Woo! Your Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

[turns BEST BRA EVER! admercial off]

It’s almost too much football, isn’t it? Kidding! No, it is not. TO THE GAMES!!!

Jets/Bills:

Did the Vikes front office giggle a bit when they traded the league’s best downfield wr (% of passes caught 20+ yards from LOS) to the Bills so that he could be paired with the league’s worst downfield passer? Probably. Singletary’s usage last year befuddled me-a dynamic, breakaway type back, he was used behind Gore when the latter was clearly fading. Now Zack Moss is the apple of McDermott’s and Daboll’s eyeballs. It seems that this coaching staff is in ‘Back To the 80’s!’ mode.

Fins/Pats:

I’m forced to cheer for a Pats player because I want to see Cam do well. Please shoot me.

Browns/Ravens:

So many offensive weapons on the field in this game. Should be a fun game to watch and yes, that is the first time that word has ever been uttered in the context of these two cities. Sure it’s an easy joke but… I’ve got nothing.

Colts/Jags:

Lots of debate among conservative fantasy players as to whether or not one should start Taylor. Look, the Jags have one of the worst run D’s in the league-both Mack and Taylor will have about 15 carries and a score by game’s end.

Eagles/Team:

Sanders is a goner so play Boston Scott if ya gotta. One concern is that Team has a very impressive D-line now. As always (it seems) Philly’s wr’s are nicked up-play DeSean before he joins the wounded.

Bears/Lions:

Golladay tweaked his hammy and didn’t practice on Friday. The Lions would be stupid to play him, so he’s a go? Pivot over to Hockenson, he’s my candidate for 2nd year breakout tight end.

Pack/Vikes:

Dalvin got paid! Anyway… That Minny D that one could always count on to force the issue has only 5 returning players from 2019 playing today. Reportedly, A.J. Dillon’s thighs are in action this afternoon. The fellas on the Sirius fantasy channel were gushing like schoolgirls at a K-pop concert the day the photos came out. [rolls eyes]

‘Hawks/Falcons:

Gotta love the combo of Matty Ice/his receiving options and the lousy Atlanta D. Perhaps his first 5,000 yard season is in play? He’s been very close twice before. There will be no fans at this game. By choice.

Raiders/Panthers:

Everyone is jawing about Ruggs 3 but 3rd round wr Bryan Edwards did the wowing in camp. Them Las Vegans have quite a bit of young talent at the rb/wr spots-how long before they give Carr the old boot?

There’s your first slate. Have at it.

5 4 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
623 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Doktor Zymm

Damn, I have 20.40 TE points?! This season is already weird

Wakezilla

Quinn has got to learn that there’s a difference between having big dick energy and being a Himbo.

This 4th down play calling is stupid

Spur

Colts/Jags game is heating up
comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Worst swing pass ever

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Don T

I gots Pauls@BAL and Iggles@Team. Both at 3rd QRT, situational football calls for nap until 2nd game.

Fronkenshteen

Not giving up on Ingram yet.

King Hippo

oh my cats, remember when we thought Baker Mayfield might be good?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Maybe he would have been on Not The Browns?

Spur

OBJ with a shitty attitude

Gratliff

Guess it was a good idea to start dinner at the half

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Doktor Zymm

I’m pretty sure that if you have kids and you’re still trying to save the environment instead of teaching them how to thrive in a post-apocalyptic Thunderdome, you’re doing it wrong

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Homer’s theory:

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Topology fun fact, a coffee mug is homeomorphic to a donut

Gatoraids

When the jets score a 69 yd touchdown I still can’t manage a niiiiiiiice

Last edited 3 years ago by Gatoraids
King Hippo

Well, at least I will have the #1 waivers pick on Tuesday!

King Hippo

Is based on 0-1 sides’ total points scored, nae the margin

Doktor Zymm

Julio Jones still damn good

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

Football’s back. Damn it. Now I don’t have anything to post about.

Spur

Wentz is a dodo bird.

Doktor Zymm

He Wentz extinct?

litre_cola

Tough but fair.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Doktor Zymm

I think we’ve just hit garbage time in Notlanta

Gatoraids

Dolphins establish the line of scrimmage like it’s the Maginot Line

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Like an obsolete strategy?

Doktor Zymm

Good to know they have the left 1/3 of the field locked down

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

King Hippo

Chefs/Ratbirds is gonna be all sorts of fun. And get Superb Owl ratings.

Doktor Zymm

Hopefully an Owl quality game!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Fronkenshteen

On the cook:
. Chicken stock
. Chicken curry
. Tuna salad
. Egg salad
. London Broil
. Baked Potatoes
. Crust less Quiche Lorraine

my house smells amazing

King Hippo

For my moneys, a baking turkey breast is as good as it gets.

Gatoraids

Tuna salad egg salad and curry good luck to your bathrooms

Doktor Zymm

Making full use of all your oven and stove-type devices! Efficient!

Gatoraids

London broil is underrated tho great call

Gumbygirl

You’re either meal prepping for the week, or you are very high!

King Hippo

Dakota Jeebus keeping Dacteds in this’un

Doktor Zymm

It’s so sad watching these talented people put up these heroic efforts for a shit team that will destroy them. It’s like machine gunning a samurai.

Gatoraids

Called penalty for roughing the passer on Cam finally the immobile object succumbs to the unstoppable force of Pats favoritism

Last edited 3 years ago by Gatoraids
Viva La Tabula Raza

Well fuck, Harry.

Doktor Zymm

Is there any way for a top ranked college kid to avoid going through the draft?

The Maestro

Might be able to sign as a free agent in the CFL, since the Canadian draft only applies to Canadian players.

WCS

Join the military? Move to South America?

Spur

Depends, is his momma a whore?

herodotus450

Have a famous dad and brother who were also NFL quarteredbacks

King Hippo

I think maybe Moses Malone had a lawsuit about that, many moons ago?

WCS

Greetings fellow lowlifes.

Don T

The Ravens’ secondary is grabby to the point of Papal blessing.

King Hippo

Russell Wilson? Still good.

Spur

Bird Bomb for Wilson on 4th down. Very nice.

Redshirt

Say what you want about the glitches, but the Madden NFL 20 Career Mode is pretty accurate. My guy got drafted by the Miami Dolphins and suddenly all the fun of the game and my hopes for his future just vanished.

Gatoraids

We all float down here from the algal blooms

King Hippo

You Shanked, My Blankenship!

Gatoraids

Right you are Ken

Last edited 3 years ago by Gatoraids
Spur

Patrick Queen is looking good

Gumbygirl

Guaranteed to blow your mind.

The Maestro

The fact that the [Redacted]s have to have “End Racism” painted in their end zones, after all that team history, is nothing short of hilarious to me.

King Hippo

Dunno if everyone knew this already, but the team has/had a strong following in the South, because their fight song used to end “fight for old DIXIE.”

Fuck them to fuck and back.

/sorry Dok

The Maestro

GPM actually changed the words in the song from “Fight for old DC” to try and broaden the team’s appeal.

Appeal to you know who, of course.

Doktor Zymm

No worries, it’s really hard to care about a Snydely Whiplash owned team. And they have way more history with racism than just the fight song. They were the furthest south team for a long time, and they were deadly afraid of losing that fan base. That’s why they originally opposed letting Dallas into the league, that’s why the ‘Dixie’ in the song, and that’s why they were the last team to integrate. Incidentally, that last is why there are so many Dallas fans in the DC area, it predates the ‘America’s Team’ marketing crap, it’s a protest from the refusal to integrate.

JustStopDude

Can I sue the Browns for abuse as a fan?

bk109

It’s America – you can sue anyone for anything! 😀

Gatoraids

Parody is protected by law

bk109

Sure, but snuff films aren’t…

Doktor Zymm

Just be prepared for your entire fan life to be trotted out by the defense. “What was he wearing? He was just asking for it wearing that Brown’s jersey and being sad all the time. Fans are so much more attractive when they smile. Why didn’t he just say,’NO MORE BROWNS’??”

King Hippo

Humps are well-coached, which we knew. They’ve molded an offense around what Laserface can still do. Plus, that OL.

King Hippo

So…DFO P*ts fans…what percentage of your favoured homer site is all “Meeeee-first GLOREE BOY” re Cam?

litre_cola

Not a capitalized U smdh

Doktor Zymm

Ooops, almost forgot to change into my lightweight eating bathrobe!

King Hippo

The #NuAIDS era enlightened me on the bathrobe. It’s almost on “fuck off wearing underwear” life-changing level.

bk109

Nah – surplus cammo gear is better, ’cause you feel a bit less disheveled, yet you can have clothes that hide stains REALLY well

King Hippo

eh, as long as I wear dark-coloUred running shorts/sweatpants, I’m good.

hippofant

The ref taking off his facemask to signal a facemask penalty O_O

Doktor Zymm

Oh hey, commercials about trying to regulate Uber/Lyft drivers woo

clint greasewood

Boomer Esiason sounding rough

Doktor Zymm

Halftime food made, challah BLT (one side toasted with butter, the other with the bacon grease) and oven fries. Also opened a bottle of Cab

litre_cola

Very nice

hippofant

Fuck this fake crowd noise shit.

King Hippo

Having watched some JV NFL without it? I am now grateful, plus NFL Films does the work.

hippofant

Really, why? I wanna hear every little cuss these players make.

King Hippo

It sounded like the game was being played in a lunatic asylum. Maybe that was specific to the BYU/Navy benches, but still.

hippofant

So you’re saying that the NFL is doing this to cover up CTE? Clever clever…

King Hippo

always with teh 5-D chess, yo

Doktor Zymm

If they’re going to skip the crowd noise, I think they would have to go all out with an intense echoing silence motif, hire a Rod Serling soundalike to announce, and blackout everything beyond the field so it looks like they’re playing in the soundless vacuum of space

litre_cola

Oh so you watch Canadian Premierleague futbol?

bk109

… fuck, now a Trump political advert… Can you lads like move up your pointless elections?

Redshirt

Touchdown, NAWT-A-GOAT!

Redshirt

…maybe…

bk109

Well, yes, but no… I’m happy that the refs are still on our side 😀

The Maestro

THIS FACKIN’ RULES WOOOOOOOOOOO

bk109

Now I don’t feel nearly as stupid buying a Newton jersey (Always liked the guy, plus it was time to frame my signed Brady one and move on 🙂 )