Your “All Hail Our Blessed Saviour, Soccer” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

NFL Noise:

  • It’s all about reducing capacity & costs today:
    • The Ravens announced they will go as low as 14,000 per home game, to accommodate social distancing.
      • That’s 80% below their maximum capacity of 71,000 fans.
      • No word on Purple camo masks.
    • The Chiefs have announced a season-ticket holder-only plan.
      • They have refunded all single-game purchases.
      • The team will hold onto the 2020 season-ticket payment, and allow purchase of single-game tickets using the balance to draw down.
        • Or, holders can opt-out of 2020 as a whole, preventing them from buying the single-game tickets.
      • They have not yet established an attendance mean for the season.
    • On-air staff at NFL Media have been asked to take a pay cut.
      • Up to 50 NFL Network on-air employees have been asked to take voluntary pay cuts of up to 15 percent.
        • They start in August, and will go for as long as six months.
  • Got a hundred grand lying around? Then Heritage Auctions has a deal for you – Josh Gordon’s Super Bowl LIII ring.
    • He played with them long enough to qualify for the creation of a ring.
      • The thinking is that missing four years of pay due to suspension might be the cause & effect of the whole scenario.
  • Amazon today joined Nike, Walmart, Target and Dick’s Sporting Goods among companies to remove [Redacteds] merchandise for sale online. 
    • Third-party sellers have 48 hours to remove or conclude all listings.
    • The only major retailers to still carry the goods online are Fanatics.com and NFLShop.com.
    • To quote Florio,
      • Amazon’s gesture has added significance because Amazon founder and owner Jeff Bezos owns the Washington Post — and he already has been mentioned as a viable candidate to secure majority ownership in the franchise, if Daniel Snyder throws his hands in the air and cashes out.
  • Raheem Mostert wants out of San Francisco.
    • Under his current contract, he is paid commensurate to a special-teams player.
      • Given what he did in the NFC playoffs, he wants to be paid like the running back they used him as.
    • He wants a raise to $4.55 million, which is what they will be paying newly signed Tevin Coleman.
      • he’s set to earn $2.55 million in 2020.

Tonight, a major North American sports league returns to work as Major League Soccer (MLS – not to be confused with real estate or not-Lou Gehrig’s Disease) returns to the pitch with their “MLS is Back” tournament. I know you have lots of questions, so I’m here to help you with some practical answers to your confused questions.

Average [DFO] Reader: So Beerguy, what the hell is this shit anyway?

Beerguyrob: Glad you asked. “MLS is Back” is a restart tournament, being played out of the ESPN Wide World of Sports Complex in Orlando, Florida. It’s designed to pique interest in a league that suspended operations two weeks into the season due to COVID-19.

A[DFO]R: What the fuck does that mean. 

BGR: Easy there, son. What it means is that the league’s 26 teams were split into six groups based on their conference. There was one group of six teams, and all the others had five, but now that Dallas has completely pulled out due to their whole team testing positive, it’s five groups of five.

A[DFO]R: How will it unfold?

BGR:  Each team will play three group stage matches, and the results will count toward the 2020 MLS regular season standings. Once the group stage is done, the knockout stage will begin. It’s set-up like the Euro – the top two from each group, plus the next four best records will qualify for the playoff stages. They will then play single-elimination knockout games until there is only one remaining.

A[DFO]R: When the hell are they playing the games, because it gets sticky in Florida this time of year.

BGR: Not if you grease the poles. Anyways, to beat the severe summer heat, matches will only be played during select time slots, with group-stage games almost exclusively scheduled to kick off at 9 a.m., 8 p.m., or 10:30 p.m. Eastern time.

A[DFO]R: Well, that sounds awful. What will they get for winning? They’re in Florida – is Robert Kraft involved?

BGR: No, but I like where your head is at. The tournament winner will qualify for the 2021 CONCACAF Champions League. Plus, there is a prize pool of over a million dollars to split.

[Door Flies Open]

Hippo: DAMMIT MAN – WILL THERE BE GAMBLING?!

BGR: Oh my, yes. It’s one of the few ways they’ve been able to generate interest. Have a look here for the latest odds.

Hippo: PRAISE FUCKING GAMBLOR! HIPPO OUT!!

A[DFO]R: Who. The Fuck. Was That Guy?

BGR: Hippo. Wasn’t that fucking obvious?

A[DFO]R: Y’know – you’ve got a major fucking attitude…

BGR: Listen Karen, just go back to hate-tweeting JK Rowling & let me get on with finishing this. Once the tournament is over, the regular season for the league will resume, with an amended schedule of games so that they can hold their playoffs sometime before the Tokyo Olympics.

A[DFO]R: When’s the first game then, shithead?

BGR: Tonight. And here’s the overall schedule, subject to change based on positive tests. So go crawl onto your couch & prepare to flip between soccer & wrestling. because – c’mon, you’re not watching 90 minutes of Orlando City vs. Inter Miami.

A[DFO]R: Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry for being such a dink.

BGR: No worries. Fuck you very much.


Tonight’s… entertainment?:

  • MLS is Back Tournament:
    • Orlando City SC vs. Inter Miami CF – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN
      • A Group A match.
  • Wrasslin’:
    • AEW Dynamite – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
      • Night 2 of “Fyter Fest”
    • NXT – 8:00PM | USA
      • Night 2 of “The Great American Bash”
    • Dark Side of the Ring – TSN2
      • The Montreal Screwjob – 10:00PM
      • The Match Made In Heaven – 11:00PM
  • Bigfoot Is Real: Sasquatch Nests – 10:00PM | TRAVEL
    • Bobby and Brandi bring the GCBRO to help out a lady whose home and pets have been attacked by Bigfoot and she’s taken some shots at the creature.

MLS’s return is a sign that leagues are coming back to life. How many employees independent contractors they kill in the process? Who knows.

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Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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[…] Your “All Hail Our Blessed Saviour, Soccer” Wednesday Evening Open Thread – July 8, 2020 […]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Drone strike!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Viva La Tabula Raza

Not to be a total sexist pig, but to be a total sexist pig, I probably would have had a bit more interest in this series of vids had she been a bit more scantily clad, if you know what I mean.
And with that comment, I’d better just cut my losses and go to sleep.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What-the-fuck-ever, she’s fantastic.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Here you fucking go, lots of sweat for your fucking pleasure:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Actually he’s pretty damn funny too.

ballsofsteelandfury

I don’t get the hot sauce videos.

I think she looks gorgeous in the Nissan ads:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I love them, but whatever. Best interview since Craig Ferguson went off the air….. well for my tastes anyway. Where is Senor Weasolo when you need him?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

During the interview she becomes even……… hotter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Surprised there’s no mention of the fact that Stephen Jackson came out in defense of DeSean Jackson and said he was just speaking the truth. Jacksons in general becoming a problem.

Viva La Tabula Raza

No shit.
—Stonewall Jackson

litre_cola

So we aren’t good yet? – M. Jackson

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Action Jackson may just have to kick everybody’s ass.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I did not see that……. not surprised.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I am very disappointed that I have not ended any of my emails thusly.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rate of Marriage with First Cousins per Turkish Region in 2019.

Similar to Kentucky, but less sisters.

SonOfSpam

So the Armenian Genocide was like Shelbyville obliterating Springfield?

Senor Weaselo

Դ’ոհ

(That’s apparently “D’oh!” in Armenian)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So I search for Armenian Homer Simpson (of course I did) and this…. popped up:

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Viva La Tabula Raza

From 1970-1973, I lived in the area just SE of Istanbul in the 4.82% area shown in Moose’s map above. My dad had a 1970 Jeepster Commando that we drove all over the country for those 3 years. I remember us driving up into the remote mountain areas, and seeing villages that were full of redheads/gingers, which was so odd, because most Turks were dark-complected and brown or black-haired. We figured the ginger communities were there as a result of the occasional Irish/Scottish/English/Breton crusader stopping off for a quick rape back in the day.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Frijoles, Frijoles, la fruta musical. Cuanto más comes, más te picas.

EDIT: Recursive Translation made it better.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Now I’m Free
Free Holays.

—Tom Petty.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t really care, but I love that GIF.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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A little history stuff for DonT.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Odd that it doesn’t show Navy bombers over Isla De Vieques.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not in 1910.

Viva La Tabula Raza

OK, DeLorean bombers then.

Don T

Yeah, early XXth Century was my guess, on account of Miles AND meters being used. Great find!

Sharkbait

Why the hell did she have a statue in the first place?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They like illegal immigrants to other countries that make it big? It doesn’t look like it was a huge investment.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Looks like it was carved with a chainsaw and painted with Krylon.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Main cost was gas?

Viva La Tabula Raza

2-stroke for chainsaws does cost a little more…

Redshirt

Well, except for maybe Barron (who still a kid and might be salvageable with years of therapy), she’s the only member of the First Family whose closest to deserving a statue?

SonOfSpam

I think Mary Trump might be the best Trump.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Barron looks like the kid in The Omen to me.

ballsofsteelandfury

I knew I liked Slovenia when I visited!

Fun fact: I went to Anze Kopitar’s hometown and there was Kings stuff everywhere!

litre_cola

Slovenia is top 3 cou tries for me for sure. What a place, cheap wine, beautiful scenery, friendly and gorgeous women.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ya burnt!!

Mr. Ayo

Disaster for Freedom Inter Milan

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Oh fuck, not the bees!
—Nic Cage

Redshirt

Bees. My God.
— Batman

Sharkbait

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SonOfSpam

Yep, but at least they get to go back to their shitty Orlando hotel and eat shitty food til their next game.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Hot Pockets for sale in the lobby store, they fucking rock.

herodotus450

Cant a guy walk down the street without a woman asking to marry him!?

Viva La Tabula Raza

If any guys here have a woody you can’t get rid of, watch this and it will definitely fall limp.
https://twitter.com/i/status/1280981261591261185

SonOfSpam

How much you offering?
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Viva La Tabula Raza

That’s probably a car that will cost in six figures.

Redshirt

h
ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPicu7GAj28&t=4m24s

NSFW – unless you want to see Alanna Ubach’s fake bush, than go back about 10 seconds.

Unsurprised

I figure Balls would especially appreciate this.

h

ttp://www.imagebam.com/gallery/tztj2c33ca4787e9gizu1o2loctut5nm

ballsofsteelandfury

Balls does!

SonOfSpam

Have a virtual doc appointment next week. In place of the annual physical.

If anyone can recommend a tripod/lighting setup, so I can focus on getting a finger way up while spreading my

I’m gonna need an assistant. What category do you use for Craigslist?

Sharkbait

Missed connections?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ll be over, I already know the address. If you feel the pressure but I still give you the thumbs up sign, don’t be alarmed, it’s magic.

Redshirt

Do you make special requests or just purely clinical?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

SonOfSpam

Hey, I didn’t flinch the first three times.

Gumbygirl

Grindr.

SonOfSpam

Orlando City with the tying goal! WHAT A MATCH!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan

Let Batman go free — I volunteer as tribute!

Senor Weaselo

“Speaking of Eartha Kitt…” -Pierce H., Greendale Community College

Redshirt

♫♪♪ na na na na na na na na Batdildo! ♫♪♪

ballsofsteelandfury

Watching the original Total Recall. It’s tough to choose my favourite Paul Verhoeven film. I’d go:

1- Basic Instinct
2- Total Recall
3- Robocop
4- Showgirls
5- Starship Troopers

SonOfSpam

Solid ranking. Showgirls coulda been better with more girls-appreciating-girls.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Showgirls is fucking hilarious. An underrated comedy.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Three boobs (nice ones, too!) for the win.

Mr. Ayo

*googles Paul Verhoeven*

Viva La Tabula Raza

The TV ads in Starship Troopers lift it a little higher than 5 for me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Viva La Tabula Raza

I always liked the movie more than the TV series.

Gumbygirl

Me too. There is something about Alan Alda that I find really annoying.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Plus, Altman’s vision didn’t account for PCness and followed the book more closely, hence characters named Duke (for the racist Tom Skerritt character who attended that NC med school) and Spearchucker Jones, neither of whom made it past the first couple of episodes of the TV show.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The only African American character was quickly eliminated from the TV show.

Viva La Tabula Raza

In 1972, Sanford and Son and other yassa massa shows were all that could make it. Shit changed over the course of the decade, though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Even with some of the writing Demond Wilson and Redd Foxx showed the humor and humanity to an extent that they shined above the inherently racist approach. Foxx was an old pro at dealing with that shit.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Absolutely. It took a while to get out of the Amos’n’Andy mindset, though.

SonOfSpam

Watching MLS is such a pleasure after that stupid Premier League hackery.

AND NOW A SERIOUS INJURY!!!

Redshirt

How much extra time do they give for a death?

SonOfSpam

7 minutes. 8 if it was autoerotic asphyxiation.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

The extra minute is worth the feel.

SonOfSpam

Someone has to untie the belt.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I think I actually posted this here a while back. Still, appropriate to above.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I checked out that guy Adam Miller based upon your mention of him last night. Awesome! Particularly like the realism, puts me in mind of the Baroque stuff that I love, so much like a well-composed photograph more than a painting, but in this guy’s case much better lit than Caravaggio and all those other 17th century Renaissance painters, like Artemisia Gentileschi. Miller’s stuff is a little bit out of my price range, though!comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

His originals are way out of mine too. He goes after diverse subjects for sure.

On the other hand Jon what’s his name’s prints are free at MAGA rallies, unless you are wearing a mask.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I didn’t mean last night to positively pimp that RWNJ cockslobberer’s shit, once again my attempts at sarcasm/ridiculousness at times might be too nonsensical for anyone to understand except by drunk me.

SonOfSpam

I doubt anyone assumed that, otherwise you would’ve been set aflame by one of the commenter’s special offspring. (I think only one has that ability, and it’s used judiciously)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The kids have matches?

SonOfSpam

Think Firestarter, but less coke than Drew Barrymore.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Well now I just have to:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, guess I’ll take this down from the ol’ bedroom wall.

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SonOfSpam

Put it on the ceiling so you can beat off to it just before night-night.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m older now, so to sploog on it it has to be on the wall. Another few years the floor.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I am at floor already. I’ll be 61 next week. But my lack of testosterone results in a full head of hair.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

P.S.; I know you justly hate that motherfucker and I am in agreement.

Redshirt

Titanic 2: The Wrath of the Iceberg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Viva La Tabula Raza

Glad to see/hear the long version. In fact, you rarely ran across the edited version back in the day, now that I think about it. I guess the long version gave the DJ time to step out for a joint break.

rockingdog

Found a funny:

Hey dude sorry I didn’t respond to your text sooner, I accidentally refered to eating lunch as “becoming lunchpilled” and my wife took my phone away

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Dick Charles? So, Dick Chuck? Almost sounds like an, uh, Asian American name…

SonOfSpam

Nah, it’s an event. Lorena Bobbitt is terrific at it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What is her record; 35.6 feet from a moving car? Not bad.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We’ll have to consult the Vegas historian.

Viva La Tabula Raza

That place looks like one of the cheap-ass gas station-convenience store-casino combinations out in the middle of the Arizona desert, like Why, AZ. But good for the Native Americans for setting up a place that might fleece the honky invaders a bit.comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Um no. I would have thought you would have been all over the cars in the parking lot and date the photo.

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monty this seems strange to me

BGR: Easy there, son.

Don’t call me “son”.

BGR: Listen Karen

That’s better.

Mr. Ayo

It only took me 3 hours to figure out what BGR stood for.

I knew I should have just asked initially.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, good ol Boy Groping Rapist.

Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo

Looks like he had a growth spurt.

Of hair.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Chia pet version of Tor Johnson, Plan 9 from Outer Space.

Mr. Ayo

I don’t understand your references old man.

Just googled, though, and you are correct and humorous.

ArmedandHammered

I thought it was Wolfman Rob in a bear suit sans bear head.

Redshirt

https://www.wcpo.com/news/local-news/hamilton-county/cincinnati/kings-island-worker-tests-positive-for-covid-19

“Lets go to Kings Island!” they said! “It’ll be fun!” they said!

ballsofsteelandfury

For BFC and LemonJello:

Redshirt

Washington Domestic Colonists?

ballsofsteelandfury

Btw, Liga MX started their tourney last week. Only 8 teams based in Guadalajara and México City. True Round Robin in group play not this play three out of four opponents bullshit.

litre_cola

Does Puebla count??

ballsofsteelandfury

Of course they count, but they’re not playing.

Guess who IS playing? Yup, Mazatlan FC…

Funny how that works, huh?

SonOfSpam

Yeah, but you can see their lips move when they do it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What a fucking idiot….. but we knew that…. this is solid data that backs up our previous position.

Brick Meathook

I predict it now:

The Washington Amazon-Dot-Coms

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe the Washington Posts? Nice tie-in with the paper he owns. Probably piss off Trump no end, anyways…

herodotus450

Thought the Bears already had that name locked up.

SonOfSpam

I do enjoy the thought of Bezos getting a team while Trump shits his pants in anger.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Fuckers wouldn’t let me buy the Bills! I’ll show them, I’ll give them a gigantic tax break in a few decades!”

Redshirt

“You know, I’m not that thrilled about Joe Biden’s liberal views and I’m definitely not voting for Trump. I wish there was another Conservative option to vote for President.”

Monkey’s Paw closes one finger

https://www.cnn.com/2020/07/05/entertainment/kanye-west-running-for-president-trnd/index.html

Senor Weaselo

If it were just Trump vs. Kanye I would have to take some time to figure out my vote. Because one of them believes they’re a genius and possibly the messiah, with a wife known for pornographic material, and the other is the incumbent.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I would hope for an explosion.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In practice Biden is about as centerist as you can get. To call him a liberal is a misnomer.

Redshirt

Just a joke. He’s a Moderate Democrat, but in 2020, that practically makes him a Conservative Democrat.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes, I appreciate the quote marks. Back in the day he could have easily been a centrist republican.

Even without the extra er.

Unsurprised

He’s to the right of Obama, who was on the same point of the L-R spectrum as Ronald Reagan.

ballsofsteelandfury

TV listings with an attitude are awesome!

litre_cola

Little known fact. An MLS side last year was beaten in the Canadian Championship for the first time ever by a lower division club. They had a 10th of the payroll. Quite remarkable.