Less than Elite and Saturday Night Open Thread

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Latest posts by Joliet Jake Delhomme (see all)

Beerguyrob asked me to take over tonight so he can celebrate his anniversary with WineWife. When they get back from dinner, she will pull the velvet box out of the nightstand drawer and let him look at his balls for that one time of the year he needs to remember he is a man. I say that with love and respect.

<tldr: Jake talks about wrassling.

Wrestling Glossary:

Smark: A “Smart Mark”. A mark is a person who believes wrestling is real. A smark knows it isn’t real but still enjoys the stories and the athleticism. I am a smark. I can guess the winner of about 70% of the matches I watch. That doesn’t mean that I am not interested in the journey to get there.

Juicing: The act of a wrestler bleeding, normally from the head, during a match. Most commonly the forehead, because the combination of thin skin, large blood supply and sweat makes this spot perfect for the most dramatic appearance of blood. Normally this is done with a gimmick. The most common is a broken piece of razor blade hidden in the trunks or under an armband. The less intelligent wrestlers used to hide the blade in their mouth. Often, if a wrestler was going to juice, you would see tape wrapped around the end of a finger. When it was time to juice, they would transfer the blade to the end of that tape. When the big move was made, they would “wipe their forehead” and start bleeding like a stuck pig.

Hard-way: The most common used of this phrase is when something happens that is not planned. Matt Hardy was juiced last week by Sammy Guevara hard-way. Hard-way will almost always get a wrestler in trouble with the locker room.

Fun fact: Google New Jack vs Mass Transit. Never let anyone else juice you.

New Jack cuts open the forehead of a 17 year old dressed as a bus driver who had no right to be in that ring.
Juicing done the right way.

On to the men in their underwear:

Brodie Lee is the leader of the Dark Order. I am still not sure how I feel about the Dark Order. Essentially, they will beat the shit out of a jobber and then offer them redemption by offering to let them join their cult. They even have added their first female member. Just feels a little Attitude Era. I expect they will keep the belt on Cody until there are fans in the stands.

Whooo! A six man tag match!
Whooo! A six man tag match!

Now to the Elite. The Young Bucks and Kenny Omega were part of the founders of AEW. Please note that Hangman Adam Page (Kenny’s tag team champion partner) is not part of this match. There is no way Hangman doesn’t turn heel against Kenny at the All Out PPV. I expect to see him wander out from the back during this match with 2 fingers of bourbon in a glass. However, just because I think I know what is going to happen, doesn’t mean I’m not interested in watching the turn. Again, it is hard to change champions when you can’t get a crowd pop.

Wait, now there are 8 men in their underwear?

Lucha Bros.: Classic luchadore style tag team. Expect at least 3 dives from the top rope on to a pile of wrestlers outside the ring. Have been missing from TV because of US-Mexico travel restrictions. One of the challenges that AEW has had is dealing with talent that cannot travel to the US. They released 3 wrestlers from the UK this week. Even with the pandemic, hard to justify paying people who can’t come to the US. Butcher and the Blade: Classic heel monsters. Used to have Allie from the Nightmare Sisters as their manager (appearing under the name “Bunny”). Natural Nightmares are Dustin Rhodes and QT Marshal. QT is currently “dating” Allie, so I wonder if there will be some angle about her and the B&B. You already know my love for Jurassic Express. Expect Marko Stunt to be thrown at someone like a javelin.

The Bunny, The Butcher and The Blade. Bunny is in the middle.
Oooh, look. Girls in tiny outfits.

This is the culmination of a random draw women’s tag team tournament. AEW caught lots of grief on-line because the first 3 weeks of the tournament was on YouTube on Mondays. They run AEW Dark (the equivalent of the old syndicated TV shows with stars and jobbers) on Tuesdays. Honestly, I find YouTube easier to keep up with than TNT. They also run a video podcast where they interview a different wrestler every week. I don’t think AEW should even consider adding additional TV hours when they have access to a YouTube channel for hardcore fans. We all know how well the third hour of Raw is doing.

Look, it’s Shane McMahon with boobs!

Team one is the Nightmare Sisters. As discussed earlier, Allie and Brandi have also teased heat between them. Also, because Brandi is Cody’s wife, them winning the tournament would probably generate significant fan heat.

The female equivalent of the stereotypical Hispanic tag team.

Team two is Ivelisse and Diamante. I am learning to hate the Hispanic gangbanger tag team trope. Yes, I know they are also from “Puerto Rico”. Given who is their opponent, I can see these two to win the tournament. They don’t currently have any heel champions, so this could work. They did add a number of female wrestlers for the tournament. This could jumpstart the women’s division.

Heel vs Heel match

FTR turned heel last week by beating up on two very old men. Private Party have always been heels, because they go to parties that you will never get invited to. Not quite sure what this is building to, but a run-in wouldn’t surprise me.

Is he wrestling himself?

Big fan of Darby Allin. Hopefully, we will get more detail, but it is possible that he is wrestling Pineapple Pete.

Yep, that’s a wrestler.

tldr>

Tonight’s Sprots:

NHL

7:00 Stars vs Avalanche – NBC

Face-punching

7:00 PBC Fight Night Porter vs Formella – Fox

7:30 UFC Fight Night Edgar vs Munhoz – ESPN and TSN

NBA

7:30 Lakers vs Portland – ABC

5:00 OKC vs Houston – ESPN

 

MLB

5:30 Toronto vs Tampa Bay – SN1HD

6:00 Minnesota vs KC – FS1

Let the beatings commence!

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Joliet Jake Delhomme
My wife has been told to bring my ashes to the bleachers of Wrigley Field and pour me into the ivy. The "Dying Cub Fan's Last Request". Cubs, Bears, LA Kings, Arsenal and GWS Giants fan. Active boycotter of all college sports, having sat in a classroom with a "Student-Athlete". I also watch NASCAR and golf on the weekends, because I like naps.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Anyone else having trouble sleeping? GWS-West Coast on Fox Sports 2!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I am sweating my tits off

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Under tit sweat, dribbling down to drain into the deep lint filled belly button.

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Woooot Saturday.

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That is a big part of the purpose.

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