_cola

Gloomy but nicely stoned.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wistful yet fully erect.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

My entire emotional and psychological state can be summed up with “meh”

rockingdog
rockingdog

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Pretty much fucked, but I had an encouraging phone call with the USAF Subject Matter Expert (SME) on groundwater hydrology, with whom I’ve worked for and with off and on over the last 22 years, and it seems that my hope for an in-house transfer from construction back to my native environmental work as a hydrogeologist is still alive, so I’m not quite as deeply depressed as I have been for the last 4 months. Definitely an improvement over how I was feeling this time yesterday.

Quite an assembly of musicians: Mick Jagger on lead vocals, Keith Richards on harmony vocals, Mick Taylor and Richards on guitars, Bill Wyman on bass, Charlie Watts on drums, and Billy Preston on Hammond organ. Stones’ recording veterans Bobby Keys and Jim Price performed on the saxophone and trumpet.

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

They should have begged, borrowed, anything, if only Mick Taylor would stay.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Mick Taylor must have inherited a peerage or a bazillion British pounds sterling. Most “I don’t give a fuck” attitude about fame, ever.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Also Weekend Reading
Seinfeld: The Virus by Sean Becker

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1RGKFE8_FPu7sS4WqAZO6gqMJgPcHXNf6/view

Senor Weaselo

Joel and Gillian? “Will they or won’t they, sexual tension…”

King Hippo

Community Nite!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

rockingdog
rockingdog
litre_cola

Just checked the ole gambling machine and the only live betting sports is Div 2 russian volleyball. Ural Police v Club Victory.
Not sure who to go with.
I am more of a womans dutch volleyball scout myself.

Horatio Cornblower

When in doubt on Russian sports I’d always go with the authorities.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For men’s sports take the ones with the biggest boobs, and for women’s sports you want to pick the ones with the most back hair.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Or the best “package.” How do I remember shit like this? It’s almost 45 years since I bought that issue. I think I still have it, along with several other boxes full of old NLs.comment image

SonOfSpam

Dunno, but “Oral Police” is a good movie.

litre_cola

I must have had a knock off as all the one I saw was just Sting moaning and shuddering for 12 hours.

herodotus450
herodotus450

John Glenn’s widow, 100, died from “COVID complications.” Does this confirm that the moon invented Chamillionairvirus as revenge!?

litre_cola

Heaven,
Twbs slides up ” Hi, I’m Mark, New here? Let me show you around.”

ballsofsteelandfury

“Did you by any chance work in the service industry?”

scotchnaut

Tomorrow I’ll be on a conference call with a government agency that has assessed us a multi-million dollar penalty (this was an industry-wide thingy that was done-we’re one of 12 companies that was audited) for a tax issue. The jist of the convo is “this thing that we did to you-do you have any recommendations for us so that we don’t do this to you again?”

/yeah, harsh words will be spoken

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

If the penalty is in Loonies, then it’s not so bad, right?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Then they’ll just have to turn in Scotchy, and the debt is paid! Heyoo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Jeff Bridges deserved the Oscar for Best Actor that year.
Fucking Yeah Right’s beach community anyway.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

While not the point of the reaction gif, I had to rewatch the movie because of the roach dropped in the lap scene had me laughing so hard that I missed the next ten minutes. I was driving with the window open and had a roach blow down my shirt, I didn’t wreck the car, but I’m assuming it was pretty funny.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Back in the 70s, when I couldn’t afford a car with AC, that shit happened with annoying frequency. I think every one of my shirts for a while there featured seed burns.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That was the only time the burns required treatment for me. I learned enough not to repeat.

Sharkbait

Oh Oh! Can I listen in??

Don T

Remember to lead with a “How dare you!” That never fails to persuade the government.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

California is getting dangerously close to having a day with more COVID deaths than New York. Not that I’m rooting against New York, but this makes me nervous.

King Hippo

See, it only affects lizards!!!111

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What’s line on this?

King Hippo

my phone autocorrected libtards

THANKS OBAMA!!!1111

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, lizards are socialists. Territorial socialists…..

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think they’re going to find teams converting 4th and 15 at a much higher rate than they intended, given that defenses will most likely be completely gassed in situations where it will be attempted. Plus it will be taking place ~60 yards away from where the last play happened. And you just know Belichick will milk this one for all it’s worth; running a hurry-up version using second-string players that dash right out as soon as the touchdown is scored; using it after their very first drive in the first quarter to try to run up the score early, etc.

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

That’s probably why they’re only allowing it twice per game. Belicheat will certainly use it to his advantage, it seems tailor made for him.

King Hippo

Agreed on all counts. But it will be exciting.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Holding, defense, automatic first down.”

Fronkenshteen

I’ll be here tomorrow, but don’t make it too sexy. Seamus can watch us masturbate now.

scotchnaut

Being such a good dude, I’m sure he won’t laugh and point at us as much as the NSA does.

scotchnaut

“A Very Special Episode Of Sexy Friday Dedicated to Seamus”

Multiple pics of 50+ dudes sticking their dicks into the tailpipes of old pickup trucks? I can’t think of a more wonderful, poignant and heartfelt sendoff. You really nailed the essence of our fallen comrade.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Let me just get this out of the way right now; although I think the Cuomo/Brody analog is a little thin, this reminded me that it’s been 45 years since this movie came out:comment image

Horatio Cornblower

I would have liked to see the NFL adopt the XFL’s kick-off.