I think today has marked the first “real” day back from the depth of the COVID-19 scare.

Sure, there were a whole bunch of people in Tulsa ignoring black history in their quest to suckle at the teat of a sentient orange-hued McDonald’s patty.

And there were other problems in the world that, let’s face it, deserve plenty of attention because they are between nuclear powers that combined have 2.5 billion people

But hodge that – there’s sports! There was English footy, and German footy, plus the AFL & rugby SuperLeague. It was a morning to behold.

Oh sure, the Phillies might die, and the Tampa Bay Lightning got airborne MRSA, but that’s cause they’re quitters! I’m sure once the weekend is over everything will be fine…

When contacted, the NBA Commissioner released the following statement:


Tonight’s … entertainment?:

  • NASCAR XFINITY Series:
    • Unhinged 300 – 5:30PM | FS1 / TSN3
      • The Unhinged 300 from Talladega Superspeedway in Alabama.
      • Fun fact: Until 1998, it was a 500-kilometer (310 mi) event, the longest race on the NASCAR Busch Series schedule.
        • In 1998, fans complained about the use of kilometers, which was seen as a European custom. Management changed the race to a 300-mile (480 km) event from 1998–2001. The change shortened the race distance by just four laps.
        • In 2002 it was returned to a 502 km / 312 mile race, to coincide with the race sponsor’s 3-12 ad slogan, before returning to a 300-mile race in 2015.
  • UFC Fight Night:
    • Blaydes vs. Volkov: From Las Vegas | ESPN / TSN
      • Prelims: 5:00PM
      • Main Card: 8:00PM
  • ABC: The Last Dance
    • Episode 9 – 8:00PM
    • Episode 10 – 9:00PM
  • Australian Football League:
    • Gold Coast Suns vs. Adelaide Crows – 11:00 PM | FS1
    • Essendon vs. Melbourne – 1:30 AM | ESPN2 / TSN4
  • Super Rugby Aotearoa:
    • Hurricanes vs. Crusaders – 11:30 PM | ESPN2 / TSN2

The viewing evening starts with left turns & ends with toilets flushing the wrong way.

HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG?!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Unsurprised

Not to make light of anything, and in principle leaks are wrong, but these Noel Berry leaks are incredible. She should be a director with how good the light, angles, and placement have been on most of these. Plus, she’s just really hot.

Unsurprised

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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s hilarious

ballsofsteelandfury

Gold Coast has been awesome tonight!

ballsofsteelandfury

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Brick Meathook

When my ball waxer reopens I am going to ask about a quality anus bleaching, if only for the benefit of my ball waxer, my doctor, and of course my own piece of mind.

Dunstan

Remember, if you’re in the Eastern Hemisphere tomorrow — don’t look directly into the sun’s anus. Er, annular eclipse.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Hush little fella, you’re next.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shhhhhhhhh you’re drunk

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

God, I wish

Unsurprised

I can’t get over Xmas Ape having a Reddit account he uses just for the Red Scare podcast subreddit.

Unsurprised

I got my beer and a bunch of other snacks. I’m of sufficiently high risk that I’d be safer playing Russian roulette than going to the store.

ballsofsteelandfury

AFL is on FS1!!

Unsurprised

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh my God, Debbie Harry did a duet of ‘Too Drunk To Fuck’!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ul-faU5fh-A

(skip to 3:00; there’s a lot of talky-talky before they get to the song)

Horatio Cornblower

And here’s how the song is supposed to sound

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMY7hiFvxvM

Editor’s note: Take off your fucking backpack before entering the pit.

Brick Meathook

singing the songs of your grandparents is extremely “punk”

Unsurprised

Henry Rollins is the loudmouthed 60 year old he used to rail about

Viva La Tabula Raza

More like “Too Old to Fuck.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How dare you

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

My son’s first concert was Social Distortion at Lupo’s in Providence, RI. I think he was 14-15. He got to see me dive into the pit to haul a guy out who’d been injured.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPoLMl15IKE

I am not an ideal parent.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

This was our actual wedding song, after I demanded the right to pick it when my lovely bride suggested a Tiffany song, and after she absolutely refused to walk out to the Dead Kennedy’s doing “Too Drunk To Fuck.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFtSfQCpZec

Mawwiage is about compwomise.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

This was my wedding music, but I got hammered before the wedding and forgot the music.

Which pretty much explains my married life,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsYp9q3QNaQ

Horatio Cornblower

I went to UConn, as did a healthy percentage of our wedding guests. My father-in-law had not, but was still, for reasons I don’t pretend to understand, a rabid UConn basketball fan.

We got married in March, and the afternoon of the wedding UConn was playing Georgetown in the Big East tournment, I think in the semis. Father-in-law asks my wife if it’s OK if there’s a TV in the reception hall so people can watch the game, something even I wasn’t dumb enough to ask. Somehow he’s still alive, but her answer, (which was FUCK NO), was clearly communicated.

So we get married and hop into the limo with the best man and Maid O’ Honor and there’s a TV in the limo and the only channel they get is CBS, which has the UConn -G’Town game.

And that’s how you survive 25+ years of marriage folks: Dumb fucking luck.

yeah right

I got married on the 4th of July in 1989 in El Cajon California and it was hotter than Satans’ ballsack.
We had a keg so you know it was classy.

Finished up at Dads’ place.

Love you and miss you Pops!

And everybody ended up in the pool.

It was like a royal wedding in some regards.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Too drunk to fuck sounds like my end goal for tonight

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

You want the real birth of rock and roll?

Comin’ right up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnAQATKRBN0

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pretty much.

Horatio Cornblower

Kick-ass song, but I hear it more as gospel than rock and/or roll. YMMV.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

Sometimes the world Knows nothing at all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KQjy02eqOk

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And sometimes you make love out of nothing at all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogoIxkPjRts

Horatio Cornblower

That was our wedding song.

Never should have let me wife pick it.

Dunstan

Had she ever listened to the lyrics?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What did she say after you said “DUDE!”?

Horatio Cornblower

Pretty sure a guy just died on ESPN boxing.

SonOfSpam

Don’t lean in on an uppercut.
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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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DON’T WORRY FOLKS! Apollo’s not hurt, he’s just dreaming:

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Mr. Ayo

Good for him for taking advantage of that glory hole in the mat.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s even funnier with the added GIF.

Horatio Cornblower

Second funniest movie I’ve ever seen, right behind Platoon.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NVA; worst marksmen ever.

Horatio Cornblower

Willem Dafoe would beg to differ.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No he wouldn’t; it took 136,054 rounds before he was hit…. from 30 feet away.

Mr. Ayo

That dude got knocked the fuck out. Gone before the mat.

Horatio Cornblower

I liked it when they said he was sitting up and that was a good sign, and it was clearly one of his cornermen propping him up.

Dude got rocked.

Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love how casual the kicker is about getting back to his feet. Like, he knows that the other fighter is finished.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

None of you were helpful so back to the well with rye manhattans

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, I clearly said margaritas.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Which was NAWT helpful

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

We’ve arrived at the “posting random images of Julie Strain” portion of the evening:
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ballsofsteelandfury

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fake Tit Fu.

Horatio Cornblower

How much are you paying them?

SonOfSpam

The only Strain I see is on that fabric.

Redshirt

Live CNN Coverage of the crowd size at Trump’s rally.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlG3drozbig&t=28s

Viva La Tabula Raza

Apparently, the majority of the million or so tickets claimed by the Trump re-election campaign to have been requested for tonight’s episode of “Triumph of the Will – Tulsa” were requested by a bunch of K-Pop fans and other various and sundry teenagers. That’s really pretty fucking awesome, and funny, TBH.
https://www.rawstory.com/2020/06/steve-schmidt-reveals-how-teenagers-dealt-a-savage-blow-to-donald-trumps-reelection-at-tulsa-rally/#comments_section_start

Horatio Cornblower

Say what you will about K-Pop, (not you, Mr D’Elia), but their fans are not to be taken lightly.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

I got the clap just looking at that

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You already had it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

SonOfSpam mentioned it earlier, but that shit is on page one and this bares (bears) repeating. Well done by them also well done on the dancing stuff.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Yummy.

That’s actually how you misspell her name.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

I’d misspell that all night long.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Is there some reason I’m seeing WWE instead of hot AFL action on FS1 right now?

Mr. Ayo

Oh, apparently that match doesn’t start for a few more hours.

ballsofsteelandfury

The postponement of the Essendon-Melbourne game caused the times for the other games to be adjusted.

Mr. Ayo

This is a major interruption of my 8 hour binge drinking. I might pass out before the end of the 2nd match!

Mr. Ayo

Really? When was your last negative test?

Gratliff

Joe Biden vs. Donald Trump in a clock draw-off for the highest position of power in the world

Horatio Cornblower

Out of disgust with Arsenal’s recent performances, and in sympathy with the late tWBS, I am renouncing my fandom of Arsenal*, and instead following the Baltimore Orioles, in that most of their games end with the Orioles failing to score either.

Seamus would have wanted it that way.

*Nah, I’m stuck with these assholes; I just wanted to make fun of them.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

I like Norwegian Black Metal dog.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HE’S A GOOD (IF OCCASIONALLY BRUTAL) BOY!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Murder Dog just plays fetch differently.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Stop trying to make fetch happen.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Fuck it. I’m going to the store for beer.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Drizly

litre_cola

Yeah, love his stuff. His 1st album was way better than his recent stuff….

SonOfSpam

Sounds like a decision you struggled with, and it should not have been.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m going to my basement for beer.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do you have to step over the bound people?

litre_cola

At least at Scotchys they are already dead.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah. “Over”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You shouldn’t be fucking them.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What am I saying? They are dead anyway.