-pictured Ailsa Craig, Ayrshire, Scotland.
Another night, and another substitute teacher. You may run amok as I intend to play movies all day because I am one of those subs.
This was the last bit of what TWBS and I wrote before his passing.
————————————————————————————————————————–
Twbs is currently at the Morrissey Pub on Granville in Vancouver, speaking to a very attractive gothic bartender named Opal.
[DOOR FLIES OPEN]
HOW THE FUCK IS EVERYBODY???
Many people in the bar sheepishly wave at the newcomer.
TWBS: Who the fuck is this guy?
Opal: That’s Rob, his voice is loud from being a teacher and a beer hawker, he really likes Lynyrd Skynrd.
TWBS: Holy Shit, ok. He’s who I’m here to meet.
Opal: You’ve never met? Is this like a blind date? Pity that…..
TWBS: No, no, no, I know things here are progressive but it is not like that. Do you have any mental issues that would make a partner crazy? I am usually super in to that.
Opal: Would someone with 9 piercings not have issues?
TWBS, I only see 6.
Opal: You aren’t looking hard enough.
Opal walks to the other side of the bar without getting TWBS a drink.
BGR: YOU THE VET?
TWBS: Sure am, glad to meet you.
BGR: ENOUGH WITH THE SASS MOUTH, WHAT YA DRINKIN?
TWBS: Well I ordered a Molson or Labatts but she just walked away.
BGR: OK SASSY, IT ISN’T THE 70’S ANYMORE, YOU DON’T SEE ME HERE ORDERING A CLUB OR OV DO YOU?
TWBS: One, what the fuck is an OV? Second, what should I order then since it’s a completely different language?
BGR: EASY WITH THE TONE. IT’S CALLED A MENU, I AIN’T YOUR BIOGRAPHER.
TWBS: Excuse me Opal, could you just get me whatever your favoUrite beer is please?
Opal: Sure I love a man with some manners.
BGR: ABOUT TIME.
The next morning.
BGR : WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS WAS FUCKIN AWESOME!!!!!
TWBS wakes up drearily, bound to the bedpost and looks over and BGR is tied to his chair. The remnants of a party last night litter the floor. Bottles, cigarette butts, rolling papers, fleshlights strewn about.
TWBS: what the fuck is going on??? I thought the border cops took those.
BGR: THIS IS DFO CANADA, WE ARE ALWAYS PACKIN SELF LOVE DEVICES! WHOOOOOOO WHAT A NIGHT.
TWBS; I don’t remember a thing, Why the hell are we tied up? How the fuck do we get out of here?
BGR: WELL YOU ORDERED OPAL’S FAVOURITE DRINK AND WHO KNEW SHE LOVED ROOFIES TOO!!! THE ROPES WERE YOUR IDEA, SHE WAS TOTALLY DOWN WITH IT. CAN’T BELIEVE YOU THOUGHT WE HAD DONKEY DELIVERY HERE, THIS ISN’T MEXICO.
TWBS: Ok, well how are we going to get out of here?
BGR: EASY WITH THE POTTY MOUTH, WE JUST NEED A CLEAR HEAD. CAN’T BELIEVE YOU TURNED HER DOWN WHEN SHE HAD YOU ALL TIED UP. YOU AMERICANS ARE WEIRD.
Beerguyrob bound with extension cords shuffles his chair towards his jacket and digs his keys out of his pocket. He pushes a red button.
BGR: NOW WE WAIT.
TWBS: Wait? What if she comes back?
BGR: OH SHE ISN’T COMING BACK. SHE HAS OUR WALLETS, PHONES AND SOCKS. BY NOW SHE WILL BE ON HASTINGS BUYING MORE ROOFIES. JUST HAVE A NAP AND THINGS WILL WORK OUT.
TWBS: Nap?
To Be continued (maybe)
The last time I did an evening thread there was no sports, tonight there is!
Ice Football
Jets v Flames in Edmonton 18:45 ET. Everything about this is wrong. Jets have 26% of their goals out due to injuries but they won an ugly game yesterday and Hellebuyck should win the Vezina this year so the Ice Bombers are never out of it.
Hurricanes can close the series vs the Rangers. 20:00 ET. I mentioned it in the comments yesterday that there are an abundance of Ranger fans/haters in the commentist party that I never have to check the score in their games. You can immediately tell by the meltdowns in the komments.
Minnesota against Vancouver 22:45 ET. Since BeerguyRob is away I will call this series I call the Jay Cutler.
Bubble Basketball!
Magic v Pacers 18:00 ET
Celtics v Heat 18:30 ET
Rockets v Trail Blazers 19:00 ET, I watched a quarter of Houston a couple days ago. Jesus H. Christ is Harden irritating. He flops worse than a Honduran footballer. Good lord, he should be embarrassed.
Baseball
I love baseball but this seriously isn’t working. I can’t keep track of cancellations, infections but one thing for sure is that the Padres uniforms are the best. THE BEST JERRY!
There are 11 games tonight, 3 have been cancelled. If you are a fan of the Phillies, Yankees, Cardinals, Tigers, Marlins your team isn’t playing. In fact the Score app has 2 Phillies games cancelled. That is impressive.
In happy news. Fulham got promoted. I am way too happy for a sporting team. Two sexy goals by the London Jaguras if you are interested.
It’s the small things that make me happy like this win, be safe, be healthy, wear a mask.
Brb mainlining gin
RIP to one of my favorite Einsteins.
Thought you were talking about someone else…
It was awesome when some coked up producer tried to make Yahoo Serious a thing.
Ana de Armas in Faraday (2013)
Should’ve played Henrik
You hate to see it
Is this a direct challenge?
Just terrible to see them pile on.
Oh, hockey, never mind.
Vacation memories are great.
“I go all out tryin to look like Jerry Orbach, and for what???”
It sounds like they keep saying Panera and now I want soup and bread.
The tossed salad is not that fresh……
Will forever hate bread boy for taking Gostisbehere’s Calder trophy. Apparently, you can come in the league at the young age of 63 and be considered a rookie.
Sergei Makarov nods.
Fuuuuuuuuk you Smith
Okay with that name you’ll need to narrow it down.
Still pissed at Anna Nicole.
I think Jimmy’s last name is Smits.
I will never forgive him for LA Law…..
corndom
I CORNDOM YOU TO HEEEEEEEELL!!
Well, you DID get your justice.
BIG LOL RAGS MOMENT
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” data-partner=”tweetdeck”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>Going to go write another song about James Reimer.</p>— Down Goes Brown (@DownGoesBrown) <a href=”https://twitter.com/DownGoesBrown/status/1290827101285818370?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>August 5, 2020</a></blockquote>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjDLc-8tW2I
I’m gonna email you. Hang on
Check your email
That seems, uh, hauntingly familiar.
I’ll email you
The AnonymousBots (R) thought the Yakkity Sax helicopter rescue video was dangerous.
Awaiting for approval
I swear I wasn’t drinking for the ice Panthers goal. Despite how much I want to.
Anal Eating Weekly writeup?
Man, the blog market has really passed me by.
Dick Men?
Join Grindr, and you’re halfway there.
First, you’ll need a TTY phone
Testicle-Touch Youth?
You mean a Priest Phone.
Thats one of them blue phones in Happy Valley .
“Best to just ignore those.”
-Jim Jordan
Not sure what to drink tonight. I’m having steak, so I *should* have a manhattan, but the homemade maraschino cherries haven’t really been steeping for long enough, so I’m debating having a cuba libre instead. Or I guess I could have a vesper martini, though the lemon I have isn’t top quality.
Have the vesper, then switch to red wine, finish with Manhattans and sleep on the couch when you strike out with the Dr Mrs Esq
That was an underrated show.
Do you really think it was underrated? I enjoyed it quite a bit but I didn’t feel like it was unappreciated.
Didnt understand why it got cancelled.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kbj4bulZX2Y
Wow. I can’t even bring myself to share the link to this Carlson screenshot. Picture of George Floyd with the knee in his neck with the chryon “We still don’t know how George Floyd died.” Did he actually find a less human writer? Sure, I’m just feeding the hate I have for these vile fucks, but shit, boys. The bar’s already hit bottom. You don’t have to keep pushing to see if it can down any further.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLqIB0h1vwY&pbjreload=101
So for the first time this series, I didn’t have anything to drink during the first. I go thirsty again for the 2nd right? For context, started games 1 &2 with Narragansett, then switched to gin
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.
Ice Giants have… more SOG in a period? Is that allowed?
Oh sweet mother of Mary we have a Conservative leader candidate up here that SAY NO TO VACCINATIONS.
https://twitter.com/DerekSloanCPC/status/1290678886804721664?s=19
Only one? You’re gonna have to up your game if you want to match our prestige.
Oh this leadership race is a baffoon convention, to replace a moron.
Good news, everybody! These motherfuckers are going to make that happen!
Would be one of the healthier options on the menu
Good ol’ Madame DeFarge.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UI_6Vx7-FyY
Is that one of those 458 free ducks referred to in last night’s post?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E85Sut4UbNg
What is “Homer Simpson gets medivac’d from Springfield Gorge”?
I had to look that up to make sure that the patient was okay (they were).
RIP John Hurt.
Was he a Muppet who got jokes?
With regards to Moose’s post below re: teleconferences. I had a construction design review mtg out of Beale AFB in CA today that lasted seven and a half fucking hours! Somebody shoot me. At least in the pre-virus days that would have been a trip out to Yuba City.
Got another 3 hours worth tomorrow afternoon.
Shit is wearing on me.
Now that I’ve seen that in person…it’s even more disturbing
It’s also life-sized.
https://www.cnn.com/2020/08/02/entertainment/james-hong-actor-movie-credits-trnd/index.html?utm_source=pocket-newtab
DM a Word file or some electronic to Balls or Hippo. They will chime in and let you know.
Here’s the “progressive” news station putting George W. Bush’s communication director in charge of their programming.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/media/2020/08/03/msnbc-elevates-nicolle-wallace-be-heart-networks-daily-programming/
She’s really good at what she does, and is proof that good-faith conservatives still exist. Like a pretty, blonde Redshirt.
Who has nicer boobs of the two?
This is definitely what it is and not at all MSNBC following CNN’s footsteps by sprinting to the “Only normally bad conservative” vacuum FOX left when it began shoving its dick in a Q in an effort to capture those sweet, sweet ratings.
I would imagine that all of the cable networks are concerned about losing viewership as the old folks die and aren’t replaced by those damned kids these days. Red sea market.
I can’t think of a single thing that would have as much of a positive impact on this country than the death of cable news.
A virus that killed everyone that has voluntarily pledged allegiance to Q?
My penis can only get so erect.
Plus, it includes a Chuck Todd demotion!
Chuck Todd is officially a “one of us” (Demmycrat). But MY GOD, is he fucking awful. Ms. Wallace sticks a knife in the Trumpist movement, and pulls no punches. A very tough interviewer. Doesn’t come right out and say it, but you can tell she votes left all the time now.
And I never heard her shit on AOC, or the progressive movement in general.
/that said, I really only watch on election nights
Fuck that noise. She willfully served for proud war criminals. I don’t care how NeverTrump she pretends to be. That doesn’t get her a pass. Sean Spicer’s rehabilitation was insufferable, and it’s further grating that it’s this easy for them to get on the good side of people they gladly fucked for years. See also, Frank Luntz
Kinda sorta in between you guys (SEXY!) in that I think she’s generally a good watch, but I’m tired of all these MFers acting like they didn’t DIRECTLY lead to Trump with the past 30 years of lying bullshit.
50
Sorry, was trying to pretend Nixon never existed. His stupid library is within poo-flinging distance of my abode.
I hope that you go out and fling poo at that place at least once a day.
Twice if I have a salad.
Are you saying Redshirt isn’t a pretty blonde?
Anyone thinking MSNBC was ever progressive is even dumber than its viewers.
I have two teleconferences, so I can through in some unrelated GIFs.
The problem with fantasy sports is that sometimes you have to cheer against teams you sort of like against teams you loathe.
I hate the Ice Stamps, but they’d be doing me a solid if they beat the Ice Bombers
So, been watching some youtube docs on the Gurkhas. I was somewhat familiar with them from a lifetime of reading history. But man, these are some bad-ass motherfuckers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8pIJglsYUE
Will watch. Freedocumentaries.org is a great resource.
Thanks. Will explore.
” do have some really weird wrestling background stories from my childhood.”
The Sultan touched you WHERE!?!
Oh, every thread is a wrestling thread.
When I was 10, I went to a DARE event as a field trip in a local class-A baseball park where they used blatantly obvious impersonators as celebrity appearances (Madonna, Richard Simmons, someone else I don’t remember). We were brutal. The booing and mean-spirited chants from about 1000 5th graders was intense. That weekend, I went to an ECWA show in a local hall. One of the draws was Lou Albano. I met him afterwards at a signing. After he signed a pic, I spent 10 minutes explaining to him that I knew he was a fraud because real celebrities didn’t come here. It was definitely him. 10 year old me did everything in his power to fuck up the night for Super Mario.
I told my nephew back when he took one of those DARE classes or whatever the fuck they are that DARE stood for “Drugs Are Really Excellent.” His mom was not pleased, but over 15 years later it turns out that my view prevailed. He always has the best pre-rolleds and edibles for his cool uncle every time I head up to Massachusetts. Fucking COVID, I should be there right now.
I’ve always been somewhere between teetotaller and straight-edge, so in my entire life, the only person who’s ever handed me drugs was a cop at my elementary school.
Beerguyrob yelling nonstop is hilarious to me.
Have you met him? Shoe fits!
I have not. I look forward to doing so one day.
Maybe a DFO Zoom account/meetup would be a worthwhile endeavour.
Ahh, the whiny Milan Lucic face. I know that face well.
I can see the ad: “Dirty ass? Clean it up with Orbit!”
You know in that commercial when they smile and it sparkles?
That’s the one!
Same ad for anal bleaching services.
Those are real popular sellers in Detroit and Buffalo, I understand.
I always thought Betty was the much better human being, but because I’ve always been one who prefers brunettes, Veronica would have had my votes. I think Archie suffered from the same dilemma. And let’s be honest, they look like twins with different hair color. Plus, rich dad.
I have just had the Rule 34 turned into Rule 69 for these two for quite some time.
Same here. For about the last half-century.
Without the #BFIB to set a proper example 4 young ppl, this el beisbol season is officially Nullen Voyde
I think its too soon for another RoboCop reboot.
RoboCheese!
Dammit Cawthon, we didn’t want Five Nights FOR REAL.
The Tree of Older Brothers.
So, I know most folks here are not down with the NBA, and I would imagine that opinion transfers to the WNBA as well, but this is some first-class fucking trolling.
https://www.rawstory.com/2020/08/wnba-players-protest-gop-senator-with-vote-warnock-warm-up-shirts-supporting-her-democratic-challenger/
I am pretty neural on the NBA and mildly supportive of the WNBA, although it goes up quite a bit when speaking about it with people who show irrational hatred for it. Agreed, that is quality trolling.
I’m still tripping about that explosion in Beirut. Insane how much damage that caused.
Same. I can’t imagine how everyone must be feeling there, for those that survived around there.
Looking at the list, this kind of shit happens all too frequently, even in modern times.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Largest_artificial_non-nuclear_explosions
(This one’s already on that list…)
They were bringing patients to hospitals that weren’t there anymore. Videos of people who were filming in their cars from a mile away getting thrown off the road. The only thing worse than the sheer damage is the fucking opportunists that are going to exploit this to either leverage the government into some shitty debt program for longtime monetary gain at the cost of suffering civilians (us, England, China, whathaveyou) or use it as an excuse to send in military as “humanitarian aid” (Israel).
the fucking opportunists that are going to exploit this to either leverage the government into some shitty debt program for longtime monetary gain at the cost of suffering civilians
You rang?
—Trump administration
These are people too stupid to see the business opportunity in mandating MAGA masks.
And of course Commandante Stupido had to put his fucking mis-shapen oar in the water.
https://www.rawstory.com/2020/08/it-was-a-bomb-of-some-kind-trump-pushes-conspiracy-theory-about-beirut-explosion/
A very small oar.
What it lacks in size it makes up for in impotence.
There are a lot of videos with people walking around in the shock wave areas. Fucking amazing; you are sitting there eating a sandwich and in the moment of a blink you whole world is flipped upside down…. literally.
Welp, I’m too sober for this shit
I can suggest a solution, if need be…
Or the mints.
Those mints are pretty damn effective.
Does Billy Idol like urinal mints too?
If they are thin.
Go, the Hurricanes, that are deffo my favorite hockey team
Beating all the east coast teams on this swing.
My name is Senor Weaselo and I approve of this IFF the Ice Giants end up there for Lafreniere.
I love that the Dodgers are in 3rd place in the division.
Also, we need to trade Aubrey Huff to the Dodgers for some horse manure and a dozen week old doughnuts.
As a Gigantes fan I approve this message.
Someone was encouraging him to do a podcast. Not on baseball, but COVID, because he’s an expert at biochemistry. He probably enjoys deep conversations about steel beams and pizza restaurant basements that don’t exist.