The scene, a brightly lit room, the kind you might find at a medical facility, or that nice place your unreliable cousin got sent on that “vacation” last year
Unidentified voice: Hello everyone, welcome to another session. Today I’d like to welcome a new assembly. Before we begin continuing last week, I’d like to introduce or newest member, one Mitch Trubisky!
Trubisky: Actually I prefer to algo by Mitchell, and I”m honestly not sure where this is. Looks like a rehab clinic.
Voice: that’s because it is!
Trubisky: Trent dilfer? Why are you here? and why am I in rehab? I have no substance abuse issues
Dilfer: first off that’s Superbowl Champion Trent Dilfer, oh, not regular rehab, QB image rehab. We’re here to fix your image, so you can get back on your feet, like this guy:
And this guy:
Trubisky sits there in dumbfounded silence
The bears enter their 101st season (just feels weird typing it out) with a quite a few questions, with qb being the biggest one, but before we delve into that, let’s look at the other aspects of the team:
Defense: still top notch. This unit was very close to being a top 5 defense last year, and even if there’s a dropoff it shouldn’t be too dramatic. Its absurd how quickly this unit has been forgotten in all the criticism of trubisky. The biggest question mark for the defense is the loss of nose tackle Eddie Goldman, who has opted out of the season. Will the other Bears D-linemen step up? Aikeem Hicks was hampered by injury last year, and was already had a mild injury in camp.
Well then, let’s check out those offensive groups:
Allen robinson, and that’s it.
Okay maybe the other guys can contribute, but I’m not gonna holding my breath that Anthony miller, ted Ginn, or Calvin Ridley are gonna suddenly turn into productive players. Miller in particular after he badly regressed after a promising rookie year.
The only player I’d keep an eye on is Darnell Mooney. The rookie has been turning heads in camp
The decaying corpse of Jimmy Graham and a rookie from Notre Dame who’s last name I can’t pronounce. I’m sure this will bode well for a system that relies on tight end production. If nothing else, we got rid of trey burton.
Tarik will continue to be the sizzle to David Montgomery’s not yet proven steak. I actually something of a breakout season for Montgomery assuming the injury bug does rear its ugly head.
Insert picture of david Montgomery injured because DFO wordpress sucks
Oh god damn it.
Also Cordelle Patterson is now listed as a running back. While I actually think this is more in line the way he’s used on offense, this feels like a weird attempt to make up for a lack of running back depth.
Never mind, the absolute latest depth chart has him as a receiver again. Crisis avoided?
So we’ve finally arrived to the big question. How will quarterback Mitchell Trubisky fare in his fourth year. I’m not even gonna entertain the possibiltiy that Nick Foles ever had a chance starting the season. Trubisky got a lot of criticism for last year. And you can bet your polish sausage I got an opinion about that.
I honestly think trubisky got a bad rap last year. Maybe its the bears homer in me, but I saw a lot of problems. Injures to the receivers and tight ends, a subpar o-line, and a non existent run game, and while those problems haven’t been explicitly solved, they’ve been somewhat addressed.
Yeah both Mahomes and Watson are better than Trubisky. But its blatant hindsight. I’m so sick of everytime the bears do ANYTHING its put instantly put under a microscope so the talking heads can circle jerk each other about one of the league’s most popular teams without fear that they might make a serious run at the playoffs. Idon’t care how stupid it sounds. Trubisky was bad last year. He was good the year before. A regression of that level means outside factors. And trust me, there were outside factors, now back to our protagonist:
Mitchell: I’m sorry, this is absurd. There’s no comparison between us. All three of you were drafted with far more expectations than me, and those who want to write me off as a bust made up their mind before I ever stepped on the field. I’m outta here
There you have it. A scathing take on the bears haters. The people who say I’m making excuses are just as likely to turn around and make every excuse in the world for their own QBs.
Come hell high water I will support this team.
Bear down mother fuckers.
Also, we’re gonna be lucky to 8-8