Testing… Testing… Is This Thing On? Your Thursday Night Football Eyegasm Open Thread

Damn right it’s on! Whew, what a frickin’ ride to get to this point. I just want to thank all the hardcore commenters that kept this thingy of ours afloat when there was so little sports going on that we resorted to Korean baseball and made the best of it. Things aren’t normal-far from it, but a veil of normalcy in the form of the return of NFL football has dropped on our collective heads. I’ll take it. I’ll take it and run with it, thankyouverymuch.

I’m curious, perhaps like many of you, about how the crowds will look/sound, the response to kneeling, coaches interactions with refs, the quality of play, how Covid will be managed, and a hundred other things. Let’s tackle all that shit down below but for now we need to go…TO THE GAME!

Texans vs. Chiefs:

-the spread is 9.5/10 which seems about right (because Vegas does what it does). The game script to me looks like the Chiefs getting on all their horses early and Watson and Co. struggling to keep up. I think he’s got a shot at it because KC’s secondary is not quite the same unit that came together at the halfway point of the season.

-Both David Johnson (play him while he’s upright) and Edwards-Hilaire should get plenty of touches in the form of catches out of the backfield. The rookie will get some because coach Reid is a master of putting his rb’s in space and DJ will do the same because even a coach like Bill O’Brien knows that the Chiefs gives up tons of yards (100 catches for 951) to them guys wandering out from behind the qb.

-what of the absence of Hopkins? What does it really mean for the Texans O? Well, in the two games they played vs. one another last year Hopkins came up with 12 first downs. That’s huge for a team. Right now Cooks is a game-timer and I would think the medical staff wouldn’t take the chance. What’s left? There’s Fuller, Cobbs and Kenny “He’s still in the league?” Stills-not much to look at. They’ll put it together as a unit over the course of the season but tonight is not the night.

-Players props, you say? Take the over on everything regarding Kelce. Due to injury he’ll be defended by Lonnie Johnson Jr, the owner of the very worst PFF score for a cb with 30. No one else was under 40.

As I always say, if you’re new to the site please say hello-we have a shit-ton of fun here on game days. If you happen to already have an account and haven’t said ‘boo’ in a while, we’d love to see your smiling text. Have at it, one and all. We’re back and I’m real fucking happy.

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Brick Meathook
Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

Anyone up for shots?

SHOTS!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“YOU BET!!”

-Charles Joseph Whitman

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

/Stephen Paddock has entered the chat

Mr. Ayo

I’m up for another 3.50 hours. Totally in.

yeah right

You a’ight with Jameson?

I’m reducing the number of bottles that I’m moving so bourbon’s gone.

Mr. Ayo

Of course. I have to finish this bottle of freezer vodka myself.

yeah right

/pours one out for tWBS

yeah right

We’re gonna have a margarita day one weekend soon for the exact same reasons.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You’d better hurry; it will go bad.

Mr. Ayo

The horror. Time to double down my efforts.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Get busy.

Brick Meathook

I’m in Playa drinking Jameson all night! I’m a responsible drinker though; no motor vehicles, children, or loaded weapons involved.

Unsurprised

Where’s the fun in that?

yeah right

Goddamn give me someplace quieter than living next door to LAX.

Beerguyrob

The Chargers are playing at home Sunday. That should buy you a few hours of peace & quiet.

Unsurprised

At “Home”

yeah right

Hi everyone!

Just checking in from smoke-centric armageddon central.

I was not disappointed by the game.

It helps that my number 1 overall draft pick was the Clyde Edwards-Helaire guy.

In 18 short days I’ll be done with this motherfucking move and will be a more active participant.

Then again I’ll still work until 7:00 PM PDT so I’ll be late anyway.

I’m going to petition the state to ensure Thai massage workers are considered “essential.”

If we’re going to debate “essential” I’m ready for it.

yeah right
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The level of play was better than I expected.

yeah right

We discussed betting the “over” until like week 4 or 5 because the defenses are still on their heels.

/Hippo bat signal goes up

ballsofsteelandfury

Are we getting to 800?

Mr. Ayo

No. Maybe.

Beerguyrob

One can hope.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

818.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nope, 819.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, now it’s 820.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Damn it.

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

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https://www.xvideos.com/video30139525/realitykings_-_we_live_together_-_finger_licking_good_starring_maddy_oreilly_and_shyla_jennings
Unsurprised

Eat your heart out, Roger Deakins.

Horatio Cornblower

Maybe not the heart, exactly…

ballsofsteelandfury

There it is!

Unsurprised

I almost got pizza. Fuck.

ballsofsteelandfury

Companies that have made The Balls List:

Ticketmaster
Blockbuster (Balls victory!)
Starbucks
Uber/Lyft
Doordash/Grubhub
Papa John’s

WCS

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Unsurprised

Come on, buzz …

Brick Meathook

Wow, on KNBC-TV Los Angeles tonight was a commercial that equated Uber’s use of “gig economy” independent contractors (a.k.a. “sharecroppers”) with the Black Lives Matter movement. That is sad.

ballsofsteelandfury

Was it for or against Prop 22?

Last edited 3 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Unsurprised

Uber has this whole campaign going that opposing Uber is to be for racism. So …

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, fuck Uber!

Brick Meathook

The commercial was AGAINST Uber driver being employees with health insurance. (“Taking our jobs away!”)

ballsofsteelandfury

So incredibly stupid and sad…

Unsurprised

Yeah, it’s a real shocker from a company that was built on the business model of “Let’s break the law until we can lobby to change it or until automated cars exist, whichever comes first.”

And then people acted surprised when the CEO and entire management team turned out to be sexual predators.

Horatio Cornblower

739 comments for a disaster of a game. THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE, PEOPLE!!!

See you all Sunday. (and tomorrow, and Saturday, and so on, and so forth)
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dick E. Phuck

This game was Nyquil

Viva La Tabula Raza

With Valium chaser.

Horatio Cornblower

“The Cowboys are always in the spotlight”

Nate Newton: “Literally”
/gets marched off in handcuffs

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, that takes me back.

Brick Meathook

Jimmy Fallon is an un-talented hack.

And he makes much more money than you.

Mr. Ayo

And drinks more.

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, true, but when my kids ask me what I do for a living I can see “Well, not being a smarmy prick who will suck up to anybody if it advances his care…”

Oh no, shit, I’m a lawyer: that’s exactly what I do. Fuck.

Unsurprised

You know, that’s the funny thing. We could all just say “No” and the entire world would come to a screeching halt.

Unsurprised

When did we start believing the lie that the clients have all the power. We are the only people in the world who can MAKE laws.

Brick Meathook

Nonsense, boy. Bankers and moneymen make the laws and have all the power. Lawyers are just the gofers and stooges. One day you’ll learn.

Money talks and bullshit walks.

Unsurprised

I’m still going to try to figure out how to sway the most archconservative profession on the planet left.

Viva La Tabula Raza

*lights 50 dollar Cuban cigar with 100 dollar bill *

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

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Brocky

Never figured you as the pokemon playing type Horatio, much less a gen Ver

Horatio Cornblower

I am aware of the meaning of four of the words in that sentence, not including articles.

Dick E. Phuck

CEH isn’t a little scatback, but Odell is.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Najeh Davenport has the copyright on “scatback”

Horatio Cornblower

Of course Cris wants to give a little credit to the defense on the wrong end of a 31-20 game. Of course he does.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“JJ Watt is a dominating player with a motor that never stops.”

blaxabbath

This is the sign that the season is here.

Unsurprised

If bullshit were mountains, Texas would be the Himalayas and J.J. Watt would be Sir Edmund Hillary.

Viva La Tabula Raza

*Tenzing Norgay looks askance*

Unsurprised

Watt is the glory hog, after all.

Horatio Cornblower

“You can just picture Tom Brady back in New England, can’t you?”

Thanks, Cris, I was hoping to hear about your masturbation fantasies tonight.

Dick E. Phuck

“Skin glistening in the bright Cape Cod sun”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I threw up a little and laughed at the same time…. would not recommend.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Want to hear about mine? They involve Maddy O’Rielly
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have not seen this or anything associated with it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

More than say….. 50 times.

Brocky

I honestly just love this picture. It says so much with so little

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have no readily accessible gifs, clip, or stills of any of this either.

Unsurprised

Give me ten minutes

ballsofsteelandfury

All I’ll need after that is ten seconds…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What are you some kind of edging marathon man?!?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maybe you should spend the time looking up “sarcasm” or similar words.

Unsurprised

It’s for when her video with Penny Pax doesn’t cut it.

Horatio Cornblower

getting a real ‘Velma’ vibe from both of them

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You go where you need to, buddy.

Horatio Cornblower

Down 31-13 with 3:30 to go, Bill O’Brien reveals his secret plan: the bubble screen!
/maniacal laughter followed by the sound of someone choking to death on their own saliva

Dick E. Phuck

Get real Dr. Evil vibes looking at Bill O’Brien

Last edited 3 years ago by Dick E. Phuck
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

I would not be opposed to some garbage time points to fuller

Unsurprised

I’m not trying to be insensitive. It’s been nearly a decade and I still process it in parts, but why the fuck isn’t this being treated as normal? It’s normal. It’s supposed to be normal. What the fuck.

https://twitter.com/i/events/1304146570686771200

Sharkbait

Holy shit. Fuck Skip Bayless

Unsurprised

He’s a professional troll. Of course fuck Skip Bayless. He makes his money pissing people off.

Unsurprised

Fuck the people who treat Skip Bayless and everyone like him like they’re anything other than social arsonists. ESPN should be burned to the ground for profiting off the model that you get more clicks and eyeballs pissing people off, but that’s just the way it is.

Horatio Cornblower

Bayless is with Fox now, although ESPN gets all the blame for starting that ’embrace debate’ shitshow approach.

Unsurprised

Ah, gotcha. But, yes, there’s blame to go around.

Horatio Cornblower

Fox also, surprisingly, came out and condemned Bayless for these comments. I mean, Fox? Condemning an old white hack? For criticizing a young black athlete?

C’mon!

Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
Horatio Cornblower

Don’t even have to know what he did now to agree with the sentiment. if he walked in front of train my only concern would be if the train lost any paint.

Unsurprised

My point is that everyone else is acting like Dak did something courageous. And I guess it is, which says more about us than him, and that’s the infuriating horseshit. Bayless being Bayless is just another Thursday.

Horatio Cornblower

Why does KC still have the starters in?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Last edited 3 years ago by Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Because fuck Houston

clint greasewood

Andy Reid needs a designated paper towel boy.

Unsurprised

….

Too easy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

No reason to wait until tomorrow night’s post:
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Brick Meathook

This is a big country and a big world full of people of all stripes who are wonderful and have as many hardships as any other fellow person.

I’m getting rightly tired of being told that I have to feel sorry for African Americans. I get it, you were slaves. My ancestors didn’t own any slaves, but I assume they wore cotton clothing, so I guess I’m guilty? No I’m not.

Don’t ever tell me what I should or should not think. You will lose

Unsurprised

Antiracism is being used by the 1% to keep us fighting over shit that doesn’t matter to keep us from coming together over what does.

Brick Meathook

Unsurprised, I’m always happy to see a new post from you to prove that you are still alive. Good work, friend.

litre_cola

Kenny Stills is not known for his hands.

WhyEaglesWhy

I think everyone can safely ignore any conclusions drawn in my Texans preview.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Balls?

Unsurprised

The what?

Dick E. Phuck

Radulov may be a dirty POS but he’s really good

Horatio Cornblower

Dallas wins! Dallas wins!

-something I won’t be saying in the NFL play-odds, that’s for damn sure.

Unsurprised

Not heard since 1963

Unsurprised

So I’m guessing that someone screwed up the reading of those two

Horatio Cornblower

Vegas goalie just made a save with his balls.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

“Jim Beam is coming up with new ways to drink bourbon…”

If it’s all the same to you, Jim, I’d just as soon keep using my mouth.

Dick E. Phuck

End Racism!

[Employs Richie Incognito]

Redshirt

With this game secured, stadium personnel are busy loading Andy Reid’s post game snack into his office.
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Unsurprised

Andy Reid doesn’t want to be fed. Andy Reid wants to hunt.

WCS

Greetings. Did I miss anything tonight?

Sharkbait

Texans spent the 3rd running the ball like they traded their best wide receiver.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Bill O’Brien is answering the question: “What if Mike Brown made himself head coach?”

Dick E. Phuck

The Polamalu-Mahomes Head and Shoulders commercial has so much sexual tension. It’s got the staging of a porno.

TheRevanchist

“He goes back door on you”

Dick E. Phuck

The ol’ Green Bay special

Spur

i didn’t say it. i was looking at Robocop gifs

litre_cola

A certain Kommenter from LA we know around these parts.

Unsurprised

More than one, I would say

Brick Meathook

I hope we catch that guy

King Hippo

when you play against JJ Watt, he goes backdoor on ya

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

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jjfozz

Why do I get into fights on Reddit? Why?

litre_cola

Because you would be arrested in real life.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Satan was a pushover?

Unsurprised

Because it and Facebook killed all the good late 90s and 2000s-era message boards

TheRevanchist

Those were the best places for porn. I miss them.

Unsurprised

There are still a couple good ones out there.

Gumbygirl

My kid was on one, I think it was called Something Awful? That’s where I saw the wonder that is Goatse, I never really got over it.

Unsurprised

That place was wild as fuck

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Oh I loved my Something Awful days…

Spur

Fark was great before it was monetized. Bye all the fun.

ArmedandHammered

Yep, rarely go there any more, used to spend so many hours on there.

Spur

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Viva La Tabula Raza

November 4, 2020, illustrated.

Sharkbait

GO FOR IT COWARDS!

WhyEaglesWhy

With Andy’s shield that fogged up, that must be a Cheesecake Factory menu, not a play sheet.

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