Let’s get to it.
TO THE GAMES!
Panthers/Falcons:
Does Atlanta finally get their first W? Carolina is coming off two straight wins and the Falcons have given up 30 or more points every single week to date. Still, Julio might be back and that makes a huge difference to a Panthers D that is slowly, very slowly improving. Not helping matters? Atlanta has played 11 different guys in the secondary after only 4 weeks. It’s pure carnage back there.
Raiders/Chiefs:
Wakey, wakey left coasters! Cb Breeland is back for the Chiefs after a scheduled holiday as a result of taking ‘substances’. Last week Mahomes had his 2nd-worst graded game of his career and still the Pats were easily handled. That’s what a Hoyer-Stidham combo will do for you. His talent aside, Patty benefits from his receivers getting open ‘big’-like an average of 3 yards big.
Cards/Jets:
Le’Veon has been taken off IR but that’s sorta like you rearranging the kitchen appliances that your redneck cousin threw out onto his front lawn. Darnold looks like Josh Allen did last year-even when he gets a clean pocket his throws sail overhead or eat dirt. Needless to say, his ability to throw into tight windows is wanting as well.
Eagles/Steelers:
Many thought that with all kinds of time to get healthy The Ben would regain some former semblance of his younger self. (I thought he’d be a sneaky-good player to draft at the bottom end of drafts-dodged that bullet) His rate of uncatchable passes is 5th worst in the league, according to PFF.
Rams/Team:
Team’s D will likely be turned this way and that by a Rams squadoo that employs play-action on almost 50% of their passes. That’s a usage rate that hasn’t been seen before and Goff and Co. has obviously taken full advantage.
Bengals/Ravens:
Burrow continues to amaze under some dire circumstances-his passing grade of 79.4 ties him for 7th in the league with Mahomes. This despite the fact that he’s been hit/sacked 34 times, most in the league. Today the beatings will continue as the Ravens employ the blitz on 46% of plays.
Jags/Texans:
Who knew the Jags O-line was this good? Despite being saddled with an UDFA in James Robinson, they have maintained the ability to create running lanes. Robinson’s 4.8 ypc to date actually seems sustainable.
Have at it below.
Early lead in atlanta what could go wrong
Nothing!
–J. Davis, 1860
So I guess this means RAMMIT is back
Turns out lots of things can melt steel beams, as long as the steel beams in question are The Ben’s limbs
Shank’lor rises early
#NoDaysOff
GODDAMN YOU, OKC BOMBER
TRUE Hippo FACTs!
1) I never saw “Remember the Titans” – I hate watered-down, soft sepia portrayals of racial issues.
2) I turned off “Any Given Sunday” after 10-15 minutes, as it was even dumber/less realistic than “Bull Durham.”
Holy crap! I’ve not seen either of them from start to finish. Too hokey.
#spiritanimal
Any Given Sunday sucked. You missed nothing.
You didn’t miss much. They are worth watching once if you’re bored but that’s it.
“Any Given Sunday” was “Bull Durham” but done by Oliver Stone. That’s all you need to know.
And some nudity, if memory serves… Honestly, the best bit is the (decidedly stupid) speech by Pacino, so you can do that and go watch “Wall Street” instead
“That ‘inches’ speech In Any Given Sunday really spoke to me!”
-B. Favre
You’re correct, its Elizabeth Berkley. Also, you can build any movie around Al Pacino’s speeches.
HE DIDN’T START OUT NO COLONEL
They already did, it was called “Scent of a Woman” … I’m not ashamed to actually like that one XD
If the Tits gotta forfeit, that means no fantasy points for everyone on both teams, yes?
Well, technically an NFL forfeit is recorded as a 2-0 loss. Does the DST get credit for the safety?
How goes fellow degenerates?
Okay, cherishing that win for whole week was kind of nice, but now it time to go back normal.
Bellicheck definitely infected his assistants to have Cam available next week no one denies this.
Only flaw in the logic is Donks WOO!!! benefit from extra week even MOAR.
Ya’ll got some wr’s that gotta get healthy.
I’m sorry, but this is certifiably double-plus-FAEK news… Now, providing the position coaches with syringes with dead Rona (enough to trigger a positive test), tho….. 😉
/writes “game over” in notebook
//sets notebook on fire
///throws it at TV
That was quicker than usual
The notebook gods chortled
And back for a bit while the fire suppressant gas gets vented and the certified sparkies show up to see what exactly asploded (I’m thinking one of the last Armenian Potato Co’s UPS’ )
Damn refs getting in the way of joy already.
I saw the holding BLEERGH, and assumed would be TD to Hardman
Wow, was there really an injury in the first 4 seconds of the Raiders game?
Los Parks getting sexy
Which game will suck the most?
Pittsburgh just smashing LA’s attendance records
Hippo Sucks at Fantasy Moment:
I have Olamede Zaccheaus in both leagues, starting him in one.
I have Mecole Hardman in both leagues, starting in both.
The RedZone countdown clock gets me right in the feels. Every goddamned time.
GAMBLOR today:
Albacete ($30, +400), nil-nil at half
Giants ML ($35, +340-ish), made while Non-Gendered Cowpersons was me SurvivoUr pick
/now also have $35 on LOLfins (+310)
I have the weirdest, likely wrong, feeling that the 500s show up YUUUUUUGE this week, particularly on defense.
New coach game, and they play the Jags? They’re my shoe-in of the week!
How hilarious, Redacteds told Dwayne Haskins not to even show up for today’s fixture.
I mean they have a point: he didn’t even practice this offseason! What a loafer.
NFL Network said earlier that he was there but not feeling well and the team doc sent him home.
Still makes better ff picks than me
Apparently, Tits and Bills a go
sand gets everywhere!
/whinges
//emotes
///kills the younglings
Gently used mop?
A Super Spreader Offensive could be what it takes to bring Trump back to the NFL
lol I love these state house ads. There’s a conservative attack ad where they literally just say “She stands with them, not with us” which is some parody-level bullshit. I got one in the mail the other day attacking a conservative candidate where the front is just “Tim Beson has some scary friends” and the back is just a bunch of pictures of neo-nazis. Very funny.
If this was a normal election year, I based these votes on which one had the most stupid ad or who blew up my mail with the most bs. The person who annoyed me the least gets my vote.
Tim Beson’s biggest accomplishment is serving on a tiny school board, and they’re attacking him with the budget of a US Senate race. It feels like the reverse of the Koch-backed 2010 state races.
It’s such an abnormal year, I am even gonna hold my nose and vote Cal Cunningham for Senate.
Here in LV we have roid rager GOP wife beater is running for a House seat. He got the guys from PawnShop to appear in his ad. The boycott has begun for the shop and channel.
Are the Bills and Tits on Tuesday still a go? Am running out of players to field a FFL team.
Just forfeit the Titans and be done with it.
Morning Folks
It’s 2020, morning is broken. Cat Stevens called it.
That reminds me, one of the most cringe-worthy things I saw during my MadTV rewatch (of which there were many) was a sketch painting him as an anti-American terrorist. Like, the dude’s been muslim since the 70’s. MadTV really leaned into the wartime anti-Islam bent for a few years there. It feels like it was significantly worse than what most comedy TV was doing at the time, but that could just be the memory fading over time.
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcSz9IvRhwcNMR18AqAirmL1BclaO4x7OR7GD2VMwOjWwEIdOM-Vxuv0AJdRd7s&usqp=CAc
Also, I wonder just how poor the awareness of McVeigh and Eric Rudolph and such are now. For all the talk of radical and supposedly violent protests these days, it’s nothing compared to the scale of what the real militia-type psychos were willing to do back in the day. It’s a context I think gets left out of the discourse, intentionally or not.
Are you aware of the single worst Precious Moments figurine?
Picked up THPS 1+2 this week which is a fully rebuilt remake of both games, and I’ve been playing the fuck out of it. Even has most of the soundtracks along with some new shit. Sadly this one is missing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m65pDmo2p_w
With Lions on the bye, I get to watch a non-national Eagles game today and I can only assume that means Pittsburgh’s gonna put up 60 on them
With everything going on in Michigan, it’s worth pointing out that McVeigh was radicalized and trained in Michigan. He was completely out of his mind before then, but he found his home among the militias in Michigan. This fucking place.
I’ve only got 3 games available in the 1pm window. It’s usually 5-it’s a Brave New World for sure.
Right, I hope the Football Gods show you mercy and kindness (or at least cover the overs)… meanwhile I iz off to do acceptance trials for a couple of new clusters (back for like … the afternoon game slate)
NE/DONKS and now TEN/BUFF (likely) postponed? This experiment is swirling the drain. Thanks, Tennessee.
Guess I’ll have to ‘yoink’ Singletary out of my lineup…
Just changed my SurvivoUr pick to the Tomsulas (ahead of N-GCp) because I believe in Janeane’s leadership.
Think I’ll use up Baltimore this week.
Concur.
have already so done
I’m trying to save some supposedly ‘sure things’ for later in season if I can get there. I’ve still got KC in the back pocket.
Quick PSA – Do not buy Steam (or any other online platform) games while multitasking, because that’s how you end up with Outer Wilds… as opposed to the Outer Worlds you THOUGHT you were buying XD
Don’t they give refunds if you never played the game?
Sure, though I usually don’t bother with those, unless a game is legitimately shitty or broken (ie Steel Division 2, which was lagging and crashing on a quad-socket/dual-TitanXP workstation a month after launch), because I don’t think it’s fair to penalize a dev for my stupidity… Plus there’s always a chance that I (or someone in my household) would want to play that 😀
Talk about an inverse Sophie’s Choice, but my Keeper side (0.8 PPR) has to play one of the following:
1) Myles Gaskin (away to Tomsulas, but they have DL injuries IIRC)
2) Darrell Henderson (OKC Bomber is an asshole)
3) Beatie Mixon (away to pissed-off Ratbirds, also carrying a knock)
4) Nyheim Hines (why do I still even have him rostered?)
I’d go Gaskin but I always pick the wrong one. I hope that was helpful.
This was my initial play, he will at least get touches, I reckon.
Donks postponement means I have to start Shenault or Zaccheaus against you in DFO ball.
I can feel the projected points margin shrinking as we type.
You know what feels super weird? Being an Everton supporter, and not having the footy world feeling soUrry for me.
If it makes you feel better, I can feel sorry for you… and look down on being the “cheap, knock-off ” Merseyside team?
relegated, but not forgotten 😀
Edit:
Great preview, as always. They’s good stuff even in the non-hobo murder entries!!
Kansas City has learned how to win/dominate in several different ways. FOAR the “other AFC West side supporter?” – goddamned terrifying.
Damn it, I was looking forward to a 5p Monday Donks WOO!!! fixture.
I am benching The Ben for Teddy Ballgame. Says all you need to know both about The Ben, and Hippo’s fantasy acumen.
Damn, I wanted a double header tomorrow. Still get a Tuesday game though-hope it happens all through the season.
Afternoon ya pervosaurs and pervosaurettes.. How’re ya this fine arse workday?
every day is a workday when one is a tank commander ,, ppl forget that
Or when you’ve got more billable hours than there are in a week 😀 (I’m up to 220ish thanks to non-mandatory overtime clauses in my contract)
Donks Pats KO-ed until next week. Adjust fantasy lineups accordingly!
…uh… waitwut!? I thought it was already punted to Monday Night FOOTBAW?
Monday Afternoon FITBAW, no less. I was all excite.
So, it’s never too early to start drinkin’ and gambling? Or it got further punted into DaFutur3 ™ ?
If you’re waffling on playing Lamb, he should have one hell of a game vs. Giants rook cb Darnay Holmes who is really struggling-he’s ranked 4th worst in the league, per PFF.
I thought ELITE Flacco was starting for Special Magary. Is that inaccurate?
Oops. You are correct. I got caught up in looking at his pitiful numbers and wanted to dump on him.
Kind of odd to respond to an afternoon thread when it’s not even 6 in the morning and it’s still pitch dark outside.
But I’ll do it anyway.
It’s us Northern Ontario Elites thinking the world revolves around us. smh
How are things at the North Pole?
It’s a brisk 32 degrees. Parkas are engaged for most folk. Glad to hear you’re done all the moving. Time for a walk?
Yeah. I think so. Back to walking the harbor after 8+ years of beach walk. It’s only a tad more scruffy.