Eventual Balls Thoughts is BACK to its normal schedule, at least for awhile. There is going to be another “Festival of Footy” in Australia, which means I’m going to have to use this space one Monday. Then, there is a possibility that the NFL will actually start the season until everyone gets the COVID, so Hippo will take over this timeslot.

No worries, though. We will find a time/place to publish. Your contributions are too valuable not to get showcased properly for everyone to appreciate!

Well done to Game Time Decision (actually it was ArmedandHammered), who correctly guessed the Sexy Friday theme of girls looking at the camera over their shoulders!

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The Week in DFO

Here are the things I read in DFO this week that reminded me how much I love this site:

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Wichita Style Pizza has the sauce first, then crust, then toppings, then is simmered in Allagash White for several hours.

herodotus450

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Tried to get the hockey game* to start by arranging some sticks in the form of a pentagram while watching Letterkenny outtakes- all to no avail. What am I doing wrong?

*Leafs game

scotchnaut

Is your playoff beard the appropriate length?

Sharkbait

She’s 5’3″. Is that good enough?

scotchnaut

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/glass of cider and glass of scotch are right next to each other on side table

//takes massive swig of what I thought was cider

“Whelp, guess this day is gonna go sideways much earlier than usual…”

scotchnaut

“Ok, now you just need a vodka drink and a lager drink…” – Chumbawumba

Dunstan

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“Walk of Shame?” I’ve never done that, but I have participated in the “Canter of Bad Decision”.

scotchnaut

Pretty sure you’ve done the sashay of sexyness.

Moose

I’ve been the cause of some walks of shame…

Dunstan

Tell me about it. You said you had the entire Calvin and Hobbs series but you only had 75% of it. Total turnoff!!

scotchnaut

Yeah, well, you were only packing about 75% of what you claimed, too

Dunstan

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You said you’d do me if I had three quarters…

/And I tossed in 2 nickels as well

scotchnaut

THEY WERE CANADIAN QUARTERS!!!

Dunstan

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Wow, Bob Ross really had a dark side.

Dunstan

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Look, it’s no secret that Martha Stewart has gained a lot of weight recently, but that’s a bit harsh.

scotchnaut

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found a funny:

Doctor: I have your test results

Me: did I pass hahaha

Doctor: hahaha you will soon

Me: haha what

rockindog

chaser:

[nodding my head to the beat] kinda catchy isn’t it

[doctor taking stethoscope off my chest] it shouldn’t be

rockindog

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Awesome! Wish we had sports.

When’s “Part II: Post-Game Sex Knockin Boots On The Ground” gonna be published?

SonOfSpam

Part II: Jesus Joins Us For A Threeway would also work as a title for the sequel.

LemonJello

Well, if there’s one guy who can handle getting nailed…

SonOfSpam

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They can use some help. I was a full back at Polk High and scored 4 TDs in a single game during the City Championship. I did break my leg and get my gf pregnant, so college was ruined for me. But anything is better than this crappy shoe selling job. And they can use anything.

TheRevanchist

Can I have your daughter’s phone number?

Dunstan

I’d ask her, but she doesn’t get home until really late from her dates.

TheRevanchist

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Oh, hey. Lebanon’s government has fallen. Let the imperialism olympics commence!

Gratliff

Don’t we get return rights?

– France and the Sykes-Picot Agreement

Viva La Tabula Raza

So this is the greatness of DFO in a nutshell. Wry and pointed comment on the current events/politics of the day followed by a smart ass comeback based on more knowledge of history, than probably 90% of the country. So after a long day in the trenches (not really, I work from a laptop these days), scanning the posts here always makes for good fun. Now it’s quittin’ time and there’s some Balvenie around here I need to pour for medicinal reasons.

Downfield Matriculator

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Rangers win the lottery.

Aww, and I got my pitchfork all sharpened and dipped in feces for nothing.

herodotus450

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last funny:

Biden appeals to millenials just by waiting so long to choose a partner

rockindog

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These posts make me feel like a teenager again: balls thoughts overrides everything.

LemonJello

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Hey, just like I told my girlfriend in high school “Better late than never”

ArmedandHammered

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“Becky” and “Biff” look like they came to the party with the understanding that they were going to get to talk to the others about buying Amway, and are now surreptitiously trying to decide how far they’ll go tonight in order to make it happen. One does not get Emerald status without blowing a few strangers, you know.

Also, Rick’s wife’s name is Suzanne. It is NOT Susan. Susan is a fat girl’s name, as Suzanne will be happy to tell you as she grabs her keys out of the bowl and storms off in a huff, one again leaving Rick the odd man out.

Horatio

Look Rick it’s not prostitution you’re paying Becky for the 10 starter kits… the blow job is free!

Duchess

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This is nice. But whatever the result of the election, I still fear that Trump has a chance to turn this country into Mad Max/Road Warrior/Beyond Thunderdome/Fury Road world before January.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Let him try, I have a Subaru with 200K+ miles on it and can easily leverage that into an Army of Amazonian lesbians and…

Ah fuck; I just wrote the next plot twist to Hard Ride To Nowhere.

Horatio

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So when you die you end up in Kansas City? Figures…

Gumbygirl

Only if you are VERY bad.

Moose

I thought you ended up in New Jersey, like in Dogma.

Sharkbait

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THIS HOCKEY GAME, I CALL IT A HEMINGWAY NOVEL BECAUSE IT HAS A LOT OF PERIODS.

Dunstan

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THIS HOCKEY GAME, IT CALL IT AN ALL GIRLS CATHOLIC SCHOOL BECAUSE THERE’S BEEN A LOT OF PERIODS AND NOT MUCH SCORING

LemonJello

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Do I have to create an open thread if the previous open thread is still active due to hexadectuple overtime?

Beerguyrob

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This Power Play may benefit Columbus. The guilty party got two minutes to sleep.

Redshirt

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My twentysomething Olivia Munn lookalike neighbor just stopped by to drop off her HOA check while I was in the middle of a shirtless workout set to the soundtrack of Fatboy Slim. Let nobody say the woman is not a pro at stifling her laughter.

RFD

Worst. Penthouse. Forum. Letter. Ever.

scotchnaut

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damn it, I’m going to need to get one now.

Game Time Decision

A Puerto Rican attorney?

Horatio

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I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here saying that this game will not go 5 OTs…

Balls

Can’t go 5 if you don’t go 2 first.

Horatio

– German Proverb

Balls

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Oh look, a girl! And she is the champion. And she is facing a girl debuting on AEW without an entrance. How could this possibly end?

With them naked in a bubble bath?

Balls

Who are you, Vince MacMahon?

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While the football recaps are always good, the snark about the infrastructure and whatever else is happening around the game or city is what I love most about these.

Game Time Decision

As an urban leftist, it’s my duty and calling to complain about architecture and infrastructure to my dying breath.

The Maestro

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Look, we tried it for 2019 but, I’m sorry, it ain’t the Cincinnati Bengals without Marvin Lewis.

You can rename them the Cincinnati Football Team

blaxabbath

That would insult every other football team.

Mike Brown’s Tax Shelter?

South Cleveland Browns with Chocolate Stripes?

Cincinnati Disappointments?

Redshirt

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found a funny:

I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was, like, 0mg!

rockindog

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The one downside to all this hockey coverage is that they play the same 10 commercials over and over again. I am starting to have strong opinions about them, like: Bullwinkle J. Moose is a fucking national treasure, and that goddamn GEICO lizard should show some fucking respect.

Dunstan

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Theres’a a player in this game named Cousins, which led to this odd bit of commentary:

“He crosses the redline, he’s got Cousins with him, but they can’t hook up…”

Well, no, of course not. This isn’t Game of THrones.

Dunstan

Or Shelbyville.

SonOfSpam

Or Appalachia.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Or Rudy Giuliani’s house

SonOfSpam

“Well, this is awkward.”

-Jerry Lee Lewis

LemonJello

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So which one of us is Satan?

BFC

It’s clearly Sill

Horatio

“Aw, c’mon, that’s just uncalled for.”

– Satan

LemonJello

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I went to a goth thing back in the day where someone asked if they could photo me playing pinball semi-topless (fishnet). I was down, but apparently they had to delete it later because the owner of the club didn’t want people to think it was a sex party or something

Doktor Zymm

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Well there’s a band called “The Midnight,” and of course there’s the song “After Midnight,” which I believe is about the time Eric Clapton dropped his last beer off the balcony and couldn’t go out and buy more

herodotus450

Unfortunately for him, that wasn’t a beer.

Mr. Ayo

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Fun fact: If the US government was unable to find and train enough Navajo codetalkers in WWI, their backup plan was to clone Hippo and have him talk in Soccer to himself: and unbreakable cipher.

herodotus450

It has taken me years and many gambling emails to understand.

Should I put that on my CV?

Litre_cola

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Baby, if you ever wondered

Wondered whatever became of me

I’m coughing up a lung in Cincinnati

Because I caught that damn COVID-19

All month long, packing and unpacking

town to town all around the league

Now I’ve got a fever of 103

All because of fucking MLB

Dunstan

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“That’s my jam!”

– Charlie Daniels

scotchnaut

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“There’s only so much that a Broom can do.”

-James Dyson, football announcer

scotchnaut

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Here’s this week’s Balls’ Choice from Request Line:

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Thank you to everyone one for providing quality laughs and gifs/pics to look at. Have a good week, everyone!