Your “Later Gators!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

NFL Nuggets:

  • I’m just going to let the headline do the talking:

    Mike McCarthy channels inner Gallagher, smashes watermelons before Cowboys’ win over Vikings

Just in case you kids don’t know who that is.
    • Apparently, to make his point in front of very large African-American gentlemen, Mike McCarthy made his point to the team by having coaches roll watermelons in front of the players with individual objectives for the game written on them.
      • Then he smashed the melons to make his point about hitting their targets.
    • Such was the team’s enjoyment that Demarcus Lawrence demanded that he be the one to smash the Dalvin Cook melon, which McCarthy obliged.
  • COVID update!
    • On the list: (confirmed cases of note)
    • Wearing masks:
      • Starting this Thursday, all players not wearing a helmet have to wear a mask on the sidelines.
        • Also, play-callers will not be required to wear a face mask or double-layered gaiter in addition to a face shield.
          • This is to allow them to be consistent with all other coaches who choose to wear face shields.
  • Regular injuries update:
    • Joe Burrow has both a torn ACL and a torn MCL.
      • Mike Brown is happy Burrow used the Costco coupon & got them both at once.
      • As Horatio covered earlier, the recovery time is expected to be 8-9 months, which will get him back in time for training camp.
      • Only Carson Wentz (40 times) and Russell Wilson (33 times) have been sacked more often this season.
        • As a reminder, David Carr was sacked 76 times in his rookie season, so all the old-school DURR DURR types would consider Burrow a pussy.

Finally, in a story after my own heart, the Eastern Market Brewing Company in Detroit introduced the “Same Old Lager”, whose release was timed to the Lions 20-0 defeat to the Panthers.

  • It was marketed as “a crisp, 4.5% alcohol-by-volume lager that has one simple request: ‘Don’t set your expectations too high’.”
    • Further, the brewery’s description of the beer was: “This classic American lager is exactly what you’d expect. Light, crisp and always leaves you wanting more. Just keep telling yourself ‘the Next Beer, will be The Beer’.”

  • I said “was marketed” because a day after its release, Barry Sanders threatened legal action over his likeness being used without his permission.
    • I mean, it’s pretty goddamned obvious. According to BeerBrother, if they hadn’t included the number they’d have been good to go, as parody & fair use law would have protected them.

Well, this is my last appearance for a while.

As some of you are aware, I suffered a pretty bad rotator cuff tear back in the summer, and tomorrow is my surgery date. If all goes poorly, I’ll say hi to Seamus for all of you, and thank him for yeah right‘s peppers. If all goes well, the pin gets removed from my shoulder around mid-January and I’m able to return to both work and [DFO] on March 1st.

So, given my pending absence, I’m feeling a touch nostalgic.

My first post on the site dates back to January 2016, a little ditty I wrote about the Seahawks which gave birth to the characters “Tom Cable, Rage Monster” and “Kam Chancellor, Monolinguist”. I wrote a few pieces – most notably the origin story for BLEERGH, the God of Yellow Flags – before I started helping Internet Dad with the Open Threads. My first of those was in February 2016, highlighting the results of the 2016 Westminster Dog Show & the launch of “The Ringer” by noted jagoff Bill Simmons, and since then I’ve provided about 900 Open Threads, mostly in the off-season.

I am quite proud of my contributions, such as they are, over the years. People have been very patient with my history & long-winded writings, although I haven’t been able to do many of those recently. Every NHL playoff season I make sure there’s some semblance of a preview for each round. But I think my lasting contribution will be the creation of “DFO Hate Week“, the seven days leading up to The Big Game™. I’m not sure what I’ll be doing or able to do upon my eventual return, but I look forward to at least trying.

Until then, glasses & irons up!


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLS Soccer Playoff:
    • Toronto FC vs. Nashville SC – 6:00PM | FS1 / TSN
    • Philadelphia Union vs. New England Revolution – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
    • Seattle Sounders vs. Los Angeles FC – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN

Kind of a barren night to go out on, yet strangely apropos. I’ll see you all in the Biden administration.

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Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

no mention of World War G? In my opinion that was your finest creation – and one of the finest things the site has ever hosted.

Unsurprised

The second round of stimulus checks are available now:

Spoiler
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Last edited 1 month ago by Unsurprised
BrettFavresColonoscopy

This seems relevant to our international discourse
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Senor Weaselo

Don’t die, BrandyBrotherBrandon.

Unsurprised

I had to get within two arm’s lengths for a few seconds to sign for my booze. So I hope that won’t be what kills me and my friend’s whole family.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My booze guy lets me flash an ID through the window.

Senor Weaselo

Is that what he calls it?

Unsurprised

No windows into the building hallways. Anyway, I tipped him $20 so it’s fine I’m sure.

Unsurprised

McCarthy’s not doing himself any favors emulating a crazy, old, racist asshole.

He should also knock off this Gallagher shit.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think we’ve underdiscussed MeadHombreSam’s watermelon smashing story. Frankly, I’ve always wanted to do one of those events where you get a sledgehammer and five swings at an old car.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shit litre already took mead. Um, braggot?

ballsofsteelandfury

Events? Isn’t that just when your neighbor annoys you?

Unsurprised

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FIND A STRANGER IN THE ALPS!

Unsurprised

Fun story: I nearly took a frat guy’s face off with an errant overswing.

Brick Meathook
JimU

Thanks Jeebus for the Ravens-Steelers nightcap this Thursday. Without it, this might be the worst slate of Thanksgiving day games ever.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

10 Ravens with the ‘rona, so maybe don’t count those turkeys before they hatch

JimU

I think the NFL will do everything in its power to play that game Thursday night. I don’t think that they want to move it to Monday or Tuesday.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Brick Meathook

Tonight I ordered a combined total of $100 from a local Indian restaurant and another Chinese restaurant. I shall not starve over the Thanksgiving holiday. Nobody is meeting each other in my sphere of the world, and I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t depressed. On Saturday I bought a frozen turkey dinner and I’m gonna’ microwave it and photograph it and send the photo to all my loved ones who I miss so much and then I’m going to eat the Chicken Tikka Masala and watch the Detroit Lions on national TV. I survived six submarine patrols I can survive this.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Blue team or Gold?

Brick Meathook

Blue

Unsurprised

U.S. Navy: It’s not just a job. It’s an adventure.

Brick Meathook

It’s a dollar an hour plus heroism.

(Submarine Service is two dollars an hour)

Game Time Decision

Read that as “plus heroin” was confused

Unsurprised

Only in the Seventh Fleet

Viva La Tabula Raza

The ads I saw in South TX 40-odd years ago: “Es no solamente un trabajo, es un adventura,”

Unsurprised

Yes. That’s what I was quoting.

ballsofsteelandfury

Don’t be depressed. We’ll see each other soon.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Did not know that tonight’s theme would be word play on BGR’s boardname.
So here.
Absinthe mec robare.

Unsurprised

I’ll miss you, dude.

Unsurprised

h

ttps://i7phun.imagetwist.com/i/00012/ey6828ikepys.gif/JLO.gif

Unsurprised

I don’t know what she’s selling, but I’ll buy ten.

ballsofsteelandfury

Me too

WCS

Best of luck, GinManBob.

Unsurprised

Got my beer. Got my wine for Thanksgiving. I have not been within six feet of a human inside this building or even outside since Veteran’s Day. My hosts are in their own bubble. I’m ready to goooooooooooooo

scotchnaut

/was given some pickled hot peppers by a customer
//put a tablespoon of it into some soup-oh boy
///this will come out bad in the end, if you get my meaning

Senor Weaselo

How hot we talking?

scotchnaut

A walk in the park to 20-ish old me, an ascent to Everest to 50-ish old me.

ArmedandHammered

Get well soon and you certainly will be missed, well, at least by me.

Brick Meathook

In honor of the late BGR, who loved history, here’s Airplane! vs Zero Hour!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BjU-e01zQ4

Duchess

I love the fact that they paid the actual airport announcers to do the whole abortion fight over the pa in the movie

Unsurprised

Weren’t they married to each other?

litre_cola

All the best meadfellowrichard. Quick recovery and good meds!

scotchnaut

I mean, on some level you’ve got to admire the program developers at CBS. They’re leaning their balsa wood ideas squarely into the tsunami that is shifting viewing habits.

Duchess

Get well soon WineDudeBarry

herodotus450

Here’s a little tip for ya: get all your jerking off done now, enough to tide you over for 5 months.

Brick Meathook

Good luck BGR you are my favorite writer on this site besides myself. I shall visit your grave often.

Here’s an x-ray image of my knee:

comment image

. . . and I took this photo 20 minutes later:

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Duchess

Can I see your CV?
– The Patriots

ArmedandHammered

The Chargers feel he is over qualified.

scotchnaut

“Over these last few years Beerguyrob has really, well, you know.”

-Blair Walsh, being sincere

Sharkbait

Good luck BGR! It goes by quicker than you think. Trust me.

Sharkbait

The PT is the real bitch. Take some ibuprofen before your first few appointments.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He says that to all the fellas

scotchnaut

Flipping thru channels and I see a guy stealthily hunting deer-the fence in the background should be The Best Supporting Actor for this show.

Gumbygirl

Here’s to a successful surgery and an easy recovery! We will be thinking of you and drinking to you.

yeah right

Be well and have a complete and successful recovery. You get several weeks of service on the “pity train.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We’ll always remember you, RoséFellerRicky!

Last edited 1 month ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

/Bring Back Matt?

Unsurprised

Ape’s not writing for The Defector …

Redshirt

NFL Network just predicted Pittsburgh is going 16-0, and with their schedule, they are right.

Worst year is confirmed!

Last edited 1 month ago by Redshirt
ballsofsteelandfury

Nope. They have some tough games left including Thanksgiving with Baltimore. The Bills and Colts won’t be easy beats and Cleveland is also in the schedule.

I think they lose 2.

Last edited 1 month ago by ballsofsteelandfury
scotchnaut

Totally on board with this. Willing to bet a gently-licked fleshlight. Come one, come all-I’ve got several.

Gumbygirl

I told Gumby the other day they will lose 2. But one of them won’t be the Ravens on Thursday.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What if that game gets COVID canceled and they end up 15-0?

Gumbygirl

Not a loss! I think the danger games are the Bills and the Colts.

scotchnaut

Someone, give me the odds of some members of the Ravens janitorial staff playing in the Thanksgiving Night NFL Football Game in order that they can field a full team.

Redshirt

Happy healing. Follow the doctor’s instructions, the rehab instructions and remember rehab pain is good pain.

See ya in 2021!

Game Time Decision

BGR, I hope that things go well for you tomorrow and that the drugs are plentiful and strong and that the rehab goes to plan and I’m gonna miss your write ups.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hope everything goes well and the rehab is quick!

scotchnaut

You know who else loved rehab? Amy Winehouse.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Betty Ford, too. Shit, they named a clinic after her!!!

scotchnaut

Her “assembly line” approach to therapy was very profitable…

Gumbygirl

No, no, no!

scotchnaut

tl:dr version of the post-

He’s jacking it with the other hand.

Last edited 1 month ago by scotchnaut
scotchnaut

I’ve seen your penis. Uh, is there any way to delete this comment? Little help?

/guh! this upgrade really sucks

Last edited 1 month ago by scotchnaut
Fronkenshteen

Best wishes for a successful surgery and rehab. And thanks for all your hard work here. Happy holidays BGR!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Good luck and enjoy the pain pills (Hippo grits teeth in jealousy)!