Your July 26 Lesser Footy Open Thread: It’s Decision Day!

Welcome to Decision Day!

With the exception of one game, every match has positional repercussions. Most importantly, the Top 4 and relegation are all on the line today! What sucks is that the league should have tried and flexed the games around so that not all games are playing at once. C’mon Boris Johnson! If you’re going to copy all the shitty stuff America does, at least copy one good thing that they do. TV and EPL schedulers could do something like: relegation battles are the first batch of games, midtable/Europa implications at the middle and top 4 as the late night games. That’d be way better than what they have now. Keep your viewers watching your sport all day, as opposed to 90+ minutes. That’s a lot of ad money they’re missing out on.

To the games!

Game 1A: The “Please don’t choke Please don’t choke Please don’t choke Please don’t choke Please don’t choke Please don’t choke Please don’t choke Please don’t choke Please don’t choke FOR THE LOVE OF TRIGON PLEASE DON’T CHOKE GAME”

This is the biggest game of the day!

For United, all they have to do is not lose, which is easier said than done because their core players are incredibly gassed due to the short turnaround time of the past handful of games. (I will never forgive Ole if United miss the top 4 because he decided to ignore form and have Bruno, Maguire and AWB start and play large minutes in that Chelski FA Semifinals match). Meanwhile, Leicester have played the minimum amount of games since the return and have had more time to rest since their last game.

Why Trigon’s favoUrite team will win:

– Leicester have taken 20 points from their last 49. I haven’t seen someone choke on something that large since Kagney Linn

– Ricardo Pereira, Ben Chilwell, Soyuncu and James Maddison are not playing. That’s a lot of missing key players

– The Foxes are going to be weak down the flanks and will have no creativity. This is problematic because they have to win the match to make top 4 (unless Chelski shits the bed and Leicester draws United)

-3 out of 4 of the Foxes’ starting back 4 aren’t playing

– Brendan Rogers has a reputation of choking

Why United will struggle:

– Days of rest before games: Crystal Palace: 2 days. Chelski: 2 days. West Ham: 2 days. Leicester: 3 days. That’s a grueling schedule.

– Leicester have nothing to lose and United have been choke artists over the past 6 years. Worst of all, Ole is developing a reputation of making his team play conservative when the game’s importance is massive. There is a fear that Ole might start the match with a fucking back 5. If this is the case, I want his ass fired because that is cowardly, chicken shit lesser footy and that is never how Manchester United should ever play in such an important match.

– United have a 58% win rate with Luke Shaw in the league, which drops to 46% without. United have conceded at least one goal in 77% of the games without Shaw in the lineupl. Shaw is not expected to play on Sunday, which fucking sucks because the left side has been abysmal since he went down against Southampton.

Prediction:

United should straight up win this match. However, given their mentality, I’d expect a 1-1 draw. But fuck it. I’m calling a United 3-1 win. The monkey will be off their back, baby!

Match 1B: The “Je Suis Wolves” match

Having no confidence in United, I’m hoping Wolves, who are currently playing well and want to clinch a Europa spot, will have one more great game in them and beat Chelski. It also helps rooting for them because they are inexplicably Toddlerzilla’s favoUrite team.

Why Chelski will lose:

– Billy Gimour is out and N’Golo Kante is unlikely to be back from a hamstring problem. Ross Barkley is expected to make an appearance but will be playing hurt.

– Chelski is very inconsistent and are relying on key young players to win.

– Chelski’s defense is not very good while Wolves have decent defence and a formidable offence. Also, Wolves have players playing for big money contracts, whether that is with Wolves or another big league club.

– Chelski just needs 1 point. That’s tricky because mentality wise, a team can be playing to not lose as oppose to their style of play.

Why Chelski will win:

– Pulisic and Abraham are playing really good lesser footy.

– Chelski have a lot of fire power and will want to avenge their 5-2 loss to Wolves from earlier in the season.

– If the club’s mentality is relaxed about getting 1 point and scoreboard watch throughout the game, they’ll be much looser as Wolves must win.

In other news, fans of the Sousers celebrated the way you’d expect Scousers to celebrate:

 

To be fair, the brawl began by one fan accusing the other of being a fan of LiVARpool. In other Scouser news, Virgil van Dijk celebrated his EPL title by taking pictures of himself with trophies he won in previous seasons:

You know what they say: Small minded clubs do small minded shit like this.

Also, BT Sport released their fans’ Team of the season:

Finally, it was revealed that the Premier League’s season will begin on 12 September, with the final matchday of the season taking place on 23 May.

Enjoy the games!

Balls’ note:
This is Kagney:
You’re welcome.
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Redshirt

Of course, the Reds are the first NL team to forfeit their DH and put their Pitcher in the batting lineup.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

https://www.cbssports.com/nba/news/lou-williams-to-quarantine-10-days-in-bubble-after-strip-club-visit-miss-clippers-first-two-seeding-games/

We’ve gone back to the Old Testament rules.

“If thou breaketh quarantine to visit women removing their figleaves, you are unclean for 10 days past.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes; they were all stoned.

yeah right

The man wanted some wings. I can completely get behind that.

yeah right

After perusing their food menu there is a flavor of wings called “Louwill lemon pepper barbecue.” The man has a flavor of wings named after him there!

FREE LOU WILL!!

Right after completing his quarantine of course.

scotchnaut

I’m thinking the reason he was there in the first place was because he was far more interested in breasts rather than wings.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wings are similar to beef curtains if the wind is blowing.

Redshirt

MFW Hearing about two late scratches to Reds lineup after teammate tested COVID positive yesterday

The part of the Tampa Bay MRSAs will now be placed by the Cincinnati Reds. If I knew how to photoshop, I’d change the Reds’ C-REDS logo to C-OVID.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What is the world coming to?

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ballsofsteelandfury

New Marble League race is up!

Gumbygirl will be happy.
Balls of Chaos will not.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In this hot weather balls of chaos will get sat on.

Gumbygirl

It’s about damn time!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

To reiterate; R.I.P. John Saxon.

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scotchnaut

He was so awesome! He banged the madam instead of the regular prostitutes on that isolated island.*

*this is not mentioned on his Wiki page

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is a terrible omission of an emission.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s my Saturday night…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Edging can have consequences.

yeah right

Holy Christ relegation feels like a death in the family. Why did I let you all talk me into this league again?

King Hippo

We are all suckers for new and exciting ways to hate ourselves.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[Hippo orders Naugahyde® Cat-o’nine-tails from Funtimes Erotic Supply that is long enough to swing over his back]

Redshirt

[laughs at Moose thinking Hippo doesn’t already have one]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

These things wear out with constant use.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gumbygirl

Marvel the mustang, he’s almost like real!

Horatio Cornblower

Litre Cola is available to talk you through the excitement of trying to get promoted.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Promoted? Face down, ass up.

litre_cola

Oh yeah! Tomorrow vs Cardiff! Bring it on!

litre_cola

Welcome to the club! The C’ship is way more fun as you can actually win a game or two!

scotchnaut

I left this rec on yeah right’s thread as well-

“I Lost My Body”. A very determined severed hand tries to find its way back to his owner.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s great when you’re yankin’ it! Feels like someone else is doing for ya!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Me, today:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

COME ON HAMMERS!!
/also, quit fucking around, Arsenal

King Hippo

ALL UP TO Y’ALL, RUM HAM

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

/shriek of joy from casa del Wakey

King Hippo

Handball you prick!!!

/only since Rum Ham forgetting they’s ONE JERB

litre_cola

Pokes Foxy Footy, Man U game. Do something.
Lookin at you too Hammers

King Hippo

Imagine how puckered Ole’s asshole must be right now. Approaching Arsene Wenger levels.

Horatio Cornblower

Not to dis Hippo, but really rooting against Everton today.

Arsenal is actually taking care of business against Watford, so that’s a plus.

King Hippo

IF it keeps cherries up and sends Midlands Twats down (yay, my phone recognizes that phrase now), I will live with this shameful performance.

Horatio Cornblower

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King Hippo

Unreal stuff by giroud

rockingdog

thats the stuff!
2 in 2 min

rockingdog

oh my
thats a beautttty from Mount
Chelsea up 1-0

litre_cola

Hippo, your guys need to continue to lay down.
Fronk, half time pep talk plz.

litre_cola

Come on West Ham!!! I am at the fucking zoo because I am agood family man but ultimately a fucking moron.

rockingdog

LOL
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scotchnaut

[random memory generator sputters, kicks in]

The setup is great, the payoff (to me) was laugh-out loud funny and it told you everything about his character.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

goddamnit!

scotchnaut

Frustrate you?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No…. I laughed even though one is not supposed to when one is cool.

scotchnaut

What a cool moose might look like…

King Hippo

I likely win the Brexit Bucks with an Everton loss or draw (almost everyone but me picked a win), perhaps the whole contest if it does end 1-1 (especially if Richy gets the equalizer).

King Hippo

Holy cats, are Everton ever laying down.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So there is a sunny spot through the window?

King Hippo

/reminds self to name next cat Everton

rockingdog

feels a little like NFL Redzone rite now.
they just went double box cause harry kane scored
so many games all at the same time….
legit

litre_cola

Agreed to do a family thing before I realized the games were on Sunday Nawt Saturday.

rockingdog

pulisic got the start for chelsea
cools