Eventual Balls Thoughts is back on our regular schedule! HOWEVAH, something annoying like the NFL season is upon us, so this will be the last Monday morning edition of Eventual Balls Thoughts for this offseason as Hippo takes over this space after Week 1 of the NFL season.
I will, however, move this feature to Tuesdays as y’all seem to enjoy it and I do enjoy celebrating the funny comments and pics that you submit. Also, the AFL season is winding down, so the AFL Beat will have to take a bit of a rest too.
Gotta keep the #content monster fed!
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The Week in DFO
Here are the things I read in DFO this week that reminded me how much I love this site:
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found a funny:
If you eat a thousand pieces of rigatoni, that’s a gigatoni
rockindog
Tecnically, it’s a kilotoni, if I know my SI prefixes
herodotus450
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In the Before Times, long ago, my fave beer was Tsingtao. I’m having one for the first time in, oh, twenty-five years. It’s not too bad.
scotchnaut
As a history buff, I always enjoyed the story of Tsingtao’s heritage. A direct result of the Boxer Rebellion and Germany’s reward for taking part in the march to Peking.
Viva La Tabula Raza
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I need a good face mask to wear to a fantasy football draft. I was thinking of maybe something purple and glittery, but I’m still not sure what to wear to match that. I only have a few purple shirts and none of them say “party” in any kind of way.
Decisions, man.
The Revanchist
Decision-wise, I’m on “Team Speedo”.
scotchnaut
with or without sequins?
Game Time Decision
Without. You don’t want to come off as trashy.
scotchnaut
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What’s the o/u on Jets wins this year? 4? 4.5?
Fronkenshteen
Little Known Fact: Bin Laden took the over on Jets wins at 1.5 back in 2001.
scotchnaut
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found a funny:
If you get bitten by a shark, bite it back. You’ll still probably die but the shark will be like “lol what”
rockindog
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Assholes:
With a Couple Stretches, TWBS’ dead goat BJs Have a Great Team if the Goal is to Finish Dead Last.
Balls
Why do you have 2 defenses? Be active on the waiver wire and you could be ok.
Mr. Ayo
Because I didn’t realize until it was too late that we only had 15 picks.
Oh, and the No Flex thing tripped me up too.
This is the kind of menacing foe you are facing this year.
Balls
If I had boots, I would be quaking in them.
Mr. Ayo
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Isn’t that always the way? Some other guy gets lucky and you just sit there with your cock in your hands…
LemonJello
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Would it surprise you to know I have a Buttman tshirt?
Balls
I thought this was your Buttsquad (TM) service vehicle
Moose
I would think Buttsquad™ vehicles would have a much larger trunk…
LemonJello
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Betty and Veronica kept fighting over Archie even after he turned to a life of crime? Dude must have a 10 inch personality.
Dunstan
Oof. Shoe beats hair pull. 100%. Poor Veronica.
Don T
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Maria’s my kind of woman! Has an answer for everything, great sense of humor, cool under pressure, soft hands, wise… Her amusement at scrotum pulls is concerning, but not a deal breaker. Best to fall asleep after her.
Don T
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found a funny:
girlfriend: this is my dad howard
me: nice to meet you *we lock eyes* howard u doing
him: *maintaining eye contact* sarah this is the one
rockindog
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The Raptors need 12 minutes of great D
Wife: [slowly turns her head towards me]
Me: “You can just shut up.”
scotchnaut
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Where does she buy her bras?
Husqvarna’s Secret
scotchnaut
I’m Stihl laughing at this.
Moose
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Crippled by her IQ now and her lower back later on.
scotchnaut
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DISCOUNT DOUBLE HOMICIDE
BFC
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keep the change
Game Time Decision
That’s generous.
Moose
– Deanna Favre
Game Time Decision
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found a funny:
the only way to stop a bad guy with dementia is with a good guy with dementia.
rockindog
Can’t we go one night without talking about politics?
Redshirt
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These four man tags make my head hurt
“Just your head? You’re not doing something right.”
– Sasha Grey
LemonJello
“You’ll never last in this business if you work when it hurts.”
– Nina Hartley
Beerguyrob
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Filtered? What are you – on a diet?
Beerguyrob
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The Rock and his family have all tested positive for COVID.
WCS
They can’t smell what the Rock’s cooking anymore…
herodotus450
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Usually when a black guy takes shots to the back in Wisconsin, the safe word is “this Jeffrey Dahmer role play is over”.
Buddy
When Buddy takes seven shots to the back, he wonders what’s taking the other five guys so long.
Dunstan
Crushed when I first saw Five Guys was a burger place and not a pay-as-you-go gangbang.
Buddy
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If lawyers were exterminated DFO would be left with the Canadian contingent all knowing a dead language known as Hippoese.
Litre_cola
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I can’t believe Moose kept Lynda Carter from using V.I.B.R.A.T.O.R.
nomonkeyfun
With Moose around, who needs V.I.B.R.A.T.O.R.?
monty this seems strange to me
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I have a brother named Guy. And he’s definitely a weed guy. He’s Guy the weed guy!
Gumbygirl
Gumbyguyweedbro
TheRevanchist
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“just be sure to mind your intake”
I can’t believe I just read those words on DFO…
Balls
Didn’t see nothing about LIMITING intake…
LemonJello
Exactly. How else are you going to make an accurate report in the comments on your drunkenness?
Dunstan
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So, it’s agreed:
A 7-9 is forever known as a “Jeff Fisher”,
A 9-7 is forever known as a “Jim Caldwell”,
and a 0-16 is forever known as a “Matt Millen”.
Beerguyrob
1-31 is a “Hue Jackson”
nomonkeyfun
And yet, an 18-1 is referred to as a “LOL you lost to Eli”
Dunstan
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Kinghts finishing off VAN.
Damn. Vegas doesn’t yet know what it’s like to have a loser. They’re not going to take it well…
blaxabbath
They will learn when football season starts.
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I am watching “Justified” again thanks to the wonders of Hulu, and in one of the first season episodes the killer, a horse trainer from Kentucky, is wearing a Fulham pullover.
I was so impressed that I DM’d Litre at about 11:00 pm EST, but since he lives in the wilds of Canada I think it was like 6 pm three Tuesdays before.
Horatio
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found a funny:
Wife: I want a divorce because your enthusiasm turned into bitter sarcasm
Tony The Tiger: great
rockindog
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Marshall playing football in the face of a pandemic makes sense, because having 12% of the team die is nothing new to them.
Horatio
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Here’s this week’s Balls’ Choice from Request Line:
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Thank you to everyone one for providing quality laughs and gifs/pics to look at. Have a good week, everyone!
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