Instant Hippo Thoughts and Wild Card 4 of 6, Bitches! Game Thread

King Hippo
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There were three fixtures played yesterday.  Well, two fixtures and a woodchipper feeding.

[Closed Captioning for the Hard of Hippo provided by the Church of the Immaculate Deception, Rev. E. Mayhem]

Humps [Colts] and Bills [Wooooooo!] was actually quite compelling.  [Woooooooooooo!] You had two analytics-friendly coaches, who had the bollocks to…coach that way, in January.  [Woo!] Good to both of them.  [WOO!] In particular, Indy had an excellent game plan, allowing them to control time of possession and have a chance to pip it at the end.  After three “close but no cigar” VAR calls (accurately) went against Indy early, they finally caught a break inside of 30 seconds.  What looked a probable – but I guess not indisputable – game-ending fumble “stood as called” (down by contact).  [Boooooooo!] But Laserface just doesn’t have the arm to make any kind of tight-window throw.  [Wooo!] The last 4 plays, inside the 50?  -1 yard completion, incomplete, incomplete, Very Sad Hail Mary (also incomplete, and at least 5-6 yards short of the end zone). [WOOOOOO!] 27-24, Buffalo hangs onto to the win.  [WØØÖÖÕŌŌÖÖØØØØ!!!!!!!]  And despite playing about as well as he could, given his physical limitations – this needs to be it for Old Man Rivers.  [Truth. He’s not Noodly-Armed Late Peyton, but he’s reached the downward inflection point where he’ll start costing a team more opportunities than he creates]. Indy has to try for better, and I’d rather not see a Wolven Sort end his career in humiliation. [Wooooooooooooo!]

The great thing for Buffalo?  They took the best shot of a very dangerous (for them, given the dominant Humps OL) matchup – and survived into the next round.  [Also, surviving the League and God’s attempt to fuck them on the fumble replay. I was CERTAIN this would be the next Immaculate Deception/No Goal] That has to give them all the confidence in the world, whether they get PIT (likely) or the BAL/TN winner in the Divisional Round.  Brokeback [Josh Allen Woooo] didn’t crack up on the big stage (against a very good defense), and neither did Sean McDermott.  I think we are getting BUF at KC for a trip to the Owl, and it will be an absolute treat for the neutral.  And whoever wins that round will also take the Lombardi.

You might have expected some…less-than-stellar QB play in Fish Tossing Land [Seattle. Or possibly the Island of Lesbos] and you weren’t disappointed.  This was the passing line of the best, non-maimed QB on the day – 9/19, 155 yards.  It took a garbage time drive for Charmslinger [Russell “Let Russell Undercook” Wilson] to even attempt as many throws as Baby Buster [surgically-repaired killbot Jared Goff]- and he played all 4 quarters, with all 5 functioning fingers on his throwing hand.  11/27, 174 yards, 1 non-garbage time TD for each squadron.  That pick 6 really enabled RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! to keep the SeaTruthers at arms’ length the rest of the way, and their DL absolutely dominated the proceedings.  Anyway, 30-20 was the score, though there was nowhere near the offensive competence we saw in game 1.

Aaron Donald may have broken a few ribs, though.  [Booo!] Good luck in Lambeau if that’s the case, fuckadoos.  We’ll see if Wake Forest Guy can move his head and remembers who he is by next weekend.  I’m Trent Green, And So Can You!

One has to whisper this quietly – but I really think Coach Carroll needs to spend MOAR time “de-bunking” the 9/11 Commission Report, and let there be a new voice in that locker room.  Things have gone stale as fuck in Seattle.

I watched two drives of MRSA [Tampa] away to Team [Washington Redacteds], and you couldn’t pay me to watch any more of it.  Nor to listen to Antonio Brown bellow in happiness, and Count Dungy suck MRSA Dreamboat dry.  Poor Mike Tirico, having to sit patiently and pretending nothing grotesque is going down.  A Chase Young/FedEx “turf” crippling of Brady is always possible, but if it happens, I shall just read about it in the morning.  But why should anything nice ever happen? [So far, so brutal in the 3rd quarter. The NFC really was a goddamned skidmark this year, to the extent that I have suspicions even re: the Packers. Tampa feasted on sub-.500 teams and the fact that Washington “won” a professional football division with .4 of a functional quarterback on the entire roster is perfectly reflective of this pox-ridden season’s fuckery. Now watch them beat the Bills in the Super Bowl]

Baltimore (-3) at Tennessee (1:05, ABC/ESPN)

Are we gonna get some kind of “broadcast choice” or is this just a weird simulcast?  You don’t get SpongeRob and Squidward until game 5!

Anyway, you will see some mouths smashed, and some rushing yardage.  The open question is whether Lamar! can also make some plays in the air, and whether the Tits can manage just a FEW stops.  Or better, a turnover or two.  [Drools in Andy Reid]  There is one X-factor in favoUr of DonT’s Magnificent Tits – AJ Brown.  To me, he’s matchup proof.  The Ratbirds don’t have a pass catcher that scary.  But they do have a Lamar!  Should make for fascinating viewing, and lots of sacrifices made to the Gods of Puerto Rico’s Magic Burger King.

Get you caffeine, and empty your colons early.  The couch and/or recliner awaits.  Fuck the outside world. [WOOOOOO!]

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King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Horatio Cornblower

I honestly would not have expected a move that smart out of a Louisville student.

Dunstan

I don’t get that play call there. Why not just run it three times, make them burn their TOs?

TheRevanchist

They have to burn the clock. Why are they throwing?

Spur

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Game Time Decision

My stream is a good minute behind so knew to pay attention

Don T

Well, the wine beckons.
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clint greasewood
Old School Zero

Tannehill, housed, a horror show

ArmedandHammered

If they lose, I will not have been so disappointed by tits since I discovered my first girlfriend stuffed her bra with toilet paper.

litre_cola

And done.

Fronkenshteen

Goddamn. You guyzziz feed is WAY ahead of mine. I’m only at the 2:00 warning.

Recovery Whiskey

sudden dramatic reversal

Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN CHANGE!

Don T

dagger

Don T

BAL’s D has been too tough. Goddammit.

litre_cola

I don’t like this Don T. I don’t like it at all.

scotchnaut

[makes a Durian Broth With Reindeer Nose Flakes concoction]

“I was told that there was a Souper Wild Card Competition happening this weekend. My bad.”

-yeah right

Old School Zero

Win it for Don T you Tits!

Don T

A suggestion:
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Don T

Down one touchdown
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Don T

If the D looks gassed, yes.

Don T

Castigo wooo!
ESPN Deportes narrates muy, muy bueno.

litre_cola

In Mexico watching football we would scream out castigo for every flag. We were very drunk.

clint greasewood

Has Lamar ever been laid out? It seems like one good hit and Lamar would be done but I can’t remember him ever being hit hard.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve seen him break tackles, but never get a full force hit. I think he’s too fast, if anything is going to hurt him while he’s moving it’ll be the ground

rockingdog

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LOL

Last edited 1 month ago by rockingdog
Recovery Whiskey

Trick question.

Don T

This I could frame and hang

Doktor Zymm

This is beautiful

litre_cola

It was 54.5

litre_cola

That was RAMMIT and HEaux.

Fronkenshteen

This is a great fucking game.

Fronkenshteen

There’s that crack. Tractorcito will start gashing now.

Game Time Decision

SHANK’LOR has awoken

Don T

Justin Tucker missed! The candle worked
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ArmedandHammered

Who is that pictured on the candle?

ballsofsteelandfury

The goddess of “please God don’t let the bull gore me in the peehole”.

Don T

I would say la Virgen de la Guadalupe, but don’t know if that’s a shadow or an Adam’s apple.

ArmedandHammered

Well I would definitely believe the virgin part.

ballsofsteelandfury

Didya notice the blood in the knee? Methinks that’s no virgin…

ArmedandHammered

Really, I thought that was from scared kids throwing rocks.

scotchnaut

DFO: “I’m sorry, that was a great presentation but we have come to the conclusion that your product would not be a good fit for our brand.”

Ruffles All-Dressed Chips: [mutters to self, leaves conference room and slams the door]

Game Time Decision

Does one need to be dressed to eat all-dressed chips?

Last edited 1 month ago by Game Time Decision
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s BLASPHEMY!!

All-dressed are welcome anytime. Unfortunately, you Canadians don’t share them with us.

Recovery Whiskey

Its weird nobody has done all-dressed here. I suspect some focus groups must be involved.

ballsofsteelandfury

There’s an all-dressed/ketchup chip conspiracy afoot…

litre_cola

Oh there is nothing like a good Ketchup chip, and I dislike normal ketchup.

Game Time Decision

This

Fronkenshteen

I got Pho broth simmering, a roast chicken roasting, homemade, bomb-ass turkey stock thawing (for leek & roast cauliflower soup) and riced cauliflower thawing for a cheesy recipe. I fucking love to cook.

Doktor Zymm

I was very happy with my French Onion soup back in dec. Will have to do more with homemade stocks/broths

Don T

I’ll take “Vrabel calls fake FG” at 22 to 1.

It succeeds, 1,000 to 1

Fronkenshteen

The 1 PM offerings this weekend have been dank.

ArmedandHammered

Middle age white guy here, is that supposed to be good?

Fronkenshteen

Yes. “Schwag” would be shitty. But got-DAMN have today & yesterday’s 1:00 games been quality!

ArmedandHammered

Thans for interpreting for me.

herodotus450

“You only get two steps!?”
-L. Skynard

scotchnaut

Play action to Henry and crossers to wr’s should work really well the rest of the way.

ArmedandHammered

For some reason, I thought they had a deep fake of Davis in that Coors commercial.

Fronkenshteen

I thought it was Tom Flores, but then thought, “That doesn’t make sense”.

ArmedandHammered

That was supposed to say Al Davis, fucking auto correct.

litre_cola

I 100% avoid companies who ad campaigns drive me sideways.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been known to go online and fuck around with the search ads of companies with obnoxious marketing. There’s no way I manage to significantly impact their ROI, but I like knowing that I cost them a few extra $$

Game Time Decision

Can we submit lists of companies?

Doktor Zymm

It’s a simple process, just search expensive-seeming keywords to find their ads, click on them, preferably incognito mode.

Don T

That’s enough dynamite punting for TEN. Do something!

Spur

The Tits are hurting

scotchnaut

That’s what they get for running without proper support.

Doktor Zymm

What do y’all think the split between coaching and on-field talent is? Or more specifically, what’s the minimum amount of on-field talent an epic coaching staff needs to succeed and vice versa?

Mr. Ayo

I’ve never heard a story of smart, disciplined athletes dragging their rag-tag group of coaches to victory.

Mr. Ayo

I’ve only heard of one such story.

Gatoraids

Mike mccarthy super bowl

Mr. Ayo

I’ve only heard of two such stories.

Recovery Whiskey

Ditka’s offense in 85.

Mr. Ayo

I’ve only heard of three such stories.

scotchnaut

Syracuse, 2003?

Mr. Ayo

I’ve only heard of four such stories.

litre_cola

Every third commercial up here is for Pepto Bismol and it is an awful ad. Do they think we are all just sitting on our asses eating bad food?

/Korean Chips and btl of Cola nods from table

scotchnaut

I still haven’t received my first snack package. Am disappoint.

litre_cola

I haven’t gotten my January one yet. I got the December one and it was like a mix from all over.

Doktor Zymm

Ooh, what Korean chips?

litre_cola

Just Kettle Brand Korean Barbeque. Nothing special today. Mrs. Cola and I did do a mass tasting on Friday while watching Donnie Brasco. We stuff from all over, nothing outstanding but the Mrs. LOVES SPONCH!

Doktor Zymm

I extended my time in Hawai’i, but when I get back my first Bokksu box should arrive with my hold mail!

ArmedandHammered

Doc, have you seen any Wasabi flavored funyans while in Hawaii? That was the only place I have ever seen them and wondered if they still have them there.

litre_cola

Must have. comment image

ArmedandHammered

I love those so much.

ArmedandHammered

I also wonder if horseradish funyuns would be good,

Doktor Zymm

I will take a look next time I purchase snacks. I did have some yummy shrimp chips which I haven’t seen on the mainland.

litre_cola

Zymm if you can get those, please send me some!

ArmedandHammered

Thanks, I have looked all over online and can’t find any.

Dunstan

I used to laugh at the antacid commercials where someone says “I love [name of food], but every time I eat it I get heartburn!” I always wondered, well why the fuck do you eat it, then?

And now I am one of those guys.

scotchnaut

Still love me spicy stuff but now must take preventive and postventive medicines. It’s all hell getting old.

Spur

That was a great play calling drive

Doktor Zymm

Woo! Dobbins was one of my picks in my all or nothing playoffs pickem

scotchnaut

/glues pasties onto nipples as a single tear runs down cheek



scotchnaut

I’m willing to bet that Ricard at 311 is the largest fullback ever.

Doktor Zymm

Full-figured fullback!

Warthog

Traditionally built

scotchnaut

Probably has to order custom-made bras.

Warthog

Brossieres

Spur

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herodotus450

Dobbins, we got Dobbins here! …See, nobody cares.

scotchnaut

Gus The Bus as a lead blocker? Great play call.

hippofant

This Ravens power read stuff just isn’t working. Read-option out of heavy formations are just too cluttered.

litre_cola

U*NC has a problem with power reading too.

Gumbygirl

They mentioned Colin Kaepernik. New Monday Night Football announcers next season!

Doktor Zymm

Everyone knows about Loco Moco, but did you know that Super Loco Moco is like regular Loco Moco but with 3 meats of your choice and an extra egg? And an optional side of extra gravy? Do you think Andy Reid will try to talk the owners into moving the Chiefs to Hawai’i?