Your “TESTING, TESTING” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Is this the start of the inevitable (maybe) unraveling of The Shield’s best-laid plans? Hopefully for us watchers of games that’s not the case but I do stand by my prediction that there will be a break in play for a week or two if things get out of hand. I can’t get my head around how teams in Florida and Texas will be able to get through this unscathed, given their respective governor’s stance on The Covid. But hey, we’ve had four years practice of watching shit circumstances slowly unfold. Gird them loins, folks!

TO THE GAMES!

Texans/Titans:

Look for Henry to go buck wild in this spot-his only 200 yarder came against these guys last year and 4 out of 5 backfields have run for at least 140 vs Houston.

Bengals/Colts:

Your sneaky play here is Trey Burton-since wk. 4 he has a 19% target share and has led all Colts te’s with 35 routes run. The Cincy D has allowed the 3rd most targets to the position overall and the 2nd most red zone throws.

Falcons/Vikes:

In news that won’t shock you, opposing qb’s have an average rating of 125.1 vs Atlanta. The ground bound Vikes may want to toss a ball or three Thielen and Jefferson’s way. Or maybe new coach Morris has solved all of the Falcons’ woes this past week? [snorts]

Broncos/Pats:

Drew Lock was able to practice this week so Bye, Bye Bortles! As per usual the Pats are zipped lipped about Cam but I’m betting he plays. If Darnold can run for 84 yards against Denver, imagine where Newton’s wheels will take him.

Team/Giants:

Twere nice to see Alex Smith out there last week but the stat sheet wasn’t nearly as nice to him as the national media was. As a team, Team’s qb’s averaged 1.9 yards per pass play. If McLaurin isn’t doing anything Washington’s air O is doing nothing and those odds are good because cb Bradberry hasn’t allowed a single #1 wr more than 10 fantasy points this year.

Ravens/Eagles:

Wentz will get his ass blitzed for the 2nd week in a row but the good news is that he handled it well last week-he was 11-16 for 104, a TD and an intercept.

Browns/Steelers:

[point chasers insert Claypool into lineup] It’s worth a shot, right? Expect Pitt to shut down Cleveland’s healthy running game and force them to the air which isn’t a bad thing because the Steelers have given up big plays and OBJ and Landry are capable of just that.

Bears/Panthers:

Another sneaky fantasy play is Darnell Mooney-he’s #2 in target share now and since Foles took over the Bears have been passing at a 75% clip. (game scripts have influenced this) Mooney has aDOT of 15 and the Panthers give up the 7th most big plays.

Lions/Jags:

Detroit plays a vanilla man D that doesn’t do much to disguise coverages but they should take a run at Minshew. His clean pocket passer rating of 74.5 drops precipitously to 42.5 when he’s pressured.

Go man, go!

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Doktor Zymm

Whatever happened to Paris Hilton? Syphilis or something?

King Hippo

One didn’t expect her to age particularly well?

ArmedandHammered

She grew up or they threatened to take her trust fund away?

Wakezilla

I think she has a new reality show out now

Gumbygirl

Greasy Greek shipping heirs and Brian Erlacher. She was never going to escape venereal disease.

King Hippo

misspelled “with” smh

Recovery Whiskey

Santos hit a 55 yard no-doubter

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I guess I’m on a lag

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Carson Wentz, what the actual fuck

King Hippo

Plus, it’s all part of God’s plan amirite??

ArmedandHammered

How bad is the backup QB if he is not already in?

Recovery Whiskey

Foles seems to be signaling the play into Nagy.

The Maestro

I cannot WAIT for the second half of this game.

Recovery Whiskey

Bears give Bridgewater four extra downs. Still don’t give up the TD.

King Hippo

Guess they troubled him, eh?

Recovery Whiskey

I love goal line stands and thats all I know.

Redshirt

Update: German Suplex illegal in NFL.

Sharkbait

But you have to pay extra for that

Game Time Decision

What about non-German versions, are they legal?

TheRevanchist

Watching the Browns lose bring me such a warm feeling, like a baby smiling or the first bite of a burger.

Wakezilla

How do you hate the Browns? They’re so inoffensive…except for Khunt, of course

Recovery Whiskey

Wondering how hating the Factory is possible. Pity seems more appropriate most of the time.

TheRevanchist

I’ve hated Mayfield since college, where his dickhead attitude was on full display. And that has carried over to the Browns for enabling this asshole. And OBJ has been whining since NY.

Wakezilla

Fun fact: Nephewzilla played with Mapletron at a football camp back in highschool. Said he was an absolute beast. Quel surprise

herodotus450

Turns out Kyle Allen’s “knowledge of the system” doesn’t outweigh his suckitude and he’s just as bad as Haskins-Robbins.

Recovery Whiskey

Got to credit Atlanta with setting up for another big score to give back.

ArmedandHammered

How hot is Zimmer’s seat if he loses to the Falcons?

Sharkbait

Multiple Cousins to Theilen downs would be preferable.

King Hippo

Expecting multiples out of Dingleberry seems…a recipe FOAR disappoint?

Sharkbait

Accurate.

Don T

Ryan Tannehill is the TEN QB I never thought possible.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/buys ammo

–Steve McNair’s girlfriend’s ghost

Recovery Whiskey

Nagy learned clock management from a master Andy Reid

litre_cola

Just got home, how are the Iggles looking??

Oh.

clint greasewood

That Ford Bronco look sweet.

ArmedandHammered

The amount of customization on them is insane as well.

TheRevanchist

Mayfield gotta Mayfield.

Redshirt

Colts Inspirational Speech: “We’re being outplayed by the Bengals! THE BENGALS!!!!”

King Hippo

We would have also accepted “I’ll remove the Crisco tub from the training table!”

Don T

Ka
Leef!

King Hippo

Y’all, I don’t think the Iggles are very good.

Recovery Whiskey

Bears DB flagged for “that was too good of a hit it must have been a penalty.” Fuller.

Mother Puncher

Good call on Burton scotch

Recovery Whiskey

Its a good find. Cheaper than many and still not “must shoot it to get it down” tier.

The Maestro

Pats continue to look like shit.

Hoisted by my own petard.

ArmedandHammered

I feel weird wanting them to do well but a combo of wanting to see Cam do well and illustrating Brady was not that important to the team, hear I am pulling for them.

Sharkbait

Boo Gmen. Shouldve gone for it

Gumbygirl

Was Rivers too busy breeding to show up for the game?

TheRevanchist

Eat dick, Browns!

Horatio Cornblower

Falcons up 10 on the Vikings, so the Vikings have them right where they want them.

Horatio Cornblower

Daniel Jones sprinting down the field like a pioneer being chased by a band of angry redsk…

Oh. Oh dear.

Don T

Tits secondary on 4th and goal
comment image

Don T

Cones are waaaaaay nimbler than stone. There, for alla youse “Why don’t you post s omething positive” folks.

ArmedandHammered

Not true, the cones are highly visible and are competent in their job.

Mother Puncher

I like touchdown dances because it reminds me that all these guys are just giant fucking dorks

yeah right

For the love of Bleergh we better draft a fucking QB next year.

Have you heard my opinion of my idiot fucking QB?

Gumbygirl

That’s why he moved.

Game Time Decision

Cause of yeah right or Scotchy or both?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I knew the Braves and Dodgers were playing because of friends but until just now, I had no idea the Rays would be in the World Series.

Wakezilla

It’s unfortunate the Rays made it. An honest to goodness Houston Astros team just missed out of playing in the Series as their rally fell just short. TYGB

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Send those fuckers back to the NL central

Recovery Whiskey

May Houston never win another title forever — salty baseball fans of the world.

F the trashtros

King Hippo

Valladolid has blown A 2-GOAL GODDAMNED LEAD TO HUESCA

Doktor Zymm

If they’re only half decent, what’s the other half?

ArmedandHammered

ass-ent? no football player is familiar with that.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s because I left him on my bench

King Hippo

#MeToo

Mother Puncher

The safety bit hard on the short route. Higgins was a foot taller than the cb covering him.

clint greasewood

Lions getting swifty

Don T

Just wanted to say, CokeZero makes a pretty good Cuba Libre. S/O to fellow fat guys hoping to be on remission

Viva La Tabula Raza

CokeZero Cherry makes an interesting mixer, as well.

King Hippo

Smith the 3rd down BLACK

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hate waking up with back pain. Getting old sucks.

King Hippo

I agree, though not crazy about the alternative, neither.

Gumbygirl

I think I have something for that on the raft…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The lack of sucking? I don’t think Gumby or lady bfc would appreciate that.

Don T

AJ BrownDown! Woo—
/checks fantasy team
My bench is kicking ass. Wu

King Hippo

I may be 1-4, but my bench is surely 5-0

King Hippo

It would seem that 500s renaissance…were short-lived.

ArmedandHammered

Their refractory period is measured in months.

King Hippo

oh, and Scotchy gon’ drank. U think Scotchy ain’t gon’ drank??

Redshirt

This is a new strategy for the Bengals, of not getting your quarterback killed.

Doktor Zymm

So is Haskins watching the game from a local IHOP?

Wakezilla

Of all the games to watch, I decided to watch #ThePauls play the Stillers, thinking I would get a good game..

The Pauls gon Pauls

King Hippo

Moved my DFO SurvivoUr off PIT to MIA. So, soUrry for ruining the fixture.

ArmedandHammered

Andrew Siciliano is not on DTV red zone and I do not like his replacement. I think this guy took Valium instead of Andrew’s cocaine.