Your NFC Wildcard Playoff Game Open Thread

TO THE GAME!

Bears/Saints:

-The general consensus is that on-the-cusp of 42 years, Drew Brees will hang up his mole/birthmark for good after he loses. That won’t be happening today.

-Despite being benched Truth Biscuit actually has a record of 6-3 as a starter this year. Despite having the 2nd worst passing grade and a high rate of uncatchable balls the Bears win with him in the lineup. What gives? Well, it helps that his wr unit is 4th in yards after catch and 2nd in broken tackles-they’re inflating his stats so much they should call themselves “The Air Balloon Brigade”.

-Allen Robinson himself is responsible for more than half of the wr unit’s first downs and touchdowns. His partner Mooney is out so the 13 targets he had last week will be distributed among Riley Ridley(?) and Javon Wims(?).

-Both Kamara and Michael Thomas have been activated for this game. The former should have an easier time than usual because Bears lb Roquan Smith is out for this one. His replacement is much slower of foot.

-Down near the endzone Brees should cast an eye towards te Cook because the Bears have given up 12 scores in 16 games to the position.

-Despite averaging over 100 yards per game over the last month and a half rb Montgomery should have a bit of trouble vs a Saints D that has no glaring weaknesses.

-During their last 8 games they are top 3 vs the pass and the run in defensive DVOA. Their secret sauce? They’ve played against a qb-less Denver team, Nick Mullens, Atlanta (X2) and P.J. Walker.

-One last note on these Saints and something that I haven’t seen anything about. Their roster construction couldn’t possibly have been done better. Your qb goes down and Taysom is there with Jameis (on a cheap contract) waiting in the wings-and then Thomas is missing in action and Sanders picks it up. And then Kamara has problems and Lat Murray is there to fill the void. That’s a solid franchise that actually prepared for the possibility of injuries.

Diddle your fiddle down below.

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Brocky

playing queen in new orleans? thats not very cajun

Brick Meathook

Jimmy Graham left the stadium to go play basketball.

Petronel

Right next door, even

Doktor Zymm

Aw, they aren’t going to explain garbage time?

Gatoraids

Kids it like the last week of school when the teachers play videos all week, actually that was fun

Dunstan

Huh, Jimmy Graham really leaped up there, like he was playing some sport where you jump high to get a ball.

Mother Puncher

Lol Jimmy Graham being a sore loser for the kids

Petronel

Jimmy Graham: DONE with this

Brocky

I’m still surprised Biden took Wisconsin. all the packers fans i know are so fucking good at moving goalposts you’d assume they went for trump:

if the bears win a game, it doesn’t matter because they didn’t beat the packers. (2019)

and if the bears beat the packers, it doesn’t matter because they didn’t make the playoffs (2007)

and if the bears do make the playoffs, it doesn’t matter because they didn’t win a playoff game (2018/2020)

and if the bears do win a playoff game, it doesn’t matter because they didn’t go to the superbowl (1994)

and if the bears go to the superbowl, it doesn’t matter because they didn’t win it (2006)

and if the bears do win the superbowl, it doesn’t matter because they repeat as champs, or it happened more than 2 seconds ago so it’s now “ancient history”(1985)

this coming from a bunch of people who have spent their entirety of their lives somewhere other than Wisconsin.

fuck you, you damn bandwagoners. i would say i hope the Blackhawks miss the playoffs but you “fans” have already abandoned them, just like you did the bulls and the white sox

Brocky

god i love therapy

Spur

Bear fans adding acid to the slime barrel.

Horatio Cornblower

Finally, Mitch has something to put in his trophy case.

Doktor Zymm

Something other than busts of busts at least

Spur

comment image

Mother Puncher

Cam Jordan?#stopthesteal

Petronel

NCLB’s effect on critical thinking, demonstrated

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

OSHAA HEAR MY PRAYER!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, darn. Never mind.

Petronel

Awww, was hoping for safety slime

Game Time Decision

Think we now call that “Oshaa ritual “

Doktor Zymm

Hey, maybe we’ll get to see how they explain a safety to the kiddos!

Mr. Ayo

Nate pre-explaining it for them. Haha.

litre_cola

You want a crack at explaining Men Without Hats?

Horatio Cornblower

“People in the 80’s did a lot of cocaine…”

Doktor Zymm

That’s a good approach, then you can segue into the heroin 90s

Horatio Cornblower

“Ok, so everyone’s good on Men Without Hats? Good. On to Nirvana.”

Spur

it’s best to skip INXS for now

Game Time Decision

They had segways back then? Cool

King Hippo

Upon further review, WHO FUCKING CARES

Spur

See kids to Run out the clock is like when am babysitting you and you ask to go the In & Out for a shake in the late afternoon. I make sure we watch a long movie to stretch out the time and your mom comes home before I can make any more plausible excuses.

On my way home I do stop at In & Out. Great suggestion Grace.

King Hippo

Over the pile with an old man with paper mache ribs.

Doktor Zymm

Since it’s New Orleans, is the Brees pinata full of rum miniatures?

Horatio Cornblower

That freaky cake baby gets knocked out of his mouth.

Brocky

Saints have ran twice as many plays as the bears. I’d be pissed on that defense as well

Horatio Cornblower

Do the Saints not have back-ups? Did Payton take the Over?

King Hippo

Nantz already sucking off MRSA Dreamboat.

I will take a re-run of that Week 9 matchup, please

Redshirt

Why does N.O. still have Brees on the field? Running an QB sneak against a defense that was embarrassed on National TV with nothing to lose?

King Hippo

More so, why are you still having Kamara take hits from a pissed-off defense?

Doktor Zymm

Someone on the coaching staff has money on the over

Brocky

I was just thinking to myself it’d be awfully karmic if a saints player got injured in garbage time

Recovery Whiskey

Hicks with the frustration tackle

Spur

Jerry is an asshole. I hated and still hate that mouse fuck.

King Hippo

yeah, Tom fucking ruled

Dunstan

I feel like every kid worth knowing cheered for Tom to get Jerry, the coyote to dine on roadrunner, and Sylvester to murder that annoying Tweety Bird.

King Hippo

The “villains” were always so much more interesting.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Not anymore. But hopefully they’ll be out of power in DC next week.

Mother Puncher

They were at least trying to accomplish something. In those cartoons the “good guy’s” goal was “make nothing happen”. Terrible storytelling imo

Doktor Zymm

There was a Roadrunner video game I really enjoyed playing. Also, actual roadrunners are omnivores and eat rattlesnakes

King Hippo

It’s almost like the 2nd string of an 8-8 squadron ain’t very good.

Spur

Imagine Watson at QB for the Bears!? oh, right…

Recovery Whiskey

Nagy would ruin him too

Recovery Whiskey

Bears performance confirms Trubber dubber still sucks. Despite having all the tools. Guessing a QB whisperer coach might salvage him; but very clear Nagy and BE YOU is not that guy.

litre_cola

I just ate a whole pineapple. Not sure how this is going to work out tomorrow.

Mother Puncher

Your cum will taste amazing

Brocky

or so I’ve heard

Doktor Zymm

If nothing else it makes an original pickup line

Brocky

if i get kicked in the dick because of this line I’m blaming you

King Hippo

given you ate the spiny parts? Dat poop gon’ hurt, yo.

SonOfSpam

/watches Nickolodeon
//sees SpongeBob’s house
///decides to eat a pineapple

MARKETING!

Horatio Cornblower

Big Pineapple is pleased.

Redshirt

The inside part of the pineapple or the whole thing?

litre_cola

I cut it properly, no skin, no core, but ate the whole thing. i did not plan on that.

Redshirt

You should be fine, but your shits and farts may smell good for couple of days.

SonOfSpam

All Canadians are on the Dole.

Doktor Zymm

Exfoliating!

King Hippo

Neither of these squadrons seems playoff-worthy. Or, I guess since this is the Nickelodeon game, sponge-worthy

Doktor Zymm

Hi Elaine!

King Hippo

Truly, a Top 5 all-time character.

Don T

When kids vote like this, gotta wonder the real reason Betsy DeVos quit
comment image

Doktor Zymm

Chicago does have a long history of vote rigging

Mother Puncher

It’s ok. The CIA fixed it 3 years later.

King Hippo

Now THAT is a great callback!

Spur

It was more “back and to the left”.

Recovery Whiskey

Thats some Frame 313 shit

Spur

Kids are a bunch of homers

SonOfSpam

They should be called HoJu.

Warthog

Kids in NOLA still don’t have classrooms, let alone computer access. I hear FEMA is working on it.

Redshirt

After looking these voting results, I’m starting to think Trump may’ve been right all along!

Last edited 8 days ago by Redshirt
Dunstan

Well, Trubisky was pretty valuable to the Saints today.

Col. Duke LaCross

I get it, the Saints are better, but we’ve gotten ratfucked by the stripes in this half.

Recovery Whiskey

The Brady Brees game was never going to be denied.

Mother Puncher

Looks like Big Cat from Barstool is behind the Mitch NVP voting

Mother Puncher

And now they’re playing his podcast’s theme song.

Redshirt

So after today’s performance we can agree on two things: (1) every NFL team with an ounce of intellegence is going to know that Trubisky is done as a NFL QB and (2) he’ll be backing up Burrow next year.

Horatio Cornblower

Actually a solid plan by the Bengals, (so it won’t happen), because it would give them another year to let Burrow recover while cruising to another 3-13 finish that would allow them to bolster their O-line.

Redshirt

Can’t happen. Burrow wants to play. The fans will revolt. The lease is up in ’26, and the Browns (the family) want the team playing good by then.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s shame. I get wanting to play, but man that O-line is a screen door.

Spur

See kids this is why Daddy drinks beer on Sunday. After we go in debt from a bad bet, Daddy needs to “checkout” for awhile.

Doktor Zymm

Can we all go vote for Footy McFootballface?

Dolph Ucker

This game is over. How does next week work? Like, who plays Saturday and who plays Sunday in the NFC?

Redshirt

(6) L.A. Rams @ (1) Green Bay
(5) Tampa Bay @ (2) New Orleans

(1) plays the lowest remaining seed

Spur

RAMMIT tearing off A Aron’s arm. GIVE IT TO ME.

SonOfSpam

Didn’t realize Spur was actually Aaron Rodgers’ dad.

Gatoraids

The kids love to troll

Mother Puncher

Lol these kids are trolling the mvp vote

Last edited 8 days ago by Mother Puncher
Horatio Cornblower

Alvin Kamara with the carry, or as he’s sometimes known, ‘Bitchin’ Kamara.’ Kids, you’re never to young to learn about the Dead Milkmen. Go ask your parents.

Mother Puncher

They just compared a dropped TD catch to when your TicTok gets taken down. Are these kids into Qanon?

Doktor Zymm

I need to get a burner phone just for tiktok

Recovery Whiskey

So Big Dick Nick in the 4th?

Mother Puncher

You can’t show that on kids’ tv

Redshirt

They would’ve shown it on Ren & Stimpy.

Doktor Zymm

I need to binge rewatch that show

Recovery Whiskey

First season, half of the second about all thats needed. The creator rage quit shortly after, then was one of the early ( justified ) metoo’s. John K Katie Rice

Dolph Ucker

Slime. Pulsating jets of slime. Spurts, rhythmic gushers. Of slime.

Mr. Ayo

It’s not the 4th quarter yet?

Doktor Zymm

His opening music is just him strumming a guitar with no hands