Your “It Can’t Really Be That Hard, Can It?!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

NFL Nuggets:

In honour of the passing of Ennio Morricone, I present to you a triptych of emotions: (press play)

  • The good:
    • Patrick Mahomes is as happy as a guy worth nearly a half-billion dollars could be.
      • “I’m just glad I get to continue building this legacy in Kansas City,” Mahomes said. “Not only does it give me the security that I’ve always wanted but also it allows an opportunity for the team to be great around me the entire duration of my career.”
    • Andy Reid, naturally, was over the moon.
      • “It’s a win for the player. It’s also a win for the team, the organization.”
      • Further:

 

  • The bad:
    • Daniel Snyder has named no Native American groups as consultants in the [Redacteds] name change process.
      • The Friday statement from owner Daniel Snyder listed a variety of groups that would be consulted as part of the process, and he did not mention any Native American leaders or organizations.
      • Groups that have, or are willing, to reach out to washington?
        • The Oneida Nation – where the Packers play
        • The National Congress of American Indians
        • The Tulsa Indian Coalition Against Racism
  • The ugly:
    • Hoo boy – DeSean Jackson… 
      • On his Instagram feed Monday, Jackson posted an image of a quote falsely attributed to Adolf Hitler, saying, in part, “(white) Jews will blackmail America. (They) will extort America, their plan for world domination won’t work if the Negroes know who they were.”
      • This then brought a swift rebuke from the team.
        • Team owner Jeffrey Lurie and general manager Howie Roseman are Jewish.

      • Followed by a statement from the Philadelphia branch of the Anti-Defamation League: (for the love of God, do not read the comments)

      • And finally a statement an apology from the man himself.

All of which was succinctly summarized by a true wordsmith:

Chip Kelly was unavailable for comment.


Tonight’s … entertainment?:

  • Top Rank Boxing on ESPN:
    • Baranchyk-Zepeda (junior welterweights) – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN
      • Ivan Baranchyk (20-1, 13 KOs) vs. Jose Zepeda (31-2, 25 KOs) in a junior-welterweight main event in Las Vegas.
  • The Vote: American Experience – 9:00PM | PBS
    • Explore the final four years, 1916-1920, of the campaign for the passage of the 19th amendment and meet some of the unsung women whose tireless work would finally ban discrimination at American polls on the basis of sex.
  • WWE Royal Rumble 2017: From San Antonio – 7:00 PM | FS1
    • The 30th annual Royal Rumble, from San Antonio. Matches include the 30-man Royal Rumble; Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns for the WWE Universal title; AJ Styles vs. John Cena for the WWE title; and Charlotte Flair vs. Bayley for the Raw Women’s title.

Plus, if each team can field enough players, the MLS’s “MLS is Back” tournament is scheduled to kick off tomorrow evening. No one from tomorrow’s teams has tested positive, but Vancouver, Nashville & Atlanta are all suffering multiple positives, and Dallas has simply pulled out of the tourney. So we shall see.

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Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

“I’ve learned my lesson and am educating myself on the Jewish people. The Protocols of the Elders of Zion is some real shit though.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ZIIIIIING!! I so want him to tweet this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Adam Miller ©

Viva La Tabula Raza

John McNaughten’s representation of “America 2020” certainly is compelling.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fuck that asshole with a rusty chainsaw twice. This is Adam Miller and he actually does satire with talent. This painting is a take on the great paleontologist debates.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I thought adding the name might help, but nope.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Another underappreciated band.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Does that mean we can get ours fixed for 45 bucks?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not the way it’s worded.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Is that Ivanka?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Okay, that’s funny.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I get one right on occasion.

Dunstan

I think that was taken in the Ritz Hotel. You could say she was wearing “Putin in the Ritz”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think we have a winner…. would have accepted “Her name is Evelova Ritz.” version.

Don T

In its maiden voyage, this was an effective ice breaker with a texting lady. Woot woot!
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Without cleanser”? I don’t get it.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

Masterful groin shade.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Everyone grab your salt shakers!

Brick Meathook

Change the name to the Washington Generals and make Philip Sheridan the new logo.

If you want to get rid of a Native American, Phil Sheridan is your man. He also kills Confederates by the bushel as well.

Everybody wins here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

In today’s news awful human being Bolsonaro learns the meaning of irony. I never wish death on anyone but really sick for a long time is ok right?

Unsurprised

I’ll do it for you. I have no qualms.

Gratliff

Only if it ends in death

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

His death would save lives.

litre_cola

Very true. DIE BOLO TIE DIE!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s the spirit.

Gratliff

In a 1998 interview with Veja magazine, Bolsonaro praised the Chilean dictatorship of Augusto Pinochet, and said the Pinochet regime, which killed over 3,000 Chilean citizens, “should have killed more people”.

Viva La Tabula Raza

This was back before Bolsonaro was a contestant on The Apprentice, right?

Gratliff

Not even getting to the part where he talks about the biggest failure of Brazil’s anticommunist extermination being that they too often stopped at just torturing leftists. He’s a straight evil motherfucker.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Only if it ends in death
—Amazon Jungle and indigenous South American Indians

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Those people are just burned out.

*Literally

Dunstan

Time for some recovery whiskey. The drink, not the DFO commenter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Meh. When I worked at Domino’s whilst attending college 30+ years ago, we’d trade pie for burgers, tacos, Panda Express, even Pizza Hut pie.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And again your fucking biography defeats the joke!

Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s my raison d’etre. More so the later it gets and the more alcohol I take on board. If you want to drive down and shoot me, I’ll let you keep the gun [not that I could stop your if you’d shot me] (Colt 1911 Model 70 with 150 rounds of .45 ACP).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I guess I should be kinda relieved that you didn’t ask for my street address.

ballsofsteelandfury

Let’s not rule anything out…

-zombie twbs

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Bolivia about to vote out our puppet. Time to murder some nuns and get Elliot Abrams on the phone.
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litre_cola

I thought Chi Hyun Chung was a 3rd baseman for the KT Wiz in the KBO.

Gratliff

A surprising number of ethnic Chinese went to Latin America during the cold war, either to get away from Mao or to get away from the dictators who took over the countries they fled to to get away from Mao.

Don T

Perú has a large Japanese community. Forever besmirched by The Bastard Alberto Fujimori.

litre_cola

Brazil has a huge one too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

and our PHRASING award of the evening….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

That’s just because Bolsonaro has trimmed the Amazon so much

Viva La Tabula Raza

More Kinks punishment for all y’all. One I haven’t posted recently, one I have. You figger it out, mensa’s.

Viva La Tabula Raza

And sorry, I know I posted this one recently, but it’s just fucking magnificent.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

Love this song. Too much to find out if the lyrics are definitely ironic. (Ah hope so.)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

And that is why we needed to reopen our precious, precious economy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

So about Harper’s magazine and the people who signed off on free speech: It’s signed overwhelmingly by people with established shit opinions who have never & will never say anything about marginalized communities’ rights – including their free speech. They work for the biggest institutions in North America and they’re crying about censorship? Almost all of them are anti-BDS.

They can fuck right off

SonOfSpam

This is correct and you may continue to post here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

June of last year, wasn’t it?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Or a Republican…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Same same.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Goes without saying?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

C’mon Moose, let’s go get a drink!comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

This is why I will never vote for Ron Wyden.

Gratliff

It’s… an interesting mix. Some have spent their lives advocating for free speech protections. Some have gone into hiding after receiving death threats. Some got called a TERF on Twitter and want to make it a capital offense.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

And then the round of applause begins.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Actually, pretty good star power there.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Very much so. A fun movie in a weird way.

King Hippo

Apologies again to the Clubhouse Gooners. I fell asleep at the half (cat insisted on a nap) and missed the disintegration.

Before I did nod off, I considered betting on Lester to come back and win, but was like “nah, that would just jinx it to finish 1-1.” Oops.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Oh tank ownin BK was not happy with you sir!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

That sign is a lie!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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SonOfSpam

SAVE BIG WAMPUM

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

English Literature professor at Liberty University?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

and irony specialist.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I wish I had known this 10 years ago.

Unsurprised

Anyone else feel like pasta?

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SonOfSpam

Sapphoroni?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Oh, well done!

SonOfSpam

Prefer al dentel dam

Viva La Tabula Raza

Al dente is the only way. Otherwise, you’re eating middle-school cafeteria spag.

King Hippo

Those…is not the bodies of empty carbohydrate consumption. HIPPO APPROVE!!!

Mr. Ayo

I’ve got a carbo load for them.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If it is just carbs please see a doctor.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Unsurprised

Dan Snyder’s one short joke away from holding a Blue Lives Matter rally in Landover.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Racist Mascot Names Matter.

SonOfSpam

Dweeby Smurf

Unsurprised

Fuck

HIDE YOUR BALLS!

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SonOfSpam

So you’re saying the method of transmission is highest among thug activities.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Looks more like it’s higher amongst the Viva La Raza (no relation) crowd.

SonOfSpam

COVID wasn’t a thing until YOU started commenting, so…

Viva La Tabula Raza

Curses, foiled again!

Dunstan

Dibs on the “the CARAVAN brought COVID to America!” conspiracy theory!

Viva La Tabula Raza

I fookin’ hate pikeys.comment imagecomment image

King Hippo

Finally, whitey catches a break smgdh

SonOfSpam

ABOUT GODDAMMNED TIME.

Don T

¡Somos Número Uno!
/delivers pizza to unmasked freedom lovers

herodotus450

The conspiracy that Jews are running the world is actually a mistranslation from the German “Judetan flug heeb” which actually means “Jews running around the world (after getting kicked out of everywhere by everyone else)”

SonOfSpam

I got 88 problems but

/gets concrete-milkshaked by DFO ANTIFA

Viva La Tabula Raza

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Also, Sideshow Bob’s chest tattoo said “The Bart, the.”

scotchnaut

In these extraordinarily difficult times, I feel it is incumbent upon us to watch Super Buddies.

scotchnaut

“THE BUDDIES ARE BACK!”

Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

[bets on the penguin [not pictured] reaching the finish line first, thinks that it’s easy money]

-King Hippo

SonOfSpam

Chip Kelly has mostly stayed away from racial comments, as evidenced by his interview with Colin Cowherd.

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2015/12/30/colin-cowherd-has-a-special-guest/

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Buddy of mine’s wife (Olga Custodio, first Latina USAF pilot and one of the first Latina over-the-water captains for American Airlines) was featured in one of those Modelo ads a few years back that used Morricone’s “Ecstasy of Gold” tune from the cemetery scene in Good/Bad/Ugly. So, every time I hear that tune I think of my buddy Ed and his wife. I called him up after I saw the ad and he told me that ad paid for them to have a round-the-world cruise. They have been over for drinks a number of times over the last 20 years, a real fun couple.
Apparently the actual ad is not available online, but looking her up on Youtube yields some pretty interesting vids.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olga_E._Custodio

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Don’t put your dick in craz………”

Don T

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litre_cola

If the People’s Front of Judea was in charge none of this would be happening.

scotchnaut

“Oh! Here we go! You sure you want to get into this?”

-The United Front of Judean People

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Splitters

Viva La Tabula Raza

That’s kinda what I said down thread, but without the Life of Brian reference. Dangit.

Gratliff

It seems like everything worth reading these days is something I wish didn’t exist
https://www.atlantamagazine.com/great-reads/ahmaud-arbery-will-not-be-erased/

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He was identified in about as long as it took me to walk the dog this morning.

Unsurprised

What would have been just a tragedy that then somehow was swiftly solved by fucking Georgia sheriffs is the most horrific kind of malfeasance and injustice because two of the most notoriously racist DAs in Georgia and in the U.S. were going to let a lynching go unprosecuted until more cops got involved. And you know who couldn’t give less of a shit that this is exactly the reason why DAs are the biggest of all bastards among cops? Fucking lawyers. It’s sickening. I fucking hate and despise lawyers for not caring, not wanting to care, and doing everything in their power to pretend this and thousands of acts of injustice just like it don’t exist.

Viva La Tabula Raza

We know what it’s really all about.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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RIP Ennio Morricone

Viva La Tabula Raza

I wish he hadn’t done this particular piece, though. Even when I saw this movie in the theater when it came out when I was 13, this song made me squirm.

WCS

Redshirt

So according to Trump’s niece’s book, his dad is the reason he ended up the way he is. I would normally avoid putting all the blame on the parent AND avoid judging someone by just their picture and not doing the research, but look at this guy! This guy looks like he sells used cars with no brakes and a rolled back odometer. It doesn’t excuse Trump’s sins, but at least we know how he got screwed up.

At the very least, we now know have a more accurate location of Trump’s hairline.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, he was definitely good at teaching racism by example.

Unsurprised

Unsurprised

Woody Guthrie wrote this song about Fred Trump

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, since this particular real estate genius preceded his family in death, at least they know they have the Ninth Circle of Hell all sewn up once they arrive.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

scotchnaut

Very True Anecdote-

I was reminded of this by the flying toilet gif below.

As a 7 year old I happened to wander home from school one day to find our upstairs toilet (that was on the 2nd floor) sitting on the back lawn. My mom and dad were nowhere to be found. I asked a guy (fireman? policeman? I’ve no idea)

Me: “What the heck happened here? Where’s my mom and dad?”

Fireman: “I don’t know where your parents are.”

Me: “How did the toilet explode?

Fireman: “Sometimes toilets just explode.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

SEWER GAS!! LET’S GO!

Viva La Tabula Raza

scotchnaut

I’ve no choice but to rec any Repo Man reference. It confused you, challenged you, made you laugh, made you want to see it again so that you could start the whole process over again. And the thing is, it did it in a kooky, effortless way.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve probably watched it 30 times since it was released, and it seems like I see something new every time I watch it.
Think I’ll head on down and get me a plate o’ shrimp.

WCS

How drunk is too drunk when one is at the beach for the first time in 17 years?

Greetings from Ocean City, MD, you beautiful bastards.

Redshirt

That’s my regret that I didn’t get a hotel by the beach. I had to stay sober so I could drive back to the hotel without getting pulled over.

Next time, I’m getting a hotel by the beach or renting a beach house, so I can spend a few days of my vacation making my liver my bitch.

WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I always liked walking distance; 5 to ~20 minutes. We had an ABnB in SD that was 10 minutes, was quiet, less expensive, perfect.

Redshirt

I’ll look into that. I’m thinking of vacation ideas after COVID-19 is gone.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, about 2045 or 2050, huh?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If you are too close this shit happens:

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

jjfozz slurring post drunk or drunker? I can’t decide, probably drunker.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

That’s not the first time Batman and Robin used a rubber.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, they were way ahead of the curve on practicing safe sex.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What’s for dinner tonight?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

In Hawaii, they don’t eat pineapple and ham pizza.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spam_(food)#Hawaiicomment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Who the fuck is talking about Hawaii? Additional there is weed in Hawaii; people eat pizza anything, fuck wikipedia.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I noticed that the Spam Pizzaroo ad you posted had pics of pizza slices garnished with what appear to be green olives with pimentos. Has that ever been a thing?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

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SonOfSpam

This speaks to me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Redshirt

/ found a funny

(while watching the music video for “Take On Me” by a-ha)
“She shouldn’t date him. He looks kind of sketchy.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

uh-huh.

rockingdog

Found a funny:

In an age of ugliness, a work of beauty is an act of defiancecomment image

Viva La Tabula Raza

Where is Mandalay Bay or Excalibur? I think that pic has been ‘shopped!

yeah right

That’s the Pyramid in Memphis. I think it’s a Bass Pro shop now or something.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The power of the pyramid ….. and waders on sale.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Didn’t know they had one in Memphis!

“Did I forget to mention, forget to mention Memphis?
Home of Elvis and, the ancient Greeks
What do I smell? I smell home cooking
It’s only the river, it’s only the river”
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Viva La Tabula Raza

For most of my 61 years, I’ve heard from kooks and relatives and kook relatives that Jews run the world. If that were true, you’d think they’d have stepped in at some point in the last 3.5 years and knocked some heads and straightened shit out. I’m very disappointed.

scotchnaut

Jews running the world? Well, I did a significant amount of research on this claim and I did find them running on a beach! You won’t believe this!

Viva La Tabula Raza

I was kind of hoping for this, based upon your hint, even though they aren’t running. Your vid was my second guess.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At the very least we would have better bagels everywhere.

Redshirt

The “Jews rule the world” is a b.s. racist trope. If they really did rule the world, there would be a still smoldering hole where Germany used to be.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Absolutely. But the idea goes back over 100 years and really has some staying power with the two-digit-IQ mob, for whatever the reason.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

With any blaming of large groups of people for their own problem the less evolved need an idiotic vast conspiracy theory to make the threat plausible.

That said; Rodger Goodell is a National Disgrace.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“The only juice that gives me the runs.”

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Redshirt

Related:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was hoping……

ballsofsteelandfury

Once again, pulling out is the preferred choice of prevention!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Most importantly, who has to sleep in the wet spot?

scotchnaut

“By pulling out, only you can prevent forest fires???”

-Smokey The Bear, questioning the script

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This works somewhat for stabbings because that is an expensive knife.