NFL News:
- The opt-out list got a bit larger today, with some notable names:
- The Bengals agreed to terms with Joe Burrow today.
- It’s a fully guaranteed $36 million deal, with a $23.9 million signing bonus.
- Mike Brown wanted to pay in Skyline gift cards, but Burrow’s agent was too smart for that.
- It’s a fully guaranteed $36 million deal, with a $23.9 million signing bonus.
- Patrick Mahomes has bought ownership interest in the KC Royals.
- Now he has something to do after Spring workouts – he can walk across the parking lot & watch from the owner’s box.
- Considering his dad was once a MLB pitcher – but never with the Royals – it makes a certain amount of financial planning sense.
- One assumes it’s a ceremonial 1% ownership, much like the Dolphins used to sell off in order to attract casual billionaire fans.
- Now he has something to do after Spring workouts – he can walk across the parking lot & watch from the owner’s box.
- The City of Green Bay is projecting up to $160 million in losses from the lack of fans attending Packers games.
- Mostly from lost tax & tourist revenue.
- The rest of the story is behind a paywall, so I have to assume there were projections about layoffs & reductions in social services.
- Stealing from Crimebeat! – former 49er Dana Stubblefield has been found guilty of raping a 31-year-old woman.
- He was found guilty of rape by force, oral copulation by force and false imprisonment and acquitted of raping a person incapable of giving consent.
- He contacted a babysitting website & she was the person they sent him for the interview. The rape occurred after the interview & she had left, when she was invited back to the house with a promise of “compensation” for her time that day.
- It’s his third post-retirement conviction:
- He pleaded guilty in 2009 to lying to federal officials investigating a performance-enhancing drugs ring catering to professional athletes.
- He was sentenced to probation after cooperating with investigators.
- In 2010, he pleaded guilty to stealing his former girlfriend’s mail by submitting a fraudulent change of address for her to the U.S. Post Office
- He was sentenced to 90 days in jail.
- He pleaded guilty in 2009 to lying to federal officials investigating a performance-enhancing drugs ring catering to professional athletes.
- He was found guilty of rape by force, oral copulation by force and false imprisonment and acquitted of raping a person incapable of giving consent.
I learned today that Seahawks offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer’s middle name is “Cornelius”. And so, from hence forth, this shall be the graphic that accompanies his name:
Verily, I am a child.
Tonight’s sports:
- MLB:
- New York Yankees at Philadelphia Phillies – 6:00PM | FS1
- COVID-tests permitting
- Blue Jays at Nationals – 6:00PM | Sportsnet
- Los Angeles Dodgers at Houston Astros – 9:00PM | FS1
- New York Yankees at Philadelphia Phillies – 6:00PM | FS1
- MLS is Back Tournament:
- Columbus Crew vs. Minnesota United – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN
- Portland Timbers vs. FC Cincinnati – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN
NHL “pre-post-season” started today, and NBA “pre-post-season” started on the weekend, so we have that to look forward to as well. But since I don’t care about those games until they count, I’m not listing them.
Lydian 18-point is now my preferred font for addressing envelopes.
What’s My Beef ™ with Brick Meathook
Hey guys what’s up? Today on What’s My Beef ™ we’re going to be talking about something that is really pissing me off.
Do you ever go on YouTube™ and play a DIY video made by some amateur? It could be about anything: cameras, home improvement, even how to install a roof-rack on your car, if you can believe that.
Each video starts with some middle-aged Joe Blow from Bumfuck looking at the camera with a vacant dead expression, wearing a T-shirt with a “cool” (to him and him only) design on it, baggy shorts, and sandals. Then they all utter the exact same phrase: “Hey guys what’s up? Today blah blah blah . . .”
Okay, this shit has got to stop. I mean it.
This has been What’s My Beef ™ with Brick Meathook
Brought to you by ERA™ Laundry Detergent with Active Stainfighter™
ERA™: The Brand You Trust™
Hey Brickland, what’s up?
Today I’m going to compare laundry detergents. Spoiler, ERA is a term best left to the sport of baseball and won’t be included in today’s comparo…
Don’t forget to smash that thumbs up button and subscribe!
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.
Phyllis Schlafly’s desiccated corpse agrees with you about the whole ERA thing.
Damn deep cut. Well done.
Thanks. One does have to be of a certain vintage for that one to land…
Tell us some Ike jokes
There wasn’t very much funny about that guy.
https://www.thecut.com/2018/10/tina-turner-says-ex-husband-broke-her-jaw-burned-her.html
You…. beat me to it.
Question for hockey fans. How the shit does this play in work? Who do the winners of each play in play?
They have 24 teams in the playoffs. The bottom sixteen play a 1-16, 2-15… set up so they can get down to 16 teams. Then they will start the traditional four rounds of playoffs.
The losing eight teams from the play-in round go into a draw for their odds to the first overall draft pick. After that, Gary Bettman will decide which US team gets first choice.
HOX?!?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_JPqeZyRNY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBciqJMscGQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4DQot33XoQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBzTNQTp1W8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKtPOC3VqGs
Back in the previous century, I saw Warren play at a small venue (large bar). At the end of every song, some asshole in the crowd hollered out “Werewolves!” to everyone’s considerable annoyance, apparently Warren’s as well. Finally, he turned towards the crowd and said “You all know I will play that song tonight, but if that asshole keeps hollering for it, I won’t. You know what to do.” Dude got drenched with drinks dregs and was shamed into silence. Nice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP5Xv7QqXiM
I’m pretty sure I told you this, but I went to Lee Ho Fooks in London. And yes, I had a big dish of beef chow mein. It was good! But I didn’t make it to Trader Vic’s.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjcCQsRCHUs
At least the week is half over.
Well, fuck.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xO7dulvDrt8
In the Pretend Year of Our LAWD 2054:
1) Star centre forward Black French Satan has come out of the closet. Goody FOAR him!!
2) I am coming off my first 100+ point season, setting a new Prem record with 104 (34-2-2 record).
3) OF COURSE, I lost to fucking Barca in the Shempions final, so I don’t have to even CONSIDER retirement.
4) Bainesy (who played one season for me at Pretend Everton) DID retire from coaching. I had to select a new #2 for the first time in like 20 years. Wakey will enjoy this, former United man Scott McTominay got the call.
5) The key to happiness is finding a good DM, who is willing to accept the only DM role I use (2nd half or late in the game protecting a lead, when I takes one of me strikers off the pitch). Fingers crossed, but I just might have so done.
Can’t retire until you have an Invincibles Quadruple, them’s the rules.
These are good rules. Invincible quad, or 7 trophies in a “Club World Cup” year. That don’t come around until 2057, though.
Addendum – I have nicknamed promising Portugeuse winger with the first two names “Antonio Ricardo” as “I’m Tony Riiiiccccckkk!!”
In the real 2054:
oh yeah, we are going hellscape and going there right soon
No big shiny city in the background tho.
Dominant Male?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yw-4AJ78CRs
Looks like Seth Rogen went off a little bit on WTF this week, and Bari Weiss is gonna go beg for her job back so she can write a hit piece
Heh heh heh.
Dig me, Canadians! I spent the better part of today filling in
allmost of these with zeroes everywhere! God Bless Canada etc etcGood times, good times. Are we sending you money?
For 2019 and 2020 oh you better . . . (51% withholding)
Stiff percent for levies, quite OK for motherhood.
Brick promised he would release his tax returns!
Worst. Bookcase. Ever.
/obligatory
Yeah, it’s a wolf night.
–
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IcwGeEAs2A
“Is that your copy of Dune?”
“It’s a copy of Dune.”
re: new format/upgrade
All those haterz that kept telling me that $12 doesn’t go far these days… You can all suck it! HAHAHA! WIN!
Now here’s the thing, sprotsfans, we don’t want our most hated hockey henemies to lose too soon, in the first round thing, or else they would have a chance to win the draft lottery. So, just a little bit of success, then we cut the throat.
I’ll say one thing about the titles: the adulation has sucked!
Let’s try out the new system with gifs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wjc9AsIbcY
This is one small step for a site, and (crsssh) one small step, for dick jokes everywhere
Spark yer sparklers if you’ve got em
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4RjJKxsamQ
This song takes me back to a time when there wasn’t a debate raging over whether or not this song was written by the CIA
Buddy’s status on the site must be “Add Men”, amirite?
[logs on to site]
[is frightened and confused]
-Sam Darnold, Unfrozen Caveman QB
— B. Walsh
[posts comment in order to find out if status is ‘Admin’, ‘Author’ or ‘Innocent Until Proven Guilty’]
‘Editor’? Okay, give me something to fucking edit then.
I’m sure my posts need editing
Please edit reality and bring the Berenstein Bears back.
Okay, sure. I’m just saying it’ll take a lot more blow than what you’re putting out there right now.
STAIN!!
[just repeating]
Alas, I have no fancy title. I have just enough access to see my moderated posts and stare longingly at them, saddened at the fact that yet another of my posts have been sent to limbo due to my habit of making jokes about familial relations.
Can’t add photos through editing, though
Does the image thing work?
Sort of!
oh god we can rate articles now. Can wait for one of mine to get a negative score.
Oh the futbol haters rejoice.
Internet Dad sprung for new digs.
I thought I’d gone to the wrong site at first. Thanks Internet dad
So I don’t gotta use https images now?
[drops bong]
Imgur work yet?
Only works for straight people.
Nope. How about twitter embedding for the plebs?
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">We're a modest company with modest goals: <br>1: sell a quality product at a fair price<br>2: drain the world's oceans so we can find and kill god</p>— Stev D (@Stev_D) <a href="https://twitter.com/Stev_D/status/524686327233921025?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 21, 2014</a></blockquote> https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsAlso, no. Alas.
I blame imgur.
For everything.
I’m a big fat white guy who fears change.
Bye, all. Heading to Parler.
https://www.wxyz.com/news/coronavirus/delta-flight-from-detroit-to-atlanta-delayed-after-2-passengers-refused-to-wear-masks
I’ll never forget about the 73% death rate of Halloween ’08.
Plus the ones that got run over.
Why aren’t we allowed to kill these people in self-defense?
I’m glad we know see who’s the Admins and Editors. Now, I’ll know whose asses to kiss for favors, and whose asses to kiss for fun.
Brave New Commentist World?
Love the comforting sounds of KMOX calling #BFIB fixtures.
Get quite tired of the anti-abortion and weirdo anti-union foundation commercials, though.
Is “Admin” short for “Administers drugs to himself” or what?
Needle-Spoony time should be PRIVATE (smh)
Not whaaaat she said.
Well fucking done DTZM!!
Edit works.
Hi, Valerie!
So if I just click the convo button it automatically goes to the top?
Please tell me this format change means we’re back in the Berenstein Bears universe.
[checks headlines]
Nuuuuupe!
STAIN dammit!!!
No, but in this universe Mandela actually did die in the ’80s.
Let’s see if Youtube videos survived the update
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tyq4ojsAycQ
Probably for everyone but Gumbygirl.
[Erection even more semihard!]
found a funny:
girlfriends be like what if i was an enormous, prehistoric sea monster awakened & empowered by nuclear radiation. would u still date me
“In that case I’d actually stay with you.”
What if she asked for ’bout tree-fiddy?
This is a different mobile experience!?!?!?!?
/Grabs bong, whisky and heads for bunker.
This is like a software update for an old person [am old].
And how was your work day?
Still employed. Didn’t leave in police custody. Calling it a win.
Change is inevitable. Also, Discuz had a huge update.
[Checks to see if GIF posts]
[GIF posts]
We are good buddy, pal.
EW, OH, OH [SQUEAL!] LOGGIT THE LITTLE CONVERSATION THINGY IN THE CORNER! YOU GUYS ARE FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCY!
Upvotes work, too.
And downvotes.
/Sorry
Admins, authors, etc. have fancy Bourgeoisie badges now too.
I think I’ll survive. But I’m not seeing a minus-1.
I still can’t downvote my own comments……
Let me know which one and I will do it for you.
Which one?
I think this change is triggering one of my anxiety attacks, they started after the 2016 elections.
What happened??
CHANGE CANNOT BE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing changed. We’ve slipped into a slightly different dimension is all. Where there’s a slight difference in DFO, but the various national crises we were experiencing are even fucking worse than they were the day before, as unimaginable as that might seem.
As long as all 30 MLB teams are still in operation, I think I can handle it.
Only 29. Whatever the Marlins are, I don’t think it’s operational right now.
In a sudden change of narrative, all the MLB teams die of typhus.
Last edited 4 minutes ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
god damn that’s fancy.
Would have accepted Don Cornelius, as well.
Don Cornelius would have never played for the Seahawks.
Maybe they should have been the Seattle Soul Trains, which actually sounds like a good name. The players could line up on each side of the tunnel and they could take turns dancing their way onto the field.
Then Barr’s federal goon squads come in and start busting some heads. Flash bangs and tear gas are just part of the pyrotechnics.