And then, as if to honoUr the late, great (in terms of hilarity) Herman Cain – there were NINE. Oh fuck, TEN. My brain is so beyond borken.
Friday was the day everyone looked forward to, as For Realz Man City put Real Cuntfaces of Madrid to the sword. 2-1 away, followed by 2-1 at home. Ouchie fookin’ ouch. Lyon also put the Old Lady out of her misery. Call them #TeamKevorkian, I guess.
Atalanta/PSG and Atleti/Leipzig are already set, in quarterfinal action. Fascinating ties, both. Watch out for the whippersnapper sides – the aging contingent sure didn’t look good yesterday. After today, Portugal becomes Euro-trash FOAR Wichita.
For some reason, UEFA (actually, I noe teh reason – they is ASS-LICKING ASSHOLES) did NOT spread the action out for teevee. Both of today’s matches kick off at 3p EST – but really, Barca/Napoli is the only one in any doubt. Chelski head to Munich to try to make up a 3-goal deficit. Yeah, good luck with that, Tory Cunt Frank Lampard. Napoli would need a win in Spain, or a draw of 2-2 or higher. The away goals rule amuses me.
As I have mentioned previously…I have small bets on Red Bulls, Lesser Eye-Tie Falcons, y PSG. At least one will be in the Raging Semis. Just give me a chip and a chair, and Hippo’s good.
Pretend Man City marches on. #1 keeper is now a Dutchman, My Bloody Valentijn. Boss Gilkey going a bit emo as he approaches 90. They keep asking if he’ll retire, and he keeps saying “you’ll carry my Black ass out in a pine box.”
I have nothing else to say. Enjoy the footy, and stay away from any el beisbol players you may know. Jesus Tapdancing Christ, what a shitshow.
(pic is from my hairdresser’s shop, courtesy of some local Raleigh artist)
Litre_Cola: Fuck Chelsea, did I ever tell you that Chelsea’s stadium…. nevermind.
Off to Munchen!
I’ve been to the Allianz Stadium in Munich for a Champions League during Oktoberfest. The game started at 9 pm, everyone was absolutely smashed and it was glorious. We bought 4 single tickets and they were all dotted around the ultras end.
Anywhooo fuck Chelsea, I hope the Krauts play their 1st team to get them back in shape after their layoff. Alphonso Davies is the future. Canada will make a World Cup they do not host in the future.
As for the 2nd fixture I am an unabashed Barca fan, so I hope they win. The positive side of my brain says this will be a big fuck you by Messi to the doubters as their season was nawt bueno in Espana. This season I’ve watched quite a few of Napoli’s games (HAIL GAMBLOR)and I’m unimpressed. Underwhelming Barca v Mediocre Napoli for a trip to Wichita!
Odds for outright winner.
Man City 3.25 to 1
Bayern 4.4 to 1
PSG 6.75 to 1
Athleti Madrid 9.25 to 1
Barca, Atalanta 10.5 to 1
Leipzig without Werner 19 to 1
Lyon 36 to 1
Naploi 76 to 1
Chelsea 276 to 1 bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
In other news the Canadian Premier League decided to get their shit together and hold a tournament on Prince Edward Island. Beautiful spot, I mean NHLers are in Edmonton and that place is not the best. There are 8 teams this year as Athletico Madrid bought a franchise in our nation’s capital Ottawa. Athletic Ottawa has assembled a really good roster from what I can see and the big club can lend them 3 youngsters for game experience. They’re using this like their other venture in Mexico Athletico San Luis (fuck them too). The reasoning is that perhaps they can uncover the next Alphonso Davies as the buy in to the league is a fraction of finding a world class player.
The series opens up with a rematch of the final which was Cavalry FC (Calgary) vs Forge FC (Hamilton) ((Fuck them forever)). Most of the Cavs lineup returns intact as they only lost Joel Waterman to the Montreal Impact and Malonga to some obscure Bulgarian team that Hippo bets on. I don’t know what they are doing after the tournament as it will be winter here. That being said I was at a game last year when it was -10. I miss going to the games so much.
Basically the skill level is that of div 3 in England, but it is so much fun to go and scream for 90 minutes, we can’t do that now so I will watch from my couch.
Here is Cavalry FC’s head coach Tommy Wheeldon Jr. He is English but has lived here for 15 years and coached at every amateur level. He is a great dude who loves to have a pint with the lads as he was a regular at my local. TremendoUs coach who will succeed and move up should he want to leave this town. He always shows up and has time for everyone at the club’s pub nights and it is his mission to build this from the ground up. I hope he does not leave as he is a great face for the franchise, incredible motivator (at the last meetup his speech had me wanting to run through a wall), and tactically sound.
Also incredibly dapper on the touch line.
Proper dresser that.
P.S. Fulham is in the Premier League here are the highlights. The free kick goal is ridiculous and the 2nd is sexy futbol.
Be safe. Wear a mask.
/Carolina comes back from 3-0 deficit to win game
Toronto Media: So many bad breaks. Just bad luck.
/Leafs come back from 3 goal deficit to win game
Toronto Media: THIS IS PROBABLY THE GREATEST COMEBACK IN THE MOST OF EVER!!!!
COLLIE RAD O!
Free hockey!
AVS!
Okay. Since all of you asked about the highlight of me delivering milk door-to-door in the early morning at the age of 16.
It was seeing the incredibly busty high school senior (that everyone wanted to date) sleepily open the door while wearing a see-through nightgown. Wow. Just… Wow.
Did you have to go back home to change pants or did you finish the your route bespermed?
“The boy who delivers the milk is an epileptic. He had a fit right there when I picked up the milk.”
-Mary Jane Rottencrotch to all of her friends at school
Felt like it took 40 penalty shots for one to actually go in
“Vegas and Colorado are tied up at 2-2? I love a tied game!”
-David Carradine
[Frantisek Kotzwara nods knowingly]
“Knights and Avalanche game is 1-1. I love a tied game!”
-Mike Hutchence
“Oh yeah.”
-Kevin Gilbert
Barcelona game is going well, but they need to score 5 today.
Nationality-wise I’m betting she’s not a Pole.
Chile.
I may be just channeling the spirit of Seamus but I’m quite sure that a 20-something cashier at the beer store likes me.
What’s his name?
He bagged the six-pack with ease.
Names? We don’t need no stinking names!
We’ll call him Chad… Hung Chad.
I often find the desire in the eyes of the attractive when money is being exchanged.
-Adam Smith
“Indeed.”
-Diamond Lil Davenport
It’s possible that the bulge in your trousers that attracts her is, in fact, your wallet.
LOL
It is pretty damn warm.
He is getting a bath says Decilitre.
Well, he shouldna wagered on Chelsea ‘en. says Hippo.
The Drought is Well Nigh
The starting goalies are sponsored by Honda. Me not putting on pants today was sponsored by the good folks at Lethargy.
Not Feeling Up To It? You’ve Got Lethargy!
Messssiiiiii
Yeah, yeah, it’s take me a while to clean this up.
As soccer folk look back, where does this class of soccer stars rank in history?
He has don nada for Argentina so until he does he will be not at the absolute top. Ronny has all the hardware and records. He, Pele, Cruyff, Maradona, are 1st class finishers.
Only two hockey games today, I can feel the shakes coming on already.
I didn’t know Parkinson was playing today! smgdh
That guy gives GREAT handjobs.
I agree-he just doesn’t know when to stop though.
That is what you bat is for. Wait, you didn’t use a mallet?
All I had on hand was my ball peen.
Well, that’s the sensitive part that causes the post fun problems.
is this chelsea vs bayern gonna be a blood bath?
“God, I hope so.”
-Elizabeth Bathory
Can’t find virgins anymore tho.
You’re not trying hard enough.
The small ones don’t have enough blood.
Eunuch trying hard enough.
Can’t sacrifice them, to much training invested, or they can sing like the best of them.
@Señor Weaselo – Did you see the Marble League schedule they just released?? It’s gonna be a busy week!
My vote to play at halftime of the final? Ratt.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0u8teXR8VE4
Noooo! How about the Rolling Stones instead. I’m going to finish dead last, so choosing the music should be my consolation prize!
The competition hasn’t even started and you know you’re finishing last? Ya gotta believe in yourself. Also, you’re a marble?
It’s not the current marble league that I am last in? And yes I AM a marble, are you judging me?
You are well rounded as a person.
I roll around on the floor and get lost under the furniture a lot.
I wasn’t judging. I just thought you identified as a skittle. This marble thing caught me by surprise is all I’m saying.
I hadn’t seen the Brentford goal until today. The Fulham keeper tackling the guy trying to get the ball back is hilarious. I watched it 5 times already.
Reminded me of the end of a lot of my first dates back in the day.
No worries, this alien is a hair stylist apparently.
Oh yeah, Rodak’s shithousery was superb there.
https://pixxxels.cc/gallery/9q3kMH9
8 AM:
Shit! I can’t believe I overslept.
11:30 AM:
Ok, some more chores and the day will be productive. Lemme just buy some milk at the corner market.
4 beers later at the market with my neighbor and the owner:
Lust is important, love is better. Gimme 4 more to go. Man, I gotta eat summin’. Shempiens baby!
8 AM is oversleeping???
Are you sure you’re Latino?
Shit, I’m Anglo-Saxon as fuck and I got up at the crack of 10. Didn’t feel a bit of guilt.
I always get pissed because I wake up too early on weekends.
“9? I’ve got a couple of hours left!”
Holy Banana! I wake up at 6am. Doesn’t matter what day it is. That said, I do come from a long line of milkmen.
But milkmen usually come in the middle of the
wifeday.Nah, they’re up real early.
Portland’s Stand Up has just entered the game. Will his backcourt partner Get Up be next off the bench?
Family up state visiting in-laws, so lunch is gonna be crossing two counties for shawarma and lamb chili before finding something to fill the next 12 hours
Okay, I did a bit of online stalking and I’m free and clear-she graduated from college in 2017. Whew!
[whispers out of side of mouth]
“She doesn’t look a day over 16. Shhhh.”
If there be no sports on the tube on weekend mornings I usually have SpongeBob on in the background with mute engaged. The downside to this is that the hosts that yak between programs are young-ish looking, perky girls (that are probably in their late teens) and that makes me feel a bit creepy.
Im taking this time to lay out a completely true totally obvious conspiracy theory for each of the possible draft lottery winners.
[puts virtual arm around herodotus’ shoulder] “It’s nice to be productive in one’s spare time, isn’t it?”
Ice Bombers?
If the Penguins win, it’s OBVIOUSLY a conspiracy to keep Crosby relevant.
If Edmonton wins, it’s OBVIOUSLY a conspiracy to help a Canadioun team.
If Nashville wins, it’s OBVIOUSLY a conspiracy to help grow a newish market.
When the Leafs lose, it’s OBVIOUSLY a conspiracy to let the kid develop outside the BS that is Torona
If Carolina wins, it’s OBVIOUSLY a conspiracy to make Hartford feel bad.
Hartford: (looks up from park bench “home”, takes swig of fortified wine) Way ahead of you pal, way ahead of you.
So my fantasy football league that’s been going for 22 years has voted to not have our usual auction and snake draft this year. Why? Because this year “will have an *asterisk next to it” and “who wants to put all that time and effort into the draft” (it takes place over about 5 hours on a Saturday afternoon) if the season shuts down? Sure, it’s going to be a weird shitshow but so what? What if the NFL manages to make it through the season? I’m dumbfounded.
Is anyone else not having a fantasy league this year?
All of mine are a go.
Mine are all a go but only do an online draft that takes an hour or so. And I fully expect the season to be canceled part way through.
I’m sure as outbreaks occur the league will shut down for 3 weeks or so and try to start up again. That’s how I see it going-maybe happens more than once so we’ll be seeing the very first Super Bowl held in June.
Love the idea of the season being delayed so long that it fucks with the draft and off-season
Mine is on, but people seem disinterested and we aren’t gonna meet live for first time in 21+ years
That suits a home body!
Yeah, there’s a big focus on the maintenance of ‘bubbles’ and that I can understand. But to not even bother with an online draft is weird to me.
Shout out to the Cardinals for ruining my baseball viewing this weekend.
THAT’S how you infect your entire team THE RIGHT WAY!
Even before glorious #BFIB were involved in the sickening…I been shitting on MLB. Their plan was foolish, their implementation even worse.
Owners and commish have had one primary goal in all this – crush laboUr.
And the call of the almighty dollar. Football is going to be a disaster.
Watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with blaxito. This this is riddled with scientific inaccuracies.
I’d start with, “Mice don’t really have voice boxes”, and go from there.
Where the hell are Donald’s pants? There’s just duck cock flopping around?
I hear the hot dog song in my sleep. My kid hasn’t watched it in 7 years
Oh my cats, moving HippoSpawn into her college apartment damned near killed me. Even if I didn’t catch #NuAIDS – which I wouldn’t be surprised if I did.
How’s the weather down at Liberty University today?
Warm enough to unzip your fly.
I’m looking at a move soon and you can bet your ass I’m paying someone else to do it for me. Hope there wasn’t stairs involved.
This AFL game from last night is faaasst
Holy shit that was a great game!
wat
I went to Def Con- September in March. I haven’t brushed my hair in 4 days.
found a funny:
[date]
me *quietly*: don’t let her know you miss the late winters of your childhood
her: so-
me: ah, the way the water flowed under the snow
yea Chelsea has no chance today
but still gonna watch
Why you americans try to make us sick? We mean you no harm.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/health/onion-red-recall-1.5678721
Well you got all that salmon up there, we figured you needed some salmonella to go with it
We mean everyone harm.
I mean, we literally have that song that goes “we’ll stick a boot up your ass, it’s the American Way”
Just wait until we discover microbial life on another planet and declare it to be an enemy.