I Like to Swear/Saturday Night Open Thread

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Latest posts by Joliet Jake Delhomme (see all)

Because tonight’s AEW is a Pay-Per-View, I decided not to dedicate a thread to something most people won’t watch. $49.99 US or $753 Canadian. I will probably post a review before the Wednesday night show. So here is my backup plan.

To quote George Carlin:

Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. Fart, turd and twat.

I really like to swear. However, I prefer to move beyond George’s list. I like creative ones. Ones that aren’t technically dirty.

Shit/Fuck: These are my go-to expletives. If I break something, hurt myself, drop something I can’t find, one of these will arrive. This is where I agree with George. If you yell “fuck you” at someone, that isn’t a curse, but more of an offer of services. “What if we replaced the word ‘kill’ with the word ‘fuck’ in movies. I’m gonna fuck you, Sheriff. But I’m gonna fuck you slow.” Sometimes the event will require escalation to “motherfucker”. Rarely directed at a person.

Piss/Fart: I don’t even consider these swear words. When I have been out at a mine site, I can’t tell you how many times I have said “Let’s take a break, I need to piss.” In more polite company, I might use the phrase “I need to use the head.” It’s not a swear, it’s an event.

Cunt/Twat: Not a big fan. For most men, seeing the portion of the female anatomy that is represented by these two words means he is going to be having a good day. In the UK, I believe twat is a non-anatomical general epithet for both genders.

Cocksucker: Just like George, this one I never understood. Most men like it when this is offered to them. See Fuck above. Not a curse, but more of a request.

Motherfucker: I would assume that the Pornhub search history of the world would make this epithet obsolete. There is an entire industry dedicated to people who are filmed doing this on a regular basis. Also, I love Lonely Island “Motherlover”.

Tits: I don’t think I have used this word out loud since I was 25. As a young man, I was a bigger fan of boobs and knockers. Normally used under my breath to my friend standing next to me in a bar. “Look at the tits on her!” I have certainly never yelled at a woman on a public street “Nice tits!” I could never work construction in New York City.

Turd: I normally use this when I get a proposal or report on my desk that is so stupid, I question why I hired this person. Again, rarely used out loud. “Who left this turd on my desk?”

My Personal Favorites:

Jackhole: If you think this is a dirty word, that is on you. I love a good portmanteau. Take the same dirty word out of two portmanteaus and make a new portmanteau. I can yell this at a shitty driver with my daughter in the car and not feel bad. “The light is green, why isn’t this jackhole moving?”

Ass Clown: This combines two things that terrify people. Great to yell at the TV. Also a big favorite.

Dickwad: Exclusively used for males, normally exhibiting antisocial behavior in public. Usually used under my breath to the person next to me. “Can you believe this dickwad?”

Now, for those of you desperately missing AEW content:

Brandi Rhodes. You’re welcome.

Share your favorites below, please keep it dirty.

Tonight’s Sprots:

  • Face-punching:
    • AEW All In Pre-show: 6:00PM, AEW YouTube Channel
    • AEW All Out PPV: 7:00PM, B/R Live ($49.99/$753)
    • UFC Fight Night: Overeem vs. Sakai – ESPN+ / TSN5
      • Prelims – 6:00PM
      • Main card – 8:00PM
  •  NHL:
    • Philadelphia Flyers vs. NY Islanders – 7:30PM | NBC / CBC / Sportsnet
      • GAME 7, BAY-BAY! (Stolen from Beerguyrob)

  • NBA:
    • Toronto Raptors vs. Boston Celtics – 6:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
      • Game 4 – Boston leads 2-1
    • Los Angeles Clippers vs. Denver Nuggets – 9:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
      • Game 2 – Clippers lead 1-0
  • MLB:
    • Reds at Pirates – 7:00PM | FS1
  • NCAA:
    • Arkansas State at Memphis – 8:00PM |ESPN / TSN2
  • Fútbol:
    • Liga MX:
      • Atlas vs. Cruz Azul – 7:55PM | UNI
      • Tigres UANL vs. Chivas de Guadalajara – 9:55PM | UNI
    • MLS:
      • Orlando City SC vs. Atlanta United – 8:00PM | FOX
      • Whitecaps FC vs. Toronto FC – 9:30PM | TSN
  • Early morning Down Under sports:
    • Australian Football League:
      • Geelong vs. Essendon – 1:30 AM | FS1 / TSN
      • Western vs. West Coast – 4:00 AM | FS1 / TSN

This weekend is also the beginning of the FA Women’s Super League on NBCSports.com. This morning was newly promoted Aston Villa vs Manchester City. Sunday morning at 6:30am is Arsenal vs Reading, with Man U vs Chelsea to follow at 8:30am. There’s lots of controversy because USWNT players have been abandoning the NWSL for England for better pay and competition.

Watching AVL vs MNC and comparing it to the Challenge Cup, I believe I agree. I think this is because each WSL team is directly attached to their corresponding men’s team. From a pure branding standpoint, it is worth funding the women’s team to increase the shine on the brand and improve female fan engagement. NWSL depends on US Soccer to supplement the salaries of USWNT players.

Let the beatings commence.

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Joliet Jake Delhomme
My wife has been told to bring my ashes to the bleachers of Wrigley Field and pour me into the ivy. The "Dying Cub Fan's Last Request". Cubs, Bears, LA Kings, Arsenal and GWS Giants fan. Active boycotter of all college sports, having sat in a classroom with a "Student-Athlete". I also watch NASCAR and golf on the weekends, because I like naps.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I made a paleta tonight and look forward to consuming it tomorrow when it’s hot as fuck all tomorrow.

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh that was a nice win by the Cats tonight.

Paleta? What flavour?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Canadian, not enough fuck off money.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The people at work need the knife back, thanks.

Beerguyrob

This is how Scotchy avoids getting caught. Always retrieve your utensils.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Movie magic; everybody knows you twist the knife to ensure quick, easy removal.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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