So I hope you all enjoyed Friday’s changeup from #blaxthoughts. As you have all seen, I don’t have much to add to this space and with DTZM still cracking down on the word counts, I figured Quotables Results is as good a spot as any to establish a sort of DF[Open Mic].
But, much like the Dallas Cowboys quarterback room, there ain’t no subs for me today. Continue below for your Week 7 Submissions and we’ll be back Friday with results.
Purple. Monkey. Dishwasher.
-T. Green, after sobbing in a puddle of his own urine
“Mothers, lock up your children, because TONIGHT the CARDINALS will CELEBRATE!”
Interesting. I hadn’t seen that version of “the Sprinkler” done since Thunder From Down Under’s last tour.
“OH! THAT’S SOME GREAT HUSTLE! NOW HIT THE SHOWERS!”
This “Tiger King” spinoff is hot garbage.
“Why isn’t that man drinking?”
–Steve Keim
“What do you mean do I want a snow job?”
That’s what you get for going on a boat one time!
Splooosh
-Karen from fly over country
“Oh shit, we’re going to have to put him down.”
–Chargers team doctor
This is the toughest man in Santa Clara.
Figures, they don’t start scalping anyone until AFTER the name change.
Well, I had some ideas for this one, but fuck them all now.
Surmountable Lead!
Of course BDN went to KC, Andy Reid heard he had a huge hog
And when you pause it just right you can see the exact moment his soul would have left his body if not for, well you know…
Flavor flav and the 80’s want the chain back.
Or
Where’s the clock?
-Flavor flav
If Andy had only played baseball in college he would be able to slide better, like Russell.
-Random NFL talking head.
Rex Ryan adds Justin Herbert to QB’s to get when he get’s hired again
Jimmy G had to remove the Mercedes emblem as she no longer wanted to be associated with such a one note performer.
“YAAAA-HOOOO!!! Good thing it’s not my turn to drive management home. There’s gonna be some Subaru barfin’ tonight!”
What in the world did ODB Jr do to get choke slammed by the Turf Monster?
“Oh the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. Not by Trubisky, no he cant handle that ball. He’s the sucki-est suck of them all.”
I’m Mr. Hey Kool-Aid
I’m Mr. Ribs
I’m Mr. Meat Coma
I’m Mr. Golden Corral
They call me Eat Miser
Whatever I touch
Gets sucked down to my guts.
I’m too much
Badomp bomp bomp
After watching a white man strike Keenan Allen LAPD officers joined in out of pure instinct.
Also, great job this week with the ACB “jokes”
There’s no ropes to anchor the balloon because Nick Foles can just throw his giant cock over the side.
We’ve not seen a ginger blown up that badly since Fred Weasley at the Battle of Hogwarts!
— Quidditch Fans React to the NFL
christ I was gonna make a porn joke but christ why even bother
New from Mattel, you too can be a tough bouncer-turned-actor with your very own Mr. T Starter Kit! Watch your friends turn green with envy while you strut around and pity the fools!
If it’s from Mattel, you literally have a chance to turn green from the cheap metal.
You can always count on the Eye-Ties to wear gaudy gold necklaces.
We’ve secretly replaced Odell Beckham’s ACL with a spring made of delicate crepe paper – let’s see how it goes!