INT. DANK ROOM – DAY/NIGHT/WHATEVER

An incredibly handsome (only slightly marred by the dark circles under his eyes) man with a six-day stubble sits at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of oatmeal.  In front of him is a tablet open to the Joe Biden subreddit.  He gazes wistfully at a collection of glass bottles on a nearby shelf.  He is clearly biding his time, waiting for something, before he allows himself to taste their sweet nectar.

“Just call it already, you chickenshits,” he mutters to himself.  He presses refresh on the tablet, for approximately the three hundredth time since he woke up that morning at about 3:30 a.m.

“Oh.  Oh.  Well.  That’s nice.  Well done, CNN.  And I see MSNBC and the AP have joined the party.”

He smiles faintly, gets up from the table, and for the first time in many years, tunes the television set to Fox News.

—

Today’s theme is “CELEBRATION ROCK”.  We’re looking for tunes you like to hear when you feel like the team you cheer for has just won the Super Bowl at the exact same time you found out that the drunk asshole who ran over your dog just died of boneitis after spending the last five years in prison.  I’ll get us started with one from the album whose title I’ve appropriated for this post.