Craig David took her for a drink on Tuesday Open Thread

litre_cola

-pictured Ailsa Craig, Ayrshire, Scotland.

 

Another night, and another substitute teacher. You may run amok as I intend to play movies all day because I am one of those subs.

This was the last bit of what TWBS and I wrote before his passing.

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Twbs is currently at the Morrissey Pub on Granville in Vancouver, speaking to a very attractive gothic bartender named Opal.

[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

HOW THE FUCK IS EVERYBODY???

Many people in the bar sheepishly wave at the newcomer.

 

TWBS: Who the fuck is this guy?

Opal: That’s Rob, his voice is loud from being a teacher and a beer hawker, he really likes Lynyrd Skynrd.

TWBS: Holy Shit, ok. He’s who I’m here to meet.

Opal: You’ve never met? Is this like a blind date? Pity that…..

TWBS: No, no, no, I know things here are progressive but it is not like that. Do you have any mental issues that would make a partner crazy? I am usually super in to that.

Opal: Would someone with 9 piercings not have issues?

TWBS, I only see 6.

Opal: You aren’t looking hard enough.

Opal walks to the other side of the bar without getting TWBS a drink.

BGR: YOU THE VET?

TWBS: Sure am, glad to meet you.

BGR: ENOUGH WITH THE SASS MOUTH, WHAT YA DRINKIN?

TWBS: Well I ordered a Molson or Labatts but she just walked away.

BGR: OK SASSY, IT ISN’T THE 70’S ANYMORE, YOU DON’T SEE ME HERE ORDERING A CLUB OR OV DO YOU?

TWBS: One, what the fuck is an OV? Second, what should I order then since it’s a completely different language?

BGR: EASY WITH THE TONE. IT’S CALLED A MENU, I AIN’T YOUR BIOGRAPHER.

TWBS: Excuse me Opal, could you just get me whatever your favoUrite beer is please?

Opal: Sure I love a man with some manners.

BGR: ABOUT TIME.

 

The next morning.

BGR : WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS WAS FUCKIN AWESOME!!!!!

TWBS wakes up drearily, bound to the bedpost and looks over and BGR is tied to his chair. The remnants of a party last night litter the floor. Bottles, cigarette butts, rolling papers, fleshlights strewn about.

TWBS: what the fuck is going on??? I thought the border cops took those.

BGR: THIS IS DFO CANADA, WE ARE ALWAYS PACKIN SELF LOVE DEVICES! WHOOOOOOO WHAT A NIGHT.

TWBS; I don’t remember a thing, Why the hell are we tied up? How the fuck do we get out of here?

BGR: WELL YOU ORDERED OPAL’S FAVOURITE DRINK AND WHO KNEW SHE LOVED ROOFIES TOO!!! THE ROPES WERE YOUR IDEA, SHE WAS TOTALLY DOWN WITH IT. CAN’T BELIEVE YOU THOUGHT WE HAD DONKEY DELIVERY HERE, THIS ISN’T MEXICO.

TWBS: Ok, well how are we going to get out of here?

BGR: EASY WITH THE POTTY MOUTH, WE JUST NEED A CLEAR HEAD. CAN’T BELIEVE YOU TURNED HER DOWN WHEN SHE HAD YOU ALL TIED UP. YOU AMERICANS ARE WEIRD.

Beerguyrob bound with extension cords shuffles his chair towards his jacket and digs his keys out of his pocket. He pushes a red button.

BGR: NOW WE WAIT.

TWBS: Wait? What if she comes back?

BGR: OH SHE ISN’T COMING BACK. SHE HAS OUR WALLETS, PHONES AND SOCKS. BY NOW SHE WILL BE ON HASTINGS BUYING MORE ROOFIES. JUST HAVE A NAP AND THINGS WILL WORK OUT.

TWBS: Nap?

To Be continued (maybe)

 

 

The last time I did an evening thread there was no sports, tonight there is!

Ice Football

Jets v Flames in Edmonton 18:45 ET. Everything about this is wrong. Jets have 26% of their goals out due to injuries but they won an ugly game yesterday and Hellebuyck should win the Vezina this year so the Ice Bombers are never out of it.

Hurricanes can close the series vs the Rangers. 20:00 ET. I mentioned it in the comments yesterday that there are an abundance of Ranger fans/haters in the commentist party that I never have to check the score in their games. You can immediately tell by the meltdowns in the komments.

Minnesota against Vancouver 22:45 ET. Since BeerguyRob is away I will call this series I call the Jay Cutler.

Bubble Basketball!

Magic v Pacers 18:00 ET

Celtics v Heat 18:30 ET

Rockets v Trail Blazers 19:00 ET, I watched a quarter of Houston a couple days ago. Jesus H. Christ is Harden irritating. He flops worse than a Honduran footballer. Good lord, he should be embarrassed.

Baseball

I love baseball but this seriously isn’t working. I can’t keep track of cancellations, infections but one thing for sure is that the Padres uniforms are the best. THE BEST JERRY!

There are 11 games tonight, 3 have been cancelled. If you are a fan of the Phillies, Yankees, Cardinals, Tigers, Marlins your team isn’t playing. In fact the Score app has 2 Phillies games cancelled. That is impressive.

In happy news. Fulham got promoted. I am way too happy for a sporting team. Two sexy goals by the London Jaguras if you are interested.

 

It’s the small things that make me happy like this win, be safe, be healthy, wear a mask.

 

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litre_cola
litre_cola
A pugs best friend. Wine drinker. Loves to use the letter U behind O. Iggles fan, Fulham FC supporter. Bartend as a hobby in Canadia. One of the resident futbol freaks at the clubhouse
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Good game by Vancouver.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Col. Duke LaCross

Sorry I’ve been absent for a bit. Been going out with this gal for a few months. Kinda saw things going somewhere. Then found out about the other dude last week. Or I WAS the other dude, in which case I just feel like a fucking creep. Been in a funk lately.

ballsofsteelandfury

No need to beat yourself up. She’s the one who did it, not you.

Let’s put it this way: You didn’t know there was another dude, so you’re in the clear.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Glad you are back and are no longer deceived.

Here’s a dude falling down.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

For some reason the site doesn’t let me post on my phone so I didn’t get a chance for this gem:

THESE NEW YORK RANGERS, I CALL THEM SOVIET CARTOON WORKER & PARASITE, BECAUSE ALL I DID WAS SIT HERE AND THINK “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?”

Dunstan

THESE NEW YORK RANGERS, I CALL THEM PUERTO RICO BECAUSE THEY JUST GOT DEVASTATED BY HURRICANE.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan

Am I wrong to find it a little suspicious that the NHL is claiming to have done hundreds of COVID tests, “and not one positive!” Shouldn’t false positives alone have prevented that?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

That was a nice goal.

Dunstan

Terry Bradshaw is getting a reality show? Somehow this is the least surprising news ever.

Sharkbait

2020 sure is weird

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

He has surprisingly hot daughters.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Not his.

ballsofsteelandfury

What are you guys gonna do with your Google+ $12?

I may buy a DFO share…

TheRevanchist

Is $12 enough for some ED medication? Can I still get that from Mexico?

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes. $12 should get you one pill and a Mexican Coke.

Last edited 5 months ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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