Derby Days Reignited (and Other Lesser Matters)

King Hippo
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God help me, but I think Everton actually goes into this Derby matchup with a puncher’s chance (7:30, NBCSN).  The Redshite will no doubt be focused after their 7-2 thrashing away to Villa…but thhat veneer of invincibility has faded.  More importantly, Don Carlo has this bunch of Toffees believing in themselves.

Ordinarily, one could have a moan about not having supporters inside Goodison Park – but really, the weight of collective expectation can overwhelm.  And they are quick to start moaning if events start poorly.  Just focus on the football.  It’s been ten years to the day since Everton last beat the Shite.  That streak of futility needs to go on no further.

You get two more NBC/NBCSN fixtures today (though 3 of Sunday’s 4 are Peacock-only).  Chelsea host Saints in the 10:00 window (NBCSN), and a hammering could be imminent.  Chelski have too much attacking talent to struggle much longer.  Not at home, to the likes of these, anyway.

How good are Arsenal, anyway?  You’ll get at least a partial answer in their spotlight dance (12:30, NBC) trip to the Emirates.  Man City are in 14th, and a desperately wounded/cornered animal.  This will likely make better viewing than the #NuAIDS-altered JV slate.

Very Disappointed Dad Ole Gunnar Solskjaer (almost spelled that right on first go, swapped the “k” and the “j” is all) takes his Red Devils to Newcastle for a very intriguing finisher (3:00, Peacock).  Very early days, but Barcodes are in a comfortable (for them) 9th, while United enter the weekend in 16th, with a -6 goal differential.  Even with a game in hand, that is the kind of form that gets one the sack.  I am expecting a reaction today, but then again, I didn’t expect what I’ve seen to date in the least.

Villa are away to Foxy Footy tomorrow (2:15, Peacock), with those Midlands Twats 2nd in the table, match in hand, Prem-leading +9 GD.  Talk about the unexpected!  Spurs/Hammers (11:30, NBCSN) is the only non-streaming matchup.  There is a full-NBCSN Monday Night Footy double-dip (hey, matching the NFL schedule – THREE DAY WEEKEND WOO!!!)

Auburn (-3.5) at South Cakalaky (Noon, ESPN)

The Chickens have proven they are WAY better than #NuAIDS-ridden Vanderbilt.  Otherwise, they’ve been ass-flavoured ass.  War Damn Eagle is worthy of GAMBLOR hailing.

Kentucky (+6) at Tennessee (Noon, SECN)

I was hoping for MOAR value here, as both these teams are inconsistent af.  But Kenfucky has beaten UT like twice in 125 years, so less than a full 7 ain’t gonna do it.  Bet it’s fun, though.  Perhaps challenge Headliner to a game of horseshoes?

Texas A&M (-5) at Mississippi State (4:00, ESPN)

Did I mention that this was an underwhelming slate?  The fact that this is the only match close to watchable (no, I don’t count NC State/Duke, even though it will occupy my eyeballs) tells you all you need to know.  Classic let-down game for Bonfire Cult, and Dread Pirate Leach is 10-15 times better a coach than Rick Perry clone (but fatter) Jimbo Fisher.

Speaking of fat, this made me chuckle:

Georgia (+4.5) at Alabama (8:00, CBS)

Yes, I only previewed 4 fixtures (for good reason), all SEC (same).  But really, this one is the whole ball of wax.  Should Nick Saban’s #NuAIDS cancel this, dunno who will be sadder.  Hippo or the teevee folks.

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King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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scotchnaut

I like a citrus/vodka drinky by the name of Sucking Lemons. I recently added unfiltered, no sugar-added cherry juice concentrate to it-winner, winner, alcoholic dinner!

Brick Meathook

What the fuck is going on with Los Angeles network television today? CBS has an infomercial, NBC is showing Fred Rogan’s career highlights, ABC is showing a Division XXVII football game, and Fox has professional bowling.

Isn’t there a fucking Dodgers playoff game right now?

Mr. Ayo

Yes, on FS1.

Brick Meathook

I don’t have FS1 and I’m not about to get it.

Fuck it . . .

Moby Dick with Gregory Peck is on! Directed by John Huston!

scotchnaut

puts $50 down on Ahab “I like those odds!”

-Hippo

yeah right

That’s a rock solid film.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

I should save this. In men’s soccer, kicking the ball between another player’s legs is a “nutmeg”. What is the female equivalent? My first contribution is “Lip Lock”.

Brick Meathook

In women’s pro soccer, it is also a “nutmeg”.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

That is silly. No nuts. So no nutmeg.

scotchnaut

“We would have accepted ‘Shut up, Meg’ though.”

Seth M.

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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scotchnaut

If The Simpsons track record holds true, it’s just a matter of time until Jim Gaffigan destroys his audience.

ballsofsteelandfury

I love all of you Canadiens and I admire the crap out of your ability to withstand cold temperatures.

On the bright side, I’m a Mexican totally at ease with temperatures in the 40s Celsius, so I suppose I’ll be ok with the global warming thing…

scotchnaut

Like, going for a hike or a run?

scotchnaut

Oddball pick six in the Bulldogs tilt.

Last edited 7 days ago by scotchnaut
litre_cola

Creme de Mezcal in coffee is better than Baileys.

scotchnaut

Ran into an old buddy that spent 20 minutes trying to convince me to retire RIGHT NOW! because it’s so great. I’m mid-50’s, (Fahrenheit) run a family business and my oldest is just 18. CONTEXT MATTERS!

Doktor Zymm

I can’t wait to retire. I’ve only been in the workforce for about 5 years though, so it’ll be a while…

Unsurprised

Same

Joliet Jake Delhomme

Fall Saturdays suck so bad. I refuse to watch the National Communists Against Athletes football games. So I have to fight through the sports listings to find something to watch. NWSL. NC Courage vs Orlando Pride.

Unsurprised

Better action than their shitty male equivalents at MLS

Brick Meathook

Say what you will about the NCAA but I don’t think they’re Communists.

Also: that women’s soccer game was the saddest 30 seconds of TV I’ve seen in a long long while . . .

Joliet Jake Delhomme

But boobies! There is a greater percentage of players that like to have sex with women than in the MLS.

ballsofsteelandfury

Ha!

Joliet Jake Delhomme

I am a woman trapped in a man’s body. But she is a lesbian so no one has noticed.

Brick Meathook

I just checked in on that women’s soccer game again to see if there were any boobies (nope) but one of the players got kicked in the balls.

Unsurprised

They’re not communists, but they are against athletes.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

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Brick Meathook

Brian Bosworth: intellectual

scotchnaut

Is there a better example of an idiot fighting the good fight? Can’t think of anyone off the top of my head.

Brick Meathook

Nothing will destroy your cause faster than having Bosworth as your spokesman.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A very attractive woman posted a picture of herself having voted and I commented that it was nice of her to have emigrated here from her native country of Smokeshowistan but I feel like there must be a better name for a country full of attractive women. Suggestions?

Game Time Decision

Canada

ballsofsteelandfury

Hot Babe Island?

scotchnaut

A nation of attractive women should be called The United States of Opposite Poles.

/Juggalos won’t get this

Brick Meathook

Bigtittystan

SonOfSpam

New Blowme

Horatio Cornblower

Denmark

litre_cola

I fucking hate the Dodgers. I would hope the Cobb County Racists would have shown up today. Bases loaded and ya get nothing.

Doktor Zymm

Gonna watch Airplane! aka The Unbelievable Journey in a Crazy Plane later today
https://www.thelocal.de/20161103/10-films-with-terrible-german-titles-movies

Unsurprised

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ballsofsteelandfury

WOW!

Col. Duke LaCross

By gawd!

rockingdog

Unsurprised

I need to go outside. This is stupid.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

This is what happens when you play a team that just got their ass handed to them.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

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Joliet Jake Delhomme

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Again, could be a hostage photo.

scotchnaut

“It applies the lacquer to the hardwood floor or it gets less than 15 touches again.”

-Devin Singletary, Buffalo Bill

Gumbygirl

My UAB Blazers are kicking some Western KY butt.

scotchnaut

Had no idea you had a vested interest in that team.

Gumbygirl

I went to Georgia through my Junior year, then I finished up at UAB.

scotchnaut

You were right to completely ignore my Blazer/Vest joke.

litre_cola

I thought the joke was well fitting.

Gumbygirl

Ha, it went over my head. Many things do.

litre_cola

One of my greatest fears is happening. Decilitre no longer wants naps. This is complete bullshit, either I also nap, do stuff around the place, or from time to time wrestle with Mrs. Cola. THIS MUST NOT END.

bk109

Don’t worry, it gets worse. Speaking of – how’s the teething process going?

scotchnaut

I’m sure he’s taught his wife not to use them so much. smh…

litre_cola

Oh he had all of those things at 18 months. He is a really good toddler, I just really appreciated weekend nap times!

bk109

Ah, you’re lucky then. One of the reasons why I learned that sleep is optional and that coffee is a proof that God exists (and loves IT people) was ’cause all 4 of ours went full banshee on us when their molars and canines started showing XD

Joliet Jake Delhomme

My teenage daughter rolls her eyes at me so hard, I can’t remember what color they are.

litre_cola

I am an old dad, I traipsed about the planet spreading my bartender joy until I was 40. Deci came along shortly thereafter.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

I was 40 when she was born. We spent 10 years in infertility hell.

We spent a year driving to UCLA Medical Center. I would give a pint of blood each month. They would spin the plasma out and shoot it into my wife’s thighs. Five shots in each one. And it still didn’t work.

litre_cola

Glad it still happened for you internet friend! My buddy went through that for 7 years and spent a shit tonne of money. They did finally have one and 6 months later she said she wanted another one. My mate looked across the table and asked her where the money tree was?

Joliet Jake Delhomme

I would walk into Tijuana monthly with $3000 in cash and leave with one grocery bag of hormone injectable medications.

Unsurprised

You could try whiskey

litre_cola

Not wasting any of that on him. If he wants booze I have some crap tequila (gift) and workable vodka for him.

bk109

Start with store-brand Baileys knockoffs (or orange liqueour) first and work your way up to vodka

Unsurprised

Tequila? Just skipping over the U.S. completely to jump into America’s pantalones?

litre_cola

The booze I have from your state is red, delicious and expensive!

Gumbygirl

I got your joke about Horatio turning into Prince Charles at about 2:30 this morning. +1 Squidgy!

Last edited 7 days ago by Gumbygirl
Game Time Decision

When our second was born the first stopped napping. Such a sad day when that happens.

Theres nothing better than an unplanned nap

Joliet Jake Delhomme

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scotchnaut

Cheeky!

Doktor Zymm

Man, I am really tired of the heat. Autumn needs to get its act together and cool things off.

scotchnaut

[grumbles Canadianly] This fall has sucked hard, tons of rain and brisk wind. It’s my fave time of year but not this time. Go figure.

litre_cola

SNOWED 10 CMS HERE LAST NIGHT ZYMM!!! ZIP IT!

Doktor Zymm

I miss snow. I don’t miss temperatures so cold that Celsius and Fahrenheit are almost equal

litre_cola

-7 C this morning when we went out. Had a superb fall here, not like Scotchy.

Doktor Zymm

It almost never gets below freezing here, and even then only at night. It’s so funny watching people run around in big puffy jackets when it’s hoodie weather

litre_cola

Vegas in March is the best for us Northerners. If it is above 12 C we are t-shirt and perhaps shorts. The folk that hand out the stripper/hooker cards are bundled up like we would at -40.

scotchnaut

We had a family vacation in Tucson in February(?) a few years ago and wife and I were sunbathing and swimming in the unheated outdoor swimming pool when it was 16 Celcius. A woman was on the adjacent patio wearing a thick woolen sweater…

Last edited 7 days ago by scotchnaut
Game Time Decision

We’ve been in FL in January where the locals were all in coats, hats(toques) and mitts and we were all in shorts, t-shirts and sandles. Oh and translucently white. Think it was 15C there

litre_cola

Oh yeah, 15 degrees. That’s the good stuff.

scotchnaut

15 C with a cloudless sky is perfection Mother Nature-fied.

ballsofsteelandfury

/does calculation

60 F???

That’s sweatshirt weather in LA.

scotchnaut

Much like that cute cousin you side-eyed at family get-togethers, it’s all relative.

litre_cola

Momma Cola taught in the Bahamas for awhile. Left there to go home to Winnipeg. It was 37 C in Freeport, and -52 in Winnipeg. That’s the wrong way.

Game Time Decision

Worst I’ve done is 25 to -25. And then went skiing. That was a cold night at the hill

Game Time Decision

Depends on what you are used to. Scotchy, maestro and Litre get much worse winters than I do in Southern Ontario

litre_cola

We are a roller coaster due to Chinooks from the mountains. It is wild to be – 30 one day then 48 hours later its 7 degrees.

Doktor Zymm

That’s just about my favorite temperature, when the sun is out. It can be a tad chilly in the shade.

Game Time Decision

Yes. And when we left it was -20C at home. So Soooo soooo good to be warm

Doktor Zymm

We could use some rain. I’m still not really adjusted to the whole dry season/wet season thing in California. My car is filthy.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

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Unsurprised

Keeley Hazell will always be a British crown jewel

Joliet Jake Delhomme

Quick American white male side note. I never have to worry about being killed by police in America. I could jump out of my truck with my “legal” CC weapon at my side. They won’t shoot me unless I put my laser dot on their chest. Never. But if I am an african-american child running in a park with a toy gun, open season.

Can I get a sponsor to move to America’s Hat?

litre_cola

We may need a tenant in my downtown condo in March. Steps from 50 bars and restaurants.

scotchnaut

So jealous-I can get a draft beer in exactly 2 “two”, places in my dumb fucking clown of a town.

Brick Meathook

Are you trying to get shot? If so, I don’t think Canada is a good bet.

Try Somalia instead.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

The phrase you are looking for is “suicide by cop”. Quite popular here in the States.

scotchnaut

“Suicide by Mountie” isn’t even a phrase up here.

bk109

Speaking of Air Crash Investigations, I have a question for the DFOers of the Canuckistanian-persuasion – is the population of the Greater Toronto (or Canuckia in general) area under 1000 people, ’cause at this point it’s getting legit distracting seeing how small of a pool of actors studios work with (especially blatant in ACI where people repeatedly die and get recycled for new roles in the SAME season) 😀

LemonJello

Are you saying Canadia is where the USGOV gets all its crisis actors from?

bk109

If that was the case, it’d be glaringly obvious that something is up when Dmitry Chepovitsky turns up as a bereaved parent for the 9th time AND as a “he then turned the gun on himself” asshat for the 4th all the while Peter Outerbridge gives his 25th somber press-conference 😀

LemonJello

You could have just answered “Yes.”

bk109

I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’d be wise to talk about my ongoing contract with the DHS, ATF AND the New Jersey Meter-maid syndicate in such an open forum!

litre_cola

you should see the recycled actors in all of are commercials. Around 5 dudes and 3 women sell us everything.

ballsofsteelandfury

Sharky: check slack

SonOfSpam

Dunno if anyone already mentioned it, but according to QAnon, today is the day JFK Jr. is supposed to reveal that he’s alive and is working with Trump to bring down the Deep State.

So, watch for that, I guess.

bk109

JFK Jr.. you mean the guy that crashed his Saratoga, because he wasn’t … precisely qualified to fly in less than perfect weather one?

SonOfSpam

That’s the one. Also killing his wife and her sister in the process.

OR DID HE?

(He did.)

bk109

Cool, aside from having that episode of Air Crash Investigations, he was actually used as a cautionary tale by my flight instructor on why you shouldn’t overestimate your skill (even if you’re flying a known route in a known plane)

Horatio Cornblower

To be fair, most US laws don’t apply to rich, white, attractive people like John-John.

Unfortunately for him, that laws of physics and gravity very much apply to everyone.

SonOfSpam

If I ‘member the story right (approx 30% chance), they think because it was dusk, he got confused about where the horizon/waterline was and was flying way too low. Which is, of course, directly related to inexperience.

BUT MAH DEEP STATE.

bk109

Yeah, that’s why it’s so much harder to get instrument rating, ’cause it’s basically “Forget ALL your instincts and concentrate on the instruments, because they’re far less likely to fail you than your own body” type of deal. And loss of spatial awareness is definitely frightening speaking of first-hand experience – I was dead certain I was flying at a 45 degree bank and losing altitude, when I was straight and level in a Citation. Hell, the scary thing is that no one is immune to it, so the only thing you can hope is that when that happens you have the time to think things through and not simply react to what you perceive is happening

Horatio Cornblower

I think there may have been a fog bank involved somehow.

Or maybe it was a grassy knoll.

bk109

Eh, don’t think I agree with you on the laws (and consequences) caring if you’re white or attractive so long as you’ve got what really matters – cash (and lots of it)!

Joliet Jake Delhomme

Okay. Hot take. I don’t like Tim Howard on TV. Cocky. Thinks he is smarter than he really is. You were a mid-card keeper. STFU.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

I miss the other guy.

LemonJello

“I’m still around.”
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Unsurprised

Everyone eventually ages into Clint Howard because he looks normal here.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Falcons DE tests positive, Broncos RB coach tests positive, NFL announces statement regarding postponement/rescheduling of games: “FUCK IT WE WILL PLAY THROUGH THIS SHIT UNTIL SOMEONE DIES.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(also the NFL is fully prepared to move the goalposts if someone does, in fact, die)

scotchnaut

I’d like to see them back in the end zone, actually.

/not really-can you believe how long it took to move out of the playing area?

Game Time Decision

CFL move what, to where? Naw

bk109

The NFL clarifies position on playing until a player dies: ” We meant that until a player that people on the street …. in Outer Mongolia can name dies”

LemonJello

“Does COVID cover up signs of CTE? Asking for a, uh, well…”
-R. Goodell, NYC

LemonJello

Kentucky treating the Vols like their own cousins.

Sweet Jebus, Son of Clem abused GATech.

Last edited 7 days ago by LemonJello
scotchnaut

Kenfuckers winning, North Calacky ranked at 5-these basketball schools should know their place.

LemonJello

Those Cocks just gave it hard and dry to War Damn Eagle.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

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Joliet Jake Delhomme

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Joliet Jake Delhomme

Oh no. We have killed David de Gea.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

I can’t put him on the cart unless he is fully dead.

LemonJello

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SonOfSpam

Bummer, Broncos bounced Blake Bortles belligerently.

LemonJello

Bad Ballskills Blamed for Booted Bortles?

SonOfSpam

Bigly.

scotchnaut

Blasphemy!

scotchnaut

Aww Burn! struggling vs. Gaming Cocks.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

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Joliet Jake Delhomme

Swipe right!

Horatio Cornblower

If I’m Liverpool I take her up on it.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

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Joliet Jake Delhomme

Goal and VAR offsides.

scotchnaut

Liberty U catches Sillycuse with their jorts down, as is their custom.

LemonJello

I would have thought Liberty just liked to watch another team play their opponent.

scotchnaut

Trevor Lawrence asks the question: “Is it possible to be drafted higher than first overall?”

LemonJello

/sees game tape of Joe Burrows in Cincinnati
“How many years of eligibility do I have left?”

Joliet Jake Delhomme

Wow, that was fast. Do we get the “Sad Dad” face from the bench?

Joliet Jake Delhomme

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Joliet Jake Delhomme

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Joliet Jake Delhomme

My wife has told me this joke is too obscure for anyone to get.comment image?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1200&h=675.0&fit=crop

I’d give my left arm to visit Rwanda.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Where would you like to stay?

Joliet Jake Delhomme

Holiday Inn Express. I need all the help I can get.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I was thinking more along these lines.
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Last edited 7 days ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
scotchnaut

She does not know this site very well. Just by being here regularly you end up with a history degree.

LemonJello

War Damn Eagle determined to shit on they dicks today.

Horatio Cornblower

The Notre Dame crowd today:
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Unsurprised

And I hope they all get COVID