Your “And Then There Were Three” (as always) Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

I complain but I shouldn’t, really. The usual circumstance is that there’s a toss-away tilt that is of no interest to anyone but the respective fanbases. Today we’ve got Kyler vs. Team that got a surprise result last week. Of course the Chiefs are always a treat and dare I say that Patty is actually a likeable type of fella? And lastly-and I said it last week as well-the Ravens O is fun to watch. We need a name for it. Maybe Roman’s Wrinkles? You know, he’s fooling around with his creation, tweaking it here and there, confusing D’s in the process.

TO THE GAMES!

Team/Cards:

Team’s d-line flashed big last week but Wentz gave them all kinds of help last week by not moving well in the pocket. In qb Murray, Team is not getting a guy that ran once for 2 yards. Kyler ran 13 times-5 designed, 8 scrambles and went no-huddle on 42 plays. That there is the perfect way to get an aggressive line off-balance and more importantly, gassed.

Ravens/Texans:

Will Deshaun be sacked 6-8 times? His o-line (according to PFF) grades out as above average and yet Watson was sacked 44 times last year. Why? He holds on to the ball too long and doesn’t check to his rb’s. Look for Hollywood to go bananas today-he’ll be shadowed by Robey but the latter didn’t have a good game last week. Brown’s aDOT was almost 19 yards last week. Fairly obvious Lamar is looking directly at him when trying to stretch the field.

Chiefs/Chargers:

Is Tyrod a sneaky play this week? He sure muffed it last week but Chiefs corners are out/compromised and Taylor was throwing farther downfield than observers expected. He also rushed 7 times as well. They’ll fall behind so Garbage Points Ahoy! But we know how this one ends, Mahomesian things will be done and KC gets the W.

It’s your turn now.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Passed out when the 2nd half of 500’s/Ratbirds started. Just woke up. Would have been better off had I stayed asleep.

JustStopDude

Its amazing. The Texans are calling defensive plays like they need to let the Ravens score to get the ball back.

clint greasewood

Big Brain BOB

King Hippo

#StableGenius

Unsurprised

Texans are dumber than dogshit

Viva La Tabula Raza

And the football team is pretty stupid too.

Horatio Cornblower

From ESPN (and Elias, I guess)

“The Falcons had 39 points with zero turnovers in their loss against the Cowboys.

Entering today, teams were 440-0 when scoring 39 points with 0 turnovers since 1933, when team turnovers were first tracked, according to Elias.”

Spur

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JustStopDude

Baltimore should be dicks and go for it on 4th.

Unsurprised

Teams should always go for it on 4th. They should be penalized points for punting.

Horatio Cornblower

“Dean Spanos, not happy…”

Oh, show that again, I’m almost there.

JustStopDude

Texans…the Ravens are trying to run out the clock. They won’t be passing it.

Stop giving up long runs.

Spur

Good thing Texans have Hopkins to make up the…….oh right

Doktor Zymm

I really hate the company SoFi, and that makes me hate the stadium they’ve sponsored too.

Doktor Zymm

Football Team is really racking up the garbage time points

herodotus450

Someone should really tell them they don’t have to give up 20 before scoring for themselves.

Doktor Zymm

They aren’t capable of scoring points in two consecutive halves, haven’t been since the 90s

Horatio Cornblower

https://youtu.be/QARNEhpTA0M

Your virginity is the greatest gift you can give your partner, much like a floated interception is the greatest gift you can give your opponent.

Doktor Zymm

Ah, the gift of having no idea what you’re doing

JustStopDude

In both cases…yes!

blaxabbath

Kyler Murray will be shot by Martha McSally.

King Hippo

Holy fuckballs, what a throw. He really is Better Elway.

Doktor Zymm

Whoa

Horatio Cornblower

Secretariat is playing?

King Hippo

Chefs finally desperate enough to use Mecole Hardman. Fat Andy has tortured fantasy owners long enough?

Doktor Zymm

So happy I found a way to get Ethiopian food delivered out here, there’s also apparently a place that does good takeout but I haven’t checked them out yet

JustStopDude

That shit is the one thing I can’t get in Roanoke.

I love me Ethiopian food. I will never understand why more cultures didn’t discover the edible plate.

Doktor Zymm

It needs to become more common outside the DC area, you really can’t beat it. I can’t understand people who don’t like injera

Gumbygirl

I’ve heard people say it’s too sour. Those people are idiots.

Horatio Cornblower

I will never understand why more cultures didn’t discover the edible plate.

“What are you talking about?”
-A. Reid

Doktor Zymm

Woo! Ballsitchmore crushing 4th and 1

JustStopDude

Hey Bill. That is how you go for it on 4th.

JustStopDude

I just realized that if River Boat Ron dies while trying to turn the Washington whatever the fucks around, it would be the second time in their history this has happened.

Like a lot of people seem to completely forget that Vince Lombardi died as DC’s head coach.

Doktor Zymm

Some teams just sap the will to live

JustStopDude

I’m honestly surprised that Snyder hasn’t sold the team name yet to some corporation yet.

“Its your Washington DC ‘United Health Group Inc’ and they are taking the field”

Doktor Zymm

Gotta get the bids in, I assume you just predicted the best case scenario for the name next year.

JustStopDude

Man if Kyler Murray came into the league 10 years ago, he would have changed the game.

But since he is stuck in Arizona and on top of this, the league is ungodly filled with QB talent, its like he doesn’t even exist.

blaxabbath

The problem with starting in ARI is that you don’t have a team to overpay you in the twilight of your career.

Doktor Zymm

Nice run Kyler! What’s the over/under on how long his knees/brain last?

Doktor Zymm

Maybe be wary when DraftKings gives you the first one for free

JimU

I don’t know what that FG accomplishes for the WFT.

Doktor Zymm

Apparently RedZone is back on Sling now, so I caved and agreed to pay the extra $15/month. Worth it.

Gumbygirl

Spectrum keeps sending me ads, saying it’s only 5 dollars more. Fuck you, it was included in my horrendously expensive package last year.

Doktor Zymm

NFL streaming rights have been a cluster this year, they didn’t have RedZone even available last weekend, and now it’s back in the Sports Extra package, so they must have negotiated something last minute. They haven’t raised their priced luckily, and they’re giving 10% off for the first month. I suspect I am not their only customer who only subscribes during football and bitches about it the entire time…

Can you call and try to get a retention offer?

Gumbygirl

I should try, I’ve been a customer for quite a few years. I’d like to drop down to the Silver package from the Gold, but those sneaky fuckers know I watch TCM all the time!

JustStopDude

Cox keeps offering to lower my bill by giving me a land line and a cable package that I don’t want, for more money.
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JustStopDude

DOES TUCKER EVER FUCKING MISS?!?!?!

Doktor Zymm

He’s solid. And I appreciate it when they do the kicker POV shot, so you can appreciate exactly what they’re aiming at

JustStopDude

I watched that Ravens Wired thing. I like to watch all the teams when they have players wired. I work my way through all the teams through the week instead of working.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klme5AjDPzg

Its just Mark Ingram II never shutting the fuck up. But halfway through the video, he is one the sideline, building up the confidence of the rookie RB.

Dude is literally motivating his replacement.

Meanwhile on the other sideline, OBJ was making sure that no rookie approached him.

Fucking A, when Ingram retires, he needs to make an phone app where its just his voice motivating you all day long.

JustStopDude

Speaking of which, its the Dobbins kid, who was just stopped on third, short of the first down, and made a fantastic recovery.

Doktor Zymm

Still too damn hot out. I was promised chilly summers and mild winters in the Bay Area, nature is turning out to be like a first round QB on the Browns. I did finally stop by the Indian ice cream place though, and picked up a pint of rose almond. Kicking myself for not getting a falooda too. Popped the Cabernet in the fridge for a bit, (it’s supposed to be served at 17th century French Villa room temp, not un-air conditioned California heat wave room temp) took a quick chilly shower, and now I’m good to sit and watch….nothing apparently. How the fuck am I getting zero games?

Gumbygirl

That always bugs me. Red wine should be at cellar temperature, somewhere around 55-63 degrees, not room temperature.

Horatio Cornblower

“Couldn’t agree more, and in fact I have a lovely vintage in my cellar right now, if you’d care to follow me.”

-Montressor

Gumbygirl

Woohoo, a Poe reference! Makes my English teacher heart happy!

Gatoraids

Change Red Zone to Team Zone whenever washington is on

Redshirt

zone (n)
an area or stretch of land having a particular characteristic, purpose, or use, or subject to particular restrictions.

Sounds like we may have to switch out “zone” as well.

Spur

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Who needs an asteroid? The human race is an extinction-level event.

blaxabbath

Jimmy G swindling SF on a Brock Osweiler level of production.

Or “just don’t turn it over” is worth tens of millions of dollars. Like how just getting your name was worth 600 pts on the SATs.

TheRevanchist

Explains my perfect 600 score.

JustStopDude

Unless he is a black QB. Then he has to completely change the game an maybe he can keep his job.

Redshirt

That explains why I got a 340 on my PSATs. In my defense, I had a flu with a 102.4°F fever so I genuinely though I was “Clarence Foglemeyer”.

blaxabbath

Justin Herbert will be seen wearing a Clippers 69 jersey with the nameplate bearing the cop who shot Brianna Taylor.

Gatoraids

Education Reform Hayward buys a copy

TheRevanchist

That’s perfect for a QB for (north) San Diego

JustStopDude

River Boat Ron decided not to opt for the IV and chemo treatment at halftime.

I legit wish I was making a smart ass joke.

blaxabbath

I watch other people wear pink one month a year. WHAT MORE CAN YOU ASK OF ME?!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Blair Walsh is warming up.

litre_cola

2 bottles of white, 2 bottles of rose, it’s RED O”CLOCK!

JustStopDude

Real nice ref assistance to give the Texans a free time out.

Viva La Tabula Raza

It won’t matter, Ravens still gonna win.

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
JustStopDude

No timeouts but the Texans have the spunk I think to thrown another pick six.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When you said “throwing spunk” I found myself thinking about my old friend Multiple Miggs.

JustStopDude

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, all the teams I like seem to be very much sucky this year thus far, and all the teams I dislike seem to be doing well. *checks calendar*
Oh, I forgot, it’s 2020.

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[hurricane blows calendar away, said calendar then hits and puts out the eye of a crippled puppy]

JustStopDude

I have watched that onside kick three times.

What the fuck are the Falcons doing there?!?!

Gratliff

watching

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s more about what they <i>aren’t</i> doing, which is “anything”.

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
JimU

Falcons gonna Falcon.

herodotus450

If I was NFL Commisioner I would have vetoed Calais Campbell going to Baltimore as NAWT FAYRH

JustStopDude

Oh the Texans fucked up. Giving Lamar the ball with 2 minutes left…

He gonna score 14 points before halftime.

At least he would if he was playing my fucking Browns…

Mother Puncher

How long until this game gets run ruled and i get to watch Mahomes

blaxabbath

Will the in stadium noise guy bring out the boo birds in a blow out?

JustStopDude

Every fucking Ravens game is like this…

“Hey…this might be close”

five minutes later…

“Holy fuck balls what the fuck just happened?!?!?”

Spur

Well, they are playing the Chin Fell Upward lead Texans.

JustStopDude

Bill O’Brien is a living justification for expanding the Rooney Rule.

He just seems to just fail upwards.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Anytime someone says “expanding” with regards to coaching it makes me think of Andy Reid.

JimU

Hello old KSK friends. The Washington [Formerly Racist Nicknames] has the Cardinals right where they want them. I’m surprised that there’s no fans in the stadium. If there’s one state that I thought would allow fans, it’s Southwestern Florida.

Spur

Bolt Man Group does not look bad at QB

clint greasewood

Christopher Johnson: “I don’t think the Jets fans truly know how great Adam Gase is.”

Gatoraids

At impersonating a chameleon

blaxabbath

Tyrod Taylor about to join the Josh Rosen club.

Mother Puncher

I would be very happy with Taylor having Fitzpatrick’s career arc

JustStopDude

Ravens D decides that Lamar and Friends isn’t bringing it…

Viva La Tabula Raza

For fuck’s sake.

blaxabbath

Shame on the pump in sound guy for not having the “OOOOHHHHHHHH….” ready there.