First Weekend Back? Derby Days

King Hippo

First off, I wish Everton had already played so I could use Dominic Calvert-Lewin’s Black Lives Matter #9 shirt.  But this will have to do.  Full credit to the Premiership for taking on racial justice issues, with remarkable unity and moral clarity.  I am proud to support this League.

OF COURSE in the year that the fucking Shite run away with the League title, Everton must play at a rabid Anfield in the fall, but the return trip will be silent as a morgue (2p Sun, Big Boy NBC).  At least Arseholes did the honourable thing (Seppuku, always Seppuku) on Wednesday so that the Very Bad Thing did not occur on Goodison Park soil.  Would have been a sacrilege of the highest order.

Probably thanks to the extra prep time, the initial EPL fixtures have not been quite as rough as Bundesliga’s.  Or I am just biased.  Both?  That said, the Norwich/Saints puppy abortion I am (avidly, because it’s on) viewing as I write…quite a spectacle.  Let’s be thankful that both of these could end up relegated.

But fuck it, I am glad the Clubhouse is up early for this delightful Sabado.  You DID set your alarm, right?

Relegation-threatened Moose Hornets host the 3rd (REALLY???) position Foxes to start our day (7:30, NBCSN).  If you don’t like the video game simulated crowd sounds, go online – Rebecc-ur and the Robbies keep mentioning that option, so they must despise the fake noise.  Meh, I am completely neutral.

Arsenal are away to the Trashbirds o’ Brighton next (10:00, NBCSN).  I guess it can only improve from Wednesday’s pitch shitting for the Gooners?  Hey, at least your boss don’t got the COVIDs no MOAR.  Trashbirds should be able to avoid the drop, but early points would surely help them breathe easier (insert COVID joke).

Big NBC’s long-awaited Spotlight Dance (12:30) is…Wolves/Hammers?  For real??  Wolves likely in a cage match with Spurs for the final Europa slot.  West Ham are just very grateful there are 3-4 clubs more shite than they are.

Palace at Cherries close us down (2:45, ???).  NBC Sports’ website ain’t telling me where to watch.  I think it’s NBCSN, but it might be on that new “Peacock TV” streaming thing they are promoting.  Y’all done got my $50 for Gold, fuck off if ya want more.

Tomorrow, I get to be a nervous fookin’ wreck…and am very much looking forward to it.


Good morning, Litre_Cola here.

I got your nerves right here! Also a derby! Mightey Whitey (nawt raycess) plays their noisy neighboUrs Brentford 1st thing this morning in the West London derby. It’s sad that the outcome for this game will determine my mood for the weekend, but it is what it is and I am very excited.

Did anyone ask for a Championship round up? No? Well you are going to get a snapshot anyway so scroll on down or strap in. Brought to you by Marmite, the evil cousin of vegemite. Do not eat this.

My club is in 3rd which is a playoff position and 6 points back of automatic promotion to the Prem. Leeds, and West Brom are above them, and Brentford is in 4th.

The 5 substitutions really changes the chase as managers can adjust tactics 3 times a game and deeper clubs who have a great bench will benefit greatly.  Down one? Throw on two strikers. Just scored two goals, throw on some defenders. Good managers will manipulate the game more. Deep teams will benefit greatly and some teams budgets do not allow a loaded bench. Some are owned by the same man who owns the Jacksonville Jaguars and has paid a lot of money for the experienced side. (Hee hee).

KHAAAAANNNNNN

Leeds was on a fucking tear before the ‘Rona and they’ll have never wanted to stop. Bielsa their manager notoriously has a short bench and with 2 games every week he may be stretched thin, which is awesome. Leeds always seem to find a way to shoot themselves in the dick every year and I really hope they do it again in heartbreaking fashion. The break will also affect young teams as those lads aren’t used to having a break and wouldn’t know what to do themselves. Where an older more experienced team would have loved getting healthy and getting a break. (my theory)

This week will dictate how Fulham Flying Khans do. They have the neighboUrs and then Leeds next week. Win both and it is fucking on. Lose both we will have to hold on in the playoffs and its a white knuckle ride in. The players all stayed because they thought they would go back up to the Prem and living in West London is pretty sweet. If they do not go up the club will be in rebuild mode and will stay down for 5 years as the parachute payments from the Premier League runs out.

Gambling on the Championship is brought to you by Brown Sauce. It also is shitty, kind of like a poor man’s A1.

As for Gamblor, I have laid a 100 on Millwall making the top 6 and qualifying for the playoffs. They have the easiest run in and if The London Jaguras do not make it to the Prem then I want the ruffians from Millwall to go up. Today, I have a treble of Fulham, West Brom to beat Birmingham in a derby, and Leeds to beat the sheep shaggers in Wales. Going down will be Barnsley, Luton Town (sadly), and I really hope Middlesbrough or fucking Wigan go down.

As for Everton v Liverpool, I hope Everton wins so we have a happy Hippo and all my scouser friends can piss off.

0
0
vote
Article Rating
King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
Subscribe
Notify of
202 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

scotchnaut

-Roman soldiers looking up at Christ on the cross

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

scotchnaut

Folks that have big money on Modernist being the first to reach the final post?

Derrida, Foucault, Baudrillard, Glass, Le Corbusier, Laurie Anderson, Eno, Borges, Eco, Genet… The list goes on and on.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

SonOfSpam

Russian soccer news! This thread is incredible:

https://twitter.com/SlavaMalamud/status/1274042710081654784

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s pretty cool. Those kids will have an amazing story to tell to their grandchildren.

Don T

WOW. Poor kids. And I’m usually a Herod guy.
Great share.

SonOfSpam

WOW. Poor kids. And I’m usually a Herod guy.

– Gaspar, upon perusing The Bethlehem Times-Picayune

litre_cola

That is fucking insane.

scotchnaut

Charlatan Ankle Chips? The folks at Lays have lost their way.

SonOfSpam

So, Berman didn’t leave voluntarily last night (SDNY)? Fine, Trump fires him today.

This gonna get moar interesting. The flailing about is in full force.

scotchnaut

Bob Baffert’s nuts are getting licked by NBC’s talking heads after his horse named Charlatan tested positive for drugs.

SonOfSpam

“Yeah, we’ve been trying to get him into rehab, but he’s a big horse, you know? Try to do what’s best for him and hope he makes the right choices going forward.”

scotchnaut

I’ve been privy to the fact that horses do drugs because I watched that documentary Bojack, hmm, Bojack… Shit, can’t remember the full name of it. Damnit!

SonOfSpam

Equinedude. Wait…fuck it, I’m smokin a bowl and killing a rando. You in?

scotchnaut

As Ernie Banks famously said, “Let’s kill two!”

scotchnaut

Stupid But Not ‘Over The Top’ Hat Alert!

/[rubs chin thoughtfully] “When you think about it, aren’t *all* hats ‘over the top’?

Don T

Nope! Brrrrrrrr
-Hat’s peacock feather

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

scotchnaut

/Andy Reid clicking thru the channels

“Huh, the Belmont Stakes-wonder if they’re sous vide.”

scotchnaut

Whoa! Much like my 3rd girlfriend, that 2nd goal by the Wolfies was a screamer.

Horatio Cornblower

Not to mention all those hobos…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Yeah, sometimes extreme laughter sounds much like screaming. I hate that.

Horatio Cornblower

The Wolves seem to have taken the precaution of adding a rugby player to their squad.

I like it.

scotchnaut

His fave type of beer? Gotta be stout.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

litre_cola

Come on Wolven folk. Need a W today!

scotchnaut

Your wish is Wolvened.

scotchnaut

I’m able to make this kind of comment because I can time travel into the future. It’s not that big a deal because the ‘present’ (heh) technology only allows for 18 minutes or so.

scotchnaut

Is the EPL doing anything about these bubble infestations?

scotchnaut

Are the Wolfies overdue for a goal?

/I swear I was typing this as they scored

scotchnaut

I think this re-naming thing has gone too far. I don’t know what league they play in but what are they going to call themselves? The Eskimo Desserts? The Eskimo Sweet Treats? smgdh

https://nypost.com/2020/06/19/eskimo-pies-to-drop-derogatory-name-over-racial-insensitivity/

Horatio Cornblower

Inuit Pies, made with real walrus!

scotchnaut

I’ve said before that my dad ran a dairy business when I was a kid. By the time I was 11 years old I’d probably eaten more Inuit Pies than any other kid my age in Canada.

Fronkenshteen

Wolves should win this fairly handily. We still stink.

Horatio Cornblower

ESPN has a show on where a variety of large individuals attempting various world records at the bench press. It is insane, not least because the announcers are English and seem like seconds away from calling something “a right cunt of an attempt at the record, inn’it?”

rockingdog

wow cool!
english premier league is back! yay sports!

scotchnaut

I can easily get accustomed to the lack of crowd noise.

Horatio Cornblower

Needs moar racist sing-a-longs, if you ask me.

scotchnaut

The pace of Ham and Wolves is fairly uptempo. Good stuff so far.*

*this post is not endorsed by the ghost of tWBS

rockingdog

LOL

You should be allowed to hand a cop whatever trash you’re holding.

herodotus450

(holding the hand of my black friend)
Oh no.

herodotus450

Me: “We may have gone too far in a few places, Jokebot 3000.”
Pile of moldy underwear on the floor: “Bloop-Bloop.”

Fronkenshteen

Wise investment.

[sobs]

Fronkenshteen

Welp, my day just erupted in a fireball of shit. Family life is so great. Go Hammers. Fuck everything.

Horatio Cornblower

Um , cheers?

Good luck with your fireball.

Fronkenshteen

Really bit off more than I can chew, man. Sorry to gripe.

Don T

Family? Let me advise you.
-Aaron Rodgers

litre_cola

I just went for a 2 hour hike after the Mighty Whitey debacle. I see Arsenal did their thing.

Horatio Cornblower

The only thing worse than rooting for Arsenal right now is rooting for baseball to get its shit together and schedule a partial season.

bk109

Yeah with the added bonus on the MLB-side is the nagging question – “Is this how baseball dies as a major sport”, because I honestly think that both sides will sit out the year, which may cost them a tonne of casual fans (and die-hards realizing that they can quite easily live without baseball)

Horatio Cornblower

If they miss a year I can’t imagine that teams like Miami or Tampa Bay are going to be able to survive long-term.

bk109

Or the Mets, given the rumours that the WIllpons are gonna suspend investment in the team (or the Mets fans quitting the team when they realize that the world can be miserable enough even without the lolmets 😀 )

Horatio Cornblower

The Wilpons should be in jail, never mind not being allowed to run a team.

bk109

Honestly, before I accidentally stumbled upon a Mets podcast (or public therapy session), I didn’t realize how godawful it actually was… and then came “The Bracket” comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Don’t push him around, Arsenal, someone go up and break the fucker’s jaw.

Horatio Cornblower

Wow, The guy who should have been red-carded scores the GW well past the 4 minute mark.

Fuck off, Atkinson.

Horatio Cornblower

I was just thinking that they’ve had decent pressure most of the game.

And at best they’ll get a draw out of it.

Horatio Cornblower

Of course Arsenal then mails in the next 10 minutes, and with insufficient postage to boot.

Horatio Cornblower

Atkinson calls a foul on that play but doesn’t even yellow car Moupay. Didn’t realize he played for Brighton.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus Christ, Arsenal.

Fronkenshteen

¡PEPE!

bk109

Shhhh, don’t let yourself believe! Wait until at least 30 minutes after the final whistle, ’cause it’s our Gooners there and we know how they operate 🙁

bk109

Hey, when your team makes you look on to Sisyphus with envy, you know … you just KNOW not to believe 😀