- Request Line: Celebration Rock - November 7, 2020
- The Dak Prescott School of Maturity: Introduction to Horror - October 31, 2020
- SURPRISE REQUEST LINE: Just Breathe - October 6, 2020
— The scene: The DFO clubhouse, present day. The gang is seated around a large…table type arrangement that consists of the felt part of a pool table balanced on top of several stacks of cinderblocks. A set of various markings from a craps table have been crudely drawn on its surface, but the gang is currently using the table to play a version of poker known as Holdup Hold ‘Em. A Luger pistol sits on the table in front of RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY. As we watch he picks it up and points it at SHARKBAIT.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Gimme all your nines.
SHARKBAIT: [clicks claws in alarm]
YEAH RIGHT: How many times are we going to have to tell you, Rikki, that’s not how this game works.
BRETT FAVRE’S COLONOSCOPY: Thank God there aren’t any bullets in that thing.
SON OF SPAM: That’s what happens when you try to lowball a seller e-Bay. You miss your chance.
CUNTLER: Speaking of lowball…
YEAH RIGHT: Oh, did you want to switch up the game?
CUNTLER: Huh? Oh, no, Holdup Hold ‘Em is fine, but I was thinking maybe we could play for real money instead of…
BEERGUYROB: [cracks open a fresh beer] AND BEERGUYROB IS BACK IN THE GAME!
CUNTLER: …using beer can tabs as chips. You know, have some actual skin in the game…
— Cut to: the office of the doctor who performed lap band surgery on Rex Ryan
DOCTOR: [looks like a ghost walked over his grave]
— Cut to: DFO Clubhouse
CUNTLER: …play for actual stakes, you know? Every time someone busts out now they just drink another beer and they’re right back in.
SON OF SPAM: Alcohol poisoning is a very real thing. It’s like, life-and-death stakes.
BRETT FAVRE’S COLONOSCOPY: Besides, does anyone here have any actual money?
YEAH RIGHT: I had some but it’s tied up in a deposit on a beach house. The place used to belong to the Ambassador from Nigeria and the deal sounded too good to be true so I had to move on it really fast.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: I gave all of mine to the Losers Investment Club.
BEERGUYROB: I don’t have any right now but [glances at the large pile of aluminum cans surrounding his chair] a quick trip to the recycling center can solve that.
CUNTLER: Oh, forget it. I was actually thinking we should play some music.
SON OF SPAM: What does the word “lowball” have to do with music?
CUNTLER: It’s a band that I like.
YEAH RIGHT: Oh, I’ve seen them. They opened up for Pennyweather back at the Troubadour in ’93.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Well how about an impromptu edition of Request Line?
ENSEMBLE: Sure…sounds fun…let’s do it…
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Only what should we do as a topic? [realizes he is still pointing the pistol at Sharkbait, lowers it]
SHARKBAIT: [resumes breathing]
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Hey, I like it! Let’s do it! I’ll get us started.
Nothing complex about today’s Request Line. Today’s theme is: Breath. We’re looking for any and all songs about the act of breathing, coughing, gasping, etc. Since this is a SURPRISE REQUEST LINE feel free to go wild with band names, album titles, etc. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noPuzzleThisWeek” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.