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- Hockey and Hooch Thursday night open thread - January 14, 2021
-pictured Ailsa Craig, Ayrshire, Scotland.
Another night, and another substitute teacher. You may run amok as I intend to play movies all day because I am one of those subs.
This was the last bit of what TWBS and I wrote before his passing.
Twbs is currently at the Morrissey Pub on Granville in Vancouver, speaking to a very attractive gothic bartender named Opal.
[DOOR FLIES OPEN]
HOW THE FUCK IS EVERYBODY???
Many people in the bar sheepishly wave at the newcomer.
TWBS: Who the fuck is this guy?
Opal: That’s Rob, his voice is loud from being a teacher and a beer hawker, he really likes Lynyrd Skynrd.
TWBS: Holy Shit, ok. He’s who I’m here to meet.
Opal: You’ve never met? Is this like a blind date? Pity that…..
TWBS: No, no, no, I know things here are progressive but it is not like that. Do you have any mental issues that would make a partner crazy? I am usually super in to that.
Opal: Would someone with 9 piercings not have issues?
TWBS, I only see 6.
Opal: You aren’t looking hard enough.
Opal walks to the other side of the bar without getting TWBS a drink.
BGR: YOU THE VET?
TWBS: Sure am, glad to meet you.
BGR: ENOUGH WITH THE SASS MOUTH, WHAT YA DRINKIN?
TWBS: Well I ordered a Molson or Labatts but she just walked away.
BGR: OK SASSY, IT ISN’T THE 70’S ANYMORE, YOU DON’T SEE ME HERE ORDERING A CLUB OR OV DO YOU?
TWBS: One, what the fuck is an OV? Second, what should I order then since it’s a completely different language?
BGR: EASY WITH THE TONE. IT’S CALLED A MENU, I AIN’T YOUR BIOGRAPHER.
TWBS: Excuse me Opal, could you just get me whatever your favoUrite beer is please?
Opal: Sure I love a man with some manners.
BGR: ABOUT TIME.
The next morning.
BGR : WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS WAS FUCKIN AWESOME!!!!!
TWBS wakes up drearily, bound to the bedpost and looks over and BGR is tied to his chair. The remnants of a party last night litter the floor. Bottles, cigarette butts, rolling papers, fleshlights strewn about.
TWBS: what the fuck is going on??? I thought the border cops took those.
BGR: THIS IS DFO CANADA, WE ARE ALWAYS PACKIN SELF LOVE DEVICES! WHOOOOOOO WHAT A NIGHT.
TWBS; I don’t remember a thing, Why the hell are we tied up? How the fuck do we get out of here?
BGR: WELL YOU ORDERED OPAL’S FAVOURITE DRINK AND WHO KNEW SHE LOVED ROOFIES TOO!!! THE ROPES WERE YOUR IDEA, SHE WAS TOTALLY DOWN WITH IT. CAN’T BELIEVE YOU THOUGHT WE HAD DONKEY DELIVERY HERE, THIS ISN’T MEXICO.
TWBS: Ok, well how are we going to get out of here?
BGR: EASY WITH THE POTTY MOUTH, WE JUST NEED A CLEAR HEAD. CAN’T BELIEVE YOU TURNED HER DOWN WHEN SHE HAD YOU ALL TIED UP. YOU AMERICANS ARE WEIRD.
Beerguyrob bound with extension cords shuffles his chair towards his jacket and digs his keys out of his pocket. He pushes a red button.
BGR: NOW WE WAIT.
TWBS: Wait? What if she comes back?
BGR: OH SHE ISN’T COMING BACK. SHE HAS OUR WALLETS, PHONES AND SOCKS. BY NOW SHE WILL BE ON HASTINGS BUYING MORE ROOFIES. JUST HAVE A NAP AND THINGS WILL WORK OUT.
To Be continued (maybe)
The last time I did an evening thread there was no sports, tonight there is!
Jets v Flames in Edmonton 18:45 ET. Everything about this is wrong. Jets have 26% of their goals out due to injuries but they won an ugly game yesterday and Hellebuyck should win the Vezina this year so the Ice Bombers are never out of it.
Hurricanes can close the series vs the Rangers. 20:00 ET. I mentioned it in the comments yesterday that there are an abundance of Ranger fans/haters in the commentist party that I never have to check the score in their games. You can immediately tell by the meltdowns in the komments.
Minnesota against Vancouver 22:45 ET. Since BeerguyRob is away I will call this series I call the Jay Cutler.
Magic v Pacers 18:00 ET
Celtics v Heat 18:30 ET
Rockets v Trail Blazers 19:00 ET, I watched a quarter of Houston a couple days ago. Jesus H. Christ is Harden irritating. He flops worse than a Honduran footballer. Good lord, he should be embarrassed.
I love baseball but this seriously isn’t working. I can’t keep track of cancellations, infections but one thing for sure is that the Padres uniforms are the best. THE BEST JERRY!
There are 11 games tonight, 3 have been cancelled. If you are a fan of the Phillies, Yankees, Cardinals, Tigers, Marlins your team isn’t playing. In fact the Score app has 2 Phillies games cancelled. That is impressive.
In happy news. Fulham got promoted. I am way too happy for a sporting team. Two sexy goals by the London Jaguras if you are interested.
It’s the small things that make me happy like this win, be safe, be healthy, wear a mask.