Have you ever wanted to own a gently-used Fleshlight? Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to have a gently-used Fleshlight displayed prominently on your mantle above the kids’ Christmas stockings knowing that YOU WON IT?!?
Well, wonder no more! We have three exciting contests for you to join to test your mettle against the rest of the DFO and maybe, just maybe, win yourself a gently-used Fleshlight of your own.
First off, we have the traditional Survivor Pool, organized by our own Yeah Right. Word is that this year he plans on baking an entire Thanksgiving dinner and shipping it out to the last person standing.
The info is as follows:
Site: ESPN (Eliminator Challenge)
Group: DFO Crack Suicide Squad
Prize: 1 Gently-used Fleshlight OR a Thanksgiving Dinner shipped to you (please note I have not run this by Yeah Right and I may be totally full of shit) OR another prize TBD
You can also join in the fun and pick the NFL games each week against the spread. Whoever gets the most correct picks at the end of the season (mid-October, by my calculations) will be the winner. Here are the details:
Site: ESPN (Pigskin Pick-em)
Group: DFO Pick A Booger!
Prize: A gently-used Fleshlight OR a nice bottle of alcohol shipped to you by me. You choose the spirit and I choose the brand. Don’t worry, it will not be Popov or something like that. If you don’t drink, I can send you a Corona Hard Seltzer variety pack.
We ALSO have an English Premier League Pick’em league! If you enjoy watching the soccer action early on weekend mornings with your warm beer, your long sausages, and some mushed peas, this is the pool for you!
Site: ESPN (English Premier League Pick ’em)
Group: DFO Footy
Prize: A gently-used Fleshlight of your choice OR a six-pack of your favourite English beer shipped to you by me.
Make sure you sign up TODAY because the NFL starts on Thursday Night and the EPL starts on Saturday morning.
If you already own a gently-used Fleshlight, shame on you; that thing should be worn the fuck out. Also, join the competitions anyway so you can talk shit on the Open Threads about how big your penis is and how good your team is doing. Or the exact opposite.
So join now!
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