Your Hobotastic Sunday Night Football Open Thread

Where were we? Okay, Dead Johnny, a WW2 vet (though he is only 24 years old or so) and hobo, wears a red bandana for ‘good luck’ and as a reminder of his dead war buddy. He’s headed to New Goshen, Indiana for a meetup. Let’s let another character in our story introduce himself now…

I don’t think it was even three days after I graduated from high school that my daddy told me, “Son, you’re going to serve your country.” and that was that. He marched me over to the recruitment office and three days later I was on a bus headed to camp. My unit didn’t see much heavy action as we got over there kinda late. We thought of ourselves as “The Cleanup Crew”. We’d run into pockets of krauts that had either broken off from the main force, or were trying to find their way home, or were just plain lost. It was usually between 5-25 guys and we, being a much larger unit, would eventually surround them and start picking them off. Whether they holed up in a bunch of bushes or at a farmhouse it didn’t matter much. Just like shooting squirrels as far as I was concerned. I caught hell a few times for not letting some of them surrender but what the hell were we over here for anyway? And really, it wasn’t that much hell-after all, Sarge sent me right back out there and I did end up with about 30 or 35 kills and quite a few souvenirs.

When I got back home I said all my helloes, caught up with some buddies and got bored real quick. So I had mom wash and iron my uniform and I put it on and I marched right down to the sheriff’s office and asked for a job. Sheriff looked at me and asked, “Why should I hire you, young fella?”. I replied, “Well, I served my country and now I think I can serve my community. I can take orders, I can handle myself and if things get rough I know how to handle myself.” He smiled and said, “Well son, looks like you got yourself a job.” I guess it didn’t hurt that my daddy and the sheriff were in the same hunting party and had known each other for more than 25 years. Two years as a deputy in New Goshen does fly by though…

…Sheriff called a meeting for the end of the day and I was surprised to see some squad cars from a coupla nearby towns like Tecumseh and Shepherdsville. Something had to be up-he hardly ever asked for help from them guys. “Now boys, I want to thank you all for coming. We’ve got some tramps gathering together outsidea town and they don’t belong here”. Sheriff hated anyone that didn’t live here, hated anyone passing through-he called them ‘interlopers’. He went on, “We’ll set up back here around 9 when the sun begins to set and if you happen to own a pair of shitkickers, you might want to wear them.” Shitkickers were steel-toed boots, it was plain what we were meant to do. As we got up he looked at me, “Deputy, you may also want to bring Betty along for the ride.” ‘Betty’ was a baton but not your everyday one, no sir. I had her custom-made at the sawmill by my uncle-it was longer and thicker than the usual and made from Black Ash. I once heard a fella deputy laugh and say that I was compensating for something and I told him, “I’ll ‘compensate’ the back of your skull if you talk like that again”. That shut him up quick-I had a bit of a temper and he’d already seen what Betty could do when some black folk insisted on eating at the diner here in town one time.

It was a windless night, birds were quiet but the voices of the hobos carried. We could see the fire they had made and went directly there. Most scattered but I caught one that happened to trip on a log. I kicked him in the chest and heard him wheeze. I got a look at him as he struggled to his feet, backing away with his hands up in front of him-I was surprised, he wasn’t much older than me but from what I could see he had lived a hard life already. I grabbed Betty and swung for his face and hit his forearm. I heard a bone crack and he wailed, turned and ran. I followed him for a short distance until he stopped at the edge of an embankment, there was a stream down below. “Mr, I didn’t do anything”, he said, holding his shattered forearm with his other hand. “That’s not really the point”, I replied. I swung and hit his shoulder as he ducked but when he raised his head again I Dimaggioed him right in the temple. He was out before his body started tumbling down towards the water. He ended up face down in the stream and that’s where I left him.

As I made my way back towards my Packard I could tell that everything was ‘in hand’-I happened to look down and spotted a bright red bandana in the grass. I picked it up and marveled at the odds that I had seen it at all on this mostly starless night. “Must mean something”, I thought to myself. This might just bring me a bit of luck. I tucked it into my back pocket.

TO THE GAME!

Packers/Saints:

Are we looking at ‘end times’ Brees? He seems to be headed downhill fast. On throws of a half yard or shorter (basically dumpoffs to Kamara) he is 12 of 27 so far this year. Some of that number will no doubt correct itself in the short term but one must wonder about his arm and its fitness for duty by wk. 12 or so.

Commence commenting!

 

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the Alpha and the Amoeba

I want to get Jenkins a stuffed anamal in the shape of Lazard’s left arm

King Hippo

the non-TD review call just took an extra 40 seconds off the clock (goes back to at least 2:43 if Jones was in).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

And just like that I lose by less than 1.5 points, all* because Green Bay cared more about a win than my fantasy football needs. Jerks.

*also my misplaced reliance on a Charger QB for anything other than reproducing.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I miss the lambeau leap…

Horatio Cornblower

I am registered to vote and I will crawl over broken glass marinated in Ebola blood to vote against Trump.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Early voting starts October 13 here in TX. I hope to be the first motherfucking liberal in line.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

Because I am currently unemployed, I am looking to be a poll worker here in Tucson. Trumpify changed his name to “Evil Toddler”.

Viva La Tabula Raza

you are helping save Western Civilization. Bravo…

Joliet Jake Delhomme

Don’t worry. I will post on Facebook that I am doing it to make sure every illegal alien and vagrant in Tucson gets to vote 3 times. I will vote for me and both of my cats.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Good thinking, you wouldn’t want to play favorites and piss of one of your cats

Horatio Cornblower

Pretty sure at least one of my cats would vote GOP, based on the number of small and defenseless animals she gleefully murders.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I’m pretty sure the GOP would carry 80% of the cat vote

Horatio Cornblower

That’s a TD, but the NFL will rule forward progress dead or else New Orleans will rio…Oh, no fans? Nope, they’ll call it a TD and continue to piss off Sean Payton for sport.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Editor’s Note: It was not, in fact, a TD.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Technically, every comment you make is an Editor’s note

Horatio Cornblower

What you did, it’s there, and I see it.

WCS

BLEERGH FEASTS

Horatio Cornblower

HAND THE BALL TO JONES YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

In reality my hometown is a failed industrial city in CT. Selling sqwallets would be a step up.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Can we make the Michaels-for-Tirico swap permanent?

Joliet Jake Delhomme

At this point, I would swap Michaels for Thom Brennaman. And Collinsworth for a large brown leather couch.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m the King of the Free Play!!!
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

It’s been a while, how’s it going fellas?

Joliet Jake Delhomme

When you are older that Rodgers and Brees combined, sometimes you just take a spontaneous nap.

Horatio Cornblower

Nice to see you back.

Sharkbait

How the hell is Denver -2 for Thursday??

the Alpha and the Amoeba

0-3 vs 0-3, what should the spread be?

Sharkbait

True, but Denver can at least can look semi competent

Last edited 26 days ago by Sharkbait
Horatio Cornblower

Nobody intentionally grounds like Rogers.

Sharkbait

Right??

T.Brady, Tampa Bay, FL

Horatio Cornblower

Went to get a beer. Why Packers have ball?

Last edited 26 days ago by Horatio Cornblower
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Per Horatio’s question below, YES I DID follow your advice and start Trubisky as my second QB over Wentz

Horatio Cornblower

Yeesh

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah. Fortunately my opponent sucks more ass than the Falcons’ secondary so I’m still going to pull off a W

BrettFavresColonoscopy

*Unless TreQuan Smith scores a bunch here

Horatio Cornblower

If it makes you feel any better, I plugged in Herbert over Brees and Brady, since both of them have looked mediocre and Herbert had Carolina’s shitty D, and then managed to get a total of 50 points from 5, count them 5, players involved in the Dallas-Seattle shootout.

I am now losing by 4 points, and I deserve every bit of it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

no one listens to me when I tell them we’re very stupid people who shouldn’t be asked for advice

blaxabbath

Your GM should be shot.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

SUDDEN CHANGE!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Joliet Jake Delhomme

Every time they say Kamara, I thing of Gamera. Thanks for the gif!comment image

Sharkbait

I will +1 any and all MST3k gifs

Joliet Jake Delhomme

So, my Roku has a free channel called Pluto TV. It has a continuous MST3k channel and a continuous Rifftraks channel. Check it out.

Sharkbait

I think I get that through Plex.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

Gamera trying to get Collinsworth to shut the hell up.comment image?resize=495%2C500

Horatio Cornblower

That is a horrendous spot.

Gratliff

Horrendous is in the eyes of the schadenfreude

Horatio Cornblower

Did Cris just talk about Dennis Allen’s breeding? Are we a couple of minutes away from a discussion of phrenology?

Joliet Jake Delhomme

I didn’t realize triple-headed dildos were critical to plyometric drills.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Great run by Kamara, true, but whoever taught the Packers how to tackle needs to be fired.

King Hippo

Tackle? Eh, fuck it, A.A. Ron will bail us out.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Your kid is a burgeoning supervillain and I think you should encourage it.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

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Horatio Cornblower

3 layers of spray tan, two layers of glitter, two layers of paint, about 6 layers of silicone, mix well, let lay overnight, and that’s how you get herpes.

Gratliff

The Superdome can not be held liable for any damages caused to aftermarket parts

Joliet Jake Delhomme

Well, that was stupid. Only one martini in and I post to the wrong thread.comment image

King Hippo

Well, maybe this Kamara kid done earned a few MOAR touches.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

THAT was a Bitchin’ Camara!!

WCS

Kamara just typed in the God mode cheat code.

Horatio Cornblower

“I am a lawyer and there’s a lot on my plate.”

No, dumbass. You’re a lawyer and there’s a lot on your paralegal’s plate. Do it right or don’t do it at all.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well….. yep.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[wants to help out] – Andy Reid

Horatio Cornblower

If we’re gonna use ‘Time Has Come Today’ for a commerial we could at least get The Ramones some royalties.

Well, their estates anyway.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Other side: “hope this finds you well”

Sharkbait

Saints getting fucked on PI. Again.

Last edited 26 days ago by Sharkbait
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

I just learned we’re putting in a new exit on the Interstate bypass for the first time since it finished in the late 1970s.

Cincy’s streetcar is a failure because no one goes into the city because there is no quick functional mass transportation to connect the suburbs to the city and there is no highways connecting the suburbs because the rich people didn’t want to have the sound of traffic next to their mansions.

But we’re putting in another exit in the Interstate bypass to service the where they built a big life-sized ark to celebrate God while people froze and starved to death under the bridges and then built a Creation museum using the Bible as a literal source where humans and dinosaurs lived together and…

You know what, Cincinnati needs to be blown off of the map. We’re really screwed up and we’re just bringing everyone down!

Sharkbait

Plus…this
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Quite the response! He was a little depressed before, now this.

Redshirt

These assholes probably twirled the spaghetti around the forks instead of cutting the spaghetti and scooping it like your supposed to so you get the whole taste of the 3-, 4, 5-way and not just the spaghetti. And I know they didn’t pour hot sauce into the oyster crackers and eat them.

…AND WHO THE FUCK USES BIBS AT A SKYLINE?!

Horatio Cornblower

Mike is so close to calling Aaron Jones ‘one of the good ones’ right now.

Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m working on a new voting system, since ranked choice (instant runoff) is too easy to subvert. It’s called “ranked approval”. Tell me if this instruction would make sense to you as a voter:

Select the candidates that are acceptable to you, and rank them according to your preference (1 = favorite, 2 = 2nd favorite, etc.) If the candidate is not acceptable, leave their line blank.

Candidate A: _____
Candidate B: _____
Candidate C: _____
Candidate D: _____

King Hippo

but in this scenario, the “unacceptable” would have to code in the computer as a 4 or 5, yeah?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Just propaganda.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

If you answer correctly, you will be transported to Colorado Springs to be indoctrinated in the USAF cult.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Have you done any projects there? I was in the chapel and in a small prayer room is B-52 St. Mary who apparently watches over B-52 missions worldwide.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I need to build a simulator to make sure the math works right, but what happens is in each runoff round, each ranking is worth (the number of candidates) points. So in a round with four candidates, a #1 rank is worth 4 points, #2 is worth 3 points, etc. A blank line is worth 0. The candidate with the least number of points in a round gets drop, and the process repeats in the next round.

Unsurprised

Where’s Dok?

herodotus450

Crap, I think I accidentally voted for Pat Buchanan

Sharkbait

comment image/revision/latest/smart/width/200/height/200?cb=20121012090327

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ross Perot is all, like, WHAT THE FUCK!?!

King Hippo

My attention span is pretty shot. Did Bitchin’ Kamara get an owie, or why is Latavius getting 70% of the carries?

Sharkbait

Because Sean Payton hates us

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Kamara just caught a pass for decent yardage. Might have needed a breather.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

Another Sandersdown would be nice.

Horatio Cornblower

I can get on board with this if it’s accompanied by a Luntz missed PAT

Redshirt

I’ll throw down my support if that missed PAT can be a block PAT returned for two points.

Sharkbait

Yes to all of these

Horatio Cornblower

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King Hippo

Two different styles of quartered backing.

Yeah, Good and Bad.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

There’s three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.

Isn’t that just the wrong way?

But FASTER!

Horatio Cornblower

The girl in this Humira ad is clearly trying to kill her boyfriend. “Oh, you have ulcerative colitis? Well here’s a baked potato and 64 oz. of roast meat, fucker!!! Eat up!”

King Hippo

hey man, you work in insurance. YOU NOE TEH GAME

Horatio Cornblower

Oh she’s absolutely got a policy out on him that he doesn’t know about.

Unsurprised

I thought you were a good witch

Horatio Cornblower

/Horatio reacts reasonably
//yells loud enough to wake up the cat, who was stoned to bejesus on catnip, and really doesn’t deserve this nonsense.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

33 a MOTHERfucker!

Viva La Tabula Raza

This game is pretty interesting.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Excellent pass play.

NOW HAND THE FUCKING BALL OFF TO JONES 3-4 TIMES UNTIL YOU GET IN THE END ZONE!!!
/ff owners react reasonably

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Just realized that I have Aaron Jones going against Will Luntz in this game, and I need Aaron to outscore Luntz by 8 the rest of the way. My interest in this game just rose to “Shit, I guess I have to watch this now.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

In humans, the second jaws come out when it gets personal.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

yea Celtics ded
Miami heat vs LA Lakers
lebron gonna win another title

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t follow pro basketball, (too ethnic, if you know what I mean)(I mean that too many WASPS from Greenwich named ‘Simmons’ like it), but is this for real? I would be so happy to learn of another Boston team’s demise.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

NBC: Packers-Saints Halftime gets a bright studio with windows and TV screens.
Universo: Los Empacadore-Los Santos Mideo Tiempo gets a dark studio two guys talking in front of a poster of three Toyotas.

I’m not sure if this is racist, but it feels like it should be. Unless three Japanese cars hold a special meaning over Spanish football fans, which it does, forgive my ignorance.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m not sure if this is racist, but I really love naked Asian selfies….shouldn’t they be of much higher quality??!??

Horatio Cornblower

Moose, if you’re really Bill Parcells you kind of have to tell us now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

A buddy is watching the Bears game on a delay and getting his text reactions is pretty damn funny

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JimU

It would be hilarious if he was a Falcons fan.

Horatio Cornblower

Did you follow my advice and put Trubisky in as your 2nd QB? Because I would feel bad if you followed my advice and put Trubisky in as your 2nd QB.

Unsurprised

Leave Buddy and his bears alone