Your Hobotastic Sunday Night Football Open Thread

Where were we? Okay, Dead Johnny, a WW2 vet (though he is only 24 years old or so) and hobo, wears a red bandana for ‘good luck’ and as a reminder of his dead war buddy. He’s headed to New Goshen, Indiana for a meetup. Let’s let another character in our story introduce himself now…

I don’t think it was even three days after I graduated from high school that my daddy told me, “Son, you’re going to serve your country.” and that was that. He marched me over to the recruitment office and three days later I was on a bus headed to camp. My unit didn’t see much heavy action as we got over there kinda late. We thought of ourselves as “The Cleanup Crew”. We’d run into pockets of krauts that had either broken off from the main force, or were trying to find their way home, or were just plain lost. It was usually between 5-25 guys and we, being a much larger unit, would eventually surround them and start picking them off. Whether they holed up in a bunch of bushes or at a farmhouse it didn’t matter much. Just like shooting squirrels as far as I was concerned. I caught hell a few times for not letting some of them surrender but what the hell were we over here for anyway? And really, it wasn’t that much hell-after all, Sarge sent me right back out there and I did end up with about 30 or 35 kills and quite a few souvenirs.

When I got back home I said all my helloes, caught up with some buddies and got bored real quick. So I had mom wash and iron my uniform and I put it on and I marched right down to the sheriff’s office and asked for a job. Sheriff looked at me and asked, “Why should I hire you, young fella?”. I replied, “Well, I served my country and now I think I can serve my community. I can take orders, I can handle myself and if things get rough I know how to handle myself.” He smiled and said, “Well son, looks like you got yourself a job.” I guess it didn’t hurt that my daddy and the sheriff were in the same hunting party and had known each other for more than 25 years. Two years as a deputy in New Goshen does fly by though…

…Sheriff called a meeting for the end of the day and I was surprised to see some squad cars from a coupla nearby towns like Tecumseh and Shepherdsville. Something had to be up-he hardly ever asked for help from them guys. “Now boys, I want to thank you all for coming. We’ve got some tramps gathering together outsidea town and they don’t belong here”. Sheriff hated anyone that didn’t live here, hated anyone passing through-he called them ‘interlopers’. He went on, “We’ll set up back here around 9 when the sun begins to set and if you happen to own a pair of shitkickers, you might want to wear them.” Shitkickers were steel-toed boots, it was plain what we were meant to do. As we got up he looked at me, “Deputy, you may also want to bring Betty along for the ride.” ‘Betty’ was a baton but not your everyday one, no sir. I had her custom-made at the sawmill by my uncle-it was longer and thicker than the usual and made from Black Ash. I once heard a fella deputy laugh and say that I was compensating for something and I told him, “I’ll ‘compensate’ the back of your skull if you talk like that again”. That shut him up quick-I had a bit of a temper and he’d already seen what Betty could do when some black folk insisted on eating at the diner here in town one time.

It was a windless night, birds were quiet but the voices of the hobos carried. We could see the fire they had made and went directly there. Most scattered but I caught one that happened to trip on a log. I kicked him in the chest and heard him wheeze. I got a look at him as he struggled to his feet, backing away with his hands up in front of him-I was surprised, he wasn’t much older than me but from what I could see he had lived a hard life already. I grabbed Betty and swung for his face and hit his forearm. I heard a bone crack and he wailed, turned and ran. I followed him for a short distance until he stopped at the edge of an embankment, there was a stream down below. “Mr, I didn’t do anything”, he said, holding his shattered forearm with his other hand. “That’s not really the point”, I replied. I swung and hit his shoulder as he ducked but when he raised his head again I Dimaggioed him right in the temple. He was out before his body started tumbling down towards the water. He ended up face down in the stream and that’s where I left him.

As I made my way back towards my Packard I could tell that everything was ‘in hand’-I happened to look down and spotted a bright red bandana in the grass. I picked it up and marveled at the odds that I had seen it at all on this mostly starless night. “Must mean something”, I thought to myself. This might just bring me a bit of luck. I tucked it into my back pocket.

TO THE GAME!

Packers/Saints:

Are we looking at ‘end times’ Brees? He seems to be headed downhill fast. On throws of a half yard or shorter (basically dumpoffs to Kamara) he is 12 of 27 so far this year. Some of that number will no doubt correct itself in the short term but one must wonder about his arm and its fitness for duty by wk. 12 or so.

Commence commenting!

 

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rockingdog

fantasy football question:
that RB for JAX jags named James Robinson is a legit RB1 now rite?

Sharkbait

Against Cincinnati this week? Absofuckinglutely

King Hippo

yes indeed. He’s a bowling ball. Good pass catcher, too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Need the Packers and the over but the Nyquil has kicked in. See ya’s tomorro.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I wonder why he quit being a Freemason.

Unsurprised

🎶 Who controls the British crown … 🎶

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

I don’t know why, but this is absolutely killing me.

Game Time Decision

My game within the game for this site tonight is to try to figure out the score of the game, without actually, like, watching the game. Mrs GTD is watchin Love Island and too lazy to move to a different room

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pretty sure I have never seen anything this kinky on Pornhub…. AND I HAVE LOOKED.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

C’mon 7 game Stanley Cup Final

Redshirt

I’ve stumbled upon the Spanish translation of the game on Universo. Its like looking at a computer program with a corrupted file, but at least I don’t get Al and Cris to listen to.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is the mute button broken?

Redshirt

Yes, but someone could hit the mute button or the TV could turn off and then turn back on.

Actually I stumbled upon it channel surfing. Sometimes I like to watch a foreign language channel just for fun.

litre_cola

So Brees arm is shot.

Sharkbait

Bet he’ll kneel for that shooting.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I had a weird laugh at this, good work.

Horatio Cornblower

Can a reply make the banner? Asking for Sharkbait.

Unsurprised

It has before.

jjfozz

Good thing they’re not letting fans into the Saints game. They’re better off being assholes to elbows on Bourbon Street.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

I could get behind this.

Sharkbait

Especially when self driving cars become the norm

Unsurprised

All cars are self driving with enough confidence

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

bahahaha
LOL

Viva La Tabula Raza

Sorry, this simply doesn’t happen.
—Ben Shapiro and his wife.

jjfozz

You going to watch piss gargling videos online?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

…. but it does help him sleep.

jjfozz

Wal Mart you ain’t fucking fooling no one.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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jjfozz

This made me smile.

jjfozz

I want to force feed Colinsworth a bushel of oyster shells.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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jjfozz

Indeed.com is not here to help. Well, it aint’ fucking helping me. Maybe other people, but Indeed is on my shit fucking list.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

Indeed had people emailing me about chief residency positions in hospitals. My background has nothing to do with anything in the medical field.

Indeed is a joke

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Parscale is a coward.

Rittenhouse is the GOP’s vision of toughness because he’s the only one of them who isn’t too much of a coward to pull the trigger.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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jjfozz

Also fuck everything about Green Bay.

Except Lombardi.

Recovery Whiskey

Laughs in Curly Lambeau

Covalent Blonde

It’s always important that SNF get exciting as I am getting dressed for work. Always a favourite of mine.

jjfozz

Never fails. My wife and I were an hour late to a party because of a late afternoon Ravens game. Showing up hammered didn’t help either.

blaxabbath

Until the NYT gets your tax history.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

I am only winning in 1 out of 4. It’s against you…..

jjfozz

If alcohol is a depressant and you’re drinking while depressed, shouldn’t those two cancel each other out?

litre_cola

Yeah, that’s science.

Recovery Whiskey

Or magnify

Covalent Blonde

Hot fucking, Lazard. Don’t mind if I do.

Recovery Whiskey

Nice throw

Recovery Whiskey

“Its footlong season” said Jared

Recovery Whiskey

Sacked Breesus

Recovery Whiskey

Collinsworth just said Brees won’t throw a ball like Russell Wilson. Ya rly

Covalent Blonde

It’s that kind of insight that brings me here

litre_cola

This football player just wants to play football.

Recovery Whiskey

Greatest trophy in sports? Probably the FA Cup.

clint greasewood

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Recovery Whiskey

Purty

clint greasewood

That’s the America’s Cup for the sailing world.

Recovery Whiskey

Rich assholes sailing boats isnt a sport

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have sent in a petition to upvote this again.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

GAMBLOR winnings almost making up for leaving Rex on the bench vs. Hippo

Mother Puncher

They’re rebooting Weakest Link? Now I can’t ironically respond to people on Twitter with “you are the weakest link, goodbye” anymore.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Recovery Whiskey

How rotund has Sean Payton gotten

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

i call this piece “Andy Reid’s Leftovers”.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was going to go with some friendship joke, but this is way better.

King Hippo

This Sunday, on NBC! Learn what white ppl think jazz should be!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

They love telling Gene Zkrupa he cant go “Bub bup pap papap bub bup pap pa pap”.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

REAGAN SMASH!!!

/he was really good at the net ,, ppl forget that

King Hippo

great storytellin’

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Is it Nyquil time? It’s Nyquil time.

litre_cola

Channeling my inner Sharper.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My mistake was channeling a Sharpy inwards.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also NEW SPONSOR!

Fronkenshteen

COME OOONNN!!!!

Spur

Love the SuperDome cost savings by keeping the lights off in the stands. NO BS, LOVE IT

Last edited 26 days ago by Spur
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Jesus Christ, Scotchy, that is dark as fuck. Love it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

It’s not Sunday Night without a hobo story!

Viva La Tabula Raza

“The Waltons” theme music starts playing every time.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Care nothing about either team, but give Brees’s off-field persona (basically, a right-wing religious asshole) versus that of Rodgers (an asshole, but not a horrible asshole); gonna go against my regular instinct and root for GB.

Last edited 26 days ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

This story on Joe Montana’s wife fighting off a home intruder trying to kidnap their grandkid is amazeballs

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sounds legit.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe the would-be kidnappers were BLM or AntiFa.

Last edited 26 days ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Recovery Whiskey

Hox and Bears won playing with house money

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

THAT ONE NIGHT (ONE NIGHT) MADE EVERYTHING ALRI-HIGH-IGHT

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Aaron should be pretty loose for this game having gotten his post-McCarthy-failure jerk in

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

FOUR consecutive political ads leading up to the bad singing. John James->Donald Trump-Gary Peters->Joe Biden. Come, sweet annihilation

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

I appreciate them offering up their SSI and, of course, committing to keeping my BIG PHARMA stocks high in return for a $200 gift card.

America’s Stupid Generation is an abject failure. Stupid fucking baby boomers.

Gratliff

After all that bullshit, the Eagles are only a half game out of first in the east. They’d be zero games out of first if Doug hadn’t caught meningitis at the end of regulation.

blaxabbath

The NFC 2020.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

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Recovery Whiskey

Murdered her husband

Viva La Tabula Raza

WTF? Is that Collinsworth’s son? WTF? What did he do to deserve any broadcasting slot at all?

blaxabbath

Pedigree.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Recovery Whiskey

Gonads and strife

Brocky

oooh that’s a good callback

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

HA

Fronkenshteen

That duty drove my grandfather completely insane. He lived more than 50 years afterwards. His car smelled like stale beer. He’d walk around the parks in Tucson, AZ and collect cans. If he found a nickel in the hot tar he’d pry it out with a screwdriver. He loved hippos cardinals. Except that Bastid Andujar.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

cool animal battle

Game Time Decision

Where’s Simba?

clint greasewood

Mask Singer tonight

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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